Contentment in singlehood

[Edith]

I didn't look for a relationship at all. I was in ministry, I was traveling year round, never in the same place for long. I was seeing new places, meeting new people, spreading the Gospel as I felt called to do. Then we moved south and my sister found a husband. He had a child from another marriage and it was a whole bunch of drama that I was glad I avoided. Then my sister started to try to find me a husband. One had a son and was looking for a mother for him. The other I never met but she asked me if I minded fat people. I kindly thanked her and told her I would find someone myself if I was ever interested. She left the family ministry but I continued for several years more.

Then one day I found out my family was talking behind my back saying I was getting too old to find a husband. I was going to be that crazy cat lady, only with dogs. I had never cared or listened to people before but suddenly it hit me hard. I found someone, a someone who was out to take advantage and stayed in my life just long enough for me to know what all those country songs are about, he done me wrong songs. My own fault. I had let people make me feel worthless. Luckily, more a blessing, that I have a wonderful praying mother. I was so hurt, the first time I had tried to have a relationship and it was like sticking my hand in a bee hive. That Christmas I was so down and my mother and I were out shopping. I told her I was in no mood to celebrate the season. My dear mother said "by this time next year you could be in a relationship". And I thought "no thank you, one failure is enough for me!!" Well, I can show you the happy picture the very next Christmas where I met my husband. And the best feeling in the world was going to church together. Having someone to discuss the sermons with, to pray with. And I am so thankful that I didn't jump ahead of God a second time. Whether you are single or married, God remains faithful if we trust Him. I have to relearn that about every other day. I thank God for the single life I lived, I thank Him for the married life I am now living. I did a lot of painful growing but looking back I know He didn't leave me and He will never fail me. Or as my sweet hubby always says in the hard times "God's got this, it's going to be ok!!".

thank You for the wonderful testimony

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

thank You for the wonderful testimony

You are very welcome. I will confess sometimes I fall into being a doubting Thomasina. But God always pulls me back and shows me His way is best if I just learn to be still and wait on Him.

 

[Edith]

and while they're all open to God's leading, they don't try to create doors where there aren't any or push doors open that God intends to keep closed.

Oh Seoul so insightful.
It saddened me then gladened me I am happy you can find happiness after all that you went through.

I have this to keep for my self not trying to open doors God wants closed.

thank you for sharing to help us learn and probably become better singles for the Glory of our King

 

[CarriePie]

You are right I will just add that Single or in Marriage we will always have people throwing things we don't like at us. we are prayer people what if ours is God given.
I told my mom my difficulties in trusting marriage, hinting that I may not be married and my mom asked me if I was her. Because hers did not go well does not mean mine will not go well. so that is where I am now hoping mine be better. Carrie you are a sweet soul. God gave you that sweetness to sweetens someone's life with. I pray it happen soon

Thank you for your sweet words, Edith!

I can sweeten someone's life without the whole marriage thing though. For example, I've taken homemade sweet treats to work and sweetened several people's lives

 

[Ceph]

After my last post on single and searching. and several discussion here. I have come to notice that Christian singles both male and female are very comfortable in Singlehood. Its like we device plans in staying single. The post of Register now and that of my brother ceph and many others... got me thinking...

If everyone is contented, the boys are contented, the girls are contented and we hope God may bring someone, if not we are contented.
My questions are;

Are we not too contented to see the one God may bring?

is this contentment not going to be a barrier to beautiful relationships if God brings the one? yeah we may be too contented to call, or pamper or receive pampering ( pamper sounds archaic, I don't know love talks/languages please bare with me)

Is too much contentment not a form of defense from hurt and pain?

This one may be me I can discuss for long with a man but if he says relationship or date fear creeps in, I start finding faults and reasons why it can't work. till the man leaves I don't find peace.

Is this contentment a healthy one?

just my reflection

Disclaimer: Every child of God has peace and feels happy in all situation. This post is not about this.

