I gave up on finding a mate.

[anne03]

I did teach, by showing you that cutting yourself off so soon because of one disagreement was not the most spiritual way to handle that. You seem unwilling to acknowledge that just maybe there's a splinter in your eye, too.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

 

[tourist]

I a woman and think the same way. I a out to feel like God had wanted me to be alone and forgotten. Just for one I would like to find a man that is a honest Christian and put me first a lot. He will I need to listen to my feelings and know that I come with baggage and hurt pass. It will be nice if guys will listen to the woman feelings and have it through the pain and hurt.

We all come with baggage. That's part of life. You are right in saying that the guy should listen to the woman's feelings.

 

[tourist]

Now I am 34, we got divorced 5 month ago, he was the worst husband someone could have and I wish I had never marry him.

My first wife was the worse wife someone could have.

 

[tourist]

I got married young. After 9 years, I divorced her. I was being selfish.
Years later, I married again. After 8 years, she divorced me. Technically, she was being selfish. Kinda evens out, I guess.
I now look back on my first marriage and realize what I had. I might try to get her back, and she might take me, except for one inconvenient fact...she's dead!
I'd really like to get married again, but to be honest, I don't need a wife...more like a personal support worker!
Any takers...none? I'm surprised!

Your record is 0 - 2 in the marriage department. Mine is 2 - 1.

First marriage: 6 years / 6 months - she initiated the divorce. Actually it was a blessing in disguise. Horrible wife.

Second marriage: 11 years / 2 months - she died prematurely at age of 59. Good wife but was in declining health for most of the marriage. God asked me if I wanted to take care of her and I said 'yes'.

Third marriage: 7 years / 5 months - still married. Wonderful wife, very spiritual, smart, and often amusing.

 

[tourist]

24 “‘“The Lord bless you
and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”’

That's certainly a nice response.

 

[Oblio]

Bless you, Tourist. That's a wonderful thing you did for your second wife.
The third one looks good on you.

 

[Oblio]

That's certainly a nice response.

I second it.

 

[Live4Him2]

Well, I'm normally one to lace up my boxing gloves and duke it out on this forum (for the truth's sake), but I'm going to give refereeing a go...

There was no quote in your post. You'd do well to do that next time.

Hey, Gojira.

I have no beef with you, and I actually relate to a lot of what you say because there are apparently a lot of similarities in our lives.

That said, I really think that you should apologize to @anne03.

Although there was no quote in her post, if you hadn't responded so hastily, then you might have noticed this:

Is not that people just like flashes, people look for emotional stability, so you need to have that first, so you can provide it to other person.

She obviously said that in response to this:

People want a lot of flash!

Look, I know that this is a sensitive topic for you, and I don't just know that in my head. Again, there are apparently a lot of similarities in our lives, and I fully understand the type of heartache that you're feeling.

Even then, you did jump the gun on this one, and you basically insulted someone who wasn't even talking to you.

I'd recommend an apology.

The choice, of course, is yours.

 

[Live4Him2]

It seems to me that nobody really cares about honesty, and loyalty.

I heard that.

People want a lot of flash! Something that makes them feel good. If they feel good enough then they might think they are in love or something...

I heard that, too.

I sorta took and a Calvinistic approach of "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated". Then I applied it to myself, and said "I'm rejected from birth, I have no worth."

Calvin was an arch-heretic, and you have plenty of worth.

How can I be so sure?

Because we can easily determine something's worth by the price someone is willing to pay for it.

What price was God willing to pay for you?

The precious blood of Jesus Christ.

Don't fall into the condemnation and self-pity trap.

I lived in that trap for many years until it finally dawned on me that it was the voice of Satan/demons that I was listening to, and not the voice of God.

Whether or not you're ever married in this life, God has invited you to the marriage of his Son, and that relationship can truly last forever whereas natural marriage is only for this side of eternity.

Focus on making that marriage work, and leave the rest in the hands of God.

It's not easy, but it's doable by the grace of God.

This I know, firsthand.

 

[Live4Him2]

Dude, I think I understand. Been 13 years for me (15 years before I met my late wife). At 5'6", I am not on the ladies' top ten list since most women want tall (>5'10") men. I loved reading dating profiles in which Christian women said that they wanted to be able to wear heals and not feel stupid standing next to their men. Christian women wrote this. And men are shallow??

