Age Difference

[Lynx]

My whole life has always been outside the norm, but in a nerdy, boring girl kind of way.

I've sometimes told God that if I do marry, I hope it would also be a bit unconventional -- such as to a younger guy -- because why would I want to break my lifetime string of going against the grain now?

Hmm... Everybody wants to marry somebody interesting, exciting and rich.

To go against the grain you would have to find somebody boring and poor. The plainest, most ordinary person in the world. Preferably somebody who collects stamps or Coke bottles.

 

[seoulsearch]

I knew that you would respond that way.

I am normally a very sober Christian, but, apparently, that came with a side order of idiocy. See what happens when you don't read the fine print on the menu? I will NEVER go back to that Bed and Breakfast again!

Apparently, the owners of that establishment agree.

Oh, no. I've done it again.

I have a a very dichotomous personality. (Is that a socially evasive way of saying bipolar???! I don't know, as I've never been "officially" diagnosed, except with clinical depression.)

The people here who have met me in person will tell you I'll literally be wheezing with them on the floor after telling some stupid joke, while literally talking about mortality and the frailty of life in the next conversation. I've just always been that way.

A long time ago, I had some people PM'ing me who said they hated my serious threads, and wanted me to be more "fun." I had other people telling me they hated my silly threads, and wanted me to post about only the serious topics.

I talked to God about it for a while and then concluded, "I'm just going to be me." My depression kicks in a lot worse when I have to suppress either side too much.

Yeah, just posting what I was drawn to or prayed about attracts a lot of flack -- but it got to a point where having trolls show up in new threads was almost fun!

I do believe God has special blessings for us when we follow the line of who He really made us to be -- the people I've met here who are willing to still talk to me no matter what side sneaks out have been more than worth it.

And this is also what I love so much about writing -- anyone not interested in what I have to say can just pass it by. I get to express what's been bouncing around in my heart, those not interested get to ignore it as much as they want, and we all happily get on with our lives.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hmm... Everybody wants to marry somebody interesting, exciting and rich.To go against the grain you would have to find somebody boring and poor. The plainest, most ordinary person in the world. Preferably somebody who collects stamps or Coke bottles.

How did you know about my childhood stamp collection??!!

Stalker.

 

[daisyseesthesun]

My whole life has always been outside the norm, but in a nerdy, boring girl kind of way.

I've sometimes told God that if I do marry, I hope it would also be a bit unconventional -- such as to a younger guy -- because why would I want to break my lifetime string of going against the grain now?

The body gets older but not the mind. I was just reminded that Harriet tubman married a man 20 years younger then her. Padre pio was a very happy man too even though he still suffered from the stigmata he was very stern at times and he would laugh and told anecdotes to teach.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

I have a a very dichotomous personality. (Is that a socially evasive way of saying bipolar???! I don't know, as I've never been "officially" diagnosed, except with clinical depression.)

The people here who have met me in person will tell you I'll literally be wheezing with them on the floor after telling some stupid joke, while literally talking about mortality and the frailty of life in the next conversation. I've just always been that way.

A long time ago, I had some people PM'ing me who said they hated my serious threads, and wanted me to be more "fun." I had other people telling me they hated my silly threads, and wanted me to post about only the serious topics.

I talked to God about it for a while and then concluded, "I'm just going to be me." My depression kicks in a lot worse when I have to suppress either side too much.

Yeah, just posting what I was drawn to or prayed about attracts a lot of flack -- but it got to a point where having trolls show up in new threads was almost fun!

I do believe God has special blessings for us when we follow the line of who He really made us to be -- the people I've met here who are willing to still talk to me no matter what side sneaks out have been more than worth it.

And this is also what I love so much about writing -- anyone not interested in what I have to say can just pass it by. I get to express what's been bouncing around in my heart, those not interested get to ignore it as much as they want, and we all happily get on with our lives.

