I'm really desperate about the faith and I need help. Please if you can take few minutes to read it I would highly appreciate it!
A bit about myself - my upbringing was as a religious Jew living in Israel, as a teenager I became agnostic and about a year after that, I discovered Yeshua (Jesus) and the new testament.
If you know anything about Judaism you know that Jesus has really low esteem to the jewish people and pretty much no one talks about the NT.
But I was really always about following the truth so I studied and went really deep into the prophecies, christian theology, etc.
In the last 5 years I read the NT many times, and covered so much materials that I can pretty much preach the gospel and answer so many objections about the faith.
After all these years I think I believe in God and believe Jesus is the Messiah, but I have a really big problem - I'm a chronic skeptic!
In the beginning I thought that's a good thing but I cant stop it! I'm just too skeptical and always have doubts so I feel I just can't follow Jesus.
I've read & watched lots of materials on this issue of doubt and I'm trying already for months to follow Jesus and to be saved but I just feel nothing. No change, no spirit, no God's voice - absolutely nothing.
So many nights of crying (as someone who never cried before) and reading the word of God and repenting and trying to lean on god and nothing works.
I wanna follow God with all of my heart and to lay my life for him, to dedicate all my life to him. And I really don't care about issues of material things or even afterlife - just to serve and follow him now and do what is good in his sight.
But I'm just full with so many doubts and I'm starting to think nothing can heal it and Im just not able to believe. You need to understand that where I come from, to believe in jesus is pretty much the worst thing you can ever do.
People will mock me, I will lose most of my family (a part of my family are even ultra-orthodox), lose friends, etc. But I don't care about this, I'm willing to lose everything in order to get Jesus!
But I'm just so skeptical, so doubtful and whatever I'm trying to do - all I get is God's silence.
I gave my life to Jesus hundreds of times - and nothing.
I'm about to give up on all of it, but I felt like I need to write this message on the forum before I'm giving up.
So if you really read all this message, if you can give me any insight to help me or even just to pray for me I will highly appreciate, it is really an issue of life and death for me