For the record everyone, I didn't become a Christian to be happy. In fact, it's the last religion I'd recommend if you want to be happy. I don't think I can truly be happy as a Christian, but I became a Christian cause it's the right thing to do, and that should be good enough.
I often feel weird when I'm around Christians at a fun event the church is putting on, or even when they're laughing at something legitimately funny. Maybe it's my personality, but I don't know. I see all this food and I think, "Shouldn't we fast and give all of this to the poor and hungry?" And don't even get me started on the money being spent. "Wouldn't it be better to just stay at home and pray for our missionaries and send that money to them?"
Thing is, a lot of people, even Christians say, "Well you gotta have some fun in your life." I'm sorry, life is not about having fun. Life is work, and fun is a distraction. And being a Christian means even more work in life than usual. Your happiness is no longer a priority. It's either yours or God's, and God must always come first. Besides, why waste time on something that doesn't last?
If you were to ask me what my vision of an ideal Christian is, I'd say someone who lives like a monk or a nun. Someone who knows the bible backwards, who gets up at the crack of dawn to spend an hour or two reading it and praying, and then goes about doing good deeds during the day before retreating to solitude at night.
Either that or a dedicated missionary, who wanders from village to village and otherwise spends all their time on their knees praying.
Notice what's missing? Pleasure, happiness, relationships, music and movies that will eventually be forgotten and gone because this world is passing away. Anything that may make me feel good in the moment, but will ultimately distract me from my mission as a Christian.
And of course, I just can't imagine God's so-called "plan" for my life involving anything I would find remotely appealing. If it did, I'd be very suspicious.
Heh... man, I wish we could sit over a cup of coffee and talk about this. We'd probably go on for a long time.
I get you, what you're saying. I used to think that God was all about blessing us, but then my personal dark times started to happen. Then, it seemed like God just blessed others, not me. And, that this was going to be His norm for me. Good things in this life? Oh... you mean what others are praising Jesus about? And then I thought, why then would Heaven be any different??
I think sometimes still that God's will is against your will, that whatever you want is to be thrown aside in service to God. I've told many a fellow Christian this. Should not service to a church be something I
don't want to do?? Isn't that part of self-sacrifice and the submission of my will? But, I was corrected by some, telling me that some of our desires and passions are placed there by God. It makes sense that He'd intend to grant them.
I believe our lives are about service. But, even Jesus enjoyed at least one party, and enjoyed eating and drinking with others. I think our lives, therefore, are about balance.
I do believe God wants us happy. But, in this life, our sinful state requires too many refinement processes, and we are also at war, spiritually (sometimes otherwise). I'll use my life as an example.
I've just gotten out of a 4-year career drought. I thought my animation career was over. No other job I've ever had has been tolerable to me. I had to take truly crappy $12/hr jobs. $15/hr jobs... none of which could sustain me long-term. Never mind that I
hated the work itself. I've been widowed for 13 years. Dateless for 11. I was homeless for 1y and 9m of those 4 years. When I finally got an apartment, it was with a bunch of quasi-ghetto fellow tenants. Noise, erratic behavior, pests, was the norm of that awful place. I was there for more than 2 years.
Just before last Thanksgiving, I bawled in my car, begging God to remove His heavy hand. Within weeks, and before the end of December, I got a much better living situation and my career has been returned to me, good salary and all. All I lack on the worldly end of things are real-world friends here in Mesa (AZ) and someone beautiful to come home to every day.
I believe some of what you're thinking comes from the enemy. I get you, trust me. But, I believe it's all part of the battle for your mind. Look at Job as at least one example of a man who experienced God's big fat belt, but who also lived much of his life in worldly comfort. I do believe there ought to be balance. Being miserable and isolated in a monastery won't do much to bring the lost to Christ anyway