How to avoid being self-righteous? (Romans 2:21)
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Read a little further into Romans.
Romans 3:1
There is none righteous, not even one, and this includes you
Ok, maybe I added for effect there at the end to make a point. 😇
In God's eyes you're equal to all those you think beneath you.
It's also an issue of pride. The sin that Satan held that caused his rebellion.
It's also the sin of the pharisees, that caused them to have Christ brutalized and murdered.
It's easy to sit back and look at everyone else's sins and think ourselves better for not being like them, but rarely are people willing to take that same gaze and turn it inward and hold themselves to the same standard.
Romans 3:1
There is none righteous, not even one, and this includes you
Ok, maybe I added for effect there at the end to make a point. 😇
In God's eyes you're equal to all those you think beneath you.
It's also an issue of pride. The sin that Satan held that caused his rebellion.
It's also the sin of the pharisees, that caused them to have Christ brutalized and murdered.
It's easy to sit back and look at everyone else's sins and think ourselves better for not being like them, but rarely are people willing to take that same gaze and turn it inward and hold themselves to the same standard.
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I agree, but maybe I haven't made myself clear. I don't often judge those that aren't religious or belong to another religion. My problem seems to be with my fellow Christians. Self-proclaimed ones who fail to see their shortcomings. Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly and none of us are perfect but I can't stay silent when people who consider themselves accomplished without even having read the bible speak of things that are completely off or act a certain way and expect me to reinforce what they think of themselves.
I have a bad habit of calling people out on their nonsense and being blunt to the point of sounding rude. And now that I am reading up on the Bible, I find myself being even more upfront with what I think about certain things. I don't really judge, and rarely do I give out my opinion without being asked. What I do is point out their that this or that doesn't agree with the word of God. But that is getting me into trouble. So what steps can I take to keep my religion to myself? I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I am yet to figure myself out.
I have a bad habit of calling people out on their nonsense and being blunt to the point of sounding rude. And now that I am reading up on the Bible, I find myself being even more upfront with what I think about certain things. I don't really judge, and rarely do I give out my opinion without being asked. What I do is point out their that this or that doesn't agree with the word of God. But that is getting me into trouble. So what steps can I take to keep my religion to myself? I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I am yet to figure myself out.
This... is probably not gonna be very helpful, but... since I find that the topic in this thread is similar to something I am struggling with, I hope it's okay if I just talk a little too. ^^; Maybe you'll find it a tad relateable, or maybe it'll help both of us.
Honestly... (and I would like to ask for prayers in this issue) I still find myself dealing with some... almost raw hatred toward a Christian. It's just... we used to be close once, like inseparable sisters, but... we are no longer in touch, and I still find myself just... resenting her.
It's just... to be fair, especially these days, she's definitely not a bad person and she actually does a lot to help her community and groups she is a part of, and she is a wife and mom of three kids. But... sometimes, I feel like any improvements she has made in recent years/in the present still doesn't quite make up for what she did in the past... which she failed to acknowledge much back then, and she seems to easily forget things. (To be fair though... she does have a mental condition that does make her forget some things, so... it's not really her fault.)
It's just... I know I'm being a hypocrite, because I tend to get mad at other people when they don't forgive me or they don't do much to understand why I said what I said or why I behaved the way I did in some cases, but... I also know on some level that, if I think that way, then... it also wasn't right for me to fail to forgive other people, especially when maybe they got snappy with me on a day when their back was killing them or something else was going on. All I seem to care about in some areas was that they said something to me that really hurt my feelings.
To some extent... I sorta attribute some of this to the fact that I have social anxiety and, in some ways, a lack of experience and charisma in actually working things out with people (especially those with very different personalities and ways of doing things) in a way that doesn't involve being heavy-handed with my words or getting all passive aggressive and ignoring them or pretending that nothing happened while I'm stewing inside. Buuuut.... I think I can also attribute it partially to how I was raised (my family could never deal with an issue without screaming about it or trying to pretend nothing happened later...) and because.... in many areas, there are many people in this world who you can't really talk to because they're probably not gonna be open or receptive to things they don't want to hear anyway.
This is.... still something I struggle with. And well... since I am still willing to make excuses for myself, I'm not exactly sure where my standing with God is or what He thinks of that side of me.
I will say though, in the case of the former friend I mentioned... I personally feel she played a role in damaging my faith and never even knew it. And apparently she is in a place right now where she can't really do anything about it and is too busy and too caught up in her own issues where she can no longer face it, and I doubt she remembers what she did or said anyway.
