Why Don't We Ever Hear About Wives Who Are Addicted to Porn?

people are forgetting that being married is being yoked, bound, chained etc.

If you have children, they are going to suffer from your giants you are constantly battling. Do you want that. Why do you think Jesus never had children of his own and didnt marry on earth.

Will your spouse die with you? It is rare that couples actually die together.

people are forgetting that being married is being yoked, bound, chained etc.

If you have children, they are going to suffer from your giants you are constantly battling. Do you want that. Why do you think Jesus never had children of his own and didnt marry on earth.

Will your spouse die with you? It is rare that couples actually die together.

Jesus didn't marry or have children because that wasn't His mission. He came to save mankind. The Bibles doesn't discourage marriage or having children.

some men need to get over themselves and also maybe read She is Not Your Re

Dont all Christians have a mission to carry out though (the great commission)?

People forget the new covenant. The population on earth isnt 2 people anymore lol I think weve exponentially multiplied that many times over ...and caused most of the other creation to become extinct in the process.

God didnt open Rachels womb and when she did have children she died in childbirth (possibly taking mandrake fertility drugs had something to do with it as well). Poor Leah had many children but Jacob didnt love her.

Bible doesnt forbid marriage but it doesnt say everyone has to marry and have children either.

what about the woman at the well who married five times, did Jesus say she should marry again? I dont recall that he did.

Hi Everyone,

In another thread, I was talking about the fact that many of the single girls I know (including myself) are remaining single in the hopes of finding a man who doesn't have an addiction or strong attraction to porn (as in regular dependency -- daily viewings, regular time and money spent on materials by choice, can't go for very long without it, etc., not just occasional dabblings most everyone has.)

I had made the observation that I knew many women (again, including myself,) seemed to find great guy friends who weren't into porn, but for some reason, we were always just friends. And then often the ones we were attracted to were also hooked on porn. It's not an absolute, of course, but seemed to happen a lot in my observation.

This brought up an exchange that has me thinking:

(CC Member) Sculpt wrote:

"So, the guys (these women) do have romantic chemistry with are only the guys who are a slave to porn? In other words, the guys that are a slave to porn are the only guys that give the single girls some romantic chemistry? It sounds like a Catch 22 lol. Do you think there's a problem on both sides?"


Seoulsearch (I) responded:

"Sculpt, do you have women in your life that you've Friend Zoned, or they have Friend Zoned you? What are the reasons? The biggest one I hear from whoever has decided it will only be a friendship is that there is no "chemistry" between them. Whatever that means, as people have been trying to decipher it from the beginning of time, but for whatever reason, the person has no romantic feelings for the other person.

Now I can only speak from my experience, but I've met some awesome guys who are not into porn, but for whatever reason, we were just friends. I have not had many relationships in my life, but of the ones I did and of the guys I was attracted to, porn was often a regular habit for them. I'd like to think I'm older and wiser now, and have learned I'd rather stay single than be with someone who constantly needs to look at other women.

I understand being human in a fallen world. We can't avoid everything, and we are all going to fall at some point, and on occasion. But if someone is regularly, willfully, and intentionally seeking such material on a regular basis, I have to pass on anything more than a friendship. The female friends I have feel the same way -- but of course, we are just a small sampling of all the possible outlooks out there.

I do think that porn has probably been a long-time problem for women in modern society, but often more in the written sense. Any used bookstore I've ever been to has had at least one entire wall of "romance novels," so for a few dollars, women could stock up on literal armfuls of literary porn daily. And of course, with even ads these days being borderline and sometimes over the top, I'm sure many women get hooked on the visuals too. I talked to one woman a long time ago who, while trying to police her husband's porn habits, was falling into an attraction to it herself -- and they still wound up divorcing.

I do think though that in general, many women need more of a background story to go with it, which is why literary porn would be popular with them (and why they are into romance novels being turned into movies.) This is part of why women love to hear about how couples met, how they fell in love, how they started flirting and what made them attracted to each other, etc. The story and process is a big part of the attraction for many women.

You do have me thinking about something interesting... In my time here on CC, there have been tons of women asking for help because their husbands are regularly watching and sometimes preferring porn to them. I've also seen some posts here from women who were addicted to porn and asking for advice.

But in 14 years, I can't recall ever seeing a husband asking for help because his wife was addicted to porn. I'm sure it exists, and maybe there have been threads here about it that I've missed. But it has me wondering why men don't reach out for help with this issue when it's their wife who is the one with the problem.

