I need advice...

This answer is exactly how I've been trying to get through this all. right now I'm struggling with giving complete forgiveness. This is where the fight within myself happens. Do I stay.. and fight through the pain and anxiety im hurting from the initial pain.

By yourself, you cannot win. By ourselves, we must not win.

James 4
4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
4:8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse [your] hands, [ye] sinners; and purify [your] hearts, [ye] double minded.
4:9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and [your] joy to heaviness.
4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

Hi Gabe, and welcome to CC.

This topic is more fitting for the Family forum..

All men are potential dogs, feel better .. And it was man talk Bro in blunt terms any man understand, no where did I advise to disrespect anybody .. His fiancé, the one pledged to marry him got pregnant behind his back and he found out .. He can forgive her back to square one but he doesn't have to marry her ..

What is the only reason where divorce is permitted and they were only engaged .. I'd sooner call it a blessing in disguise .. And it only happened once that he knows of ..

Has nothing to do with how I feel. A mere act of respect given the nature of his post shouldn’t warrant such a negative and insulting response. If you can’t see that and make excuses for it, well you have a lot of maturing to do Bro.

My last word on the matter , I apologize if I offended anyone, I felt it was urgent, but I won't feel shame or sorrow from you or no one, I don't live that way .. I've ministered as a lay person to many folks both women and men who had their lives devastated and crushed where their partners they loved left for someone else and got divorced .. God hates divorce, I've seen the kids left lost and even blame themselves .. Even preachers and their families and I can't do anything but hurt with them, pray and show sympathy .. And I'm talking about good Christians who were abandoned for no other reason but lust and a thrill .. And I'm not speaking against
re-marriage at all ..

Hi Gabe.
I will be straightforward. You two need to separate. As single people you can talk and look to understand what happened. You can't fix this while you are continuing on to a marriage. Too much will be ignored to make it work. Being outside of a relationship is your best chance to do the work that is needed. It will not be a quick fix. Do not believe that a few heart to heart talks is all that is needed. Does she know that around the time she was due to deliver, she will probably start nesting? It is very distressing and often unexpected. She will have biological issues as well as emotional ones to deal with. You should not be planning a wedding in the midst of all of this. If you do, you will live with the consequences for a long time. If after the counseling and time out of a relationship, you feel you have a handle on what went wrong and how to prevent it in the future, then and only then, talk about a future.
If she has mental health issue she may needs meds. that take several month to settle. If they are not the right meds. it take longer. I am so sorry for the pain you are both in. Do not compound it by ignoring the serious work that is ahead of you. All the best.

My counsel is to get out of this relationship immediately and don't look back. You are being treated like a doormat so there is nothing for you that is worth working through. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

Emotions complicate rational thinking. So I understand as you struggle emotionally it can be hard to see which direction to go.

Rationally the affair is in the past, the abortion has been done and you are now in a place you cannot change but you must find a way emotionally to move forward. She will have to repent and accept forgiveness from God in order to move forward. You will have to be able to forgive her so that you yourself doesn't fall into bitterness or even hate.

Of course this is rationally thinking which may be hard to comprehend if the emotions are out of control. Usually time helps limit the emotional impact and begin to find a healthy way forward.

This kind of damage usually takes professional therapy for both of you. I urge yall to seek a Pastor who has been trained in therapy.

It was direct and to the point.

It was offensive. There is a way to address someone’s sin, but it’s something else when making a crude sexual remark with regards to women in general.

Who told you it was an 'or' thing? I don't think we need an angel to help us figure that one out. It wouldn't be much of a fight if we were on God's side.

Romans 8
8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God [be] for us, who [can be] against us?
8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
8:33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? [It is] God that justifieth.
8:34 Who [is] he that condemneth? [It is] Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? [shall] tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
8:36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
8:37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
8:39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Amen

John 8
8:1 Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.
8:2 And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.
8:3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
8:4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
8:5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
8:6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with [his] finger wrote on the ground, [as though he heard][ them not].
8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
8:8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
8:9 And they which heard [it], being convicted by [their own] conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, [even] unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
8:10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
8:11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
8:12 Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

Hi and welcome to CC. I can say from my perspective, if I was engaged to someone and they got someone else pregnant, that would end the deal. I wouldn't hate them but that wouldn't be my cup of tea. Wisdom is a key quality in our Christian walk. God bless!

I could not throw her in the trash can. There, but by the grace of God, go I.

A believer who is unfaithful behind the back of the one she is engaged to??

A believer who has the blood of an innocent on her hands, murdered for convenience sake????

Maybe one strike i may be able to understand it as a moment of weakness.. But to then murder an innocent baby because it gets in the way?

I could forgive a woman both strikes but i would never marry her and i would be hoping that she would become a believer one day ( A real Believer ) so that she would be forgiven by God for her cheating and her murdering..

If you where already married with kids my advice would be different.. But you are not yet married ad thus you can break free being blessed to avoid being married to such a person..

Hold off on marriage. Red flags everywhere. First both of you get right with God. Believing and receiving are too different things. When you receive and are born again you start walking with God. Reading his word is right up at the top of the list. If you have or are in a sexual relationship outside of marriage it is not God's will. Extra fornication? How long was the affair? Whoops one time and got pregnant? Or real two timing. Red flags everywhere. And now the abortion. Big red flag! Strongly suggest you both get right with God first and put marriage on hold.

I agree but also remember they are not married. God may also be giving him a heads up that she is not the one. God may being saying they both need to be complete individually in Him before coming together as one. Yes forgive her but she still may have to reap the consequences. She will also have to acknowledge and feel remorse for killing the child. That may take quite some time. Reg flags put the brakes on. I'm curious of their age and maturity.

What about him I wonder? Is he having sex with her. If so it is fornication even though they are engaged. Perhaps they both need to hold off on the relationship and get their relationship with God right.