Divorce?

I’m pretty convinced after one session I would get a divorce. My wife can’t take any criticism whatsoever. Everything is my fault. Always has been, always will be. I can assure you no therapist will convince her otherwise.

I’m pretty convinced after one session I would get a divorce. My wife can’t take any criticism whatsoever. Everything is my fault. Always has been, always will be. I can assure you no therapist will convince her otherwise.

Just an honest question,what made your wife lose her joy? Does she know? If neither of you know you need to find out. She might surprise you. When you go for help they don't lay blame,they help you work on yourself. They might well help your wife be a happier person.

Isn't that considered emotional abuse? Where EVERYTHING is your fault? It's like walking on eggshells and when you try to bring some problem up, they immediately blame everything on you?
I'm sorry, brother. I've been there with an ex-boyfriend. It's rough. I can't imagine having to share a whole life with someone like that.

That’s a big might. Perhaps it’s the delusion she clings to so adamantly that prevents her from killing herself. She has no self esteem. All of her worth is from outside of herself. She could use counseling, no doubt. Maybe you could tell her, I tried. Not the outcome I was hoping for.

I disagree with divorce but there comes a time when it is a necessity. She is not trying to change her husband,she is reaching out and asking him to help fix their relationship. She has begged him to go for help. God doesn't expect a person to stay in an abusive marriage, whether physical or emotional. This woman has tried for ten years to fix their relationship and her husband refuses. We need a little less of blaming the woman here and little more of saying the man needs to step up,take responsibility for his part in the relationship and go for help.

I'm no professional... but it sounds to me like something in your wife's past,in her upbringing caused her to have low self esteem. That's not a normal way to be. And it's not healthy. If she went for help she could maybe find the key as to why she has no self esteem. You can't help her. She doesn't realize it, but all your love,attention and affection is a drop in a bucket. It will mean nothing to her if she has a self truth of low self esteem. She needs to find that within herself, no one can do that for her. With God's help and counseling she could be whole and happy again and so could you.

Wow that is so sad...I have a family member who is going through the same exact thing right now. All the man does is eat and watch tv while she works longer hours and raises the kids. It's insane!
You know how they say Christians can only get a divorce if they commit adultery? Well doesn't the man in your example commit adultery in a different form? By choosing tv, food and basically his fleshy desires over his own family. Maybe I'm wrong for saying this and I hope God tells me if I am wrong...but I really do think that that is grounds for divorce too. He is cheating on her just in a different sort of way.

She is aware she has low self esteem. She even knows that she needs counseling. She just thinks I need it more.

I would be careful on saying certain things. I'm not sure either and may god correct me if I'm wrong also but if my wife slept with my best friend I'm pretty sure it's different than her reading a lot or eating a lot. Careful when you preach because God hates divorce and adultry. I could be wrong and you could be 100 percent correct but if someone takes your word for it and in God's eyes it's wrong then idk wouldn't that be false preaching. Anyways just throwing it out there.

I would be careful on saying certain things. I'm not sure either and may god correct me if I'm wrong also but if my wife slept with my best friend I'm pretty sure it's different than her reading a lot or eating a lot. Careful when you preach because God hates divorce and adultry. I could be wrong and you could be 100 percent correct but if someone takes your word for it and in God's eyes it's wrong then idk wouldn't that be false preaching. Anyways just throwing it out there.

Woah woah woah...I never said I was preaching. I'm a woman...I can't preach!
But seriously, I wasn't preaching. I was mostly just discussing something and I even asked Kaylagirl about this. Yes I agree that reading and eating too much is very different from committing adultery. But I meant it as an all together type of thing. The man in the story that Kaylagirl was talking about had pretty much given up on even trying. I was merely having a small DISCUSSION on how that could possibly be a form of adultery.
I even said that if I'm wrong (because I could be wrong) then I want God to show me. So if anyone takes what I said as preaching or as truth, then they misinterpreted me completely.

LiW already addressed this, but I'd like to offer another perspective. This is a discussion forum. Everyone here has the freedom (and, indeed, the responsibility) to weigh what is written against Scripture. When someone is continually posting the same (or similar) message, that might be considered "preaching". When someone mentions an idea once or twice, it can hardly be considered such.

There are many people on here, all at different levels of understanding, faith, and ability. If we were to hold everyone to the standard of Ephesians 4 Teacher, this site would cease to exist in a hurry. Let's be gracious with one another, striving to understand first and then, where it is warranted, questioning, challenging, or criticizing.

