oh sorry, yes it's Rendezvous, The Apostle gives me many things to battle with. I wait to ask him about his many sayings
Contentment in singlehood
- Thread starter Edith
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oh sorry, yes it's Rendezvous, The Apostle gives me many things to battle with. I wait to ask him about his many sayings
@Kainos: Dear brother, lately my thoughts are on this. The marriage supper of the Lamb it Gladens my heart.
These are a few other things I was thinking about today that I've seen when Christianity turns Marriage Into The Golden Ticket.
Sure, we'd like to think that If I Can Just Find That Golden Ticket God Has For Us, Because He Wants The Best For Us:
* All my sexual needs and curiosities will be met, basking in romantic love and marital bliss!
And yet, we've had hundreds on this site, along with how many thousands of others in real life, pleading for help because porn, affairs, and "alternative choices" are ruining their marriages.
If I Can Just Find the Golden Marriage Ticket:
* I will NEVER be alone again!
But how many people die at the same time as their spouse? Almost every married person has a 50/50 chance of someday being single again.
I once chatted with a young woman here in her 30's who told me about a man in his mid-60's who had proposed to her, because his wife had recently died and he didn't want to be alone. He'd taken every "precaution" to try to prevent this, as his first wife had been something like 15 years younger than him. He purposely chose a younger woman thinking she would far outlast him, but she died of cancer.
And now, in his 60's, he was trying to marry a woman half his age, again, due to the fear of being alone. He even told her she could take out a life insurance policy on him and cash out on his death -- because he was that afraid of being alone. No, she didn't accept -- but I felt so incredibly sorry for this man.
How many people are caring for a spouse with dementia who no longer recognizes them, and screams in fear at their presence? (As I have read about in some gut-wrenching accounts.) And for some, this goes on for years, if not decades. But yet, no one seems to talk about this.
How many people go to bed at night, feeling unloved, lost, and alone due to anger, illness, ignorance, or a hundred other reasons --and their spouse is right there lying in bed next to them?
If I Can Find The Golden Marriage Ticket:
* I will be surrounded by a happy family of my spouse and children -- I will never be alone -- and I'll have someone to be there and take care of me at the end of my life!
But how many people do we know who apparently drew The Unlucky Ticket -- and God called their spouse home first, sometimes decades before them?
As for being surrounded by a loving, happy family, sure, that's what we all hope for. But, having been around older people all my life, I've seen LOTS of cases in which adults disown their own children; their children refuse to speak to them; everyone is too far away to help or visit each other; people remarry and their new spouse's family and/or children hate them, etc.
I once knew a guy in his 30's on CC who had worked in nursing homes for a decade -- and he said the saddest thing to see was the holidays, because a great number of the residents received no visitors, and their families couldn't care less about them. Family does not assure always having someone there for you.
Growing up in the church and in Christian schools, I've heard thousands of sermons and teachings in my lifetime. Probably tens of thousands by now.
And I mention the number not as clout, but to vent my EXTREME frustration that NOT ONCE have I heard sermons on topics such as:
1. "How To Carry On When God Calls Your Spouse First -- And You Are Left Behind."
2. "What To Do If You/Your Parents Abandon You."
3. "How to Cope With a New (Blended) Family -- That Hates You."
And yet, these are the very real things that SO many people are going through as they try to find and live out their own Golden Marriage Tickets.
The important part that the church seems to leave out is that a lot of Golden Marriage Tickets end up being smelted -- burning down all sense of purpose -- and leaving behind a pile of anger, hurt, and bitterness.
Sure, we're told we need to let go, forgive, hand it over to God... But no one really shows you HOW.
This is why I personally think God is raising up so many singles -- exactly for "a time like this." If the day is coming that most of the church will be single, God is already way ahead of it.
Maybe a newly widowed woman needs someone to teach her how to pay her bills and run her checking account, because her husband did all of that -- and now he's gone.
Maybe a newly divorced father needs help learning how to cook for his 3 kids -- because his wife, who has gone home to the Lord, used to run the kitchen -- and now he's not sure where to begin.
Maybe a lot of single people REALLY need to vent their feelings to someone who genuinely understands -- you know, other single people. Single people -- exactly like us.
I personally believe God is training and testing singles like us to send take others who are struggling or newly single (due to death, divorce, etc.,) by the hand and say, "I know you're going through a REALLY scary time right now, but I've been through it too, and God put me here to help you."
And for those of us who have been wallowing in the trenches of singleness for a very long time, we can even smile and say, "Don't worry, I've been doing this for decades, so rest assured, God isn't sending you a TOTAL newbie!" -- just to lighten up the mood.
Hi Seoul
Dear sis You are a champion. I mean it. The Devil wanted to sift you like weed. You held on God and he fleed. I am heartily grateful for the Christ who stands by men in their very low moments. I am grateful that you share this with us. sincerely I now see where the heart for others in depression comes from. Sincerely I am happy for you and also for me because I met you
much love to you dear sis
thank you
Hello beautiful Edith,
Thank you so much for the kind and gracious words.
I often feel sorry for God because I know He has to work quite a bit of overtime in getting through to me!! But through my experiences, God has definitely taught me to have a heart for people who are hurting on the inside, where no one else but God can see. However, it's also been a long hard lesson to learn when to help and when not to, because at times, I was enabling people and not truly helping. I'm so happy to have you here with us on this site! I love learning about your culture, experiences, and viewpoint from another part of the world. I love that you ask things like, "What does this mean?" because it helps keep me from taking things for granted.
I remember when you asked us what toasted bread was, because it's not a part of your food culture. In my ignorance, I had no idea there were places in the world that did not post bread!!!
