The conondrum with men/ women and pursuit.

[girliegirl39]

Wait, skipping? There was no mention of skipping earlier... This is more than the original mission statement contained.

I might occasionally skip down the hall at my job, just to keep people wondering about me, but skipping all the way through Walmart is a different matter. I might be a little bit too old for that.

Seriously? 46 is too old to skip? tut tut..

 

[zeroturbulence]

****So, I am going to make sure that I don't generalize too much on this topic, since I know that it's quite possible that this problem might not exist in other parts of North America. I can only speak from my limited experience in Canada and I can scale it down even further, down to a small demographic of people in BC. So if this issue does not exist or apply where you are, then feel free to skip it.

So, something I have become blatently aware of, seems to be an increase in the number of men that will not pursue a girl. It has seen a lot more common where I am, for women to pursue men. When I have polled my girl friends why they feel the need to pursue men, they tell me that they feel that men are not interested in really pursuing women anymore like they used to. (Please note this is referencing the Christian community...I assume plenty of men are pursuing in seccular places of business but I can't really say since I don't go to a lot of places)

So this poses the question of WHY?


I have personally been thinking about this one a lot and my theory is, there has been a movement of femanism that has risen up in the past 10-15 years that wasnt as prevelent before. Women became more empowered to be more independent. While, there is nothing inherently wrong with independence, it can be taken to an extreme. I wonder if many men look at women and go "well she doesn't need me/want me..what would my role in her life possibly be if she is doing all this on her own and seemingly doesnt need a man?" I kind of wonder, if this new found independence and empowerment of women has actually caused men to feel demasculated? Have men lost the courage to approach women? If so, why? Is it fear of rejection? Also, why does this issue seem to exist more within the christian/religious community?

Here is another conondrum. If women are not supposed to pursue men. If women should be waiting for God to bring them their spouse, then how on earth are women supposed to meet a man if men are not willing to pursue? Doesn't it seem like that would mean, they are left with little choice but to pursue?

All that said, this is my personal opinion or where I come from. I believe that men should pursue. I believe that God made men to pursue women. I believe that it is apart of there built in masculinity. As a women, there is something incredibly attractive and assuring about a man that pursues. It not only shows courage and willingness to take risk, it shows a man who is strong in character. It takes bravery to step out and pursue, knowing that there is a high liklihood of being rejected.

Also, my personal feeling is- I need a husband. In other words, I am not sure how other women came to think that being independent and "power to the women" and living without men/a man is the way to be, but I just can't get on board with that. I think that God totally created men and women to be each others strengths where we are weak, to compliment one another's character. I mean, lets be real here. There are things men can do..that women can't and I don't care what women say about being able to do it just like a man can..I am sorry..but if it were true, then God wouldn't have created one for the other. He knew women would need man and man would need a women. That's why we are considered to be a "help mate" to man. Even, as someone with male friends, I can't imagine a life without having male friends. They literally help me with things I can not do, like fix my plumbing or go on my roof to fix it, or even just to be there to have a completely logical conversation lacking any emotion in it. Somtimes it is easier to have a conversation with a guy because ya'll don't get so overly emotional the way women can in response. We need each other's perspective.

Thoughts? (Have i totally just opened a big can of worms??)

I know this will sound crazy but I think the solar eclipse in conjunction with the sun's magnetic poles reversing in 2014 had a lot to do with it. It happens around every 11 years. It happened again in April 2024 and I could already see major changes happening in the world like trad wives becoming trendy (the opposite of the independent "don't need a man" type of woman). I made a post back in September I think that a lot of things in the world will start turning around and I think it's happening. In fact, Canada's prime minister just resigned. The trad wife thing has now given way to a trend called "demure" where women are standing up against wearing revealing clothing and acting like you don't care what others think. The trend now is to act calm and considerate. Young men are being encouraged to risk rejection from women and to value themselves more. Well I hope somehow this helps. If not, sorry.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Also, I want to point out the low birth-rates that are plaguing the entire world right now. Birth rates are at historic lows because so many young people aren't getting married and having children. So it's a worldwide problem.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

****So, I am going to make sure that I don't generalize too much on this topic, since I know that it's quite possible that this problem might not exist in other parts of North America. I can only speak from my limited experience in Canada and I can scale it down even further, down to a small demographic of people in BC. So if this issue does not exist or apply where you are, then feel free to skip it.

