New job

I think ever since I asked the lord for a house on balboa peninsula, and drove there every weekend for years looking at the houses, who knows what he is preparing me for. I currently live in like an under 600 sq foot humble house in Long Beach. Balboa peninsula is in Newport Beach, Orange County where I was born and grew up around. Our current house is super tiny but the lot is big. The house that I lived in when I was born was in Corona Del Mar. I think that is still Newport Beach but the house was in Spyglass hills and was last listed at $16m. Back then


Your dad seems like him and my dad would enjoy one another’s company. My dad loved hunting when i was younger so he’d have all kinds of rifles in the closest and in his garage. He has since collected hot wheels when I was a teenager and now he is a big watch collector, watches motocross, formula 1 and baseball. He is like the average all american dad. Except one thing that makes him different is he believes aliens created everything. He used to fall asleep to the show ancient aliens on the discovery channel and ever since then, it completely transformed his beliefs. When I was a teenager, he was a drummer at a church but instead of playing Christian music they played rock music which now thinking about that, maybe it was a cult. One thing that really effect our relationship is I could get passed the fact that when I was 5 years old, he beat my mother almost to death while wearing a bunch of rings on his fingers. I have since forgiven him but that was something that really affected my relationship growing up. I always thought he was going to lose his temper with me growing up, which he did a few times. If you’ve never had a Christian therapist, I highly recommend one if you ever need to process any past traumas or anything like that. The ones that specialize in trauma, really help you find the pain in your brain. Then they have you sit there, while you focus on that pain and just talk about it, while you let it go. It’s really nuts.

I like Oklahoma, but don't particularly like the area I currently live. I live in dad's ol' place on the edge of the country. It's been in my family since my great grandparents. But it's a bad area, and even worse now that my nearest neighbors who moved in about a year ago are loud and obnoxious. Loud music, yelling, cussing, loud sounds, dogs running around all the time. I was watching the show called Under the Dome and thinking, I wished I lived under a dome away from these neighbors lol. This area and out in the Osage are the only places lived. I've spent time a fair amount of time in Atlanta. I've never been out west of here. My dream life would be to live in a cozy tipi near a quiet creek and woods with critters and birds and all that wonderful stuff. Of course, I wouldn't do that in this area, my tipi wouldn't be safe lol. But, the fantasy lives on in my mind.

Seeing or experiencing domestic violence or any kind of violence is definitely something that doesn't leave the mind. Someone attempted to strangle me. The first time was scary. I wasn't expecting it. They tried that mess again and after the second time they never tried that it again. I've seen some things in my life and I decided I'm not playing those games. If somebody puts their hands on me, they ain't gonna be happy lol.

I like Oklahoma, but don't particularly like the area I currently live. I live in dad's ol' place on the edge of the country. It's been in my family since my great grandparents. But it's a bad area, and even worse now that my nearest neighbors who moved in about a year ago are loud and obnoxious. Loud music, yelling, cussing, loud sounds, dogs running around all the time. I was watching the show called Under the Dome and thinking, I wished I lived under a dome away from these neighbors lol. This area and out in the Osage are the only places lived. I've spent time a fair amount of time in Atlanta. I've never been out west of here. My dream life would be to live in a cozy tipi near a quiet creek and woods with critters and birds and all that wonderful stuff. Of course, I wouldn't do that in this area, my tipi wouldn't be safe lol. But, the fantasy lives on in my mind.

Seeing or experiencing domestic violence or any kind of violence is definitely something that doesn't leave the mind. Someone attempted to strangle me. The first time was scary. I wasn't expecting it. They tried that mess again and after the second time they never tried that it again. I've seen some things in my life and I decided I'm not playing those games. If somebody puts their hands on me, they ain't gonna be happy lol.

Just worked for an hour. She didn’t want to do the 1% commission but she did raise my hourly instead and talked about bonuses and increasing hourly over time.

I made it my mission in life early on to never be like my dad. I’ve only been in one fight my entire life and I destroyed that kid who was bullying me. He never tried it again. People are too intimidated of me anyways at the moment for anything to happen when I go out in public. I kinda feel like Shrek where everyone doesn’t want to talk to him but when you get to know him he isn’t too bad. My own neighbors are afraid to look at me, except for the guy across the street. He always says hi to me. All of the neighbors around me read the Bible but it’s like we are all afraid of one another. Sometimes if they’re outside and I get out of a car I’ll say “hi neighbors!” and you should see the life come out of them. They are just hiding who they really are, which they are probably just great people.

I'm glad you talked the situation over. I hope you feel okay with the outcome and I continue to hope it works out for you!




People can be strange. How someone acts is a lot more telling than how someone looks. I guess I must look some kind of way too. For example, one time not too long ago I was at my favorite nearby thrift shop. It's a short walk from here. On my way home, a young woman was walking ahead of me. She stopped and turned around. She saw me and she got this horrified look on her face...only other time I've seen a face like that was in a horror movie lol. Then she turns around and runs away. I just shrug and keep going my normal route. I get to the next block and I see that she had headed that way too but she was down a little further. Again, she sees me and runs. At another time, a guy had a peculiar reaction when he seen me. I have no idea why. I didn't think I was that repulsive In any case, I'd rather people be running away from me that running at me!

