God's silence - about to give up

lior797 · Jan 16, 2021

I'm really desperate about the faith and I need help. Please if you can take few minutes to read it I would highly appreciate it!

A bit about myself - my upbringing was as a religious Jew living in Israel, as a teenager I became agnostic and about a year after that, I discovered Yeshua (Jesus) and the new testament.
If you know anything about Judaism you know that Jesus has really low esteem to the jewish people and pretty much no one talks about the NT.

But I was really always about following the truth so I studied and went really deep into the prophecies, christian theology, etc.
In the last 5 years I read the NT many times, and covered so much materials that I can pretty much preach the gospel and answer so many objections about the faith.
After all these years I think I believe in God and believe Jesus is the Messiah, but I have a really big problem - I'm a chronic skeptic!

In the beginning I thought that's a good thing but I cant stop it! I'm just too skeptical and always have doubts so I feel I just can't follow Jesus.
I've read & watched lots of materials on this issue of doubt and I'm trying already for months to follow Jesus and to be saved but I just feel nothing. No change, no spirit, no God's voice - absolutely nothing.
So many nights of crying (as someone who never cried before) and reading the word of God and repenting and trying to lean on god and nothing works.

I wanna follow God with all of my heart and to lay my life for him, to dedicate all my life to him. And I really don't care about issues of material things or even afterlife - just to serve and follow him now and do what is good in his sight.

But I'm just full with so many doubts and I'm starting to think nothing can heal it and Im just not able to believe. You need to understand that where I come from, to believe in jesus is pretty much the worst thing you can ever do.
People will mock me, I will lose most of my family (a part of my family are even ultra-orthodox), lose friends, etc. But I don't care about this, I'm willing to lose everything in order to get Jesus!
But I'm just so skeptical, so doubtful and whatever I'm trying to do - all I get is God's silence.
I gave my life to Jesus hundreds of times - and nothing.

I'm about to give up on all of it, but I felt like I need to write this message on the forum before I'm giving up.
So if you really read all this message, if you can give me any insight to help me or even just to pray for me I will highly appreciate, it is really an issue of life and death for me

Truth7t7 · Jan 16, 2021

lior797 said:

I'm really desperate about the faith and I need help. Please if you can take few minutes to read it I would highly appreciate it!

A bit about myself - my upbringing was as a religious Jew living in Israel, as a teenager I became agnostic and about a year after that, I discovered Yeshua (Jesus) and the new testament.
If you know anything about Judaism you know that Jesus has really low esteem to the jewish people and pretty much no one talks about the NT.

But I was really always about following the truth so I studied and went really deep into the prophecies, christian theology, etc.
In the last 5 years I read the NT many times, and covered so much materials that I can pretty much preach the gospel and answer so many objections about the faith.
After all these years I think I believe in God and believe Jesus is the Messiah, but I have a really big problem - I'm a chronic skeptic!

In the beginning I thought that's a good thing but I cant stop it! I'm just too skeptical and always have doubts so I feel I just can't follow Jesus.
I've read & watched lots of materials on this issue of doubt and I'm trying already for months to follow Jesus and to be saved but I just feel nothing. No change, no spirit, no God's voice - absolutely nothing.
So many nights of crying (as someone who never cried before) and reading the word of God and repenting and trying to lean on god and nothing works.

I wanna follow God with all of my heart and to lay my life for him, to dedicate all my life to him. And I really don't care about issues of material things or even afterlife - just to serve and follow him now and do what is good in his sight.

But I'm just full with so many doubts and I'm starting to think nothing can heal it and Im just not able to believe. You need to understand that where I come from, to believe in jesus is pretty much the worst thing you can ever do.
People will mock me, I will lose most of my family (a part of my family are even ultra-orthodox), lose friends, etc. But I don't care about this, I'm willing to lose everything in order to get Jesus!
But I'm just so skeptical, so doubtful and whatever I'm trying to do - all I get is God's silence.
I gave my life to Jesus hundreds of times - and nothing.

I'm about to give up on all of it, but I felt like I need to write this message on the forum before I'm giving up.
So if you really read all this message, if you can give me any insight to help me or even just to pray for me I will highly appreciate, it is really an issue of life and death for me

You stated you lived in Israel past tense, if your in the US I could recommend a Church for fellowship, possibly your walking in the desert as a new christian, a pretty tough way to go, fellowship and good teaching

soberxp · Jan 16, 2021

lior797 said:

I'm really desperate about the faith and I need help. Please if you can take few minutes to read it I would highly appreciate it!

