****Justified DIVORCE****

I am hoping to find an answer to the question that bothers me since I divorced my husband after 22 years. I walked out and left him after he broke me down so bad mentally and physically I was afraid of his rages since he had beat me in the past . The last blow was him getting angry at me when we went on vacation and did not have a plan as to what we would do. The next year he cut me off finachially from accounts, I made as much as him. My family disowned me over being jealous (narcissist) . I had no where to turn was afraid to tell anyone what was going on behind closed doors for fears the next outrage with him would be way worse. I found a way to hide money from withholding in my check to another account without him knowing. A year later I packed up and moved out with all I could take while he was at work. He told me I would have to be the one to file the divorce, I agreed really did not have the Christian background on what the bible said. He was engaged and married within 3 yrs after we divorced. He said by me divorcing him, it gave him no other choice but to remarry . I left him. My question is - is he right about him being able to remarry since I filed and left him.

Heart felt story

The bible gives only one cause for divorce, and that's for (Fornication) having sexual relations outside of the marriage.

In your case it would have been (Separation) because your husband didn't (Fornicate) as per your explanation, he was abusive and violent, get away (Separation)

At no time is a person that has a living spouse allowed to remarry. Your husband is currently in the sin of Adultery, because you are living and he is married, if you remarry while he lives, you also would be in the sin of Adultery.

(Pretty Simple)

Matthew 19:9KJV
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Mark 10:11-12KJV
11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Romans 7:1-3KJV
1 Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?
2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Hello and welcome to CC...
Your troubles aren't unusual, sadly. You certainly had warrant for a legal separation, though it's questionable whether you had biblical warrant to divorce. Most people don't consider repeated physical abuse an acceptable reason for divorce; I do.

I find the following sentence, "He said by me divorcing him, it gave him no other choice but to remarry" laughable; he had the choice to get himself straightened out, and he didn't bother. He had the choice to stay unmarried. It sounds like he's full of excuses. Don't worry about whether he was free to remarry; put the matter in the Lord's hands and leave it there.

As for you, I would encourage you to prayerfully study Malachi 2:13-16. You may find the Lord speaking to you through it.

So, if a person has a spouse that cheats on him/her by way of fornicating then he/she has a right to remarry? Is not this what the exception clause indicates?

Nope! He is wrong. He violated the marriage by his abuse and then forced you to leave and divorce him. He has dealt with you treacherously.
“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.
Malachi 2:13‭-‬15 NASB1995
The gaslighting you for the divorce is also abuse.

No place in the scripture, is a christian allowed to remarry while the spouse lives.

Yes you can divorce for fornication, not remarry.

Post scripture to support your claim, there isn't any.

I fully agree, widows, widowers are free to remarry, I never stated otherwise.

A christian can't remarry while their spouse lives, they must remain separated/divorced or reconcile

Here is a good source for divorce.

http://lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-in-bible/

Your husband sounds worse than an unbeliever. Since you are already divorced (and he already remarried), you should not care too much about his life.

It was a question, as indicated by the questionmarks. Not a claim.

I am so sorry to hear what you have had to go through. It seems you were abandoned within the marriage and driven from your home through abuse and neglect.

You were of course within your rights to separate and what I am going to say next isn’t to condemn you for your decisions whatsoever.

1 COR 7 V 15
But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace. (This abandonment can happen in many ways as I think you well know, the principle is the same and it isn’t always the one who physically leaves who has abandoned their spouse first. )

I will try to explain (according to my limited understanding anyway) the legal workings of divorce and remarriage in scripture, to help answer your question. I focus on the man being the initiator here as that is really all we have to go on in the word.

Please read the first portion of Deut 24 as what Jesus says is based this.
Points to be noted : IF al bill is given, she is FREE TO MARRY AGAIN BY LAW.
If she does remarry, she once again has one legally recognised husband .

In jOHN 4 The woman at the well said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You are right in saying, 'I have no husband'; for you have had five husbands, …What you have said is true!"

Despite her previous 5 marriages, Jesus told her she was right. She currently had NO husband. After death or legal divorce you have no spouse until you remarry.