So, something I have become blatently aware of, seems to be an increase in the number of men that will not pursue a girl. It has seen a lot more common where I am, for women to pursue men. When I have polled my girl friends why they feel the need to pursue men, they tell me that they feel that men are not interested in really pursuing women anymore like they used to. (Please note this is referencing the Christian community...I assume plenty of men are pursuing in seccular places of business but I can't really say since I don't go to a lot of places)

So this poses the question of WHY?


I have personally been thinking about this one a lot and my theory is, there has been a movement of femanism that has risen up in the past 10-15 years that wasnt as prevelent before. Women became more empowered to be more independent. While, there is nothing inherently wrong with independence, it can be taken to an extreme. I wonder if many men look at women and go "well she doesn't need me/want me..what would my role in her life possibly be if she is doing all this on her own and seemingly doesnt need a man?" I kind of wonder, if this new found independence and empowerment of women has actually caused men to feel demasculated? Have men lost the courage to approach women? If so, why? Is it fear of rejection? Also, why does this issue seem to exist more within the christian/religious community?

Here is another conondrum. If women are not supposed to pursue men. If women should be waiting for God to bring them their spouse, then how on earth are women supposed to meet a man if men are not willing to pursue? Doesn't it seem like that would mean, they are left with little choice but to pursue?

All that said, this is my personal opinion or where I come from. I believe that men should pursue. I believe that God made men to pursue women. I believe that it is apart of there built in masculinity. As a women, there is something incredibly attractive and assuring about a man that pursues. It not only shows courage and willingness to take risk, it shows a man who is strong in character. It takes bravery to step out and pursue, knowing that there is a high liklihood of being rejected.

Also, my personal feeling is- I need a husband. In other words, I am not sure how other women came to think that being independent and "power to the women" and living without men/a man is the way to be, but I just can't get on board with that. I think that God totally created men and women to be each others strengths where we are weak, to compliment one another's character. I mean, lets be real here. There are things men can do..that women can't and I don't care what women say about being able to do it just like a man can..I am sorry..but if it were true, then God wouldn't have created one for the other. He knew women would need man and man would need a women. That's why we are considered to be a "help mate" to man. Even, as someone with male friends, I can't imagine a life without having male friends. They literally help me with things I can not do, like fix my plumbing or go on my roof to fix it, or even just to be there to have a completely logical conversation lacking any emotion in it. Somtimes it is easier to have a conversation with a guy because ya'll don't get so overly emotional the way women can in response. We need each other's perspective.

Thoughts? (Have i totally just opened a big can of worms??)

Actually this is quite common in the secular sphere. And where this attitude originated.
You're right about the feminism playing the part. Lets go over some things thanks to woke feminism.
Movies have become almost exclusively about female heros.
A common goal for these women is to prove they dont need a man, or even that men are less capable or even as something that needs to be brought down (down with the hierarchy!).
This reflects what real world women have been aspiring to. Girl boss or boss b!tches.
Masculinity and chivalry have been labeled toxic and inherently bad.
Some even go out of their way to hurt or use men.
This means men ask out a woman, she goes on a date and gets him to spend as much as she can then ditch him, sometimes even sneaking out of the restaurant
These women expect a man to make no less than 6 figure salaries, even if the guy is in his 20s.
They have to be 6 ft tall or taller.
Use iPhone, not Android, and will walk out on a date with a man if she finds out he uses an Android.
There is even a movement to withold sex from men, even if you're married.
Lesbianism is encouraged.
A common quote from these women is "Whats your money is my money, and my money is my money".
Many of these women have high body counts or work in the sex industry. No man wants to marry that.
Put all that together and imagine being a man that wants to ask out a woman. Why bother? So men stopped asking women out.

But in an ironic twist, it's becoming more and more common for these same types of women to have a change of mind. They've started breaking into tears, crying about how they hate working all those hours, all the pressure, etc. Some of the 40+ women regret that they can't get married and have kids.

Anyways. You get the idea.