A bit about myself - my upbringing was as a religious Jew living in Israel, as a teenager I became agnostic and about a year after that, I discovered Yeshua (Jesus) and the new testament.
If you know anything about Judaism you know that Jesus has really low esteem to the jewish people and pretty much no one talks about the NT.

But I was really always about following the truth so I studied and went really deep into the prophecies, christian theology, etc.
In the last 5 years I read the NT many times, and covered so much materials that I can pretty much preach the gospel and answer so many objections about the faith.
After all these years I think I believe in God and believe Jesus is the Messiah, but I have a really big problem - I'm a chronic skeptic!

In the beginning I thought that's a good thing but I cant stop it! I'm just too skeptical and always have doubts so I feel I just can't follow Jesus.
I've read & watched lots of materials on this issue of doubt and I'm trying already for months to follow Jesus and to be saved but I just feel nothing. No change, no spirit, no God's voice - absolutely nothing.
So many nights of crying (as someone who never cried before) and reading the word of God and repenting and trying to lean on god and nothing works.

I wanna follow God with all of my heart and to lay my life for him, to dedicate all my life to him. And I really don't care about issues of material things or even afterlife - just to serve and follow him now and do what is good in his sight.

But I'm just full with so many doubts and I'm starting to think nothing can heal it and Im just not able to believe. You need to understand that where I come from, to believe in jesus is pretty much the worst thing you can ever do.
People will mock me, I will lose most of my family (a part of my family are even ultra-orthodox), lose friends, etc. But I don't care about this, I'm willing to lose everything in order to get Jesus!
But I'm just so skeptical, so doubtful and whatever I'm trying to do - all I get is God's silence.
I gave my life to Jesus hundreds of times - and nothing.

I'm about to give up on all of it, but I felt like I need to write this message on the forum before I'm giving up.
So if you really read all this message, if you can give me any insight to help me or even just to pray for me I will highly appreciate, it is really an issue of life and death for me

so you think if you choose Jesus then Jews will go to hell?

if you choose Jesus is wrong then you go to hell?

if you get what I mean.

Journeyman · Jan 16, 2021

Hello Lior797.
I was taught about our Lord Jesus by a Jewish man who it sounds like has much the same background as you do, although when he read the NT, he had no doubt about who Jesus is.

For many years, I sat in church listenening to what I thought was "the gospel", until I met my Jewish friend. Since you've read and watched a lot of material and gone really deep into christian theology, you've probably never heard the truth about Jesus.

So what is your understanding about Jesus?

Rosemaryx · Jan 16, 2021

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Your heart is crying out to God , and He is the One who searches hearts...

Mark 9:23-24

23 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”
24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

Satan wants you to give up , take no heed of him , for he is the father of lies...
When your mind starts challenging you to go against what you know to be true , remember these words

Philippians 4:7
7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Keep posting , keep seeking , keep knocking , keep asking...
...xox...

Dino246 · Jan 16, 2021

lior797 said:

I'm really desperate about the faith and I need help. Please if you can take few minutes to read it I would highly appreciate it!

A bit about myself - my upbringing was as a religious Jew living in Israel, as a teenager I became agnostic and about a year after that, I discovered Yeshua (Jesus) and the new testament.
If you know anything about Judaism you know that Jesus has really low esteem to the jewish people and pretty much no one talks about the NT.

But I was really always about following the truth so I studied and went really deep into the prophecies, christian theology, etc.
In the last 5 years I read the NT many times, and covered so much materials that I can pretty much preach the gospel and answer so many objections about the faith.
After all these years I think I believe in God and believe Jesus is the Messiah, but I have a really big problem - I'm a chronic skeptic!

In the beginning I thought that's a good thing but I cant stop it! I'm just too skeptical and always have doubts so I feel I just can't follow Jesus.
I've read & watched lots of materials on this issue of doubt and I'm trying already for months to follow Jesus and to be saved but I just feel nothing. No change, no spirit, no God's voice - absolutely nothing.
So many nights of crying (as someone who never cried before) and reading the word of God and repenting and trying to lean on god and nothing works.