But then again.... it is also possible, in my case, that if a few mean words from a Christian could really damage my faith that much, my faith was never that strong to begin with or never centered in the right things....
Honestly... (and I would like to ask for prayers in this issue) I still find myself dealing with some... almost raw hatred toward a Christian. It's just... we used to be close once, like inseparable sisters, but... we are no longer in touch, and I still find myself just... resenting her.
It's just... to be fair, especially these days, she's definitely not a bad person and she actually does a lot to help her community and groups she is a part of, and she is a wife and mom of three kids. But... sometimes, I feel like any improvements she has made in recent years/in the present still doesn't quite make up for what she did in the past... which she failed to acknowledge much back then, and she seems to easily forget things. (To be fair though... she does have a mental condition that does make her forget some things, so... it's not really her fault.)
It's just... I know I'm being a hypocrite, because I tend to get mad at other people when they don't forgive me or they don't do much to understand why I said what I said or why I behaved the way I did in some cases, but... I also know on some level that, if I think that way, then... it also wasn't right for me to fail to forgive other people, especially when maybe they got snappy with me on a day when their back was killing them or something else was going on. All I seem to care about in some areas was that they said something to me that really hurt my feelings.
To some extent... I sorta attribute some of this to the fact that I have social anxiety and, in some ways, a lack of experience and charisma in actually working things out with people (especially those with very different personalities and ways of doing things) in a way that doesn't involve being heavy-handed with my words or getting all passive aggressive and ignoring them or pretending that nothing happened while I'm stewing inside. Buuuut.... I think I can also attribute it partially to how I was raised (my family could never deal with an issue without screaming about it or trying to pretend nothing happened later...) and because.... in many areas, there are many people in this world who you can't really talk to because they're probably not gonna be open or receptive to things they don't want to hear anyway.
This is.... still something I struggle with. And well... since I am still willing to make excuses for myself, I'm not exactly sure where my standing with God is or what He thinks of that side of me.
I will say though, in the case of the former friend I mentioned... I personally feel she played a role in damaging my faith and never even knew it. And apparently she is in a place right now where she can't really do anything about it and is too busy and too caught up in her own issues where she can no longer face it, and I doubt she remembers what she did or said anyway.
But then again.... it is also possible, in my case, that if a few mean words from a Christian could really damage my faith that much, my faith was never that strong to begin with or never centered in the right things....
I... kinda have a question for you. ^^;
How do you find a balance between putting others first and caring more about them, but also not letting them walk on you/take advantage of you/take you for granted?
I'm just asking cuz... well, some of my extended family (on dad's side) were/are extremely toxic and manipulative, to the point where they just want you to do things for them and want whatever money they can get out of you, and don't care that much what you want or what's best for you. Buuuut.... for some time anyway, my dad said that anytime he gave anything to them, it was part of his Christian duty and that it was like "heaping coals on your enemie's head" which God approves of, according to him.
How do you find a balance between putting others first and caring more about them, but also not letting them walk on you/take advantage of you/take you for granted?
I'm just asking cuz... well, some of my extended family (on dad's side) were/are extremely toxic and manipulative, to the point where they just want you to do things for them and want whatever money they can get out of you, and don't care that much what you want or what's best for you. Buuuut.... for some time anyway, my dad said that anytime he gave anything to them, it was part of his Christian duty and that it was like "heaping coals on your enemie's head" which God approves of, according to him.
well confess that you yourself are a hypocrite first and admit theres probably parts of the Bible you have missed too!
if you are your own judge first, you dont need to be a busybody on other peoples matters. I suppose if people do ask you about something but it doesnt agree with the word of God you CAN say so. I wouldnt condemn anyone but be encouraging and tactful about it, That means asking God for grace in how you speak and the conversations you have.
since this is the Bible you are referring to instead of saying what you havent read the Bible?! You could say, how about lets study or read a Bible passage together. You can be like Phillip was to the Eunuch when he didnt understand that passage from Isaiah
A lot of people actually are afraid to admit that actually, they cant read or dont read. People can go to church and listen to someone else talk about the Bible but they may not actually read it for themselves.
The thing is to have some time and space to read. That means turning off the tv or phone or whatver, sitting on a couch or bed, and opening up a book, and actually reading and turning pages. You dont need to read aloud. You can read in your head, Some people cant seem to do this for more than a minute or they dont have the time. The thing is people need to make time. This is Gods time. Not your own.
