Christian guys confuse me!

I went on a backpacking trip for two months this summer across Europe. Okay so the very last city I visited is Amsterdam. I wanted to see the Netherlands, but was also sketched out by the idea of Amsterdam. I'm admittedly a very good girl -- I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, party. So I was not at all into the pot and prostitution scene that many people go to Amsterdam for. When booking my trip, I found a Christian hostel in the city and was like "Score!" It was right up my alley. The whole place is covered in Christian artwork, there's Bible studies at night, you get the idea. And it's all Christian volunteers from all over the world who run the place.

First night there I get checked into the hostel by a supppeerrrr cute guy. He asked me where I was from (the United States). He went to college in the United States so we spent time talking about that, his time in college. We talked about my trip so far. I went to bed after he checked me in.

The next day he was working in the restaurant of the hostel and we spent time talking with each other. Mind you this is a small little cafe, think like a Starbucks size cafe where the hostel is serving food. He asked me about what I majored in, I told him religious studies, he acted like he hadn't really heard of it before so he wanted me to explain to him more about what religious studies entails. He asked me if I was a practicing Christian -- obviously something important to him as a Christian himself. He asked me more questions about my religious upbringing.
He has a very conservative Christian upbringing, went to a Christian university, no sex before marriage, no drinking alcohol drugs, side hugging only between opposite sex, etc.

He asked me "So, what did you do today?" He wanted to know every detail about what I had done that day sightseeing, so I told him about the places I went and he asked more questions. He is engaging me in all of this conversation while he is working.

At one point he mentioned that he played guitar and he got up to play two songs in the restaurant -- SWOOOOON! He told me his first and last name, that he had music up on some social media sites, that he had made some CDs in the past.

At one point I get up and order a hot chocolate and a snack from him. He gives me his instructions for "his favorite way" to enjoy it. After I'm finished he asks "How was it?" My style of flirting is just to be cute and joke around. I say "It was the best one you ever made me." (It was the only one he ever made me) He laughed and smiled hugely at me and said "True!"

He's leaning forward over the counter of his cafe as we're talking. At one point he grabs a chair at the table where I'm sitting at and sits down to talk to me. While he's working.

- Mind you, he's not talking to anybody else in the restaurant
- He's not asking anybody else how they enjoyed their meals
- He's not asking other people what they did that day. When is the last time you were at a hotel and the staff came up and asked you to run through a commentary of everything you did that day? Nobody does that.
- Why would he ask if I was a practicing Christian? Guys ask girls about things that are important to them to see if values align.
- He's talking to me while he is supposed to be working so he's multitasking

He was very outgoing, very friendly, the type of person you could tell everybody loves. His coworkers were coming up to him and starting conversations with him, smiling. You can tell he is very friendly and has just a beautiful soul.

About 11 pm I left the restaurant. He saw me getting up and he goes "Are you going to bed?!" I said yes and he smiled and said "Goodnight."

Unfortunately I only had a couple days in Amsterdam and that was all I got to see him...

But I have his social media that he gave out. And, my understanding is, if somebody gives social media, it is not overstepping any bounds to reach out, correct?

I went on his YouTube. He has videos of him singing and playing music. Also poetry. His songs are about finding love one day, being sad, crying as the friends he loves so much go their separate ways. Very deep, emotional guy. And I made a comment on one of his videos. In the comment I reminded him who I was, I thanked him for his hospitality, I told him I liked his music and he was blessed with special talents from God, and invited him to send me a Facebook friend request.

A few days later I found that he had deleted the video from his YouTube. (??????)
Okay, that hurt my feelings.
Did he delete it because he didn't want my comment seen? Or because he is insecure and decided he hated the video?
I sent him a Facebook friend request but it has been two weeks and he has been ignoring it.
I'm just really perplexed by the whole situation.

I asked some people and they actually suggested that he may have just been coming off as nice to me in order to have a one night stand with me. Which, was shocking me to me and I couldn't believe anybody would suggest that. But they said some predators lay around in the Christian world and it would be naive of me to think that he wasn't trying for sex. Um what?! I still can't take that as a serious possibility.

If we were talking about a non Christian guy then yes I could see him being only interested in sex. Many guys today are interested in "hooking up."
Christian guys puzzle me though and I am not sure how to decode their behavior.
Was he just being friendly? Is he friendly to everybody? Just being a good Christian?
Was he just looking for sex?
Was I overstepping my bounds by sending a friend request?
Christians are just naturally good people so it is hard to tell what is being nice vs what is flirting.
I have seen him posting on Instagram and YouTube since I've seen back home.
We got along so well in person that I thought he would at least reply to my comment.

Feeling quite heartbroken at the moment......

Guys in general are confusing. Christian or otherwise.. lol

Where do you really think this could have gone? Are you going to leave your home to live in the Netherlands, or is he going to leave his to live here? I would assume y'all both have family in your respective nations. Big commitment.