I wanna follow God with all of my heart and to lay my life for him, to dedicate all my life to him. And I really don't care about issues of material things or even afterlife - just to serve and follow him now and do what is good in his sight.

But I'm just full with so many doubts and I'm starting to think nothing can heal it and Im just not able to believe. You need to understand that where I come from, to believe in jesus is pretty much the worst thing you can ever do.
People will mock me, I will lose most of my family (a part of my family are even ultra-orthodox), lose friends, etc. But I don't care about this, I'm willing to lose everything in order to get Jesus!
But I'm just so skeptical, so doubtful and whatever I'm trying to do - all I get is God's silence.
I gave my life to Jesus hundreds of times - and nothing.

I'm about to give up on all of it, but I felt like I need to write this message on the forum before I'm giving up.
So if you really read all this message, if you can give me any insight to help me or even just to pray for me I will highly appreciate, it is really an issue of life and death for me

Mark 9 records a scene where, after freeing a boy from a demon, Jesus said to the boy's father, "All things are possible to him who believes." The man responded, "I believe, help my unbelief."

I suggest that you simply ask God to "help your unbelief"; that is, help you to process it properly and get past it. Focus on what you know to be true, instead of what you don't know.

soberxp · Jan 16, 2021

To believe in Jesus Christ is to believe in love. Repentance of sin is not so important to the new command, but to focus all attention on the command of love.

In the Old Testament, Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil,Bring sin to our flesh body.If we eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, we can be flawless.Then the words described in the Ten Commandments will not appear such as Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor steal, nor kill.The law prohibiting sin acts can not solve the problem of sin at all.For sin has been brought into our blood body through the fruit of good and evil knowledge.So the New Testament says that the Old Testament is flaw.Obey the ten commandments is act of law,work of law,This should be justified by behavior.
But it is actually justified by the act of believing in God.

The New Testament is different, The New Testament is used to fullfill the law,The New Testament describes better things.The use of repentant words in place of the Old Testament law describes the fetters of sin.Free our flesh from sin.And the whole law included in love others as yourself. just like computer programs,Fundamentally solve BUG forever.Believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior.believes in the law,work of faith, justification by faith.

The first heaven,The work of the law ( act ) thirtyfold.
The second heaven,The work of faith (believe) sixtyfold
The third heaven,The work of holy spirits (Spiritual) hundredfold

The second heaven is spiritual to the first heaven which is flesh.
The third heaven is spiritual to the second heaven which is flesh.

The flesh is flawed, Only spiritual without defect.

In the name of father, son and holy spirits, Amen.

KT88 · Jan 16, 2021

lior797 said:

What are the many doubts, can you elaborate here?

Robo36 · Jan 16, 2021

lior797 said:

I feel your pain, I have some of your issues also. I can only tell you that I believe God has given me to understand that everything concerning a closer walk with Christ first requires perseverance, and perseverance brings faith and faith brings a closer walk with Christ. I think you, like me, Christ needs to test our faith. I'm practicing putting my questions, doubts and biblical contradictions behind me and just accepting Christ purely on faith. "By faith alone are we saved." Now my faith grows and I'm absolutely sure that before I die my prayers will be answered. I'll hear the voice of heaven, I'll dream a beautiful dream about my lost wife who passed little more than a year ago. I'll know that we'll be reunited. Anything else is irrelevant to my wishes. Whenever I think about my blessings I realize I'm blessed beyond all worthiness, all I need really is Christ. I'm 84 years old, a regretful sinner and clinging to the only real hope in this corrupt and condemned life, Jesus the Christ. Hang in there brother, post me if you want to talk. God bless you!

reneweddaybyday · Jan 16, 2021

lior797 said:

Have you read this section of Scripture?

2 Corinthians 3:

1 Do we begin again to commend ourselves? or need we, as some others, epistles of commendation to you, or letters of commendation from you?

2 Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men:

3 Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart.

4 And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward:

5 Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God;

6 Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.

