can you guys post something funny please?
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Lord lead us not into stubbing our toe, and forgive us for our trespasses as we forgive those who have stepped on our toes.
Hanover County Animal Protection says the “masked bandit” broke in on Black Friday, ransacked shelves, and then drank enough booze to knock himself out.
They found him passed out next to the toilet, like a tiny, furry college freshman.
The county’s statement is gold:
“Officer Martin safely secured our masked bandit and transported him back to the shelter to sober up before questioning.”
“After a few hours of sleep and zero signs of injury (other than maybe a hangover and poor life choices), he was safely released back to the wild — hopefully having learned that breaking and entering is not the answer.”
From the news report:
• The raccoon “became intoxicated and passed out in the bathroom.”
• One anchor joked: “Head right near the toilet — we’ve all been there at some point in our lives.”
• Another added: “That’s a lot of liquor for a little raccoon.”
After sobering up, the bandit bounced back and was released.
This raccoon lived the full human experience in one night:
Black Friday shopping → bad decisions → too much alcohol → passed out in a bathroom → rescued by authorities → released back into the world.
Ico
https://tenor.com/view/what-did-you-just-say-what-are-you-doing-confuse-ice-cube-gif-15372785
Hold on, you say you love the Lord and want to spend eternity with Him, but you can't even spend 15 minutes with Him in prayer?
Hold on, you say you love the Lord and want to spend eternity with Him, but you can't even spend 15 minutes with Him in prayer?
An old man is at a Corvette dealership
An old man is at a Corvette dealership.
He knows that he’s towards the end of his life, and wants to have a little bit of fun before he goes.
The old man buys the newest, fastest, red Corvette convertible on the lot.
He speeds off the lot, and zips down the street, and onto the highway, where he sees a sign that says:
*SPEED LIMIT 55*
The old man has always followed the speed limit, but decided to have some fun on this nice summer day.
He speeds up to *60*, *65*, *70*
The wind runs through what’s left of his hair, with the sun shining on his face.
*I haven’t felt this good years.* he thought
In his moment of nostalgia, he didn’t see the New York State Trooper hiding on the side of the highway.
The cop zips out after him, lights and siren flashing and blaring.
*Let’s have some fun* he thinks
Instead of pulling over, he hits the gas
*75*, *80*, *85*, *90*
He could have easily evaded the officer, but after a few minutes, decided he had enough fun.
He slowed his vehicle and pulled to the side of the road.
The New York State Trooper eventually catches up with him, and comes to a stop behind the old man.
The trooper gets out of the car, and slowly walks up to the old man’s vehicle.
“Sir, I’ll be honest with you.” the officer says
“I have every authority to arrest you, impound your vehicle, and take you down to the station… but it’s currently 4:57 p.m, and my shift ends in 3 minutes. If I arrest you, I won’t get home until at least 9:00 p.m, so if you can give a good reason as to why you were going so fast, and evading me, I let you go.”
The old man sits there for a minute, furrows his brow, and replies:
“20 years ago, my wife left me for a New York State Trooper, I thought you were him bringing her back to me.”
“Have a nice day sir.”
An old man is at a Corvette dealership.
He knows that he’s towards the end of his life, and wants to have a little bit of fun before he goes.
The old man buys the newest, fastest, red Corvette convertible on the lot.
He speeds off the lot, and zips down the street, and onto the highway, where he sees a sign that says:
*SPEED LIMIT 55*
The old man has always followed the speed limit, but decided to have some fun on this nice summer day.
He speeds up to *60*, *65*, *70*
The wind runs through what’s left of his hair, with the sun shining on his face.
*I haven’t felt this good years.* he thought
In his moment of nostalgia, he didn’t see the New York State Trooper hiding on the side of the highway.
The cop zips out after him, lights and siren flashing and blaring.
*Let’s have some fun* he thinks
Instead of pulling over, he hits the gas
*75*, *80*, *85*, *90*
He could have easily evaded the officer, but after a few minutes, decided he had enough fun.
He slowed his vehicle and pulled to the side of the road.
The New York State Trooper eventually catches up with him, and comes to a stop behind the old man.
The trooper gets out of the car, and slowly walks up to the old man’s vehicle.
“Sir, I’ll be honest with you.” the officer says
“I have every authority to arrest you, impound your vehicle, and take you down to the station… but it’s currently 4:57 p.m, and my shift ends in 3 minutes. If I arrest you, I won’t get home until at least 9:00 p.m, so if you can give a good reason as to why you were going so fast, and evading me, I let you go.”
The old man sits there for a minute, furrows his brow, and replies:
“20 years ago, my wife left me for a New York State Trooper, I thought you were him bringing her back to me.”
“Have a nice day sir.”