I fear God more than I do love Him

Read Romans 6:15-18. In the GNT bible version it says we must be slaves of righteousness. I think the author used the word "slave" because being in union with God really won't be pleasurable. You are right in a way that it's nonsense how some people say God wants us to be happy. They probably don't know what they're talking about. I myself struggle with this. If I do whatever I want, I feel enslaved to sin and I turn to God. But when I devote myself to him and abstain from sin, I feel enslaved to that too! Who can understand the mind of God?

You misunderstand. I'm talking about when people differentiate between joy and happiness, when it's a false dichotomy.

Oh I see, but my explanation is the same. I'm very unhappy when I'm tempted; I often lose my hope and faith.

I've found that I'm unhappy either way.

"Aaccording to the Word, we are to suffer, but only in Jesus Yeshua., and when we are truly aware of this, it should please us, thuogh it is suffering..
I could list the woes of my lifetime, but it is tedious for others and becomes boring, if not unbelieveable, so I will not.
All I can sa is each time something befalls me now, I consider it to be another step up to God the Father. At my age, it is now some health probem here aand another there.
Being born with a health problem, and having several during my youth, I fell blessed no matter what comes my way.

It is something to think on how our Father is aware of everyting, from the nano particles of atoms to the megagiigantesque of the universes, and He is aware of everything every instant.
With now crumbling bones, little eyesight and more, I am seeing and knowing just how futile this flesh is, . Why or how? I see this now so clearly for within I fell just as alive as ever, so, yes, we do suffer, but it really is always teaching us of the joy and dgladness in being of Jesus Yeshua Who suffered much more than anyone.
I pray you understand as I have come to understand and enjoy the gradual diminishing of this age as we continue to our resurrection. All love in Jesus Yeshua, and may you be blessed evermore., amen.

Giving and taking is real and balanced. I once went to a 5-day Christian retreat. Since I was desperate, it really helped me. Signs, wonders, and a physical miracle. Though I didn't get healed physically. My big problem was self-pity. I repented of it. I haven't tried to kill myself since!

Your brain mirrors mine. You worded quite clearly a struggle I've had since I accepted Christ in July of 1977. But, in more recent years that has started to abate, somewhat.

I too feared Him and constantly thought about His infinite power, that resistance is truly futile.

But, I've started to think, "What am I resisting that I have a right to? His perfectly righteous will that is based on a level of goodness and rightness that I, as a fallen man, cannot begin to comprehend?"

True, He could change the rules any time He wanted. That is terrifying. But, He's infinite, having been around literally forever. It seems unlikely He'd suddenly, now, do an about-face in His character.

As for Hell, I believe He tosses the rebellious there, ultimately, because it's what they want. They, along with their demonic inciters, prefer their pride to kneeling before Christ in repentance. Idiots.

I've seen His patience with me. If He was standing with a gun to my head, He would've pulled the trigger long ago. As an example -- but not the only one rest assured -- I cursed Him out like a truck driver for 3 years after my wife's death. After about three years and one month, He did something to me that humbled me in a way I'd never experienced before and haven't since. And, it was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I said, "That's it?? You're not going to hit me with a truck or testicular cancer??!!??" No. His grace was wayyy more than anything I could comprehend.

He refines us with a very heavy hand. Those times hurt. A lot. But, He forgives and forgets with an ease that is incomprehensible to us humans. That is not the heart of someone just waiting to blow you away.

He sacrificed too much to be a hair's width from pulling a trigger on you. He is fully invested in you. Yes, He's a just God Who will judge everyone. But, He's also a loving judge who prefers to be merciful, first.

I too still lack that personal love for Him. I really wish I could have that. It's why I think I have idols in my life. But, I have seen Him work in me and sculpt off some rough edges. I believe He'll continue that process so that one day, like David, I'll be able to say to Him, "As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God." Unfortunately, that day is not today.

Heh... man, I wish we could sit over a cup of coffee and talk about this. We'd probably go on for a long time.

I get you, what you're saying. I used to think that God was all about blessing us, but then my personal dark times started to happen. Then, it seemed like God just blessed others, not me. And, that this was going to be His norm for me. Good things in this life? Oh... you mean what others are praising Jesus about? And then I thought, why then would Heaven be any different??

I think sometimes still that God's will is against your will, that whatever you want is to be thrown aside in service to God. I've told many a fellow Christian this. Should not service to a church be something I don't want to do?? Isn't that part of self-sacrifice and the submission of my will? But, I was corrected by some, telling me that some of our desires and passions are placed there by God. It makes sense that He'd intend to grant them.

I believe our lives are about service. But, even Jesus enjoyed at least one party, and enjoyed eating and drinking with others. I think our lives, therefore, are about balance.