By the way, although discussions do get heated here in the Family forum at times, the Bible Discussion forum is usually the place where people express strong opinions. That way, the rest of the site remains friendly and edifying.

Woah woah woah...I never said I was preaching. I'm a woman...I can't preach!
But seriously, I wasn't preaching. I was mostly just discussing something and I even asked Kaylagirl about this. Yes I agree that reading and eating too much is very different from committing adultery. But I meant it as an all together type of thing. The man in the story that Kaylagirl was talking about had pretty much given up on even trying. I was merely having a small DISCUSSION on how that could possibly be a form of adultery.
I even said that if I'm wrong (because I could be wrong) then I want God to show me. So if anyone takes what I said as preaching or as truth, then they misinterpreted me completely. [/QUOTE
Also I apologise If I came across as agreissive or If I put words in your mouth it was not on purpose. I'm sorry ☺️

Just reaching out to anyone who’s recently divorced or considering it. How do you know it’s the right thing to do?

Humm something odd in the post. I can only see your reply and not mine so I'm going to try and wing it here.

1. I don't see where you didn't blame her. Nor do I see where you said he has any responsibility. All I see is you saying she's selfish and that is a judgement call.

This kind of emotional neglect by the OPs husband is a terrible form of abuse. She should have walked away in the first year, but instead, she tried to help her husband, honour and respect him for 10 long years.

The personality change alone, says a great deal about how mentally ill her husband is. He either has a personality disorder, Dissociative Identity Disirder (maybe not enough alters?) or a mild form of psychopathology. They don't care a bit about others people's feelings, and one doesnt have to be serial killer to be a psychopath.

Someone else suggested depression. But, he won't see a doctor, get a diagnosis and treatment, yet some of you vote for her to live with this emotional abuser another 40 or 50 years? I'd like to see some of you self-righteous people live a month with a person like this, especially when they pretended to be something else before he married her.

I think you have done your best. God does not expect anyone to live with a cold, selfish, emotionally unavailable person. I know "abuse" is not grounds for divorce in the Bible. Perhaps abuse wasn't an issue in the Old or New Testament times? People lived short life spans, especially women who died often in childbirth. They lived close together, and the women talked, they knew about all the issues in their community. The older women may have had some ideas how to change things. Certainly, most men don't want their neighbours to hear them beating up their wife. So, abuse is not mentioned. Or, perhaps Jesus had to fulfill the law, before he could change it.

In turn, find me one place in the Bible it says an abused woman must stay with her husband. Because the husband of the OP is not a Christian, she is free to leave. Although she has not really answered whether she is a Christian. And, if what she says about the husband is true, he gives no evidence or fruits he has been saved by God.

I would urge you to leave this man. You are a mess, and you need to spend a couple of years recovering from this loveless marriage, and rebuilding who you are, with the help of God.

This kind of emotional neglect by the OPs husband is a terrible form of abuse. She should have walked away in the first year, but instead, she tried to help her husband, honour and respect him for 10 long years.

The personality change alone, says a great deal about how mentally ill her husband is. He either has a personality disorder, Dissociative Identity Disirder (maybe not enough alters?) or a mild form of psychopathology. They don't care a bit about others people's feelings, and one doesnt have to be serial killer to be a psychopath.

Someone else suggested depression. But, he won't see a doctor, get a diagnosis and treatment, yet some of you vote for her to live with this emotional abuser another 40 or 50 years? I'd like to see some of you self-righteous people live a month with a person like this, especially when they pretended to be something else before he married her.

I think you have done your best. God does not expect anyone to live with a cold, selfish, emotionally unavailable person. I know "abuse" is not grounds for divorce in the Bible. Perhaps abuse wasn't an issue in the Old or New Testament times? People lived short life spans, especially women who died often in childbirth. They lived close together, and the women talked, they knew about all the issues in their community. The older women may have had some ideas how to change things. Certainly, most men don't want their neighbours to hear them beating up their wife. So, abuse is not mentioned. Or, perhaps Jesus had to fulfill the law, before he could change it.

In turn, find me one place in the Bible it says an abused woman must stay with her husband. Because the husband of the OP is not a Christian, she is free to leave. Although she has not really answered whether she is a Christian. And, if what she says about the husband is true, he gives no evidence or fruits he has been saved by God.

I would urge you to leave this man. You are a mess, and you need to spend a couple of years recovering from this loveless marriage, and rebuilding who you are, with the help of God.