Hello, I'm 26 years old and I'm a sister in Christ if that's important to know, lol. I've always been isolated or somewhat isolated, I want friends and I want to be apart of a church family. I don't know how to be apart of a church near me because Of the many fears in my mind ( safety environment, transportation, capabilities,..etc.) I try talking to people online but things always seem to turn or get to a point where I feel its unhealthy, I ended friendship and pause relationships based on the fact that I don't have Christian accountability.. But I can't seem to get my self into a church because of all my brokenness and what feels like are disabilities. I've been trying to go to therapy but I seem to be getting delayed on the doctor's end. All the things I feel I have to do, with all the things I don't have start to overwhelmed me where I don't do anything. This makes me feel like I'm negative things I know I shouldn't mention.. I've been stuck like this for a long while so this is my attempt of seeking Council or some form of feedback. Thank you 🙏💙
Psalm 34:18 ESV
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Made of ashes reminds me of the Biblical stage of repentance. From ashes comes new life. You may feel crushed and brokenhearted but remember the Lord is always near you. The only thing that creates perceived distance is by our own distractions.
You speak of disabilities, brokeness, isolation, feeling overwhelmed and negative things which could be symptoms of depression.
See what the doctor says but more so a therapist. Be careful with how they dish out meds. Do your research and try to work through this med free if possible. The side-effects can be worse. I'm no doctor but I have seen what damage these meds can do with my father.
Eventually, you will have to push yourself to get connected in a church and face the fears. Even if you start out once a month or twice a month. Start somewhere to introduce and prepare your brain.
Made of ashes simply means you are at the end of the trial by fire and now on the road to recovery. This transition will be difficult but so rewarding as now you must relearn how to live. All the brokeness was death and the isolation as your prison.
You are reborn as a child of God and only need reminding to step out of that prison. The lock has been destroyed. Your shackles thrown off. Your dirty garments made white as show. Your free to walk in the newness of life.
You have wallowed in the ashes for too long. Maybe in repentance that has been trapped in guilt, shame and condemnation. Or from past hurts done to you by others and you instead let it fester inside until it burned you from the inside out. I don't know, only you will know.
But I'm just reminding you of the freedom we have in Christ. There is now no condemnation. No guilt or shame but a loving relationship filled with grace, forgiveness, and mercy. Remember that, feel that, and live that.
Be at peace. God bless.
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