Theres also prayer. That means going someone quiet, like a closet to pray and shutting the door. People cant really pray in public or in a big group. I know its done in church which often takes forever, but thats not how Jesus prayed.
if you are your own judge first, you dont need to be a busybody on other peoples matters. I suppose if people do ask you about something but it doesnt agree with the word of God you CAN say so. I wouldnt condemn anyone but be encouraging and tactful about it, That means asking God for grace in how you speak and the conversations you have.
since this is the Bible you are referring to instead of saying what you havent read the Bible?! You could say, how about lets study or read a Bible passage together. You can be like Phillip was to the Eunuch when he didnt understand that passage from Isaiah
A lot of people actually are afraid to admit that actually, they cant read or dont read. People can go to church and listen to someone else talk about the Bible but they may not actually read it for themselves.
The thing is to have some time and space to read. That means turning off the tv or phone or whatver, sitting on a couch or bed, and opening up a book, and actually reading and turning pages. You dont need to read aloud. You can read in your head, Some people cant seem to do this for more than a minute or they dont have the time. The thing is people need to make time. This is Gods time. Not your own.
Theres also prayer. That means going someone quiet, like a closet to pray and shutting the door. People cant really pray in public or in a big group. I know its done in church which often takes forever, but thats not how Jesus prayed.
That's a good question, one many should figure out the answer to, and one that I personally think needs to be addressed more from the pulpit.
The balance is between "I am more important than anybody else" and "everybody else is more important than me." When I consider myself of neither more nor less important than anybody else, but of exactly equal importance with everybody else, then I find the balance that guides my actions in what I give to others and what I spend on myself.
The balance is between "I am more important than anybody else" and "everybody else is more important than me." When I consider myself of neither more nor less important than anybody else, but of exactly equal importance with everybody else, then I find the balance that guides my actions in what I give to others and what I spend on myself.
Take a look at 1 Corinthians 5:9-12 below. If the church to which you belong tolerates sin in the lives of those who attend, it's time to find true believers who do not have sin within. I think you'll also find this video by Brother Kel encouraging.
I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people, not at all referring to the immoral of this world or the greedy and robbers or idolaters; for you would then have to leave the world. But I now write to you not to associate with anyone named a brother, if he is immoral, greedy, an idolater, a slanderer, a drunkard, or a robber, not even to eat with such a person. For why should I be judging outsiders? Is it not your business to judge those within? God will judge those outside. “Purge the evil person from your midst.”
I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people, not at all referring to the immoral of this world or the greedy and robbers or idolaters; for you would then have to leave the world. But I now write to you not to associate with anyone named a brother, if he is immoral, greedy, an idolater, a slanderer, a drunkard, or a robber, not even to eat with such a person. For why should I be judging outsiders? Is it not your business to judge those within? God will judge those outside. “Purge the evil person from your midst.”
I want to elaborate on this a bit.
Jesus did not say we are to love our neighbors MORE than ourselves, or LESS than - we are to love them AS we love ourselves. (Although I know some people who really hate themselves... I would hope they treat others better than that.)
We are not to ignore our own needs and waste away to support wasteful people any more than we are supposed to hoard all we have.
For example: in the Bible, in Israel, they were supposed to take care of travelers. When a traveler stopped for the night in a town, he was not supposed to have to beg for food. Somebody was supposed to invite him in to stay the night. However... if somebody made a life out of traveling all the time, to get free room and board every night, the word would probably get out about him and people probably wouldn't be so fast to invite him in.
For me it's a difference between "me" and "us." I can see this life as "me, in this world, trying to make it through the best I can" or I can see it as "us, in this world, trying to make it through the best we can." I can take care of me, first, foremost and always, or I can choose actions that take care of me and take care of others at the same time. The second way usually winds up in me not having quite as much for me, personally... but it sure makes for a lot better, happier atmosphere in general in the area where I am.
And the second way doesn't take a lot more attention or resources than the first way.
For example:
- If I get a new laptop, the old one has to go somewhere. I could sell it on ebay for a pittance or throw it away, but I'd rather load it up with a few useful freeware programs and give it to somebody who needs a basic computer to do everyday end-user stuff like facebook, youtube, email and such.
- BUT... that doesn't mean I have to turn myself into a one-man no-child-left-behind program and buy a laptop for every kid at my church.
- A lady at church had cancer. Due to covid and her chemo-influenced immune system she was stuck at home for a long time. I knew this lady and kinda figured this staying at home was wearing on her nerves, as she was always the kind to be active and involved in something. I had a bluetooth "bar" speaker I wasn't using any more so I loaded it up with the kind of music she liked and gave it to her, so at least she'd have some music to listen to.
