Divorce?

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Mar 13, 2019
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#21
I hope EVERYONE ends up in a perfect marriage, but unfortunately, the ideal of perfection in any matter that concerns human beings does not exist.



We are indeed asked to emulate Christ--but don't try to insinuate that Christ didn't tell people the truth, even when it wasn't what they wanted to hear, and even when it wasn't warm and fuzzy.



I can understand why you might want me, but you can pray for me all you like and you still can't have me--I'm taken. Pray like Jesus prayed, to align His mind with the will of God--more "thy will be done" and less "my will be done."
Not hardly...thanks for the laugh
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#22
MissingLove, I see that you are new here. How about spending more time with us here and making new friends? Maybe we can help you out by praying for you and other married people can give you insights. Welcome to CC and we are happy to have you here. I promise, not everyone is disrespectful like some of the people you have already encountered. God bless you, sis!
 
Mar 13, 2019
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#23
MissingLove, I see that you are new here. How about spending more time with us here and making new friends? Maybe we can help you out by praying for you and other married people can give you insights. Welcome to CC and we are happy to have you here. I promise, not everyone is disrespectful like some of the people you have already encountered. God bless you, sis!
Thank you I appreciate that. Prayers are always appreciated and needed! I’d love to get to know some people here you can always use more Christian friends. 😊
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
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#24
Threads like these make me afraid of getting married. MissingLove, I can understand how you feel because I've had family and friends go through the same thing. The love just eventually diminishes to nothing. I don't really know what to tell you other than you are not alone and that I'll be praying for you. I suspect there are MANY men and women who feel the same way as you. Lonely and without affection stuck in a loveless marriage. Maybe you should go find other WOMEN who share those feelings? At least you would have friends that could help you feel better and maybe give you tips on how to navigate such a difficult marriage.
AxeElf, I see what your point is. I really do see it...but maybe try toning it down a little? I don't think people really listen to those who tear them up so quickly. Just my thoughts...
Don't be afraid of getting married based on what you have seen and experienced.

My mum was married 4 times and had numerous lovers in-between.

My 2 brothers have been married and divorced, left wife a kids.
Divorce and adultery had has been rife in the wider family.

I was engaged to a Christian girl.
Shocking as it is, I knew it wasn't right and had settled on divorce at some point in the future.

I eventually broke it off.

I fell in love with a Christian lady, after doing a prodical on and came back to church. Felt it was so right, really felt God say to me this is your wife, but I broke that off because of fear of divorce and my severe anxiety of emotional attachment.

We are soon to celebrate 25 years of marriage.
I let my past experiences and hurts and confusion to define my future.
This we should never do.
God defines our future and uses our past to define our future, through healing and replacing lies with truth.

My beautiful wife whom I love much more than I could ever have imagined and loves me more than I can ever have imagined have always tried to walk with each other as follows.

God you change me and I will let you to change Bill (that's me)
Keep short accounts.
Be willing to discuss and be honest.
Do not go to bed angry.

We endeavour to make God the center of our lives and as a result him the center of our marriage.

A God centered marriage that focuses on loving each other as he loves us will bear fruit.

So don't be afraid.
 

Zan

Member
Mar 15, 2019
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#25
From what I have read and watched on the subject, divorce is acceptable under cases of abandonment and abuse. Whether your situation constitutes abandonment, that's more up to your interpretation than mine. If the guy wasn't being honest and forthcoming with his intentions prior to marriage, the fault falls more with him I would think.

I believe it is very important to spend a lot of time getting to know someone before marriage. At least a year or so, so you can get some idea of their cycles of behavior and character. If you can't spend a year getting to know someone, how can you expect a lifetime to make up for it?
 
Mar 13, 2019
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#26
From what I have read and watched on the subject, divorce is acceptable under cases of abandonment and abuse. Whether your situation constitutes abandonment, that's more up to your interpretation than mine. If the guy wasn't being honest and forthcoming with his intentions prior to marriage, the fault falls more with him I would think.

I believe it is very important to spend a lot of time getting to know someone before marriage. At least a year or so, so you can get some idea of their cycles of behavior and character. If you can't spend a year getting to know someone, how can you expect a lifetime to make up for it?
We dated 2 years before we got married. He wasn’t like this while we were dating. If I knew this is how it was going to be I wouldn’t have married him. I’m a very emotional person and I need emotion in return. If he won’t go to counseling with me or see a Dr I don’t know what other recourse I have. I even went to counseling alone for 6 months...counselor finally told me there was nothing left she could do for me unless my husband comes...which he refuses like all other times.
 
Jan 20, 2019
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#27
hi missing love,sorry to read about your situation,its really hard when your spo use refuses help or counselling,would you consider separating or not?
 

Zan

Member
Mar 15, 2019
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#28
Well, maybe just bite the bullet and go through with the divorce. It seems like you've already convinced yourself that is what you want to do.
 

AxeElf

Active member
Mar 5, 2019
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#29
I’m a very emotional person and I need emotion in return. If he won’t go to counseling with me or see a Dr I don’t know what other recourse I have.
The recourse that you have is to focus more on his needs and less on your own.
 
Mar 13, 2019
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#30
hi missing love,sorry to read about your situation,its really hard when your spo use refuses help or counselling,would you consider separating or not?
I thought about leaving for a few days see if that would shake him up a little but idk.
 
Mar 13, 2019
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#31
Well, maybe just bite the bullet and go through with the divorce. It seems like you've already convinced yourself that is what you want to do.
I’ve run out of options it seems. I can’t make him do anything.
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
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#34
I've been told to get to know someone for two years before dating them.
 
Mar 18, 2019
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#37

AxeElf

Active member
Mar 5, 2019
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#38
We did date 2 years...2 years and 6 months actually
He said get to know someone for 2 years BEFORE dating them...

I assume he was being funny, but you paid less attention to what he was saying and more attention to what you wanted to say.

I would consider that a symptom of the problems you are currently experiencing.

Look, I get it. Nobody likes to hear that they are selfish. But we all are; it's the human condition. Overcoming that human nature and really learning to love, selflessly, is our greatest mission in life.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#39
He said get to know someone for 2 years BEFORE dating them...

I assume he was being funny, but you paid less attention to what he was saying and more attention to what you wanted to say.

I would consider that a symptom of the problems you are currently experiencing.

Look, I get it. Nobody likes to hear that they are selfish. But we all are; it's the human condition. Overcoming that human nature and really learning to love, selflessly, is our greatest mission in life.
You're making a judgment call about the OP. You are saying she is 100% to blame for the marriage issues. The husband has no responsibility? The Bible says that each spouse belongs to the other,their body is not their own. The husband is wrong to refuse counseling and he's wrong if he is refusing sex,which I assume is what is happening. That's according to the Bible. If he has health issues,if he has emotional issues, then it's HIS responsibility to go for help. It's not up to her to try and pull it out of him. She's not his mommy. He's an adult and his wife is begging him, literally, to go for help. She is doing her part. He is in the wrong for refusing to go. He is the one being selfish. My husband and I agreed before we married that if either of us had an issue we would be willing to go to counseling to save the marriage. That's what adults do. If my spouse was telling me they were on the way out the door if I didn't go to counseling my happy butt would be in counseling until the issues were solved,period.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
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#40
I’ve run out of options it seems. I can’t make him do anything.
I'd recommend watching the YouTube videos with Patrick Boyle. He's a Christian counselor in Oregon. His material is available through the channel TheDoveTV on YT. If nothing else, his material will give you some pointers for your own path.