Is it because they're battling their own porn addictions? Is it because they're too embarrassed to ask for help and admit their wives are turning to sources other than them? Do some men not care or are willing to ignore it if their wives are reading or looking at trash, just as long as she makes personal time for him?

I don't know the answers, but now you definitely have me thinking about the other side of the coin."


I have literally been thinking about this subject ever since. I have been in the homes of married Christian women in which they have entire bookcases filled with "romance" novels -- and it might just be me, but I see this as the equivalent of a husband who has his own library of pornographic materials.

It's odd to me that these types of books have seemingly been accepted as something normal in some Christian circles. I have a collection of cookbooks (even though I don't really cook -- that's another story for another day) from a company called Gooseberry Patch. Some of the ladies here may have heard of them, as they are very popular among church-going, country-living homemakers.

A series of their books feature a set of fictional cartoon characters who represent other women "in the neighborhood," as each book has a very down-home, hang-out-with-neighbors-on-the-porch kind of style.

The books have little illustrations of the characters doing everyday things, almost like a comic book. And I was personally shocked to see some of the pictures showing the women lazily reading books entitled "Lust in the Afternoon," while watching their kids at the pool on a summer day.

These characters are represented as having husbands and children, and the books often talk about things like church attendance, potlucks, and sometimes include Bible verses.

As I said earlier in the post, I'm sure more and more women have become addicted to visual and more "mainstream" porn in our modern indecency-saturated culture, but why don't we see men asking for help when their wives are addicted to porn?

* If a wife's addiction is in the form of books, is it simply overlooked? If he caught her actually viewing materials, would it then seem like more of a "real" addiction?

* Are husbands too embarrassed to ask for help? Or for the ones who battle their own porn addictions, it the thought of also trying to help their wife too overwhelming?

* Husbands, have you or would you have a talk with your wife if she was reading a steady stream of questionable books? Have you ever sought help or gone to the church for these kinds of issues?

I am genu59-husbands) more than what is talked about. I'm looking forward to learning from what you all have to say.

P.S. @Subhumanoidal -- thank you for your insightful answer in the other thread. I decided to just expand the topic to a dedicated thread in the hopes of even further constructive conversations.

Hi Everyone,

In another thread, I was talking about the fact that many of the single girls I know (including myself) are remaining single in the hopes of finding a man who doesn't have an addiction or strong attraction to porn (as in regular dependency -- daily viewings, regular time and money spent on materials by choice, can't go for very long without it, etc., not just occasional dabblings most everyone has.)

I had made the observation that I knew many women (again, including myself,) seemed to find great guy friends who weren't into porn, but for some reason, we were always just friends. And then often the ones we were attracted to were also hooked on porn. It's not an absolute, of course, but seemed to happen a lot in my observation.

"Sculpt, do you have women in your life that you've Friend Zoned, or they have Friend Zoned you? What are the reasons? The biggest one I hear from whoever has decided it will only be a friendship is that there is no "chemistry" between them. Whatever that means, as people have been trying to decipher it from the beginning of time, but for whatever reason, the person has no romantic feelings for the other person.

Now I can only speak from my experience, but I've met some awesome guys who are not into porn, but for whatever reason, we were just friends. I have not had many relationships in my life, but of the ones I did and of the guys I was attracted to, porn was often a regular habit for them. I'd like to think I'm older and wiser now, and have learned I'd rather stay single than be with someone who constantly needs to look at other women.

I understand being human in a fallen world. We can't avoid everything, and we are all going to fall at some point, and on occasion. But if someone is regularly, willfully, and intentionally seeking such material on a regular basis, I have to pass on anything more than a friendship. The female friends I have feel the same way -- but of course, we are just a small sampling of all the possible outlooks out there.

I do think that porn has probably been a long-time problem for women in modern society, but often more in the written sense. Any used bookstore I've ever been to has had at least one entire wall of "romance novels," so for a few dollars, women could stock up on literal armfuls of literary porn daily. And of course, with even ads these days being borderline and sometimes over the top, I'm sure many women get hooked on the visuals too. I talked to one woman a long time ago who, while trying to police her husband's porn habits, was falling into an attraction to it herself -- and they still wound up divorcing.

But in 14 years, I can't recall ever seeing a husband asking for help because his wife was addicted to porn. I'm sure it exists, and maybe there have been threads here about it that I've missed. But it has me wondering why men don't reach out for help with this issue when it's their wife who is the one with the problem.