If anyone is planned to establish a happy household, It will happen to them.
Jesus says that in the age to come people neither marry or are given into marriage, and acknowledges it's a saying that not all men can receive.
Some of us have naturally gravitated toward that like a tree, as it spreads its green leaves toward the sun.
Others have had to be put through a blazing forge, and beaten with a hammer against an anvil in order to acknowledge it. (Like me)
Paul says well that when one concerns themselves with being married, they concern themselves with things of the world.
He also says well that it's better to be married than to burn with passion. (Which is what I was desperately trying to defeat.)
It's simply much easier to think with purity about the opposite sex when you don't even have that concern with wanting to be in a relationship in the first place. The more pure you are, the closer your thoughts can be to God.

Now, I'm not saying I've reached that purity yet, but It's a road I 'm taking. My sensuality seems almost healed, and I think I'm finally starting to form an ego again. Not in the proud or arrogant sense, just an 'identity'.

 

[Jared_K]

There are so many things wrong with this blanket statement. It might be true for some people, but not for everyone. Not even for most.

I would elaborate on how many things in this statement are wrong when applied to EVERYONE, but I would like to take a nap more.

The whole thing could be fixed though, by putting the word "Some" in front of it.

I strongly disagree. People can gaslight themselves into thinking they’re happy alone if they want, but the truth is when they’re sitting on their death bed alone, assuming they even make it there and don’t just become an outline on their carpet until concerned neighbors contact authorities over the smell, tell me they didn‘t have any regrets.

 

[Lynx]

I strongly disagree. People can gaslight themselves into thinking they’re happy alone if they want, but the truth is when they’re sitting on their death bed alone, assuming they even make it there and don’t just become an outline on their carpet until concerned neighbors contact authorities over the smell, tell me they didn‘t have any regrets.

Married people are the same, at least half of them. Unless both of them die at exactly the same time...

There's actually a song about that.

In the best case scenario
We would die at the same time
We would die at the same time
Wouldn't we

 

[Edith]

In

I strongly disagree. People can gaslight themselves into thinking they’re happy alone if they want, but the truth is when they’re sitting on their death bed alone, assuming they even make it there and don’t just become an outline on their carpet until concerned neighbors contact authorities over the smell, tell me they didn‘t have any regrets.

Hey Jared what's gaslighting, I hear it a lot.
I want to be a middleman to say I don't think People are happily Single however they may be contented in Singlehood. In my case I am not happily single but I am not saddened by it. I think I am contendted

 

[Edith]

Married people are the same, at least half of them. Unless both of them die at exactly the same time...

There's actually a song about that.

In the best case scenario
We would die at the same time
We would die at the same time
Wouldn't we

I think your society is highly individualistic. But it is not the case everywhere. It would be difficult to hear that someone died alone I a house and people were only alerted by odour.

 

[CarriePie]

I'm not sure where people get their ideas about other people. Like they know that everyone is the same.
For example, I had someone tell me earlier this year that when single women get a certain age (40s, 50s, 60s) they will look for someone to be with because they don't want to be alone. I told him that I know of several women in that age range who are happily single and living alone. I should add that they are not only single, but they are not looking for anyone. My best friend is in that age group and she has no desire to be in a relationship and have someone living with her.
Well, he admitted to me that he was getting this information from a man. I told him not to get all his information about all women from a man. Just like women shouldn't get all their information about all men from a woman.
There are all kinds of people in the world. People who have different ways of living life. People (men or women) shouldn't be boxed in by someone's idea of what they think they know someone's life should be like.
What is chaos for the fly is normal for the spider.

 

[MsMediator]

I strongly disagree. People can gaslight themselves into thinking they’re happy alone if they want, but the truth is when they’re sitting on their death bed alone, assuming they even make it there and don’t just become an outline on their carpet until concerned neighbors contact authorities over the smell, tell me they didn‘t have any regrets.

Unfortunately any senior, or anyone really, who lives alone is at risk of dying alone.

 

[Jared_K]

Married people are the same, at least half of them. Unless both of them die at exactly the same time...

There's actually a song about that.

In the best case scenario
We would die at the same time
We would die at the same time
Wouldn't we

This is splitting hairs. You’re dodging the question and moving the goal post. I’m not going to waste my time arguing like this.

If someone wants to lie to themselves and they‘re old and dying thinking “Thank God I dodged hundreds if not thousands of bullets,” that’s their prerogative. No self-respecting Christian would call that a fulfilling life.