Well, I was at least hoping he'd respond to my Facebook friend request.

I've posted links to my Facebook page several times on this site. If you can find it, and send a request, I'll accept it.

I think that he got a case of cold feet about having a prospective relationship with you. I would chalk it up as an interesting visit and nothing more than that. I'm not too sure though about Christians being naturally good people but you seem like a nice person and found the post about your experience to be interesting and informative.

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.

1 John 2:19



Liz, I believe I can relate to you on this. My heart actually hurts with you because I know what it feels like to really be genuinely interested in someone and the very next moment that person be a shadow or ghost to your very existence. I don't agree with that. Accountability these days seems to have gone completely out the window, Christian or not, and that's just sad. I had met a girl I was going to church with, and her name was Meagan, really sweet down to Earth person, and she seemed like a good hearted Christian woman. I finally got up the nerve to ask her out, and we went out on a few dates, and we started to get to know each other, and saw each other at church. Next thing I know, she's no longer my friend on Facebook, and she has stopped coming to church, and when I tried to message her to reach out to her and see if she was ok, she had blocked me from contacting her on messenger. I asked around to a few friends, to maybe get some input on if I had said something wrong, or done something, but apparently she wasn't who I thought she was, and with some people, if you stand back and observe, it doesn't take long for their true colors to bleed through, Christian or not, but I will say this, if a person is in Christ, they are not going to conduct themselves in that manner, that would be the same thing as deception, and we know our Lord and Savior is not the author of that, and we are to walk in the light, as He is in the light. You sound like a very nice beautiful lady, and I truly admire that you are taking the initiative to live for Christ and not work the way the world does, partying, drinking, drugs, that's an honor and blessing! If you're ever looking for someone to chat with, I'm no stranger, I'll be more than happy to talk to you!

@lizw47
As I was reading I kept thinking to myself "this guy wants sex".
He works in a place where he sees all sorts of people come and go, interacts with people from all over the world. He no doubt has learned how to speak and act to women to put himself out there in a way that seems to perfectly fit them.
If I had to guess I'd say you're not the first to get this act. Nor the last.

It is a bit naive to assume that everyone that uses the label Christian means it. Including the hostel owners. These are strangers.

There was a serial killer active for 20 years that was never caught when he disappeared. Years later he began killing again. He was caught this time and was discovered to be a married man and... a church deacon.
A Christian needs to prove themselves and you can't do that in a short trip.

Also going away from home can often lead to a sense of romantic connection. I went out of state to visit relatives once and met a girl there. The same thing happened to me. I was enamored by her. It's actually a pretty well known behavior.

Sorry to say sis but it wasn’t mean to be.

Also, just because someone calls themselves a Christian doesn’t necessarily mean that they are living it.

Women tend to see more than what is actually there. I know I did it back in the day.

Maybe he’s just a friendly guy. Since he meets people ALL the time, he gets to practice communication skills all the time. Maybe he just wanted to promote his music. Or like some say, sadly, he had other intentions.

The only thing we know for sure is that we don’t know. I say no need to spend all the brain energies trying to figure it out. Just say, “his loss” and continue with life

I don't think you were out of line at ALL with reaching out to him on social media...there is nothing wrong with simply wanting to continue having a fun time chatting with people that you met and from what you have said, your motives were not to be involved with him in that way. Why he would quickly delete you is indeed very odd though, because like you said, you would have at least just expected an answer to your comment and that is perfectly reasonable if you guys chatted well before - its not like you were asking to be in a relationship or anything LOL Hard to know if he just wanted sex - not everyone who is outgoing and friendly like that is looking for sex - did he make some clear indications that he might have wanted that when you were at the hostel?

I'm not saying that he wanted to hook-up....... but, he wanted to hook up..



Why else would he delete the video with your comment on it?..... It's because he doesn't want the other women he will meet to see your comment and think that you and him have something special going on.

I'm not saying I'm right, but....

He's one of those guys who has a lot of female friends.
And he has a lot of comments from girls on his social media
Like he just posted a video of him singing and he has comments from girls like "Love you, miss you!" (lots of heart symbols)
I didn't write "Love you, miss you" lol
How is my comment any more embarrassing than the others?

Maybe is a playah! Lol idk.

Well you didn't mention that there were other women's comments on it. The way you said you made a comment and then he deleted it the next day made me think that yours was the only comment from an admiring female on there.

That's kind of a dead giveaway to his character

Well if he just wanted sex and knew you were a Christian, then why did he keep talking to you? For him to suddenly drop you because you weren't going to talk like everyone else admiringly in the same way everyone else did (saying "love and miss you") doesn't seem to add up...very strange!

I think its better to be a person who is outgoing and has lots of friends and is loved and adored by people than, like, a person who doesnt have any friends and sits in their room playing video games and eating Doritos all day.

No, no way!

Right...I didn't think so, that's why it doesn't add up...