The books have little illustrations of the characters doing everyday things, almost like a comic book. And I was personally shocked to see some of the pictures showing the women lazily reading books entitled "Lust in the Afternoon," while watching their kids at the pool on a summer day.

As I said earlier in the post, I'm sure more and more women have become addicted to visual and more "mainstream" porn in our modern indecency-saturated culture, but why don't we see men asking for help when their wives are addicted to porn?

* Husbands, have you or would you have a talk with your wife if she was reading a steady stream of questionable books? Have you ever sought help or gone to the church for these kinds of issues?

Just to clarify, 'occasional dabblings' are sinful also....or at least, if it involves looking in order to lust... which is generally the purpose of using porn.

Unless the romance novels have dirty pictures in them, I don't consider that to be quite the same thing. Reading them could involve not thinking on things that are good, noble, and pure. But it isn't the same thing as looking with lust and committing adultery with someone in one's heart. Do novels ever name anyone in particular to lust after? Maybe back in the day, some women would lust after Fabio, the romance novel cover model who had a brief stint several years back as the rival Old Spice man.

If someone reads marital sex manuals, gets excited by it, then tries stuff on one's spouse, is that a sin? What about a romance book starring 'your husband' with his 18 pack abs, etc.? (I never read one of those books. I'm just imagining? Would that be sinful to read?

There have been some questions about that here in the threads with no real resolutions as well...

I've heard fragments of inquiries over the years but never any solid answers, as this kind of boils down to the questions of, "What should be allowed for a married Christian couple?"

And I think your example would fit into this -- "Would Christian spouses be fine if they wrote/read erotic stories/materials about each other, only for each other?"

I've heard other variations of this as well, like whether Christian spouses are allowed to photograph, film, record each other and/or themselves, buy "accessories" to use, etc.

Do you remember when the Polaroid cameras first came out, long before even digital models? They were seen as revolutionary, because for the first time, people could take and develop pictures in the privacy of their own home instantly, with no special skills or equipment.

(For anyone born after this time, you used to take pictures on rolls of film and drop them off at a store to have them developed by someone else.)

I remember there was a certain... kind of looming sense of, "Would this or wouldn't this be allowed?" hovering over this technology.

I certainly don't want to turn this into an 18+ conversation, lol, nor be banned by the mods, but I think your question is valid.

And I guess the only generic answer I can give (though I'm sure there are better answers out there,) is that it would be a personal matter of prayer between God and the married couple.

I don't see a problem with it if they don't let the photos fall into the wrong hands or the kids don't end up seeing them when they go through their parents' stuff after they die. There is also the issue of the widow or widower keeping the naked Polaroids from the previous marriage. That could be an issue.

The main issue with porn is looking at someone who isn't one's spouse with lust. Written erotica about your own spouse? The only issues I see with that are whether it is good stewardship of time and if someone else gets a hold of it.

Interesting point regarding the death of a spouse... If the survivor kept those materials for years on end or indefinitely and used them as a source of "relief," would it THEN be considered pornography in a sinful sense if it was of someone deceased?

And, I'm guessing they would need to have it destroyed and break all ties before considering dating/looking for another spouse.

Is it actually coveting (lusting) after someone if they were married.... and if the person is dead? I don't know. But I can see how it could be a marital issue if a widow or widower remarried, so that could be a reason to get rid of it. But, she's not an ex. The new spouse is wanting the widow/widower to get rid of pictures of the late spouse. That sounds cruel... if you leave the nudity part out.

But sex is still a taboo subject in the church which is odd because it's how we all got here! I told before about a pastors wife that told me a lady in her congregation didn't want to think that her pastor had sex. She said "we have three kids, where does she think they came from, the stork"?! It cracked me up and shows that our attitude to sex is terribly outdated.

It's most likely the effect of Victorian culture on churches. In the Bible, Israel was to hear the law read, with it's talk of circumcision, menstruation, and even laws against vile sex acts, every seven years. All ages were to be present. The little kids were supposed to hear all that stuff. Victorian culture was against discussing some of these matters in public. I think a lot of churches absorbed and retained Victorian ethics in cases where it doesn't align with Biblical morality when it comes to prudishness and discussing such topics. Of course, outside of the church, a lot of people talk openly about sexual topics in mixed company.

It used to be two cents, but with inflation, everything seems to be going up.