@Edify
As long as you approach your concerns the way you have, you will always get the responses that you are getting. I believe you have more introspection to go through before you know how to ask the things you are asking.
Your audience is the people you are suspicious of. They are stuck in the perception that "There is no such thing as the perfect church"; therefore, there is a tone of self-satisfaction. I have a lot I've written on the attitude that the church is a hospital for sinners rather than a body that should be united. Dissenters need to get their ducks in a row as they explore the Bible for answers and deal with professing Christians.
Perhaps ask those satisfied with the status quo of the organized churches and denominations specific questions:
How does your church deal with cliques and favoritism?
Does your church address grievances and dissent?
Do they ever see sin in their church and decline addressing it?
How do they explain 1 Corinthians 3:4 regarding dividing the body of Christ by using denominations? I have never had that answered. How do they follow Matthew 18 with the body divided like that?
The people you are asking probably don't understand the standards you are looking for, and perhaps you yourself are unclear in your own mind.
In your own personal time with God, definitely evaluate your own sin. Be clearer on your anecdotes as to why you have these concerns. Make your examples more unimpeachable.
Here is one of mine:
I went to the pastor of the church my wife and I went to when she was in decline for dementia. I asked if it would be possible if we could appeal to its members in order for us to have short visits so that my wife could experience mental stimulation and shake the cabin fever we were experiencing in our apartment. He said his members weren't like that, and he was right.
I did a similar rant here and was told I was blaming others for my own personal problems.
So good luck. For all I know, you are the problem, but if you want to hash it out and think I could help, let me know.