Let’s see what the Good Book says:

1. Genesis 2:24
"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

2. Ephesians 5:25
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

3. Proverbs 18:22
"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."

4. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up."

5. Colossians 3:14
"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

6. Mark 10:9
"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

7. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

8. Hebrews 13:4
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

9. 1 Peter 4:8
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

10. Proverbs 31:10
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."

11. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife."

12. Genesis 1:27-28
"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.'"

13. Song of Solomon 3:4
"I have found the one whom my soul loves."

14. 1 Corinthians 11:11-12
"Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."

15. 1 Peter 3:7
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

16. Proverbs 5:18-19
"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love."

17. Ecclesiastes 9:9
"Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun."

18. Song of Solomon 4:9
"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes."

19. 1 Corinthians 13:13
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

20. Proverbs 12:4
"A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

21. Ephesians 4:2-3
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."

 

[CarriePie]

 

[Jared_K]

In

Hey Jared what's gaslighting, I hear it a lot.
I want to be a middleman to say I don't think People are happily Single however they may be contented in Singlehood. In my case I am not happily single but I am not saddened by it. I think I am contendted

Gaslighting is another word for delusion. Someone gaslights someone into thinking something that they’re not like saying “My friends say I’m a 10, so I must be a 10.” One can also gaslight oneself. “Fake it ‘til you make it.”

 

[Krumbeard]

In

Hey Jared what's gaslighting, I hear it a lot.
I want to be a middleman to say I don't think People are happily Single however they may be contented in Singlehood. In my case I am not happily single but I am not saddened by it. I think I am contendted

It comes from an old movie, "Gaslight". A wealthy woman marries a conman not knowing he is. He then starts convincing her that she is doing things she's not or forgetting things she knows nothing about. She gets to a point where she no longer believes she can trust herself with anything. It took intervention from outsiders who realized things were amiss to uncover what happened.

 

[Kainos]

There are so many things wrong with this blanket statement. It might be true for some people, but not for everyone. Not even for most.

I would elaborate on how many things in this statement are wrong when applied to EVERYONE, but I would like to take a nap more.

The whole thing could be fixed though, by putting the word "Some" in front of it.

It's rather annoying when discontented singles try to put at peace singles in the picture.

You can tell when someone's insight is impaired because they'll unconsciously project their own attitude onto others who are in a comparable situation. They aren't content, so nobody else could possibly be content in similar circumstances.

You're one of a few who understands that there isn't a one fits all approach to this.

Are we not too contented to see the one God may bring?

No danger of that. Whether we're profile trawling on a dating site, or find ourselves serendipitously seated next to a stranger, the one will stand out. I don't believe it matters whether we're available and waiting, or purposefully and energetically searching.

Is this contentment a healthy one?

Being single and happy is the most resolute and attractive form of availaility there is.

 

[Snackersmom]

After my last post on single and searching. and several discussion here. I have come to notice that Christian singles both male and female are very comfortable in Singlehood. Its like we device plans in staying single. The post of Register now and that of my brother ceph and many others... got me thinking...

If everyone is contented, the boys are contented, the girls are contented and we hope God may bring someone, if not we are contented.
My questions are;

Are we not too contented to see the one God may bring?

is this contentment not going to be a barrier to beautiful relationships if God brings the one? yeah we may be too contented to call, or pamper or receive pampering ( pamper sounds archaic, I don't know love talks/languages please bare with me)

Is too much contentment not a form of defense from hurt and pain?

This one may be me I can discuss for long with a man but if he says relationship or date fear creeps in, I start finding faults and reasons why it can't work. till the man leaves I don't find peace.

Is this contentment a healthy one?

just my reflection

Disclaimer: Every child of God has peace and feels happy in all situation. This post is not about this.

Hey miss Edith, great questions!

I have always wanted to get married, and I did not reach a place of contentment with singleness until my late 20s. At that point I had worn myself out with searching and realized that a spouse is not really a promise from God... like, yes, if we find one we find a good thing, but the Bible doesn't promise that all will find one. You cannot compell another person to love you or be a good match for you.

I'm sure I could have been married by now though. I'm also sure that if I had married, it would have been a mistake. Singleness might be lonely at times, but it's way better than being with the wrong person.