I hear you, but just being myself gets me into trouble a lot. By nature, I am outgoing and expressive. My expressiveness definitely includes me saying nice things to people, just because I am being sincere, or just because I am honestly responding to what I see before me, but that is what most often gets me into trouble. If I say something or do something nice to/for a woman, then I must be hitting of her (in her mind). If I say or do something nice to/for a man, then I must be a poofka (in his mind).

For example, there is a young woman who works at the grocery store by me who has the most beautiful curly hair that I have ever seen in my life. In fact, I did not know that I even thought curly hair could be beautiful until I first encountered her. Seriously, her head belongs in an art gallery or something. Well, that didn't sound right. I have wanted to tell her how beautiful her hair is for the longest time, simply because it is so remarkably (In other words, it is so beautiful that one feels the need to remark about it) so, but she would definitely think that I was hitting on her if I did, so I remain silent.

Who I am, and who society demands me to be, are worlds apart, so I often withhold from being myself around people. Online it is a bit easier because people feel somewhat safer due to anonymity and distance. Even then, my comments are often misconstrued, and especially my jokes. With such being the case, I tend to only show my serious side which is a very real side of me. Anyhow, there are some people who know me in person who appreciate both sides of me without ever getting offended, so I am normally only truly myself around them.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

Also, my jokes tend to divert attention away from the actual topic at hand, so I am sorry for doing that to a degree here.

 

[MsMediator]

I prefer someone around my age so we are at the same maturity level. When guys are their thirties and higher, they become more mature. So, I can see why a woman in her 20s may be fine with a guy in his 30s; the maturity levels should be comparable then. Once a person reaches a certain age, they have slowed down more. So, maturity is not as much an issue, but how much they have slowed down. This is what older women in the dating pool look for.

 

[The_Truth_Is_Light]

Can you date someone significantly( let's say at least 10 years) older or younger ?

A man 10 years older is not really significant if you're a woman in your 20's. If the woman is much younger, maybe it's not a good idea. Not because whether its a sin or not, but more for the reason a 70 year old won't marry a 20 year old.

 

[posthuman]

Hmm... Everybody wants to marry somebody interesting, exciting and rich.

To go against the grain you would have to find somebody boring and poor. The plainest, most ordinary person in the world. Preferably somebody who collects stamps or Coke bottles.

​

 

[posthuman]

Hmm... Everybody wants to marry somebody interesting, exciting and rich.

To go against the grain you would have to find somebody boring and poor. The plainest, most ordinary person in the world. Preferably somebody who collects stamps or Coke bottles.

sewing, knitting, fixing appliances, making spreadsheets of expenses and obsessing over home repair -- these are attractive qualities.
everyone's bodies eventually get old, flabby and gassy.

take the long view

 

[posthuman]

i don't personally think there's any kind of 'age limit'
two caveats about that:

(1) young people are immature and you might not know them as well as you think you do. old people are crafty and you might not know them as well as you think you do. take your time, and always be suspicious. extreme suspicion & waiting for better data is generally good advice in every situation, not just dating.

(2) when you are interested in someone quite a bit younger than you it's probably easier to confuse lust and love. know the difference. flee lust, pursue love, both with everything you've got, never giving up.

 

[Westward]

I'm in a strange place in life.

When I was young (one of only a handful of adopted Asians in a predominantly white area,) I always got hit on by men old enough to be my father and grandfather.

I married young, but he left, married someone else, and had a family.

When he and I were married, we had a dream -- we wanted to work hard, raise a family while we were young, then hopefully retire early and travel. It took me many years (and a lot of work from God) to pull myself back together after the split, and since I didn't seem to meet anyone to marry, I set my sight on the "hopefully retire early and travel" part even as a single.

Now that I'm steadily trying to approach that goal, I'm honestly not sure where marriage would fit in -- or to whom. I'm attracted to practical knowledge and life experience, but find older men often talk down to me. I'm happy to learn from someone, but it's hard to do so if the person automatically sees you as inferior, without your own skill set to bring to the table.