I hope it works out for you. I knew former friend in 1990s. He repaired computers. He was very intelligent guy. We we're in tennis club at one time. Anyhow, its good money. Take care.

It was a learning experience that even Christians who claim they have a strong foundation, don’t. .

The Lord should be our first love, He will guide us to who we aren't meant to be with if that is His will.

Oh yes, the mine field of dating.



I can relate to this. My last relationship ended just a wee bit less than a year ago. It had lasted 7 years. It was with a guy who was very gentlemanly. I'm prudish, so that's a plus for me. My mind and heart got so swept away in this relationship that I thought...I believed...that this was it. This was who I was supposed to be with according to God's will. There were some really wonderful times and a lot of good memories. But, looking back, I seen times where I should have moved on for the sake of both of us. I've learned it's probably best for men and women to get with the person who fits what they are looking for. I think that I was not really what he wanted from the beginning. In other words, he settled. My looks were the first thing to come up as being a problem. It would come up again later. One of the last things that sealed the fate of the relationship though, was that I was told that I could not talk about the Lord anymore and he emphasized that I was especially not allowed to talk about my Creationist beliefs. He said we wouldn't be celebrating any holidays that have a religious connection. I like visiting old cemeteries. I was told we couldn't visit any cemeteries connected to a church (that's hard to find in the South lol). And I was told there was zero tolerance on any of this. This is coming from a Christian, mind you.

I ended up feeling like it was either him or the Lord. How could I possibly not talk about the Lord? The Lord is my reason for existing. The Lord is my life. I often say things like, "Lord willing" and "I'm so thankful to the Lord for such and such." How cruel to suggest such a thing...and not even suggest, but have "zero tolerance" about it.

I don't have any ill thoughts toward him at all. I pray for him. I think that it was God's will that the relationship end. I truly feel the Lord removes us from what is either not best for us or is not His will. And what is important to me is His will.

But, yes, dating and relationships don't seem any easier in my experience for us Christians than they are for those who aren't. And good for you for sticking by your standards and principles! The Lord should be our first love, He will guide us to who we aren't meant to be with if that is His will.

The woman I dated didn’t have photogenic pictures of her on her Christian dating profile but in real life she was beautiful but the second she said rave, I started questioning everything in my mind and then when she put me in the friend zone after I denied her offer to go to a rave. I lost all attraction. From that moment forward I respected her boundaries and lost all motivation to pursue her, and then the next day when she wanted to go on more dates after rejecting me and telling me she doesn’t want to be anything more than friends, I could trust her because her word doesn’t mean anything.

When someone says they don’t want someone and then the next day say they do want someone. It tells me they have no idea what they want.

Plus, almost the entire time after church she keeps suggesting that I get a gym membership. By the way this is the two months where i lived off $100 each month. My mom gave me $100 cause she was so happy I was going on a date.

I ended up taking her suggestion but instead of getting a gym membership, I bought a bench press set up for the backyard for my brothers birthday tomorrow. It’s kind of like a gift to the house. That way my friends can come over and use it too when I have company over.

So it’s not like everything wasn’t for nothing.

The woman I dated didn’t have photogenic pictures of her on her Christian dating profile but in real life she was beautiful but the second she said rave, I started questioning everything in my mind and then when she put me in the friend zone after I denied her offer to go to a rave. I lost all attraction. From that moment forward I respected her boundaries and lost all motivation to pursue her, and then the next day when she wanted to go on more dates after rejecting me and telling me she doesn’t want to be anything more than friends, I could trust her because her word doesn’t mean anything.

When someone says they don’t want someone and then the next day say they do want someone. It tells me they have no idea what they want.

Plus, almost the entire time after church she keeps suggesting that I get a gym membership. By the way this is the two months where i lived off $100 each month. My mom gave me $100 cause she was so happy I was going on a date.

I ended up taking her suggestion but instead of getting a gym membership, I bought a bench press set up for the backyard for my brothers birthday tomorrow. It’s kind of like a gift to the house. That way my friends can come over and use it too when I have company over.

So it’s not like everything wasn’t for nothing.

Looks can be such a crushing thing in the dating world. I've actually never even looked for anyone on a dating site. All of my relationships have came about by getting to know someone (at work, online, or what-have-you) not with the intention of a relationship, we'd just hit if off and start dating. Actually, the only relationship I've been in where looks were such a problem was in my last relationship. The relationship that felt the deepest, so working on the 'ol self esteem was necessary afterwards. I can't change my nose (I'm not getting a nose job lol) and I can't change my skin tone and I'll never have the "perfect body." So dwelling on this stuff just wrecks a person's self esteem. I like what Nayyirah Waheed said, "If someone does not want me it is no the end of the world. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings."

Off topic, but there is a raccoon at my door. I see it on the cam. Cute

I literally laughed out loud when you mentioned the raccoon!

