Suicidal

It's not really people I am around most of the time now idk. I don't really remember what I was upset about when I started this thread.

I don't really want to talk about.

It is an ever present ongoing reality for you that, as far as I can tell from what I have seen you post over a period of time, continues to spiral downwards. Digging in to find the truth of the matter, getting to the bottom of it, would be helpful for you. That is what the steps are for. We examine our behaviours, which increases our awareness regarding how and why we function in the world as we do; we learn what works and is helpful, and what doesn't work and is hurtful, to both ourselves and others, and our lives improve as a result... sometimes quickly, and sometimes slowly. Change does take time but we also learn to be patient with ourselves. The tape you listen to within the confines of your own mind sounds quite unkind. Many of us can relate to that. In the rooms they tell us, let us love you until you learn to love yourself.

I think having conversations on here has helped too.

I think having conversations on here has helped too.

Sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's okay. I know alcohol is a drug but it isn't the same. I used to abuse some medicine a lot and it would take me to a different world. It was a lot different feeling than alcohol and I don't like to talk about it because it makes me want to get high. I just get really depressed sometimes and drink a lot. I've been feeling a little better though. I am almost done with classes. I know I am going to fail a couple, but I have some ideas for next semester that I think will make it go much better. I'm planning some stuff and work is going okay right now. I know I'll get really depressed again though but idk like it is what it is.

Hello Umzza I am glad that having conversations on here has helped you. My hope is that you would make some effort to go to meetings despite any feelings of discomfort you have. Not knowing what to say can be a good thing! It may help you listen better Listening to others share their pain and suffering helped me to understand my own pain and suffering. It helped me to know that there were words for it, and people courageous enough to explore it, and expose it, in a desire to get better, and that the process of exploring and exposing the pain helped alleviate it.

It has been on my heart to share this with you, since I read it recently with Bob.
It is part of a step so I will leave out the parts that do not yet specifically apply...
You can fill in the blanks I filled in some for you

We need strength for our recovery

Because of the difficulties of our illnesses, many of us have felt weak. We believed that we would panic if _____. We doubted that we could go through with it. We may not have realized how much courage it is taken for us to get this far. Because we have thought of ourselves as weak, we may hold back. Our "courage muscles" have gotten a little flabby. We've been running scared.

This is an opportunity to exercise our inner strength and demonstrate our commitment to recover. We take a courageous stand. At first we may feel awkward and uncomfortable, but like an athlete who practices over and over to build up strength and endurance, we take on this exercise of going to meetings with vigor. We gradually develop the skills to maintain healthy relationships, which we seek so desperately in our recovery.