7 But if the ministration of death, written and engraven in stones, was glorious, so that the children of Israel could not stedfastly behold the face of Moses for the glory of his countenance; which glory was to be done away:

8 How shall not the ministration of the spirit be rather glorious?

9 For if the ministration of condemnation be glory, much more doth the ministration of righteousness exceed in glory.

10 For even that which was made glorious had no glory in this respect, by reason of the glory that excelleth.

11 For if that which is done away was glorious, much more that which remaineth is glorious.

12 Seeing then that we have such hope, we use great plainness of speech:

13 And not as Moses, which put a vail over his face, that the children of Israel could not stedfastly look to the end of that which is abolished:

14 But their minds were blinded: for until this day remaineth the same vail untaken away in the reading of the old testament; which vail is done away in Christ.

15 But even unto this day, when Moses is read, the vail is upon their heart.

16 Nevertheless when it shall turn to the Lord, the vail shall be taken away.

17 Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Once we turn our hearts to the Lord Jesus Christ ... our whole heart, holding nothing back ... our skepticism melts away. Also, we begin to see the Lord Jesus Christ in all our reading of Scripture.

lior797 said:

We only give our lives to Jesus once. Are you holding anything back from Him? If so, you are robbing yourself of what appears to be that which you so desperately seek.

Romans 10:

5 For Moses describeth the righteousness which is of the law, That the man which doeth those things shall live by them.

6 But the righteousness which is of faith speaketh on this wise, Say not in thine heart, Who shall ascend into heaven? (that is, to bring Christ down from above: )

7 Or, Who shall descend into the deep? (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead.)

8 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;

9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

Godcares · Jan 17, 2021

lior797 said:

Hello lior797

Welcome CC. I have read your post and I have the following comments

What the bible does not promise

In your post, you said that have been trying to follow Jesus and have felt nothing. You feel no change, no spirit, and no God's voice. The bible promises many things, but it does not say that when you follow Jesus you are going to have these euphoric feelings, and will hear the audible voice of God’s Spirit. Christianity is based on faith and not feelings. Seeing is not believing and hearing is not believing.

In all my years of being a Christian I have not really felt anything. No sensation and no euphoria. I have never seen angels. I have never had a Damascus experience and have never seen a light and heard an audible voice from heaven. You do read about these experiences in the bible, but it is not promised that they will happen. Actually if I have felt something, I would not have known it was from God, since the bible does not state how I would feel if I had His presence.

For me personally, the evidence of God’s existence in my life is when He answers my prayers and protects me.

Feelings of giving up?

You say that you are a chronic sceptic. What are skeptical about? What are the doubts that the devil keeps bringing into your mind?

If you decide give up and leave Christianity, where will you go? What is better than Christianity? You left Judaism and being an agnostic because you felt no fulfilment I assume. Where will go? Buddhism? Hinduism? Will you become an atheist and live a life without hope? Atheists are dead internally and are filled with darkness, although they are alive physically.

When you look at the leaders of the other religions (Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed etc.), who is better than Christ? Who is more kind, patient, or more loving than Jesus? Who can compare to Him? He loved you so much that he died for you. What great and amazing love!

Suggestions

I suggest that you attend a fellowship or church with other Christians. You probably will feel more comfortable with Christians who used to be Jews like you, since you will have a lot in common. There is website called jewsforjesus.org, maybe they can help you as well.

I also suggest that you have a prayer journal. Write down the prayers you have said in this journal and write down when they get answered. This will increase your faith.
I also suggest you have a gratitude journal, and write down every day what you are grateful to God for. By doing this, you will realize how much He has done for you and is doing for you every day.

One of the things that differentiate Christianity from Judaism is that Christianity is relationship based. God wants to be your best friend.
Ask God a question during the day regarding the daily work that you are doing. Ask Him to help you. I sometimes feel stuck in my daily secular work and ask God for help. I have realized that God cares about the little details and all the tiny perplexities in my life. Pray about everything. When God answers my prayer, it is actually the only time that I experience feelings of euphoria.

I hope the above helps.

GaryA · Jan 20, 2021

lior797 said:

Spiritual salvation is based on belief, trust, and faith - which is belief and trust in action. It rests in knowledge of God and His promises - and not in emotion or feeling.

Are you looking for a sign of acceptance from God rather than simply "stepping out in faith" - believing that He accepts you as you are?

