Conflicted & Seeking Guidance

[Aephus]

So, one of my co-workers is transgender (M to F), and recently at work his name officially was changed to his preferred female name. I've thought about it and have two perspectives:

1) People change their names, it's a normal thing. Calling him by his preferred name isn't a big deal.

2) The name he's preferring to be called by now is to match how he is identifying as a female. Me calling him by this name would be harmful, even though from his perspective it'd be affirming and accepting.

If you were in my shoes, how would you handle the situation and why?

 

[Mem]

from his perspective

If we cannot force our own perspective onto others, then why has it become acceptable to allow others' perspectives onto ourselves?
Perhaps you can present this as your inability to adjust who he used to be/is as easily as it is with a prescription and a scalpel, and something as drastic as a lobotomy would have to be done but you just can't consent to that because you would lose yourself in that process. And if it's okay that your person is acceptable without changing the core of who you are... then are they truly any kind of friend to you? But I see this is only a co-worker that you are considering undergoing a lobotomy for?

 

[Eli1]

So, one of my co-workers is transgender (M to F), and recently at work his name officially was changed to his preferred female name. I've thought about it and have two perspectives:

1) People change their names, it's a normal thing. Calling him by his preferred name isn't a big deal.

2) The name he's preferring to be called by now is to match how he is identifying as a female. Me calling him by this name would be harmful, even though from his perspective it'd be affirming and accepting.

If you were in my shoes, how would you handle the situation and why?

I have this exact thing happen at my job, a man transitioned into an ugly man with a dress and a lipstick. I used to help him before with computer issues.
I don't call him a "she" but i do help him with computer issues still and he also doesn't get upset with me addressing him as a man.

The point of this name thing is larger than someone calling someone else by a nickname for short. When we were kids nobody called me with my full name, they used a shorter version.
The point of this whole transgender thing is political which is tied to an agenda which is also tied to mental health which is also tied to speech restrictions.
So no, i don't call him a "she".

 

[Lynx]

So, one of my co-workers is transgender (M to F), and recently at work his name officially was changed to his preferred female name. I've thought about it and have two perspectives:

1) People change their names, it's a normal thing. Calling him by his preferred name isn't a big deal.

2) The name he's preferring to be called by now is to match how he is identifying as a female. Me calling him by this name would be harmful, even though from his perspective it'd be affirming and accepting.

If you were in my shoes, how would you handle the situation and why?

It depends a lot on where you live. If you live in Florida your solution would be much different than if you live in California.

 

[Magenta]

If you were in my shoes, how would you handle the situation and why?

Are you against calling him by his new chosen name? It doesn't sound like you are. You said, no big deal. Conversely:
Can you call him something like "buddy"? Hey, thanks Bud. No problem, Bud. If asked you could explain it is a term
of endearment because you wish to remain on friendly terms with him without violating your own code of ethics.
That is, if calling him by his new name violates your code of ethics.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

So, one of my co-workers is transgender (M to F), and recently at work his name officially was changed to his preferred female name. I've thought about it and have two perspectives:

1) People change their names, it's a normal thing. Calling him by his preferred name isn't a big deal.

2) The name he's preferring to be called by now is to match how he is identifying as a female. Me calling him by this name would be harmful, even though from his perspective it'd be affirming and accepting.

If you were in my shoes, how would you handle the situation and why?

You could consider just being honest with him. Tell him you aren't comfortable calling him by his new name and ask if there's a nickname you can use instead. Maybe suggest one you'd be comfort with in asking.
Being on a job site makes this a tricky issue to deal with. You don't want to compromise your own principles, but don't want to risk starting lots of drama with him (as many do over being "mislabeled"), nor risk any repercussions at your job, unless you're willing to risk losing it over this. Which is, unfortunately a very real risk in this day and age.
Hopefully he'll respect your honesty yet also respect that you offered to find a work around. These people may have mental issues, but they are still people. Lost people. And maintaining your witness is also important. Both to him and the rest of your workplace.
This could be your chance to sway opinions of Christians, or at least some, away from being labeled transphobic.
Remember, at the end of the day these are people that Jesus still died for and God's grace can extend to, if they're given the chance to find out and accept it, just like you were.
Stand your ground but remember the grace you were given as a sinner.

 

[daisyseesthesun]

Bruce Jenner still get called Bruce by men and he's not offended by it. I guess it depends on the person men aren't usually overly sensitive about such things. But Women get kick back because many Trans see us as competition.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Bruce Jenner still get called Bruce by men and he's not offended by it. I guess it depends on the person men aren't usually overly sensitive about such things. But Women get kick back because many Trans see us as competition.

I've seen plenty of videos, usually of men claiming to be women, making a big deal out of being called sir or mister. Some get quite extreme, screaming and yelling and making a scene or even knocking things over at a business. Some film themselves when called a sir and show themselves making a big deal and requesting managers. Even if apologized to, they'll continue.
The women turned men seem way less common in general and tend to make less of an issue.
Non-binary types and the pronoun people, usually women, are more prone to making tik toks and having a melt down when they're alone, but on camera.
At least that's based off of what I've seen.