Women my age on those sites were seeking men >10 years younger. Men always want the pretty young things?

If my standards were lower or more carnal, I'd get some attention. Online, I come across 20yo's who have promiscuous daddy fantasies. I come across Philippine women who's primary mate criteria is 'can you lift me out of poverty?' These are the women who seem to want me -- aside from my late wife -- apparently an aberration from the norm.

God is above all circumstances, but there comes a point when you have to wonder if, in your case, He's deliberately orchestrating those circumstances to keep you unattached. I cannot even make platonic male friends since I moved to AZ 2.5 years ago. My TV is the only human voice I hear in my home -- with the exception of the periodic phone call. Movies I do alone. Errands I do alone. Driving I do alone. Everything I do alone. Trying to trust Him and let Him be GOD... but this one doesn't come close to making sense.

It's not good for the man to be alone... but maybe that only applied to Adam.

Not seeking pity, not looking for advice. Your words just resonated with me, SC.

Your TV aside (I got rid of mine about 34 years ago...haven't missed a thing), our life experiences are extremely similar.

 

[Live4Him2]

I a woman and think the same way. I a out to feel like God had wanted me to be alone and forgotten. Just for one I would like to find a man that is a honest Christian and put me first a lot. He will I need to listen to my feelings and know that I come with baggage and hurt pass. It will be nice if guys will listen to the woman feelings and have it through the pain and hurt.

Well, I'm that guy...and my ex spent the bulk of our marriage trying to literally destroy me.

Go figure (I actually figured it out early on, but it lasted almost 18 years).

 

[TabinRivCA]

It isn't that I don't have a desire for a mate. I'm just trying to be realistic. Women don't want me, and I can't blame them. I'm probably ugly to look at, and my personality isn't what they desire. Not to mention my mental and physical problems too. It seems to me that nobody really cares about honesty, and loyalty. People want a lot of flash! Something that makes them feel good. If they feel good enough then they might think they are in love or something... But I think, after 19 Plus years of hoping, it's time to give up on that hope. I recently wrote a poem called "I am the rejected one: Jesus Please take me home". There is a couple of ideas going on here. I said as an explanation: This poem is inspired by 42 years of rejection by my pears. That's true! I always had a hard time fitting in. But all this rejection I've been feeling from the internet, and work. Plus I don't feel like I'm useful to Jesus, and I'm not sure just how much longer I'm going to be useful to my parents too. I wish Jesus would just call me home.

I don't have the poem anymore. But last year, I was thinking about this stuff, and maybe a little more. I wrote a poem about it. I sorta took and a Calvinistic approach of "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated". Then I applied it to myself, and said "I'm rejected from birth, I have no worth." Probably the saddest and maybe even the most disturbing poem I have ever written. I tried sharing it with a few people in real life and then i ripped it up and threw it away.

I just wanted to put this out there, publicly, that I gave up on finding a mate.

Hi @Seeking-Christ and I'll offer my viewpoint re your Thread. To me, the #1 trait in a male I admire is someone who lives as a beloved secure child of God, joint heirs w/Jesus. Good looks don't guarantee success in a marriage, being equally yoked is the starting point. 'As a man thinks in his heart so is he' so we need to study exactly who God says we are and He never says we're hopeless.
I see many husbands who one would not consider handsome, but they win you over by their Spirit-filled presence. 'There is life and death in the power of the tongue' so start confessing Scriptures over yourself like;
7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Tim 1:7
7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. Jer 17:7
May the Holy Spirit guide you into His truth which stems from God's unconditional love
(also Scriptures on renewing the mind is something we all should be doing daily)

 

[tourist]

Bless you, Tourist. That's a wonderful thing you did for your second wife.
The third one looks good on you.

Thank you, kind sir.

 

[Live4Him2]

Know that Jesus was rejected also.

And why was he rejected?

Because there was something wrong with him?

Nope.

Instead, there was, and still is, something terribly wrong with this world.

My own life has been one of constant rejection in many different forms, and, to a very large degree, I've learned to embrace it as a good thing.

We're supposed to be in this world and not of it.

My heart and the world's heart have nothing in common.

Anyhow, the good news is that God has made Christians "ACCEPTED in the beloved" (Eph. 1:6).