The closest thing to a raccoon is laying on my bed gnawing on a bone, our dog Deeno but we do have a bunch of raccoons around her surprisingly that raid people’s trash cans. We also have skunks that roam around the neighborhood and can’t forget the random coyote sightings that have been happening lately that the Carson government email everyone about.

I live on the boarder of Long Beach and Carson, so if someone mails something to our house, that person can write either city and it will go to our house. You can literally have two accounts anywhere and both of them will go to the same place.

Looks can be such a crushing thing in the dating world. I've actually never even looked for anyone on a dating site. All of my relationships have came about by getting to know someone (at work, online, or what-have-you) not with the intention of a relationship, we'd just hit if off and start dating. Actually, the only relationship I've been in where looks were such a problem was in my last relationship. The relationship that felt the deepest, so working on the 'ol self esteem was necessary afterwards. I can't change my nose (I'm not getting a nose job lol) and I can't change my skin tone and I'll never have the "perfect body." So dwelling on this stuff just wrecks a person's self esteem. I like what Nayyirah Waheed said, "If someone does not want me it is no the end of the world. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings."

Off topic, but there is a raccoon at my door. I see it on the cam. Cute

I love critters. I especially love woodchucks. There were 2 that lived in the yard. I called them Tippy Paws and Fuzz Muffin. Sadly, the Muffin was getting along in years and passed away. I saw Tippy Paws in the spring, but then she disappeared.
I also love opossums. I call the one that frequents here Hermie or the Herm.
The raccoons I call Fuzz Butts. The skunk I call Pepé Le Pew and I call the rat Templeton.
Most of my friends are critters lol.

There is a fox that passes through sometimes.

There are coyotes that live down near the river sometimes.

I've seen 7 different kinds of snakes in the yard.

Last night I heard an owl, which I often do. It's a critter haven here.

I love critters. I especially love woodchucks. There were 2 that lived in the yard. I called them Tippy Paws and Fuzz Muffin. Sadly, the Muffin was getting along in years and passed away. I saw Tippy Paws in the spring, but then she disappeared.
I also love opossums. I call the one that frequents here Hermie or the Herm.
The raccoons I call Fuzz Butts. The skunk I call Pepé Le Pew and I call the rat Templeton.
Most of my friends are critters lol.

There is a fox that passes through sometimes.

There are coyotes that live down near the river sometimes.

I've seen 7 different kinds of snakes in the yard.

Last night I heard an owl, which I often do. It's a critter haven here.

I love critters. I especially love woodchucks. There were 2 that lived in the yard. I called them Tippy Paws and Fuzz Muffin. Sadly, the Muffin was getting along in years and passed away. I saw Tippy Paws in the spring, but then she disappeared.
I also love opossums. I call the one that frequents here Hermie or the Herm.
The raccoons I call Fuzz Butts. The skunk I call Pepé Le Pew and I call the rat Templeton.
Most of my friends are critters lol.

There is a fox that passes through sometimes.

There are coyotes that live down near the river sometimes.

I've seen 7 different kinds of snakes in the yard.

Last night I heard an owl, which I often do. It's a critter haven here.

I love critters. I especially love woodchucks. There were 2 that lived in the yard. I called them Tippy Paws and Fuzz Muffin. Sadly, the Muffin was getting along in years and passed away. I saw Tippy Paws in the spring, but then she disappeared.
I also love opossums. I call the one that frequents here Hermie or the Herm.
The raccoons I call Fuzz Butts. The skunk I call Pepé Le Pew and I call the rat Templeton.
Most of my friends are critters lol.

There is a fox that passes through sometimes.

There are coyotes that live down near the river sometimes.

I've seen 7 different kinds of snakes in the yard.

Last night I heard an owl, which I often do. It's a critter haven here.

Well seven years is a long time. So I could imagine building self esteem would take some time.

The last major relationship I was in lasted a year and I couldn’t date anyone for ten years. So everyone is different. I did talk to people and I was busy but i dedicated myself to Jesus and if that special person came along I would consider it. Years later I started looking at Christian dating sites and I thought maybe this is the only way now a days, especially in Southern California. People are so into diets over here that they fight over which one’s more superior. I’ve tried diets after being out on three prescriptions meds whose side effects are weight gain. I did lose 70 pounds and maintained the weight lose for a few years but when you are taking medication that slows your metabolism and changes your guts micro biome and have a gene in the medication that causes obesity, it is like river rafting against the current.

Fortunately, a week and a half ago, I just started weaning off of all three of those medications that causes obesity those side effects and I’m still on another medication whose side effect is weight loss. So I could only imagine myself shrinking from here on out.

So it’s strange cause that person wanted to change me into what ever she thought in her mind would be attractive but had no patience to wait it out. Her loss. I never had a problem attracting people when I was thinner. So who knows what that will be like but I’m not exactly looking forward to the people who try and be your friend and make you like the world. That is one thing I don’t like. Hopefully God has been preparing me for this time.