No rebuke or warning was given here at the well. (Such as go and sin no more etc.) Why is that? Had all her husbands died.... unlikely. Had they divorced her, and was she now perhaps engaged or living with someone as a maid or servant? Probably. Whatever, she at that time had NO husband according to JESUS.

Matt 1 (especially v 19 - reference to divorce of engaged couples (not married)
Matt 5 root words basically translate to fornication - not adultery
and kick out/get rid of/put away - not as in to legally divorce.

Who ever puts away or basically illegally kicks out his wife, causes her or to commit adultery.
Whoever marries an illegally separated woman (obviously) commits adultery .... BECAUSE she still has the first husband.
It is commensense when you think about it - same rules apply today.

Mal 2 refers to treacherous men hiding their violence and 'putting away' - or kicking out - their wife.
It does not appear to be covering matters of legitimate divorce but rather a wicked practice of covering up abuse and abandonment.

Other points to consider

History and scripture show us -
A jewish engagement was almost as binding as a marriage.
The engaged couple were classed as husband and wife, though in name only, not physically.
A man could only break this contract, if he thought the woman had committed fornication. This situation is what Jesus spoke about. (Matt 1 and Matt 5 etc)

If a woman committed adultery, divorce was a rarely taken option. God had made provision, in LAW, to free the spouse to remarry - IE. the ones caught together in adultery are to be stoned to death.

BUT

The law also said if a man wants to cut off his wife, he MUST give her a legally binding bill of divorce. This protected her from the above mentioned accusation of being an adulteress if she found another man later on.

If she leaves without the bill of divorce, he is still legally her husband, with rights over her and responsibilities for her. He will technically be causing her become an adulterer if she finds another man, but the blame is his according to Jesus.

Moses commanded men to give a bill of divorce - to put it in her hand themselves - so no mistake can be made of who ended it! He knew they had hard hearts.

(Isaiah 50 - God uses this principle of the legally binding divorce bill Himself, when challenging Israel's unfaithful idolatry and spiritual adultery.
Thus saith the LORD, Where is the bill of your mother's divorcement, whom I have put away?
In other words, (I never filed for a divorce! What is she doing running off and joining herself to these other gods?)

He HATES divorce, but that doesn't mean He will not do it.

Her 3
8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce;…

So, when a husband puts his wife away legally, (BILL OF DIVORCE) he is NO LONGER HER HUSBAND BY LAW.

Divorce by LAW nullifies the husband & wife contract. SHE HAS NO HUSBAND FROM THAT MOMENT. HE CANNOT CLAIM SHE IS HIS WIFE. SHE LIKEWISE CANNOT HOLD HIM TO ANYTHING FROM THAT MOMENT ON.

IF THERE WAS NO LEGITIMATE CAUSE, he has been unfaithful, not her. He defiles her by divorcing her. In giving her that paper, he basically told her she is dead to him. (And who of Israel can touch a dead body and not be defiled?)

Her remarriage is not classed as a sin nor an abomination. That doesn't pollute the land.
However - it is him thinking he can treat her as a dead woman, but then want to take her back when she has moved on, that is an abomination. He certainly cannot have her back if he deserted her or remained unrepentant for so long that she remarried. That is it. Game over - for want of a better phrase. (Duet 24)

Scripture says - a wife is bound to her husband BY LAW as long as he lives.
BUT - If he is no longer her husband BY LAW that is no longer applicable.
If she remarries, she is once again bound to a husband according to the LAW.

And vice versa.

So -

You are legally divorced and have no active covenant, no legal or biblical claim on one another, unless you both choose to remarry one another before either one remarries someone else.

You are both currently free to remarry someone else, because you are legally divorced, regardless of who initiated it.

My views have altered several times over the years on this topic, as I delve further and further into the word, and I am sure many here will disagree on my response to you. I would have at one time too. But, we can all only offer our understanding and ultimately leave you to make up your own mind according to the scriptures.

The Lord bless you and bring you healing and peace x

- Thank You so much, I will make that part of my Bible Study for today after lunch . God Bless, Thank You for taking the time to read my post. Even after 6 years, I am still struggling and trying to still make sense of it all.