Oddly, now I often get asked out by younger guys, but then it can feel like, as my friend @Snackersmom has very wisely described, a woman who has all the responsibility (if I had more life experience in certain areas) but none of the authority (because if I got married, he would be the lead.)

One of the major relationship issues in the past was always money. I'm no guru, and I've never had fancy jobs, but my parents taught me from day one to budget and save. In every relationship, I found myself having to help pay the guy's bills because he couldn't manage his money. I don't think I could handle that situation again. I would probably have to marry someone who was good at budgeting and saving on his own.

I've met wonderful guys with amazing personalities and talents. And they deserve to meet a woman who can meet them where they're at and help them on their journey. Older guys have families and often have kids and grandkids they're helping to raise or help send to school and I'm not sure how I could fit in. As for younger guys, I'm past the point of wanting children, and I could never rob a younger guy of the chance for a family.

Instead, I often find myself being a bit of a buddy friend/cheerleader to great guys who go on to meet wonderful women later on. I used to joke with some guys that if we were friends, it must mean God had an amazing woman on the way for them -- and it's not me!

And if that's the role God has for me, I've actually gotten to be ok with it, for the most part.

It's not that I wouldn't reconsider, it's just that I think it would take a very special situation.

You need to find a younger guy who doesn't want kids and is really good with crypto/ stocks I think they're out there somewhere

 

[JoeyJoego]

Can you date someone significantly( let's say at least 10 years) older or younger ?

Hi yes I cant see why not. Just depends on the person.
J

 

[Butterflyyy]

What about the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers? I think he is 60 and she is 18.

What a creep

 

[Butterflyyy]

I was thinking about this subject today… I was thinking, age is not the issue, or looks, or height, or finances, or circumstances, location, interests… all that really matters, is that it is the person God has chosen for you, and His timing…for His purposes and glory.

 

[DaughterZion]

Can you date someone significantly( let's say at least 10 years) older or younger ?

Older or same age would have been better but I am for the will of my Father.

 

[DaughterZion]

I was thinking about this subject today… I was thinking, age is not the issue, or looks, or height, or finances, or circumstances, location, interests… all that really matters, is that it is the person God has chosen for you, and His timing…for His purposes and glory.

If the person is full of God and understands his priesthood mandate well and good

 

[Smoke]

A better question would be asking for a moral argument against age gapped relationships provided we stick with anyone 18+.

People often say "18-year-olds are children and not adults". Then my question is if you advocate for taking away their right to vote and forced military conscription since they are children?

They will say "the pre-frontal cortex doesn't fully develop until about age 25". Okay, so then should we make the legal adult age 25 then? Most people who repeat that line are unaware that the prefrontal cortex starts deteriorating shorting after 25 (around 30) too. It's really a silly argument.

People often point to factors like "not having things in common". That isn't a moral argument against it. Furthermore, there are many Christian couples who have absolutely nothing in common other than the need for Christ being the center of the relationship, yet they maintain a fruitful and happy marriage.

 

[Smoke]

Yeah, I just got a kick out of your post pointing out others as pedophiles when, as you pointed out here, you were graduating when your wife was born.

Sure, I have absolutely no doubt that some people, particularly in entertainment, have those issues, but yes -- the age that you meet the person at in life, and start developing those feelings. makes all the difference.

I understand the point that was trying to be made, but I want to know why it makes a difference at what age you meet the person provided they were a legal adult.

I think it's a category error to label a 30 year old a "pedophile" for dating someone who is a legal adult (18+ for example). Pedophilia is in reference to an adult who is attracted to prepubescent children. People are hijacking this term to shame age gapped relationships and it's not only inaccurate and manipulative, but also potentially dangerous in slandering someone's name.

 

[Smoke]

From my anecdotal experience, I've noticed that most of the women who object to age gapped relationships use to date older men when they were young but are now watching younger women dating men her age now. As for the men I've seen speak against it, they tend to be older men who otherwise wouldn't likely have the possibility of attracting a significantly younger adult woman. I find it very interesting.