I'm not a fan of the idea that men must pursue. Most women try to be subtle towards men they're interested in. And men don't usually pick up subtly like that. So women, being too vague or waiting around to be pursued just miss opportunities.
Almost every woman I've dated, we started out as friends first. There may even be attraction from one, the other both. But holding off and being friends for a while is a much better way to go, I believe.
The alpha male concept is overrated.

 

[Lynx]

Seriously? 46 is too old to skip? tut tut..

I didn't say 46 is too old to skip. I said it's too old to skip through Walmart. I don't know how big your Walmart is. It may be one of those old fashioned Walmarts without a food section. But our Walmart is the third largest in the state, and much too big for a 46-year-old to skip all the way through it.

Now serenading, I can do that all the way through Walmart three times and going down the road for 20 miles. I sing all the time.

Besides, skipping would get in the way of serenading. You can't skip, run or jog when you are singing. It makes it sound bad. The fastest you really need to travel while singing is a brisk walk, if you want to keep a solid tone.

And serenading was all you originally had, going through Walmart. You added skipping later. What are you going to add next, juggling?

 

[Lynx]

I know this will sound crazy but I think the solar eclipse in conjunction with the sun's magnetic poles reversing in 2014 had a lot to do with it. It happens around every 11 years. It happened again in April 2024 and I could already see major changes happening in the world like trad wives becoming trendy (the opposite of the independent "don't need a man" type of woman). I made a post back in September I think that a lot of things in the world will start turning around and I think it's happening. In fact, Canada's prime minister just resigned. The trad wife thing has now given way to a trend called "demure" where women are standing up against wearing revealing clothing and acting like you don't care what others think. The trend now is to act calm and considerate. Young men are being encouraged to risk rejection from women and to value themselves more. Well I hope somehow this helps. If not, sorry.

Ooooh... If this is true, could you let me know when the moon is about to be in the right place to conduct the ritual to revive Duckula? Not Dracula, Duckula. He was one cool dude. His harmonica playing sucked though.

 

[Gideon300]

****So, I am going to make sure that I don't generalize too much on this topic, since I know that it's quite possible that this problem might not exist in other parts of North America. I can only speak from my limited experience in Canada and I can scale it down even further, down to a small demographic of people in BC. So if this issue does not exist or apply where you are, then feel free to skip it.

So, something I have become blatently aware of, seems to be an increase in the number of men that will not pursue a girl. It has seen a lot more common where I am, for women to pursue men. When I have polled my girl friends why they feel the need to pursue men, they tell me that they feel that men are not interested in really pursuing women anymore like they used to. (Please note this is referencing the Christian community...I assume plenty of men are pursuing in seccular places of business but I can't really say since I don't go to a lot of places)

So this poses the question of WHY?


I have personally been thinking about this one a lot and my theory is, there has been a movement of femanism that has risen up in the past 10-15 years that wasnt as prevelent before. Women became more empowered to be more independent. While, there is nothing inherently wrong with independence, it can be taken to an extreme. I wonder if many men look at women and go "well she doesn't need me/want me..what would my role in her life possibly be if she is doing all this on her own and seemingly doesnt need a man?" I kind of wonder, if this new found independence and empowerment of women has actually caused men to feel demasculated? Have men lost the courage to approach women? If so, why? Is it fear of rejection? Also, why does this issue seem to exist more within the christian/religious community?

Here is another conondrum. If women are not supposed to pursue men. If women should be waiting for God to bring them their spouse, then how on earth are women supposed to meet a man if men are not willing to pursue? Doesn't it seem like that would mean, they are left with little choice but to pursue?

All that said, this is my personal opinion or where I come from. I believe that men should pursue. I believe that God made men to pursue women. I believe that it is apart of there built in masculinity. As a women, there is something incredibly attractive and assuring about a man that pursues. It not only shows courage and willingness to take risk, it shows a man who is strong in character. It takes bravery to step out and pursue, knowing that there is a high liklihood of being rejected.