Are you trusting that His Word is true - and that He will not forsake you?

lior797 said:

Don't give up. Giving up is what Satan wants you to do. Seek after God until you are certain you know what it means to be born-again - of the Holy Spirit of God.

oyster67 · Jan 20, 2021

lior797 said:

That's not a problem with Jesus. He chose one or two men like you to be of the 12.

lior797 said:

Good. You are ripe and white for harvest! Thank you sooooooooo much for allowing me to share this moment with you. Close your eyes, reach out, and touch the hem of His garment. He is there right now. Welcome my beloved brother. Jesus was thinking of you 2000 years ago and He is knocking at your door right now...

Revelation
3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
3:21 To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.

p_rehbein · Jan 20, 2021

lior797 said:

There are literally dozens and dozens of Christian Missionaries all over Israel. There is a huge Baptist Camp there where their Missionaries live, work and share the Gospel. Yet you have not found any of them to talk with?

lior797 said:

Hmm.....apparently you are not able to "answer all objections" since you proclaim your skepticism after all that reading and study. That's the problem with reading Scripture when your heart is not in the right condition. Atheists can quote Scripture from dawn till dusk, yet can not understand any of it on a Spiritual level. Apparently, neither do you.

lior797 said:

Methinks the person protests too loudly (as they say) If you truly desired all you say you do, then the Spirit would have moved on your heart a long time ago. I can not find much to believe in your words. No, seriously.

lior797 said:

Not "everything" huh? You clearly have no intention of giving up your skepticism, right?

lior797 said:

Again, given the number of good, God fearing, loving Missionaries ALL OVER Israel working day and night with people there who are, with a sincere and contrite heart, seeking to have a personal relationship with God and salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ, WHY are you here on this Forum? Could it possibly be, could it be, surely it is not because..............well, you know. And so does God.

LaylaA · Jan 24, 2021

lior797 said:

Hi, I am a new member here but I have been a believer in Jesus Christ for about 15 years now. What I can say from my own experiences is that you will always have thoughts that will test you, because the devil is not at war with those who are with him, the devil will always try to make those who are near to God or those who want to be near to God to doubt. I dont think there is any human being who never doubted. But for me this doubt is actually evidence that I am right, that Jesus is the way the truth and the life.

I cannot say to you do this and do this and you will be saved. Salvation is about repenting with your whole heart, it is about seeking God with all your heart and not just parts of it. Repentence here is not saying yes I am sorry I have wronged you God I seek repentence. Repentence is changing your hearts (and thoughts) direction, it is about being born again. Many people "ask" or say that they repent but very few really do change after uttering these words. I think you should keep on praying for God to help your disbelief, if you keep on perservering you will be answered. There are many stories and proverbs in the Bible where Jesus talks about people who because they kept on asking and perservering God answered them. And I think that's what you should do.

And about what you said that you gave your life to Jesus hundreds of times and nothing. That is a good thing, many who are now believers went through what you are going through right now. For example my mom has been a believer for over 30 years now, but before she became a christian she loved Jesus and asked for salvation many many times but there came a time where she asked God for salvation with a great need for God and with all her heart and at this moment God directly answered her. And after experiencing this, she knew and saw that all her prayers before where not actually from her whole heart, it was true that she was sincere but it was not from all her heart. Even I did that. But the true question is will you perservere? I think this shows if you really want to know the truth or not, I think is this the real test of faith, if you keep on asking with your whole heart till you get an answer. Dont give up on God for He will not give up on You!
God bless you and I pray that You find Him, for He is worthy.

Blackpowderduelist · Jan 24, 2021

Sounds like misplaced faith to me. I'm going to say so.ethings that sound harsh but please know they are not meant to be.
Stop with all the doing stuff, and trying to feel stuff or even hear stuff.
You can't save yourself. No where in scripture does it say who ever gives their life to me. It says who ever believes. You have trouble believing because you are so busy doing stuff. Hoping that you can earn, but we can't. It's a free gift. God don't speak to us in audible voices. He speaks by his scriptures, so that the scripture changes our thinking.
Calm down, you believe and that's why you do all that work, but your faith is obscured by the working.
So you have fears and that causes skepticism, one guy said to Jesus help my unbelief and Jesus healed. Thomas had some doubts as well, but the church he started in india still stands.
Calm down and rest, and definitely don't trust your feelings. Feelings are deceiving.