As far as being so content with singleness that I could miss "the one"..... I really don't see that happening. Although I haven't married, there has been a small handful of incredibly special guys who have crossed my path, and each one stood out to me like a beacon. If we are seeking God in our singleness (and not just doing our own thing out of stubbornness or fear), then God will definitely lead us in our relationships as well. He really does care about that sort of thing!

 

[cinder]

After my last post on single and searching. and several discussion here. I have come to notice that Christian singles both male and female are very comfortable in Singlehood. Its like we device plans in staying single. The post of Register now and that of my brother ceph and many others... got me thinking...

If everyone is contented, the boys are contented, the girls are contented and we hope God may bring someone, if not we are contented.
My questions are;

Are we not too contented to see the one God may bring?

God has his ways of getting our attention, and if we're content in God then we're probably focused on him and obeying him and will hopefully recognize when he's at work.

is this contentment not going to be a barrier to beautiful relationships if God brings the one? yeah we may be too contented to call, or pamper or receive pampering ( pamper sounds archaic, I don't know love talks/languages please bare with me)

What we call contentment may be fear which will keep us from something good because we're too afraid to risk, but real contentment is more like saying I'm good, but I see better over there and I'm going to see if I can get that better, but if not I know God's still got me and he's still going to do me good.

Is too much contentment not a form of defense from hurt and pain?

As above, we just need to be brutally honest with ourselves about whether we're actually in a place of contentment or fear. We humans sure to like to mask things like fear with claims of extraordinary spiritual achievement. Otherwise we're like the guy who's afraid to fight, but always says no I'm not gonna fight you because I don't wanna hurt you or you're not worth fighting.

This one may be me I can discuss for long with a man but if he says relationship or date fear creeps in, I start finding faults and reasons why it can't work. till the man leaves I don't find peace.

It's not just you. I know in the US it seemed that as soon as my generation was approaching puberty the girls were quickly warned to be wary of and afraid of the boys. I don't know what they told the boys about the girls, but the result was that if you were a risk averse female (like me) you had a whole list of things that could go wrong and were left to figure out the list of benefits on our own.

Also if you're a highly competent person, you probably have the experience of people messing things up and making teamwork more burdensome than just going it alone. Part of why I'm single is just that I have low tolerance for spending time coordinating with other people and negotiating how to do things. So much easier to just do it myself.

 

[seoulsearch]

I strongly disagree. People can gaslight themselves into thinking they’re happy alone if they want, but the truth is when they’re sitting on their death bed alone, assuming they even make it there and don’t just become an outline on their carpet until concerned neighbors contact authorities over the smell, tell me they didn‘t have any regrets.

Hi Jared,

I read your post before church this morning, and have been thinking and praying about it all day. I am not in any way trying to be contentious, but if I may, I would like to share some of the many thoughts your post made me think about.

I fully understand the description of dying alone with no one to care or notice until it's long past your due date. I'm very thankful you brought this up, because it's a heart-breaking reality that many singles fear.

Several years ago, after my husband had left and some church members told me I could never marry again, while one said she believed I'd be married again in two years, I hit rock bottom. I was more lost and confused than ever before in my life. I'd always had problems with depression, but this was a level beyond anything I'd ever experienced before.

I often feel that sometimes, Christianity seems to make marriage into The Golden Ticket, just like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It's the brass ring, the champion trophy, the tenure of the Christian life. All You Have To Do Is Find Your Golden Ticket, And All Will Be Well. All your sexual feelings will be met and cured, you'll never be alone again, and you'll have a family to take care of you for the rest of your life. You're going to be surrounded by a circle of loving people at the end of your life, all crying and talking about how much they love you and will miss you, and how they can't wait to see you again in heaven, and they will adoringly close your eyes as you journey on from this life into the next, basking in a sea of love.

I would like to tell a story about Betting One's Life On Finding That Golden Ticket.

I used to talk about this more openly, but now feel God leads me to only share the basic details.

One Friday night, I was literally crying out to God that all hope was lost. I was 25 years old and felt that my one chance -- because Christianity only gives you one chance -- and I had just lost my Golden Ticket to Never Being Alone and Having All The Problems Brought On By Singleness solved. There would never be another, and at 25, I had to face the hard truth (because Christianity is full of hard truths,) that I would just have to cope with being alone for the rest of my life. At the time, I couldn't bear the though of living to, say, 95, and ALWAYS being alone.