Also, my personal feeling is- I need a husband. In other words, I am not sure how other women came to think that being independent and "power to the women" and living without men/a man is the way to be, but I just can't get on board with that. I think that God totally created men and women to be each others strengths where we are weak, to compliment one another's character. I mean, lets be real here. There are things men can do..that women can't and I don't care what women say about being able to do it just like a man can..I am sorry..but if it were true, then God wouldn't have created one for the other. He knew women would need man and man would need a women. That's why we are considered to be a "help mate" to man. Even, as someone with male friends, I can't imagine a life without having male friends. They literally help me with things I can not do, like fix my plumbing or go on my roof to fix it, or even just to be there to have a completely logical conversation lacking any emotion in it. Somtimes it is easier to have a conversation with a guy because ya'll don't get so overly emotional the way women can in response. We need each other's perspective.

Thoughts? (Have i totally just opened a big can of worms??)

The secular world, at least in the West, has pretty much rendered men irrelevant. The feminist movement has succeeded beyond its wildest dreams. No longer are people people employed on merit, but according to quotas. Women's mantra is that they do not need men, which is true - until they do. Now women are reaping what they have sown. Men are being treated as semen suppliers who can be disposed off once the deed is done. Men are treated as material providers, to be dumped if ever they fail to meet ever increasing expectations.

I've read some requirements that men must fulfill to suit modern women. Such men do exist, but they can have any woman they want. There just aren't enough filthy rich , dark haired 6'2 men to go around.

Mu son, not a believer, has never had a serious girlfriend. He's seen enough to put him off for the rest of his days. He's 36, successful, intelligent and sensitive. A modern woman would chew him up and spit him out. Of course I'd be happy if he married. But I do not push him.

The problem for you is that you are in the minority. The education system has ground down young boys to the point where they have no self esteem and already feel rejected. Why would any woman be interested in a loser?

Many men have woken up to this feminisation of the West. They see no value in being a plaything for the bored. So they give up.

This attitude has rubbed off on Christian men also.

The world is increasingly turning away from God's ways. A comedian summed it up for me. He said that the first question he asked on a date was, "So how long have you been a woman?"

 

[PennEd]

I am sorry, but I need to add this.

Women, if you don't want a man to know that you like him, then don't be surprised when he thinks that you don't like him.

Women, if you want to send a man mixed signals, then don't be surprised when he is confused about how you feel about him.

I mean, whatever happened to "Honesty is the best policy?"

If you leave it to a man to guess what your feelings are, then I can pretty much guarantee you that he is going to make the wrong guess each and every time.

If you truly desire the type of logical man who can have a conversation without any emotion that was described in the OP, then here is an idea...

Be your true self so he can logically, and without any emotion, know how you feel about him.

TRUST ME, men are not mind-readers.

Okay, I am done.

The Hollywood RomCom of how a happily ever after occurs has damaged many women's vision of how a man is to "pursue" a relationship.

Also, destructive music plays a role and the messaging behind it.

Just one example is Beyonce's "Irreplaceable".

In my top 5 most despised song because of messaging to young women.

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute, baby
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable

If you are in a relationship where your partner sees you as replaceable, GET OUT!!

 

[girliegirl39]

I didn't say 46 is too old to skip. I said it's too old to skip through Walmart. I don't know how big your Walmart is. It may be one of those old fashioned Walmarts without a food section. But our Walmart is the third largest in the state, and much too big for a 46-year-old to skip all the way through it.

Now serenading, I can do that all the way through Walmart three times and going down the road for 20 miles. I sing all the time.

Besides, skipping would get in the way of serenading. You can't skip, run or jog when you are singing. It makes it sound bad. The fastest you really need to travel while singing is a brisk walk, if you want to keep a solid tone.

And serenading was all you originally had, going through Walmart. You added skipping later. What are you going to add next, juggling?

Well first off Mr. 3rd largest in the state Walmart...

We are not a state. We are a province.
Secondly, our walmart does have a food section but the size of it is nowhere close to the size of a walmart in the States...

Thirdly, if you can't serenade and skip..somthing is wrong because I am pretty sure all the music artists that do live performances are dancing and singing just fine. They seem to have no problem.

Fourth, i have been known to juggle an orange in the produce section at one time in my life so it may not be out of my wheelhouse.. although I will not sing, skip and juggle together.. there would be too many bruised apples and oranges.