I love that you teach us so many things, whether about bread -- or dating from a very different cultural standpoint.
I am proud to call you my friend.
Thank you again, and much love and blessings to you!
I am truly sorry to see you go, Jared -- but I certainly understand.
It's exciting to hear that you've met someone! Maybe someday you'll come back and give us a few pointers on how things went and are going.
Whatever you decide and wherever God leads you, may you ever receive great blessings.
The covenant of marriage is so inherent to all persons created in the image of God, that even those who insolently reject the things of God, can't abolish or fend off the irrevocable framework for the unification of His creation.
We need look no further than the Antediluvian world for an historical witness. An entire civilization consumed with a hardened fixation on pleasure-seeking, hatred, and violence. And yet they still felt the need to continue to marry and be given in marriage until the day Noah entered the ark.
Mankind, in their rebellion, have continued to jettison God from their thinking, but like a parody of something indispensable, they are compelled to re-enact a covenant which should be obsolete to anyone who envisages creation as a cosmic coincidence, with life being a smash and grab lottery that we all eventually lose.
Whether we become one body with a member of the opposite gender, or one spirit with God in the new heaven and new earth. The yearning to be wedded is clearly foreordained
You can keep my dunce cap warm when I take my next sabbaticalI feel like a bit of a dunce (not the first time, certainly not the last!), but I never thought of it this way!
Right thought; right place, right time.
When we receive a wedding invite, rather than arrive on time, we plan to show up early before the ceremony begins. Most of the guests will have the same presence of mind, and the right one for you will likely be counted among their number. That's the route I'm taking.
Edith, God bless you.
So just out of curiosity...
How many of these weddings you're showing up for are weddings that you've actually received an invitation to?!
Next thread idea: "How To Find Dates By Showing Up At Weddings -- That You May Or May Not Be Invited To.
"I mean...
Here in the Singles Forum, we're open to pretty much any and all (legal!) ideas...
A few...So just out of curiosity...
It's not unusual for an invited guest to no show, or make a late cancellation, so I figure the bride and groom would rather accommodate a mannequin at their wedding than see an empty seat at their reception. Setting the table for - "How To Deal With Uninvited Wedding Guests"Next thread idea: "How To Find Dates By Showing Up At Weddings -- That You May Or May Not Be Invited To.
I have seen the movie! .Next thread idea: "How To Find Dates By Showing Up At Weddings -- That You May Or May Not Be Invited To.
Hey lovely miss Edith, I get where you are coming from! I actually considered compromising for a husband back in my 20s. I had a friend who was interested in me and also tired of singleness. He was a good guy, steady job and good ethics. But although he was a believer, he didn't take his faith as seriously as I did. We weren't able to ever have a serious conversation about deeper spiritual matters, and I knew that was something I would be sad about if we were to marry. God showed me one day that our marriage would be "ok", but not the deep spiritual connection I longed for, and I would regret it for the rest of my life.
At that moment, I realized I needed to surrender that desire to God and told Him that I would only marry if I knew it was His will. I realized I might be singning up for lifelong singleness, but at that point I realized it was better to stay single than be with the wrong person.
In the years since then, I have gotten close to a small handful of men, 2 romantic and 2 were just friends. In all 4 cases I knew that God had put us together, and we were able to have that deeper spiritual connection. Having experienced it now, I really can't imagine a relationship without it... like, there would be no point.
Please never compromise, when God personally orchestrates a relationship it is always worth waiting for!
Contentment as a single person isn't any different than being content with your wages as a working class person (or whatever class you are... even some bajillionaires aren't happy because they want to be a god).
It's a virtue; not a defense mechanism. Although some people might lie about being content as a "defense mechanism"; but even in those cases they are faking it because they see it is a virtue they aspire to.
This OP is akin to worldly people picking on young chaste people by telling them that they are only chaste because they are undesirable.
It's a virtue; not a defense mechanism. Although some people might lie about being content as a "defense mechanism"; but even in those cases they are faking it because they see it is a virtue they aspire to.
This OP is akin to worldly people picking on young chaste people by telling them that they are only chaste because they are undesirable.
Thank you so much. it a promise, I won't compromiseHey lovely miss Edith, I get where you are coming from! I actually considered compromising for a husband back in my 20s. I had a friend who was interested in me and also tired of singleness. He was a good guy, steady job and good ethics. But although he was a believer, he didn't take his faith as seriously as I did. We weren't able to ever have a serious conversation about deeper spiritual matters, and I knew that was something I would be sad about if we were to marry. God showed me one day that our marriage would be "ok", but not the deep spiritual connection I longed for, and I would regret it for the rest of my life.
At that moment, I realized I needed to surrender that desire to God and told Him that I would only marry if I knew it was His will. I realized I might be singning up for lifelong singleness, but at that point I realized it was better to stay single than be with the wrong person.
In the years since then, I have gotten close to a small handful of men, 2 romantic and 2 were just friends. In all 4 cases I knew that God had put us together, and we were able to have that deeper spiritual connection. Having experienced it now, I really can't imagine a relationship without it... like, there would be no point.
Please never compromise, when God personally orchestrates a relationship it is always worth waiting for!
Amen an Amen And AmenHello beautiful Edith,
Thank you so much for the kind and gracious words.
I'm so happy to have you here with us on this site! I love learning about your culture, experiences, and viewpoint from another part of the world. I love that you ask things like, "What does this mean?" because it helps keep me from taking things for granted.
I remember when you asked us what toasted bread was, because it's not a part of your food culture. In my ignorance, I had no idea there were places in the world that did not post bread!!!
I love that you teach us so many things, whether about bread -- or dating from a very different cultural standpoint.
I am proud to call you my friend.
Thank you again, and much love and blessings to you!