 

[daisyseesthesun]

I've seen plenty of videos, usually of men claiming to be women, making a big deal out of being called sir or mister. Some get quite extreme, screaming and yelling and making a scene or even knocking things over at a business. Some film themselves when called a sir and show themselves making a big deal and requesting managers. Even if apologized to, they'll continue.
The women turned men seem way less common in general and tend to make less of an issue.
Non-binary types and the pronoun people, usually women, are more prone to making tik toks and having a melt down when they're alone, but on camera.
At least that's based off of what I've seen.

Well I haven't seen all that but I meant a co worker you've likely know for years. Don't usually get offended when you a fellow man calls him by his birth name or gender but when a woman does it it seems more severe.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Well I haven't seen all that but I meant a co worker you've likely know for years. Don't usually get offended when you a fellow man calls him by his birth name or gender but when a woman does it it seems more severe.

When you say "usually" are you claiming that you've seen these events frequently enough to say that? Between m to f trans and biological men and women?

 

[daisyseesthesun]

When you say "usually" are you claiming that you've seen these events frequently enough to say that? Between m to f trans and biological men and women?

No of course not.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

No it just men aren't as emotional as woman tend to be.

This is true, but these are not regular men. These are men that believe they are women, and may possibly be taking medication to make them more like women, thus more emotional as well. Or men that maybe are more emotional and think this makes them a woman.
Not to mention the woke culture is all about making a huge deal out of any perceived insult. The behavior is essentially rewarded by others that justify and encourage anger, being offended and making a scene. And if someone refuses to conform violence is seen as an appropriate response.

If you were talking about average straight men, especially if they aren't woke and who aren't confused about gender I'd 100% agree with you.

 

[blueluna5]

So, one of my co-workers is transgender (M to F), and recently at work his name officially was changed to his preferred female name. I've thought about it and have two perspectives:

1) People change their names, it's a normal thing. Calling him by his preferred name isn't a big deal.

2) The name he's preferring to be called by now is to match how he is identifying as a female. Me calling him by this name would be harmful, even though from his perspective it'd be affirming and accepting.

If you were in my shoes, how would you handle the situation and why?

I'm a teacher and typically will use preferred pronouns if they ask. I think of it like nicknames which I also say.

However I have had kids try to go by animals and cartoon characters. I do not use those and typically ignore the request. So far I haven't had an issue but it's the parents, not the kids. They don't even understand it, hence the cartoon names and such.

 

[EliBeth]

So, one of my co-workers is transgender (M to F), and recently at work his name officially was changed to his preferred female name. I've thought about it and have two perspectives:

1) People change their names, it's a normal thing. Calling him by his preferred name isn't a big deal.

2) The name he's preferring to be called by now is to match how he is identifying as a female. Me calling him by this name would be harmful, even though from his perspective it'd be affirming and accepting.

If you were in my shoes, how would you handle the situation and why?

This is a difficult situation. I had a similar incidence a few years ago. Although, the person had already "transitioned" before I met them and before they began working at the establishment I was. I called the individual by their preferred feminine name that they were introduced to me as, but still referred to them as "he" when speaking about him (even though he was a male wanting to be known as a female). Many of my other coworkers referred to him as "she." ... I admit, I was a little hesitant at potential backlash. But I couldn't in good conscience call him a female when I knew his biological gender defined by God was male. To me it would be in the field of lying, or going along with a lie/deception. The truth is sometimes hard and even painful to stand by, but it is the truth that sets us free.

Even so, I think it is possible for someone to resist name and pronoun change requests out of hate or a despising of the individual, but that isn't truly beneficial or right either.

As in your OP, it sounds as though your motive is sincere and that you are concerned for the welfare of this coworker and that honoring their request may prove harmful to them and/or others. I would encourage you to explore the reason(s) why you think it would be harmful. If you were in his shoes (but knowing the Biblical truth you know), what would you want someone to do? If your conscience is telling you not to change the name you call him by, it mayy be that the Holy Spirit is guiding that conviction... But it could come with consequences.

If I were in your shoes I'd probably pray about it- asking God what He wanted me to do, giving Him an opportunity to speak to me thru His word, and asking some wise counselors in my life for advice. If his name was legally changed, I may go ahead and call him by the new name *unless I sensed a solid check in my conscience bc I believed it was wrong to or unless I believed God was guiding me not to adopt the new name. But I would still refer to him as a he. Names can be changed but, I believe, our gender at birth that God chooses is set in stone no matter what we do or how we feel.

Hope this gives food for thought and doesn't mislead you at all. I pray God gives you clarity on what to do. Thanks for sharing your honest life question with us.

 

[Aephus]

Thank you for the input and insight from everyone. I may end up going the route of calling him his preferred name due to the name change and due to the fact of him being client-facing, but I’m not 100% set on it yet. I am firm in my conviction of referring to him as a male. Today, we had an official email go out referring to his name and pronoun change which also included an invitation to reach out with any questions/concerns, and I responded to the person, including my manager as follows:

“Good Morning NAME,

I cannot in good conscience refer to NAME as female. I have nothing against him as a person and have a ton of respect for him. I am still conflicted on the name change and may just stick to calling him by his last name, but will continue to mull it over and definitely will talk to him about it.”