 

[girliegirl39]

The Hollywood RomCom of how a happily ever after occurs has damaged many women's vision of how a man is to "pursue" a relationship.

Also, destructive music plays a role and the messaging behind it.

Just one example is Beyonce's "Irreplaceable".

In my top 5 most despised song because of messaging to young women.

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute, baby
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable

If you are in a relationship where your partner sees you as replaceable, GET OUT!!

Hmm..see.. i didnt fall victim to the Rom-com version of pursuit. Nope. Instead, i was handed two very specific Christian books.. one was titled "I kissed dating goodbye" and the other one titled "when God writes your love story". I was also preached to relentlessly through my Youth Pastor growing up, "men pursue..women dont". Abd if that werent enough, my Christian British grandma handed me a book on "ettiquette" dating back to the 1930s on "how to be a proper women". Granted, I gave up on that one before i finished it.

To me.. having grown up through the late 90s early 2000s as a teenager, I saw rom-com and chick flicks that seemed to deduce girls into being boy crazy and out of control with their hormones, all dreamy-eyed looking at their "crush" and wondering when she should ask him out..asking questions like "does he notice me? Does he like my hair? Blah blah blah".

Now, its true..i totally was boy crazy for part of my teen years and then i got over it and realized it was much cooler to have guy friends (the bro's) then to be constantly wasting my time with girls, constantly primoing and buying the latest fashion in hopes to get a guys attention. Wasting money on teenie bopper makeup to get a guys atrention was not my idea of weekend fun. I rather play soccer with the boys or go to the lake.

Anyway.. point is.. i blame the church more than i do hollywood on the concept of pursuit. I feel like ive been brain-washed about this concept UNTIL last year when i met a guy from the South.. thats South Carolina..
And he was very much formal about pursuit and the proper way. I mean.. we are talking no dates but courting. We are talking chaperoned day dates and no summer dresses that show skin and dinner with the Pastor and his wife to be approved ( he was a fundamentalist baptist). So..i thought pursuit might not exist..until i met someone in another part of the world that showed me that there are still men who actually believe its the men that should pursue the women and the reverse is wrong.

 

[Lynx]

Well first off Mr. 3rd largest in the state Walmart...

We are not a state. We are a province.
Secondly, our walmart does have a food section but the size of it is nowhere close to the size of a walmart in the States...

Thirdly, if you can't serenade and skip..somthing is wrong because I am pretty sure all the music artists that do live performances are dancing and singing just fine. They seem to have no problem.

Fourth, i have been known to juggle an orange in the produce section at one time in my life so it may not be out of my wheelhouse.. although I will not sing, skip and juggle together.. there would be too many bruised apples and oranges.

Well if it's a smaller Walmart, I should be able to skip all the way through it.

I am not a professional performer though, and more importantly I am not a paid performer, so as nobody is paying me to do this you will have to choose. Singing or skipping. Not both.

I can do either all the way through Walmart, a smaller Walmart, and enjoy it. If I try to do both it will not be enjoyable, even if I do manage to pull it off. Somebody will have to pay me to do both at the same time.

 

[Lynx]

Anyway.. point is.. i blame the church more than i do hollywood on the concept of pursuit. I feel like ive been brain-washed about this concept UNTIL last year when i met a guy from the South.. thats South Carolina..
And he was very much formal about pursuit and the proper way. I mean.. we are talking no dates but courting. We are talking chaperoned day dates and no summer dresses that show skin and dinner with the Pastor and his wife to be approved ( he was a fundamentalist baptist). So..i thought pursuit might not exist..until i met someone in another part of the world that showed me that there are still men who actually believe its the men that should pursue the women and the reverse is wrong.

That's not conservative?!

You specified not a conservative Christian church in another thread, but your description of this relationship is extremely conservative by most metrics.

Mind you, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. It seems like quite a rational approach. In fact I have occasionally given thought to how I would go out with a girl, and I long ago decided I would conduct it pretty much the same way you describe.

But that's just exactly what I meant in that other thread about conservative being extremely subjective and relative. Almost everybody I know would say that is somewhere slightly above Mennonite levels for conservative behavior.

 

[girliegirl39]

That's not conservative?!

