What's After "Hello?"

@Lynx

A smile an a sincere unblinking gaze.

If I'm expected to dispense wit on demand, I'm going to need a paycheck from somewhere.

But this guy does remind me of somebody I've seen somewhere before. Maybe a character in a sitcom? Or in a manga maybe?

Oh wait... I remember now.


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The girl he's going out with is a redhat dev. Her friends also hired a bad relationship coach who told her guys like to watch movies like Hitch.

What's After Hello? Sometimes it's Goodbye.

A lot!

Well, I hope that was informative. Go get em' tiger!

Just kidding.

There are several ways to start a conversation with a woman that you should at least be aware of:

1. Informational flirting: After saying hello, you want to know more about her, so the best way is to ask, "What's the story behind that?" It's best if the object is personal, such as a piece of jewelry, a watch, or something she's holding in her hand.

For example, "That's an interesting bracelet. What's the story behind that?" Suppose she tells you that she got it on a trip to someplace wonderful. Now, is not the time to try and one-up her by saying, "Oh I gave my mom something similar for Mother's Day one year, but hers was 24-carat gold and had little diamonds on it and that's why she tells everyone I'm her favorite son, and I this and I that, and I, I, I..."

No, no, no! Don't do that! Instead, shut up and let her tell you about that wonderful once-in-a-lifetime trip she went on. And when she stops talking, ask follow-up questions.

As a general rule of thumb, she talks 70 percent of the time, while you talk 30 percent. I know this is difficult for some guys, but it's the way it has to be, at least in the beginning.

What if she's not wearing anything interesting or unusual?

You could always find something within the immediate environment to ask about. For example, Bill wanders into a bookstore located in an old, historic building. He has been trying to muster the courage to talk to one of the pretty female employees. Here's what he could say:

"Hi. This is my first time here, I am struck by how old and interesting this building is. What's the story behind it?"

Chances are, if she's worked there for more than a few months, she will know. Bill patiently listens intently to every word and thanks her. He also compliments her on her knowledge and willingness to give such detailed information about the store.

A good thing for Bill to do now is to very quickly give his first name and ask for hers. This way, he has a "point of contact" established for his next visit.

Sure, Bill could ask her about how she likes the job and let her direct the conversation from there. But when talking to people while they are at work, it's best to have several short interactions instead of one long, drawn-out "mini-date." After all, you don't want the boss to get upset with her.

So, the next time Bill visits this bookstore (which will be soon), he'll use a subtle wave (or a wink, depending on how things went on the first encounter), and say something like, "Hello, Julie. How's my favorite historian doing today?"

What Bill is doing is a segue into situational flirting, which I'll cover in my next post. For now, practice asking, "What's the story behind that?" You'll be surprised at how special and blessed she will feel!

What's After Hello? Sometimes it's Goodbye.

A smile an a sincere unblinking gaze.

No, if you want to get to know a person, goodbye would be the last thing you would want to say.

If you're talking about her rejecting you with a terse "goodbye," then rejoice, because that's one more "no" on the way to an inevitable "yes!"

That's what happened to me yesterday. Everywhere I turned, people-- both men and women-- were in a foul mood, even though it was Friday. Women who I said hi to were super nasty to me. Well, not all were nasty; some were indifferent.

Put the blame on anything but you
I simply chalked it up to a bad day (and the unbearable heat of summer) and decided to go do my laundry that evening. The manager of the facility is a nice-looking lady who often appears to be a bit stand-offish (I've always assumed that she gets hit on quite often by some of the men who go in there).

Take the opportunities as they come
I did have to bug her about what types of bills I could use in the change machine, but other than that, I left her alone.

Well, about 20 minutes into my laundry chores, she comes up to me holding some loose trash in her hands and says, "I can't believe some people. They bring their trash from their car and just leave it on the chairs."

"That must get pretty annoying," I said.

"Yeah, it is," she continued, "But I'm going to tell my boss, so he can finally do something about it."

Oh, I thought you were the owner."

"No, I am just the manager."

"Oh, that surprises me since you dress so nice and are very professional."

I wanted her to associate speaking to me with positive feelings
She thanked me for the compliment and told me she had worked in a hospital during COVID, but she couldn't take seeing people dying all the time, so she quit the profession. But instead of letting her dwell on such a negative topic, I used a technique called redirecting to steer the conversation to a more positive one.

I said something like, "Wow, it takes an empathetic person to work in a hospital. And I bet you've carried that over to your work here, right?"

While this is a yes or no question, I was giving her permission to tell me all about her work philosophy and how she prides herself on customer service and making a difference anywhere she works. When she finished speaking, I asked follow-up questions to help us connect on a deeper level.

This technique is called deepening, and it worked, because it led to her finally telling me about her marital status, which was her being a recent widow. She lost her husband to cancer, and although it had been several years, she was having trouble bringing herself to date other men.

I empathised with her and let her direct the conversation
I let her tell me all about him and what a wonderful man he was. She told me about some of the wonderful trips they went on and even some of the romantic adventures they had--you know, those impromptu short trips that keep a marriage alive.

Now, most men would balk at letting a woman speak about a past husband or boyfriend, but as long as it's in a positive light, I am thrilled she would open up to me like that. In fact, I often ask about what a woman's most romantic date was or what her very first kiss was like.

There is a way to do this without offending her, which I will explain in another post. This type of conversation comes well after the initial hello, informational flirting, situaltional flirting, deepening, and advanced deepening conversations.

In other words, guys, at some point in your relationship with a woman, you are going to have to have a conversation with her. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

BTW
I did NOT ask this lady out. With widows especially, you must move things along very slowly. While I could tell that she would amenable to more conversation, I excused myself and told her I would be back since I enjoyed wearing clean clothes. She told me how much she was looking forward to it, and said goodnight.

When I go back to do another load of laundry, which will be very soon, I will ask her if she she needs help with those awful people leaving their trash around. I have the FBI on speed dial and I can pull some strings at the Pentagon.

This technique is called situational flirting and it can be a fun, powerful tool to gain report with any woman. As silly as it sounds, it can create a "secret world" that only you and her know about. It can also create an atmosphere where, when you ask her for a date or her contact info, she will say, " Wow, I thought you would NEVER ask!"

In fact, I often ask about what a woman's most romantic date was or what her very first kiss was like.

Unblinking? That might creep me out.

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Yyyyyeeeeep!

Have these things worked for you?

Unblinking? That might creep me out.

Yes. Before giving my life to Christ, I racked up quite a scorecard, shamefully. But I believe in my heart that when used in a God-honoring way, the same techniques used by the secular world can be used to find a God-honoring spouse to live out the rest of your life with.

We don't have the luxury of arranged marriages like they did during biblical times. Instead, we have to do the hard work ourselves--under the direction of our Lord--to find the right person. And sometimes it's challenging.

Please pray for me as I continue to write these posts in the most God-honoring way possible. I feel they are necessary since so many on this thread have nearly given up on finding someone they can share the rest of their lives with.