I specifically mention Friday because I had it all planned out -- I was going to take my own life. I couldn't cope with the absolute empty despair I saw as my future. I couldn't bear to think about spending my life being around other people who had all found THEIR Golden Tickets, with me always by myself. After all, I was the only failure (divorce) in my family. I told God knew what the consequences were (according to my church, automatic ticket to hell,) but I could see no other way out, and I told Him I would fail living the rest of my life as a single anyway.

I didn't work that Saturday or Sunday, and I figured people would certainly raise eyebrows Monday (I never missed work unless I was near-death sick,) but no one would actually come looking for me until at least Tuesday... maybe not even until Wednesday.) This would give me "plenty of time." I planned to die on a Friday, allowing enough time would go by to ensure my "success," because many days would pass before anyone came to check.

A phone call from an old friend I hadn't talked to in 5 months, an hour and a half a way -- who was a self-proclaimed atheist (but we'd had many talks about God and religion) -- just "happened" to call me that day, at that specific time, just to catch up. When she realized what was going on, she quietly and discreetly called another friend of mine -- whom she didn't even know and had never spoken to, but she called him to check up on me -- and he just "happened" to live close enough to show up on my doorstep. He firmly (but gently, or I would have refused to budge,) insisted on taking me to seek help. (He later said he'd come with a hammer, just in case I refused to open the door. Let's just say, I am well-known to be a bit... stubborn. He was prepared to knock out a window and literally drag me out of the house if need be.)

I don't know how close I came to dying, as all my parents would tell me is that the doctors labeled my condition as "borderline."

God saved my life through someone who claimed to be an atheist. But I have no doubt He called her to make that phone call on that particular day, at that particular time. (Any sooner, I would have been able to hold it together and not mention anything; any later, and it might have been too late.)

I heard a church sermon a few months ago saying that it's estimated that within a few years, 60% of most churches will be singles. So let's add another statistic on top of that. If 40% of churches are married's, the harsh truth is that statistics also say 50% of those marriages might end in divorce.

I'm not good at statistics, but even I can figure out that this means the time is coming -- and soon -- when the majority of the church is going to be singles -- whether due to death, divorce, or just not being married. And I'm pretty sure most would agree with me that the church is completely unprepared for this.

A very wise CC friend (who has also been through the pain of divorce) and I have talked about the fact that for those of us who have been married, even if we have a Biblical reason, some people (including my friend and myself) might have to face that fact that it might not be God's will for us to marry again. For instance, I know my depression is one of the reasons my husband left, and the girl he chose had a much happier, less doom and gloom disposition (we all worked together, so I was familiar with her personality.)

One of the reasons I have been cautious about not jumping into anything is because I don't want to put the burden of my particular troubles on anyone else again (and of course, I have a fear that they would just leave anyway.)

If God is telling some people they need to remain single, for whatever reason, especially after a divorce, this certainly isn't a teaching that's going to go viral with popularity -- but it's the hard truth. And how many divorced people are going to be willing to be told they can't marry again? But for those whom it may apply and can obey, this means we are going to have a lot of people in the church who are going to have to let go of the dream of Finding The Golden Marriage Ticket and learn how to be single -- for the REST of their lives.

But if Marriage As The Goal... can no longer be the goal -- what else is there? This is the challenge many singles are going to have to find out.

I often think about Anna, who lived with her husband 7 years before he died, and she remained unmarried (whether by choice or by calling, only God knows for sure.) But one thing is very sure -- God chose her as one of the few human beings who was able to recognize, hold, and worship baby Jesus as He began His mission to save humanity.

I don't know what the answer is, but I do know there has to be other answers other than just "God Doesn't Want Anyone To Be Alone And We All Must Be Married"...

Because if not, there are going to be a whole lot of other people who already feel, or are going to be feeling exactly what I was feeling on that particular Friday night.

The very thought of it breaks my heart.

And I'm sure this must break God's heart as well.