- BUT... that doesn't mean I have to stockpile speaker units and give one to everybody who is sick.
For me it's not a matter of "I have to give this because God would want me to." It's just noticing what might make people happy, being aware of my resources and using some of my resources - judiciously, not lavishly or frivolously - to do something about it when it is feasible.
Jesus did not say we are to love our neighbors MORE than ourselves, or LESS than - we are to love them AS we love ourselves. (Although I know some people who really hate themselves... I would hope they treat others better than that.)
We are not to ignore our own needs and waste away to support wasteful people any more than we are supposed to hoard all we have. For example: in the Bible, in Israel, they were supposed to take care of travelers. When a traveler stopped for the night in a town, he was not supposed to have to beg for food. Somebody was supposed to invite him in to stay the night. However... if somebody made a life out of traveling all the time, to get free room and board every night, the word would probably get out about him and people probably wouldn't be so fast to invite him in.
For me it's a difference between "me" and "us." I can see this life as "me, in this world, trying to make it through the best I can" or I can see it as "us, in this world, trying to make it through the best we can." I can take care of me, first, foremost and always, or I can choose actions that take care of me and take care of others at the same time. The second way usually winds up in me not having quite as much for me, personally... but it sure makes for a lot better, happier atmosphere in general in the area where I am.
And the second way doesn't take a lot more attention or resources than the first way.
For example:
- If I get a new laptop, the old one has to go somewhere. I could sell it on ebay for a pittance or throw it away, but I'd rather load it up with a few useful freeware programs and give it to somebody who needs a basic computer to do everyday end-user stuff like facebook, youtube, email and such.
- BUT... that doesn't mean I have to turn myself into a one-man no-child-left-behind program and buy a laptop for every kid at my church.
- A lady at church had cancer. Due to covid and her chemo-influenced immune system she was stuck at home for a long time. I knew this lady and kinda figured this staying at home was wearing on her nerves, as she was always the kind to be active and involved in something. I had a bluetooth "bar" speaker I wasn't using any more so I loaded it up with the kind of music she liked and gave it to her, so at least she'd have some music to listen to.
- BUT... that doesn't mean I have to stockpile speaker units and give one to everybody who is sick.
For me it's not a matter of "I have to give this because God would want me to." It's just noticing what might make people happy, being aware of my resources and using some of my resources - judiciously, not lavishly or frivolously - to do something about it when it is feasible.
That is an interesting perspective.... and I can see where I have made some mistakes in my own mindset. There have been phases of my life where I have idolized people I admired, and thought I was nothing in comparison to them. (Which... is a reverence that should only be reserved for God Himself... no mere human deserves being idolized.) In other cases.... I treated some people rather nastily, and... sometimes it was either because I hated myself so much at certain low points of my life... why not? Or, likewise, I treated others nastily because I didn't think of myself and I thought higher of others, just to find later they weren't as epic as my idolization of them made them out to be.
Either way.... it does lead to a bad set of behaviors and expectations.
As for the example you mentioned, where nobody needed to give food or free room and board to someone known to be a traveler (who makes a habit of just taking advantage of others and wanting free stuff...) Well, I guess in that case... people would have a few options. Either say the equivalent of, "Get out of here you free-loading bum," or, it could be just entirely up to the individual if they WANT to feed and house someone like that just out of principle... especially if the weather is bad or the night is cold, but be ready to kick them out in the morning without remorse.
Or there's a third option; let the bum stay the night as protocol dictates, and feed the person... but also tell them that since they've made this their way of life, they need to do something in return for being allowed to stay the night and eat your food. They can do a chore for you or something. If not, there's the door.
Either way.... it does lead to a bad set of behaviors and expectations.
As for the example you mentioned, where nobody needed to give food or free room and board to someone known to be a traveler (who makes a habit of just taking advantage of others and wanting free stuff...) Well, I guess in that case... people would have a few options. Either say the equivalent of, "Get out of here you free-loading bum," or, it could be just entirely up to the individual if they WANT to feed and house someone like that just out of principle... especially if the weather is bad or the night is cold, but be ready to kick them out in the morning without remorse.
Or there's a third option; let the bum stay the night as protocol dictates, and feed the person... but also tell them that since they've made this their way of life, they need to do something in return for being allowed to stay the night and eat your food. They can do a chore for you or something. If not, there's the door.