You specified not a conservative Christian church in another thread, but your description of this relationship is extremely conservative by most metrics.

Mind you, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. It seems like quite a rational approach. In fact I have occasionally given thought to how I would go out with a girl, and I long ago decided I would conduct it pretty much the same way you describe.

But that's just exactly what I meant in that other thread about conservative being extremely subjective and relative. Almost everybody I know would say that is somewhere slightly above Mennonite levels for conservative behavior.

I didnt say i went to a church that gave me those books lol. These are books that were given to me when I went to Youth With A Mission (YWAM) for a disccipleship school. It was part of the course curriculum. A requirement if you will.

I dont consider myself conservative christian per se.. i dont know actually what i fall into? I consider myself a charasmatic pentecostal? Or charasmatic christian? I dont know.. but the guy i did date....yes.. yes he was very conservative Baptist. CLEARLY for obvious reasons it did not work out for us.. he couldnt accept me dancing in church or singing songs other than hymns or wearing jeans versus wearing a long dress dress with sleeves.

 

[timemeddler]

Women used to be taught that find/being attractive to men matters, now it's the other way around. Also there's a lot of double standards that don't help.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Ooooh... If this is true, could you let me know when the moon is about to be in the right place to conduct the ritual to revive Duckula? Not Dracula, Duckula. He was one cool dude. His harmonica playing sucked though.

The 2013 pole shift and eclipse combo was special because people around the world heard loud, unexplained horn sounds which one expert says is the exact same sound produced by a biblical era trumpet called the shofar. Can it be the opening of the 7 seals? I included a video of tv news footage about the sounds. Plus it coincided with the end of the Mayan calendar.

 

[Snackersmom]

****So, I am going to make sure that I don't generalize too much on this topic, since I know that it's quite possible that this problem might not exist in other parts of North America. I can only speak from my limited experience in Canada and I can scale it down even further, down to a small demographic of people in BC. So if this issue does not exist or apply where you are, then feel free to skip it.

So, something I have become blatently aware of, seems to be an increase in the number of men that will not pursue a girl. It has seen a lot more common where I am, for women to pursue men. When I have polled my girl friends why they feel the need to pursue men, they tell me that they feel that men are not interested in really pursuing women anymore like they used to. (Please note this is referencing the Christian community...I assume plenty of men are pursuing in seccular places of business but I can't really say since I don't go to a lot of places)

So this poses the question of WHY?


I have personally been thinking about this one a lot and my theory is, there has been a movement of femanism that has risen up in the past 10-15 years that wasnt as prevelent before. Women became more empowered to be more independent. While, there is nothing inherently wrong with independence, it can be taken to an extreme. I wonder if many men look at women and go "well she doesn't need me/want me..what would my role in her life possibly be if she is doing all this on her own and seemingly doesnt need a man?" I kind of wonder, if this new found independence and empowerment of women has actually caused men to feel demasculated? Have men lost the courage to approach women? If so, why? Is it fear of rejection? Also, why does this issue seem to exist more within the christian/religious community?

Here is another conondrum. If women are not supposed to pursue men. If women should be waiting for God to bring them their spouse, then how on earth are women supposed to meet a man if men are not willing to pursue? Doesn't it seem like that would mean, they are left with little choice but to pursue?

All that said, this is my personal opinion or where I come from. I believe that men should pursue. I believe that God made men to pursue women. I believe that it is apart of there built in masculinity. As a women, there is something incredibly attractive and assuring about a man that pursues. It not only shows courage and willingness to take risk, it shows a man who is strong in character. It takes bravery to step out and pursue, knowing that there is a high liklihood of being rejected.

Also, my personal feeling is- I need a husband. In other words, I am not sure how other women came to think that being independent and "power to the women" and living without men/a man is the way to be, but I just can't get on board with that. I think that God totally created men and women to be each others strengths where we are weak, to compliment one another's character. I mean, lets be real here. There are things men can do..that women can't and I don't care what women say about being able to do it just like a man can..I am sorry..but if it were true, then God wouldn't have created one for the other. He knew women would need man and man would need a women. That's why we are considered to be a "help mate" to man. Even, as someone with male friends, I can't imagine a life without having male friends. They literally help me with things I can not do, like fix my plumbing or go on my roof to fix it, or even just to be there to have a completely logical conversation lacking any emotion in it. Somtimes it is easier to have a conversation with a guy because ya'll don't get so overly emotional the way women can in response. We need each other's perspective.