 

[seoulsearch]

These are a few other things I was thinking about today that I've seen when Christianity turns Marriage Into The Golden Ticket.

Sure, we'd like to think that If I Can Just Find That Golden Ticket God Has For Us, Because He Wants The Best For Us:

* All my sexual needs and curiosities will be met, basking in romantic love and marital bliss!

And yet, we've had hundreds on this site, along with how many thousands of others in real life, pleading for help because porn, affairs, and "alternative choices" are ruining their marriages.

If I Can Just Find the Golden Marriage Ticket:

* I will NEVER be alone again!

But how many people die at the same time as their spouse? Almost every married person has a 50/50 chance of someday being single again.

I once chatted with a young woman here in her 30's who told me about a man in his mid-60's who had proposed to her, because his wife had recently died and he didn't want to be alone. He'd taken every "precaution" to try to prevent this, as his first wife had been something like 15 years younger than him. He purposely chose a younger woman thinking she would far outlast him, but she died of cancer.

And now, in his 60's, he was trying to marry a woman half his age, again, due to the fear of being alone. He even told her she could take out a life insurance policy on him and cash out on his death -- because he was that afraid of being alone. No, she didn't accept -- but I felt so incredibly sorry for this man.

How many people are caring for a spouse with dementia who no longer recognizes them, and screams in fear at their presence? (As I have read about in some gut-wrenching accounts.) And for some, this goes on for years, if not decades. But yet, no one seems to talk about this.

How many people go to bed at night, feeling unloved, lost, and alone due to anger, illness, ignorance, or a hundred other reasons --and their spouse is right there lying in bed next to them?

If I Can Find The Golden Marriage Ticket:

* I will be surrounded by a happy family of my spouse and children -- I will never be alone -- and I'll have someone to be there and take care of me at the end of my life!

But how many people do we know who apparently drew The Unlucky Ticket -- and God called their spouse home first, sometimes decades before them?

As for being surrounded by a loving, happy family, sure, that's what we all hope for. But, having been around older people all my life, I've seen LOTS of cases in which adults disown their own children; their children refuse to speak to them; everyone is too far away to help or visit each other; people remarry and their new spouse's family and/or children hate them, etc.

I once knew a guy in his 30's on CC who had worked in nursing homes for a decade -- and he said the saddest thing to see was the holidays, because a great number of the residents received no visitors, and their families couldn't care less about them. Family does not assure always having someone there for you.

Growing up in the church and in Christian schools, I've heard thousands of sermons and teachings in my lifetime. Probably tens of thousands by now.

And I mention the number not as clout, but to vent my EXTREME frustration that NOT ONCE have I heard sermons on topics such as:

1. "How To Carry On When God Calls Your Spouse First -- And You Are Left Behind."

2. "What To Do If You/Your Parents Abandon You."

3. "How to Cope With a New (Blended) Family -- That Hates You."

And yet, these are the very real things that SO many people are going through as they try to find and live out their own Golden Marriage Tickets.

The important part that the church seems to leave out is that a lot of Golden Marriage Tickets end up being smelted -- burning down all sense of purpose -- and leaving behind a pile of anger, hurt, and bitterness.

Sure, we're told we need to let go, forgive, hand it over to God... But no one really shows you HOW.

This is why I personally think God is raising up so many singles -- exactly for "a time like this." If the day is coming that most of the church will be single, God is already way ahead of it.


Maybe a newly widowed woman needs someone to teach her how to pay her bills and run her checking account, because her husband did all of that -- and now he's gone.

Maybe a newly divorced father needs help learning how to cook for his 3 kids -- because his wife, who has gone home to the Lord, used to run the kitchen -- and now he's not sure where to begin.

Maybe a lot of single people REALLY need to vent their feelings to someone who genuinely understands -- you know, other single people. Single people -- exactly like us.

I personally believe God is training and testing singles like us to send take others who are struggling or newly single (due to death, divorce, etc.,) by the hand and say, "I know you're going through a REALLY scary time right now, but I've been through it too, and God put me here to help you."

And for those of us who have been wallowing in the trenches of singleness for a very long time, we can even smile and say, "Don't worry, I've been doing this for decades, so rest assured, God isn't sending you a TOTAL newbie!" -- just to lighten up the mood.