Totally understand, It can’t be easy...if you ever want to chat no matter what conclusion you come to, I can really relate and am happy to communicate. God bless you

You're welcome. You may also find helpful the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org. I discovered it a couple of years after my marriage ended. Even though it's been six years for you, the devotional may still be helpful.

According to Paul, divorce is justified if in the event the other spouse is an unbeliever. If the unbeliever wants a divorce then it's acceptable. Why? Because God has called us to live in peace.

1 Corinthians 7:12-16
12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

I think that is the part , I struggle the worst with . I divorced him, but knew if I didnt file - what his repercussions could be . He already was making me look really bad in front of people, by saying I left him. Those same people still look at me like that, they have no idea at the monster I lived with . He abused me early on in our marriage, starting on the honeymoon, I took it as we were young and this is how marriage worked- I came from a home of severe abuse watching my father beat my mother, those two gas-lighting me. It has only been after I left my husband of 22 years, God has really drawn me closer and closer to the point , I don't even date( one person in 6 years) and I got rid of him. My mind will not allow me too. I've been hurt , by the people who should of loved me the most. I cut all ties with my family 25 years ago- that relationship is beyond fixing due to the abuse as their daughter and a child. I got away from my marriage with nothing , after I tried leaving the year before -he cut my name from Bank Accounts, I set up a private savings account at work for 25.00 a week and hoped he never got the check stub and seen the money going to another account. I worked a little overtime to make up the 25.00- I finally left could not afford the attorney and was afraid to challenge him in court , was afraid of what he would do to me. But, God has always provided I bought a new house, not even sure sometimes how that even happened, food on my table, and clothes on my back and a better paying job. I am forever grateful, that I am surrendering my whole self to God . I just still struggle with the fact, I divorced him , thinking GOD will look down on me for that on judgement day because my ex kept saying that to me. Never ever been a drinker, smoker, or drug user. Sometimes I am amazed how I never was, to numb the pain of it all. Maybe I worry too much or suffer from the Trauma of it all. I just don't want to serve in hell.

First, I appreciate your openness by bringing your situation to this audience. I agree with some of the comments above but not all. I am saddened by the situation you describe and am further saddened by many of the responses above that seem devoid of love and compassion. Yes, we can have discussions about what 'exceptions' are allowed for divorce but all discussion I have read so far seems to totally skirt around the real focus of divorce discussion in scripture. Namely, God HATES divorce. Does God hate the divorcee? No. Does God want a person to remain in a marriage that is full of venom and pain? No. What actually is marriage? Marriage is supposed to be a wordly example of the way God loves us. Marriage is intended to be an illustration of mutual sacrifice, mutual respect and mutual teaming together toward shared and Godly goals. We are human and so often fail in our lives and in marriage. This, too, is an opportunity to display forgiveness as God so freely forgives us. The only 'exception' where God allows divorce is sexual infidelity. Why is that? Is it because of the act of cheating? No, not really. THE most intimate and open part of a marriage relationship is sexual intimacy. When difficulties in marriage progress to the point to where cheating is a reality then the intimacy that is supposed to describe marriage is often already severely compromised. In such a circumstance the marriage and example that marriage is supposed to be is already compromised beyond what can easily be repair and the example that marriage is intended to be is destroyed. THAT is why God allows for divorce. But, to be very clear, even in the event of sexual immorality God does not command divorce. The better picture would be the reconciliation that can come when both parties submit to God's leadership for their lives. The situation you describe is very sad and it is clear that both you and your husband had become combatants and your husband, per your description, had become a dictator in your life. Love and marriage and our relationship with God himself never take this form. I would strongly encourage you to seek first your relationship with God, building back into yourself the foundation of self-respect and surrender to the love of who God is. Only by doing so can you restore yourself to the kind of person God call you to be. It is also clear from your message that you still love your ex-husband - or at least love the idea of what your marriage started off to be. Your husbands premise is wrong but don't waste time on that for now and focus on yourself, heal, love others and then your perspective on marriage, now and possibly in the future will come clearer and easier to understand.

According to 1 Corinthians 7:15 the brother or sister (Christian) who is divorced by a non-Christian is not under bondage. Meaning they are free to go remarry.

Was your husband a Christian, yes or no. If yes he did not have a good Biblical reason to divorce.