I do believe God wants us happy. But, in this life, our sinful state requires too many refinement processes, and we are also at war, spiritually (sometimes otherwise). I'll use my life as an example.

I've just gotten out of a 4-year career drought. I thought my animation career was over. No other job I've ever had has been tolerable to me. I had to take truly crappy $12/hr jobs. $15/hr jobs... none of which could sustain me long-term. Never mind that I hated the work itself. I've been widowed for 13 years. Dateless for 11. I was homeless for 1y and 9m of those 4 years. When I finally got an apartment, it was with a bunch of quasi-ghetto fellow tenants. Noise, erratic behavior, pests, was the norm of that awful place. I was there for more than 2 years.

Just before last Thanksgiving, I bawled in my car, begging God to remove His heavy hand. Within weeks, and before the end of December, I got a much better living situation and my career has been returned to me, good salary and all. All I lack on the worldly end of things are real-world friends here in Mesa (AZ) and someone beautiful to come home to every day.

I believe some of what you're thinking comes from the enemy. I get you, trust me. But, I believe it's all part of the battle for your mind. Look at Job as at least one example of a man who experienced God's big fat belt, but who also lived much of his life in worldly comfort. I do believe there ought to be balance. Being miserable and isolated in a monastery won't do much to bring the lost to Christ anyway

So every desire you have is sinful? There is no enjoyment for you in this life with anything that is not bad?

I think there is an imbalance in your thinking on this.

Holy moly... just saw how old this thread is.

Why did God bother to create a universe like the one we live in? Whom was He competing with? Whom did He have to impress?

I think that part of being unfallen is doing magnificent things because building, creating, enhancing, are all part of being sinless, holy.

Remember, that your presence in that perfect world was born of that love, grace and forgiveness. In that perfect world, you reap the benefits of those things.

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I'm not smoking crack, chasing women into bed, or all the other bad stuff that's out there; but I know I am not perfect. I don't walk around on clouds praising the name of Jesus 24/7; I get angry, i get sad, I get happy, I laugh, I cry. I don't go out of my way to do bad things. I try to get along with the people around me. Yet I often feel a voice inside me saying "you're not really a christian, you just want to avoid going to hell".
I can only recall one time in my life when I deliberately turned against God. That felt awful. Really awful. And I know he forgave me for that moment.
I suspect, though, that is why I am alone. There are people out there who try to push you to do things that go against your beliefs. If that's all that's out there, then I would rather be alone.
Well, just my opinion, History Princess, but I think just the fact that you are thinking about these things means you are on the right track. The people who need to worry are the ones who think "I've got this all figured out, I've got God where I want him".

Thank you.

How can you be a raised a "Christian all my life" and then " I've been a Christian for 8 years". You must have typed something wrong?

I respect your honesty. I think a lot of Christians feel the same way you do, they're just afraid to say it. I had several friends in high school that were very devout Christians, and now they're not. One says he's an atheist, another says he doesn't know what he is now. These were friends that I always looked up to as more devout than I; so it's shocking they drifted away from the faith.
If I had one prayer right now, HistoryPrincess, it would be that you and I could begin to feel the love of God the way some people do. Or at least they say they do. I've been questioning EVERYTHING lately.

I have been thinking this way as well. When people sing "Have thine own way Lord...", I'm wondering, do they really mean that? Do they know what that might entail? No, they don't.

But, we stick to the path because there is no other way. The spiritual world is not a mall. Malls are great in that they provide multiple -- and valid -- choices and compete for our business. But, the spiritual world has only one valid choice, with all too many invalid ones. We must stay the course, because the next 40 years -- assuming that's how much we got left -- is not worth trading in for trillions of trillions.

I confess my hardness and selfishness and idolatry and impurity every night. I ask God for His continued sanctification to whittle away at those dirty areas. I think that's all we can do.

One thing I'm certain of is, yes, God's way is better than the ways of humans. So yes, there are times when I feel like "I want it my way!" And there are many times I don't know what God wants me to do. I used to fellowship with people who prayed over every little thing, like which items to buy at the grocery store, or praying for green lights on the way to work. Now I look back on that and think "do you really think you're so much more important than everyone else on the road that you should get all the green lights? Do you really think God is worried about whether you buy whole milk or 2%?" Some people take it to extremes.
I don't think it's unreasonable, though, to pray for guidance when it comes to, for example, interviewing for a job. That's a decision that can affect the rest of your life.

I ask God for help to succeed each day at work.

My personal outlook in praying thy will be done is fairly simplistic.

I am perfectly allowed to pray for anything but I know when I pray for something that our Father's wisdom is perfect as is He and as is His Love, there for I am able to gladly thank Him in advance for His response, be it yay or nay. I know it is always good. Praise our wonderful Father for His care for each of us really is wonderful.