Blik · Jan 24, 2021

With your Jewish background. you have such an advantage over people who know nothing about the Torah. The Torah explains Christ, it fills out our knowledge of Christ and His role in our life.

You learned through your Jewish training that sins are to be forgiven and only God can do that. Your Jewish relatives believe that. Christ is God, they are the same. It is like the word Grandpa. Grandpa is a husband, he is a father, and he is a grandfather, each is a description of grandpa. It is the same with God. God is the Son, he is the Father, and he is the Holy Spirit. That your people do not accept Christ as God is because God blinded their eyes to this. You can trust God that he will not desert them.

You were given such a wonderful gift, for you learned that Jesus was the God who gave His blood for our sins. Lev. 17:11 explains that God gave blood to save our souls, and although the Jews don't accept that blood was the blood of Christ, we know that God, in his eternal being, was that blood.

You can let all your doubts go, and just accept what is the truth. The truth is, and always has been, very simply the forgiveness of our sins through what Christ did for us. If you read 1 Peter 3:18-19 you will find some of what Christ did those three days he was in the grave.

We live in a secular world, it is a world that is not eternal. We live here a limited time but there is a spiritual world that is part of our secular world and is of eternity. I have twice been made aware of this world as I spoke with angels twice in my life. Scripture tries to explain this world to us best it can to our fleshly minds. If we close ourselves off from this spiritual world we live without reality.

pottersclay · Jan 24, 2021

lior797 said:

Shalom my friend 😊

Jesus does not frown upon you as a jew, in fact he delights that your blindness has been taken away.
The question is not that "has he received you as his own but rather "what will you do with him".
I know very well what you face as a Messianic jew and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Remember always that Messiah is also a jew and he will come again to redeem all of Israel.
I would suggest that you seek fellowship and reach out to others who are the same as you.
I know many ministries exist in Israel for that cause if you are still there.
You my friend are one of the lost sheep that have been found. Fear not for the Lord is with you.
If you need anything please let my know. Put your trust in the Lord he will guide you in the way you should go.

Potter

Guardian1970 · Jan 24, 2021

lior797 said:

I'm really desperate about the faith and I need help. Please if you can take few minutes to read it I would highly appreciate it!

A bit about myself - my upbringing was as a religious Jew living in Israel, as a teenager I became agnostic and about a year after that, I discovered Yeshua (Jesus) and the new testament.
If you know anything about Judaism you know that Jesus has really low esteem to the jewish people and pretty much no one talks about the NT.

But I was really always about following the truth so I studied and went really deep into the prophecies, christian theology, etc.
In the last 5 years I read the NT many times, and covered so much materials that I can pretty much preach the gospel and answer so many objections about the faith.
After all these years I think I believe in God and believe Jesus is the Messiah, but I have a really big problem - I'm a chronic skeptic!

In the beginning I thought that's a good thing but I cant stop it! I'm just too skeptical and always have doubts so I feel I just can't follow Jesus.
I've read & watched lots of materials on this issue of doubt and I'm trying already for months to follow Jesus and to be saved but I just feel nothing. No change, no spirit, no God's voice - absolutely nothing.
So many nights of crying (as someone who never cried before) and reading the word of God and repenting and trying to lean on god and nothing works.

I wanna follow God with all of my heart and to lay my life for him, to dedicate all my life to him. And I really don't care about issues of material things or even afterlife - just to serve and follow him now and do what is good in his sight.

But I'm just full with so many doubts and I'm starting to think nothing can heal it and Im just not able to believe. You need to understand that where I come from, to believe in jesus is pretty much the worst thing you can ever do.
People will mock me, I will lose most of my family (a part of my family are even ultra-orthodox), lose friends, etc. But I don't care about this, I'm willing to lose everything in order to get Jesus!
But I'm just so skeptical, so doubtful and whatever I'm trying to do - all I get is God's silence.
I gave my life to Jesus hundreds of times - and nothing.

I'm about to give up on all of it, but I felt like I need to write this message on the forum before I'm giving up.
So if you really read all this message, if you can give me any insight to help me or even just to pray for me I will highly appreciate, it is really an issue of life and death for me

Brother,

Tell me.more about why you doubt? What is it you doubt? What is it your truly believe?

Your brother in Christ.

Magenta · Jan 24, 2021

God's silence - about to give up

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