I probably shouldn't post in this thread but I'm feeling a need to anyway...
Brasspen, as a woman, I am trying to get the facts straight about what you are presenting in your threads. If I'm getting things wrong, feel free to correct me.
So some of the information you've shared is:
1. You have 2 children, would like more, but you also have a child from an adulterous relationship that you say is not your fault. It seems that you've said the husband somehow gave you permission, and that somehow made it excusable? As you have said you shouldn't be judged for this?
2. You have some health issues that sound serious, and I'm guessing that if you were to marry, your wife would also become your caretaker? If not now, then in the not-too-far-off future?
3. You somehow want to prevent other men from "stealing" the women you're interested in, as you think this is the reason you're single?
4. You have a family who has cursed you and believe that's why you're not seeing the success you think you should have?
Now I haven't read each and every post word to word (I apologize, as I just haven't had the time,) but I'm not sure why you think men are always "stealing" away "your" women.
If I were a woman talking to a man who is unrepentant over adultery, has a child who may very well come back into his past from that relationship (you never know when he might take a DNA test and find out the man raising him isn't his father,) needs a caretaker almost right off the bat, has 2 children (would you be taking them with you into the new marriage, or does the mother have custody?) from a past relationship (I assume your ex is still in the picture as well? Do you get along or is there a lot of drama there, too?), and has a family that likes throwing out curses right and left...
That's A LOT for ANYONE in a potential dating situation to unpack. Now of course, we ALL have baggage, we ALL have problems and various health concerns, but I think anyone, man or woman, would find that situation intimidating right off the bat. I don't think you can expect anyone to gleefully jump into that situation, wedding bells ringing, without A LOT of serious prayer, pastoral counsel, and consideration.
Speaking as a woman, I can honestly tell you that the thing I find most troubling is that you seem to see nothing (especially the adultery) as your fault. Now of course, as Christians, we are forgiven, but I'd be concerned about whether someone with that attitude takes on and handles responsibility for his actions -- or anything else.
In other words... Sure, maybe there are some cases in which men have "stolen" "your" women "from you." I'm a woman and have had many times (including my once-husband) choose another woman besides me. But it seems as if you've never considered the fact that any woman who dates you would have A LOT to process and take on, and that might be too intimidating for a good number of women (or men, if this were reversed.)
All a man would have to do to "steal" a woman away from you is to own up to his past sins, take full responsibility for them, show that he is working on further building his relationship with Christ by working on the challenges in his life (making healthy lifestyle choices, showing repentant sorrow for past sins, working on the challenges in his life to the best of his abilities rather than seeing them as other's faults,) and I think that would be what most women would choose (and men, again, if the situation was reversed.)
I am truly surprised that it seems you've never considered that maybe, just maybe, your own attitude is what's driven at least some of the women you've been interested in away, rather than other men flat-out "stealing" them from you? And if you have, just point me to the posts in which you do so, because I surely want to read them.
Because otherwise, what are you offering these women besides a very long list of why everything isn't your fault?
I'm truly sorry for the suffering you've been through, especially from your own family. But it sounds as if you've always seen most everything bad in your life as being caused by someone else, and have taken up the life philosophy that your life is completely controlled by others -- without putting the necessary work into taking charge of the things you COULD change -- or at the very least, work on.
Brasspen, as a woman, I am trying to get the facts straight about what you are presenting in your threads. If I'm getting things wrong, feel free to correct me.
So some of the information you've shared is:
1. You have 2 children, would like more, but you also have a child from an adulterous relationship that you say is not your fault. It seems that you've said the husband somehow gave you permission, and that somehow made it excusable? As you have said you shouldn't be judged for this?
2. You have some health issues that sound serious, and I'm guessing that if you were to marry, your wife would also become your caretaker? If not now, then in the not-too-far-off future?
3. You somehow want to prevent other men from "stealing" the women you're interested in, as you think this is the reason you're single?
4. You have a family who has cursed you and believe that's why you're not seeing the success you think you should have?
Now I haven't read each and every post word to word (I apologize, as I just haven't had the time,) but I'm not sure why you think men are always "stealing" away "your" women.
If I were a woman talking to a man who is unrepentant over adultery, has a child who may very well come back into his past from that relationship (you never know when he might take a DNA test and find out the man raising him isn't his father,) needs a caretaker almost right off the bat, has 2 children (would you be taking them with you into the new marriage, or does the mother have custody?) from a past relationship (I assume your ex is still in the picture as well? Do you get along or is there a lot of drama there, too?), and has a family that likes throwing out curses right and left...
That's A LOT for ANYONE in a potential dating situation to unpack. Now of course, we ALL have baggage, we ALL have problems and various health concerns, but I think anyone, man or woman, would find that situation intimidating right off the bat. I don't think you can expect anyone to gleefully jump into that situation, wedding bells ringing, without A LOT of serious prayer, pastoral counsel, and consideration.
Speaking as a woman, I can honestly tell you that the thing I find most troubling is that you seem to see nothing (especially the adultery) as your fault. Now of course, as Christians, we are forgiven, but I'd be concerned about whether someone with that attitude takes on and handles responsibility for his actions -- or anything else.
In other words... Sure, maybe there are some cases in which men have "stolen" "your" women "from you." I'm a woman and have had many times (including my once-husband) choose another woman besides me. But it seems as if you've never considered the fact that any woman who dates you would have A LOT to process and take on, and that might be too intimidating for a good number of women (or men, if this were reversed.)
All a man would have to do to "steal" a woman away from you is to own up to his past sins, take full responsibility for them, show that he is working on further building his relationship with Christ by working on the challenges in his life (making healthy lifestyle choices, showing repentant sorrow for past sins, working on the challenges in his life to the best of his abilities rather than seeing them as other's faults,) and I think that would be what most women would choose (and men, again, if the situation was reversed.)
I am truly surprised that it seems you've never considered that maybe, just maybe, your own attitude is what's driven at least some of the women you've been interested in away, rather than other men flat-out "stealing" them from you? And if you have, just point me to the posts in which you do so, because I surely want to read them.
Because otherwise, what are you offering these women besides a very long list of why everything isn't your fault?
I'm truly sorry for the suffering you've been through, especially from your own family. But it sounds as if you've always seen most everything bad in your life as being caused by someone else, and have taken up the life philosophy that your life is completely controlled by others -- without putting the necessary work into taking charge of the things you COULD change -- or at the very least, work on.
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