I'll take that over this world's acceptance any day of the week.

 

[Live4Him2]

I'm sorry you are going through this situation, I have to say it thou: self deprecation is never the answer and marriage is not the porpouse of our lives. We are called to look for the things above. We were created to glorify God and find contenment in his presence only, because he is the only source of joy that never runs out. If you are not happy with God and with yourself now, believe, a marriage will not fill that emptiness your are feeling. You should concentrate on God and on being the best version of yourself, pray God and he will give you what you need. I can see you are hurting, so even if you get the most amazing person in your life is very probable it won't work, because you have to heal your own heart. Is not that people just like flashes, people look for emotional stability, so you need to have that first, so you can provide it to other person. Besides, you don't know what God has saved you when those people run away from you.

I can tell you I got married when I was 29, couple of years before that I saw all my friends getting married and started feeling just like you. Now I am 34, we got divorced 5 month ago, he was the worst husband someone could have and I wish I had never marry him. So, trust God, trust his process, focus on him and focus on being the best version of yourself is all I can say.

Amen.

 

[Live4Him2]

Finding a spouse is not what our society has blown it up to be. It's not the be all and end all of your existence. There is more to life than finding somebody who will live with you.

^^^THIS^^^

If our eyes are truly open and not blinded by Satan, then we come to realize that marriage is probably the scariest thing imaginable.

Why?

Well, because God ordained it to be a natural representation of the spiritual union between Christ and the church.

How many husbands are truly prepared to love their wives as Christ loved the church?

To nourish and cherish her as their own flesh?

To wash her with the water of the word or to help her to be sanctified unto the Lord by rightly sharing God's word with her?

Similarly, how many wives are truly prepared to reverence their husbands as the church reverences (does it really?) Christ?

I'd say that the percentages are STAGGERINGLY LOW, and yet this is what God has called married couples to, and they will give an account for how they either truly represented Christ and the church to the world or how they truly misrepresented the same on Judgment Day.

In all your plans/desires to be married, THIS had better be the thing that you're most focused on.

 

[Live4Him2]

I see, well my bible says I should not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, so I guess this our first and last interaction.

I'm sorry, but this gif REALLY made me laugh.

LOL!!!

 

[Live4Him2]

My first wife was the worse wife someone could have.

Broooooooo...

I'm sorry, but your ex will have to settle for the silver medal.

Trust me on this one.

P.S.

My ex and I are quite amicable now. However, that's not due to any remorse or repentance on her part whatsoever. Instead, she knows that I could literally have her arrested, so she's begrudgingly stopped her relentless pursuit of destroying me. Anyhow, believe it or not, I have no malice towards her (it took some time to get that out of my heart), but only pity. She once truly walked with God. Saw many real miracles along the way, too. Now, she's renounced Christ/Christianity and has since dabbled in all sorts of false religions. It's horrifying to watch.

 

[Jesusfollower]

And why was he rejected?

Because there was something wrong with him?

Nope.

Instead, there was, and still is, something terribly wrong with this world.

My own life has been one of constant rejection in many different forms, and, to a very large degree, I've learned to embrace it as a good thing.

We're supposed to be in this world and not of it.

My heart and the world's heart have nothing in common.

Anyhow, the good news is that God has made Christians "ACCEPTED in the beloved" (Eph. 1:6).

I'll take that over this world's acceptance any day of the week.

The main reason I think Jesus was rejected is that he was always saying the truth! it was inconvenient for the pharisees and sadducees. most of them could not admit he is the messiah.

Blessings,

JF

 

[tourist]

Broooooooo...

I'm sorry, but your ex will have to settle for the silver medal.

Trust me on this one.

P.S.

My ex and I are quite amicable now. However, that's not due to any remorse or repentance on her part whatsoever. Instead, she knows that I could literally have her arrested, so she's begrudgingly stopped her relentless pursuit of destroying me. Anyhow, believe it or not, I have no malice towards her (it took some time to get that out of my heart), but only pity. She once truly walked with God. Saw many real miracles along the way, too. Now, she's renounced Christ/Christianity and has since dabbled in all sorts of false religions. It's horrifying to watch.

That is so sad that your ex renounced Christ / Christianity. She must be in a lot of mental torment to do such a thing. I am going to say a prayer for her to get right with God.