Hey Everyone,
Every married person in church will tell a single person to get married. And everyone knows the most important part of 2 becoming 1 is the vow, "'Til death do us part."
The part that's always bothered me is that NO ONE in church talks about "when death finally comes, and what was once 1 flesh -- is now literally ripped in half."
I've been around older people all my life, and have seen first hand how the death of a spouse after 60+ years of marriage devastates people. They often lose their entire community, along with their spouse (married friends no longer see them as having anything in common and shun them; some marrieds are afraid that this now-single person will steal away their own spouse.) The person left behind is often abandoned and practically left for dead, and this was right in the middle of God-fearing churches.
I knew one elderly man who called himself "an orphan" after his wife died, which is heart-breaking but an all too-often reality for many formerly married who are left behind.
A family member recently told me about a situation in which two people at a local retirement home, both age 85 and left behind (their spouses had died,) decided that they liked each other, became a couple, and moved in together -- partially to save on costs. The facility is eye-wateringly expensive, with the rent starting at about $5000 a month, plus an initial fee of several thousand more. Living together would cost them about $6000 together ($5000 + $1000 for having an extra person in the same place,) and save about $4000 a month. Yes, I know it's an outrageous cost either way, but this is the reality of the region where I live.
Both members of this couple have mobility issues and help each other with basic household tasks, as well as enjoying having someone there instead of having to be alone.
Another resident who lives there leads a Bible study group -- and he has told them that they are living in sin.
Now for myself, and this is just me, but the first thing I'm thinking is, "How much... uh... are two 85-year-olds with disabilities doing?" But as far as I'm concerned, it's none of my business, and something between the God and the people involved.
I understand that the Bible class leader believes he's doing his Christian duty, calling out others for their sins.
But I wonder what his approach would be if God told him, "Ok, you've convicted them -- now it's YOUR responsibility to help them with their living costs."
After all, 1 John 3:17 says, "If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but closes their heart to them, the love of God cannot be in that person."
Growing up in the church, it's always bothered me that I saw so many people giving others what they thought was their calling, and giving what they felt people needed -- a stern lecture and rebuke -- but never actually lifted a finger when it came to helping that person. They had all the words to offer because words are free -- but what would happen if God required them to give something that cost them?
My heart really does go out to this couple. I've heard of many instances of older people (I'm thinking 60's and above particularly) who want companionship but have chosen to live with each other and not marry because it will affect their income (loss of government benefits, higher taxes, etc.) Another pastor I admire has said some of the most challenging ministry work he has to do is confront older single/divorced adults who believe that "celibacy is good for kids... but I'm a grown adult (and that no longer applies to me.)"
I understand that we are not to make compromises. I understand that we are to obey God's commands no matter what the cost.
But what would you do if it was YOUR mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, etc. who was or wanted to "live in sin"?
Most especially if it was going to cost YOU as a result?
For instance:
* Would you take on extra hours/work/jobs to help pay for their expenses? (This would be to either help them keep their own place, or help them to make up for any lost benefits when they marry.)
* Would you have them move in with you, rather than let them move in with a partner?
* Would you help them with the things they needed (bringing meals, helping at home, etc.) if living separate from their partner meant they needed more aid? (Especially if they are handicapped, have special needs, need someone to remind them to take medicines, etc.)
* Would you provide transportation, if that was an issue?
I know many of you out there are already doing all of this -- and more -- and I pray God blesses you abundantly for it.
The real point of this discussion is that it's easy to tell someone that they're sinning.
But in turn, I want to ask, "What would you do if God then actively, and ongoing, required you to pay for/provide/do what it takes to help keep that person from sinning?"
I would love to hear your thoughts, especially from anyone who has or is actively dealing with this.
Every married person in church will tell a single person to get married. And everyone knows the most important part of 2 becoming 1 is the vow, "'Til death do us part."
The part that's always bothered me is that NO ONE in church talks about "when death finally comes, and what was once 1 flesh -- is now literally ripped in half."
I've been around older people all my life, and have seen first hand how the death of a spouse after 60+ years of marriage devastates people. They often lose their entire community, along with their spouse (married friends no longer see them as having anything in common and shun them; some marrieds are afraid that this now-single person will steal away their own spouse.) The person left behind is often abandoned and practically left for dead, and this was right in the middle of God-fearing churches.
I knew one elderly man who called himself "an orphan" after his wife died, which is heart-breaking but an all too-often reality for many formerly married who are left behind.
A family member recently told me about a situation in which two people at a local retirement home, both age 85 and left behind (their spouses had died,) decided that they liked each other, became a couple, and moved in together -- partially to save on costs. The facility is eye-wateringly expensive, with the rent starting at about $5000 a month, plus an initial fee of several thousand more. Living together would cost them about $6000 together ($5000 + $1000 for having an extra person in the same place,) and save about $4000 a month. Yes, I know it's an outrageous cost either way, but this is the reality of the region where I live.
Both members of this couple have mobility issues and help each other with basic household tasks, as well as enjoying having someone there instead of having to be alone.
Another resident who lives there leads a Bible study group -- and he has told them that they are living in sin.
Now for myself, and this is just me, but the first thing I'm thinking is, "How much... uh... are two 85-year-olds with disabilities doing?" But as far as I'm concerned, it's none of my business, and something between the God and the people involved.
I understand that the Bible class leader believes he's doing his Christian duty, calling out others for their sins.
But I wonder what his approach would be if God told him, "Ok, you've convicted them -- now it's YOUR responsibility to help them with their living costs."
After all, 1 John 3:17 says, "If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but closes their heart to them, the love of God cannot be in that person."
Growing up in the church, it's always bothered me that I saw so many people giving others what they thought was their calling, and giving what they felt people needed -- a stern lecture and rebuke -- but never actually lifted a finger when it came to helping that person. They had all the words to offer because words are free -- but what would happen if God required them to give something that cost them?
My heart really does go out to this couple. I've heard of many instances of older people (I'm thinking 60's and above particularly) who want companionship but have chosen to live with each other and not marry because it will affect their income (loss of government benefits, higher taxes, etc.) Another pastor I admire has said some of the most challenging ministry work he has to do is confront older single/divorced adults who believe that "celibacy is good for kids... but I'm a grown adult (and that no longer applies to me.)"
I understand that we are not to make compromises. I understand that we are to obey God's commands no matter what the cost.
But what would you do if it was YOUR mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, etc. who was or wanted to "live in sin"?
Most especially if it was going to cost YOU as a result?
For instance:
* Would you take on extra hours/work/jobs to help pay for their expenses? (This would be to either help them keep their own place, or help them to make up for any lost benefits when they marry.)
* Would you have them move in with you, rather than let them move in with a partner?
* Would you help them with the things they needed (bringing meals, helping at home, etc.) if living separate from their partner meant they needed more aid? (Especially if they are handicapped, have special needs, need someone to remind them to take medicines, etc.)
* Would you provide transportation, if that was an issue?
I know many of you out there are already doing all of this -- and more -- and I pray God blesses you abundantly for it.
The real point of this discussion is that it's easy to tell someone that they're sinning.
But in turn, I want to ask, "What would you do if God then actively, and ongoing, required you to pay for/provide/do what it takes to help keep that person from sinning?"
I would love to hear your thoughts, especially from anyone who has or is actively dealing with this.