Thoughts? (Have i totally just opened a big can of worms??)

Hi girliegirl, welcome to the site!

I was actually considering starting a thread about this topic. It's definitely an issue in my area, or at least in my circle. The guys all stupid-flirt and lavish compliments on each other, while pretty much leaving us ladies feeling like potted plants 🪴 😂.

It's not because there isn't any interest. I knew one of my guyfriends liked a girl and I had to torment him for months JUST TO GET HIM TO SEND HER A DANG "HI" ON FACEBOOK. This guy is no slouch, either..... tall, handsome, athletic and financially stable. But he was convinced that it would be seen as "weird" if he showed even the slightest hint of interest in her. I can't judge him because I actually have some of the same avoidance issues myself, which I am trying to sort through (making some progress, too!).

Avoidance seems pretty common these days among both genders in 30+ Christian singles. I'd imagine it has something to do with 4th wave feminism and all the ridiculous mindsets that go with it. But like I told my guyfriend...... if you only consider girls who pursue you first, how are you going to find the demure submissive homemaker you claim to want?

On the part of us ladies, I was taught that girls don't pursue. In fact they don't even show interest unless they're pretty sure they're going to marry the guy. The church I attended prior to my current one taught that adult males and females should never be alone together unless they were married or seriously considering it (too strict for me, glad I left). God changed my mind about pursuit in my late 20s when He and I got into an argument about it (He always wins our arguments). This time He used the story of Ruth as His mic drop (BOOOOMMMMM!!!). So I have come to realize that it's not completely set in stone, and God does have different love stories in store for different people.

TLDNR: Christian girls can be really hard to approach because they've been taught to be uber-demure and take dating WAAAYYYY too seriously (plus most of us have been stalked a time or three before we pass 30). This makes Christian guys feel like we're not interested. It lowers their self-esteem to the point that many won't even try.... or they end up getting their hearts broken repeatedly by the girls who ARE willing to pursue them... because usually those girls do not have their best interest at heart. Which makes the guys bitter. Which ruins their chances with the demure girls they'd actually like. It's a vicious cycle, and both genders unwittingly perpetuate it.

 

[Snackersmom]

The 2013 pole shift and eclipse combo was special because people around the world heard loud, unexplained horn sounds which one expert says is the exact same sound produced by a biblical era trumpet called the shofar. Can it be the opening of the 7 seals? I included a video of tv news footage about the sounds. Plus it coincided with the end of the Mayan calendar.

So weird.... I actually heard sounds just like this recently, maybe late last Summer? It was loud enough to wake me up, even though all the windows were closed. The best way I could describe it was like incredibly loud distant trumpets 🎺.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

The Hollywood RomCom of how a happily ever after occurs has damaged many women's vision of how a man is to "pursue" a relationship.

Also, destructive music plays a role and the messaging behind it.

Just one example is Beyonce's "Irreplaceable".

In my top 5 most despised song because of messaging to young women.

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute, baby
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable

If you are in a relationship where your partner sees you as replaceable, GET OUT!!

I hear you, and I agree.

Hollywood and the music industry are both used by Satan to send out the wrong messages, but, in my opinion, public schools are even worse. In them, many children are indoctrinated, and early on, that any sort of patriarchy is a major problem in this world. I have seen the negative effects of such a belief in the lives of people that I know personally. Even to the point of a man's own children turning against him.

Anyhow, if children are taught that men are the problem, and there are certainly times when they are, then it does not bode well for the men who encounter such children when they become adults.

 

[GaryA]

There is a high probability that the trumpet sounds are audio tests for project blue beam.

 

[cinder]

We also shouldn't discount the fact that the internet is full of videos full of women who will do anything those guys want and there's 0 risk and a whole lot of dopamine reward to just watch those instead of interacting with real live women. And I'm sure there are plenty of similar options for women who don't want to interact with real live men. But it's kind of like if you eat enough relational junk food then you have no appetite for a real meal.