Time Is Love? Aging Parents

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ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
5,168
2,232
113
#1
I am having a difficult time understanding my family, especially this Christmas. I don't have a large family, just me and my younger sister. And I can't get my head around her actions. I love her of course. I believe she loves her parents, but I don't see her showing it. And it upsets me on behalf of my parents.

This Christmas season was a difficult one. There were three hospital visits, two were stays. Before Christmas they thought my father had a heart attack and had to rush him to the hospital. He was there till mid-night but they let him go and said he was ok. Then two weeks before Christmas, my mother took a severe reaction to BP meds and we rushed her to the hospital twice. We were blessed to have them both healthy enough to have Christmas day together, my husband, myself and my parents. The first time my mother was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night I called my sister and she acted like she was annoyed that I had woken her up, so the second time I didn't bother. Later the next day I called her from the hospital and she was angry because I had posted Mom was in the hospital on FB and I was asking for prayers and a friend of hers saw it and asked what was wrong and my sister didn't know. I wasn't in the mood to be told off so I made some excuse and hung up. A little later my father stepped out of the room to call her and came back so fast that I said " that didn't take long". He shook his head and said she said that she should have been contacted. Now I was getting angry. My father has been told he has early dementia. And my sister well knows that the stress of Mom being sick was hard enough on him. It really irked me.

As I said, we had a quiet Christmas Day together, just the four of us. I assumed that my sister and my nephews would visit later in the week, or the next. So my mother called me about two weeks later to inform me that my sister was coming with my nephew and his first gf. Now I know I'm old fashioned here, and I have nothing against the young girl, she was really sweet, but I didn't feel it was the time or place. They came late in the day and stayed only a couple hours and I felt it was my sisters excuse to be able to not have to stay overnight. She gave Mom a pair of gloves and a blanket she made for her, she handed my father 50 bucks.

Here we are in January and this is my great nephews first Christmas. It meant a lot to my parents. I caught my mother crying because she wanted to see the baby on video and talk to him. She called and he was sleeping and they said they would call back. They didn't and when she called, five people ignored her call. That upset me, that and the fact that my nephew, also knowing his grandparents have been ill hasn't brought the baby up to visit even though my mother has asked when they can come. So I said on FB that my mother missed the baby with a picture of him. My niece in law told me off and let me know that she felt we were making them feel guilty. Now we have done a lot to bring her into the family. My sister can't stand the sight of her and just now is accepting the baby who she has claimed is not her grandchild. We helped she and my nephew out a lot, and she said she felt like it was bribing. Now she's not a Christian so I held my tongue, but I feel like my sisters influence is rubbing off on her.

All of this upsets me for my parents sake. We could have lost either one of them before Christmas. I wanted them to have the greatest Christmas. I decorated their house inside and out. I bought all the gifts and wrapped them. I made the Christmas meal. I wanted it all to be special for them. Not that I don't do that every year, but Mom can usually do some of her own decorating. This year I did it all while having to do my place and then the hospital stays in the middle of all of it. I'd do 100x because I was so happy they were still here. But my sister never calls, she never answers Moms calls or texts, yet swears that she does. If they see her three times a year it's a miracle. My sister doesn't work. There is no good reason she can't be in touch. I just want to shake her sometimes. I know it hurts my parents but they have given up on her excuses of why she can't call or come up. Now my nephews seem to be treating my parents the same way. I know this is a lot and it's more of a rant than asking what to do. I've swallowed this all down because I don't want drama or my parents upset. But I really am about to have a come to Jesus moment with all of them. I do not understand why they can't make time for my parents. My sister has already named things she expects to have when my parents pass. One is my mothers fur coat. She is going to be one surprised little lady the day her parents pass cause we are definitely having a come to Jesus then.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,894
9,791
113
#2
I dunno... If someone woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me my dad was in the hospital, I might sound a little grumpy too. Might even forget to thank them for telling me. But I would be glad they told me.

As for the rest of it, I know how it feels. My brother has taken many measures to put distance between himself and the rest of the family. It reached the point that when my sister was dying of cancer, my father's side of the family went across the state to visit her. Only later did we find out my brother was also in town to visit her, and deliberately avoided the hospital while we were there because he didn't want us to know he was in town. The only way we found out he was even there was because my sister was high on morphine when she let it slip. (Cancer will make you reevaluate your views about narcotics.)

But he still got pissy when he found out Grandma had gone to the hospital and nobody told him.

*Shrug

What ya gonna do? I just shake my head, say that's my brother, and move on.
 

ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
5,168
2,232
113
#3
I dunno... If someone woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me my dad was in the hospital, I might sound a little grumpy too. Might even forget to thank them for telling me. But I would be glad they told me.

As for the rest of it, I know how it feels. My brother has taken many measures to put distance between himself and the rest of the family. It reached the point that when my sister was dying of cancer, my father's side of the family went across the state to visit her. Only later did we find out my brother was also in town to visit her, and deliberately avoided the hospital while we were there because he didn't want us to know he was in town. The only way we found out he was even there was because my sister was high on morphine when she let it slip. (Cancer will make you reevaluate your views about narcotics.)

But he still got pissy when he found out Grandma had gone to the hospital and nobody told him.

*Shrug

What ya gonna do? I just shake my head, say that's my brother, and move on.

Which is the advice my hubby gives me. I guess I should listen to him. When my mother took cancer she did come up to get her through chemo but that was only because I was unable to do it. I know I shouldn't let it get to me. But maybe writing all out has done the trick. Thanks for taking the time to read all that, I didn't think anyone would and I'd just consider it cathartic ranting. Not a fan of Swift really but I guess she had good advice to "Shake it Off", so I'm gonna try.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
8,916
4,566
113
#4
I am having a difficult time understanding my family, especially this Christmas. I don't have a large family, just me and my younger sister. And I can't get my head around her actions. I love her of course. I believe she loves her parents, but I don't see her showing it. And it upsets me on behalf of my parents.

This Christmas season was a difficult one. There were three hospital visits, two were stays. Before Christmas they thought my father had a heart attack and had to rush him to the hospital. He was there till mid-night but they let him go and said he was ok. Then two weeks before Christmas, my mother took a severe reaction to BP meds and we rushed her to the hospital twice. We were blessed to have them both healthy enough to have Christmas day together, my husband, myself and my parents. The first time my mother was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night I called my sister and she acted like she was annoyed that I had woken her up, so the second time I didn't bother. Later the next day I called her from the hospital and she was angry because I had posted Mom was in the hospital on FB and I was asking for prayers and a friend of hers saw it and asked what was wrong and my sister didn't know. I wasn't in the mood to be told off so I made some excuse and hung up. A little later my father stepped out of the room to call her and came back so fast that I said " that didn't take long". He shook his head and said she said that she should have been contacted. Now I was getting angry. My father has been told he has early dementia. And my sister well knows that the stress of Mom being sick was hard enough on him. It really irked me.

As I said, we had a quiet Christmas Day together, just the four of us. I assumed that my sister and my nephews would visit later in the week, or the next. So my mother called me about two weeks later to inform me that my sister was coming with my nephew and his first gf. Now I know I'm old fashioned here, and I have nothing against the young girl, she was really sweet, but I didn't feel it was the time or place. They came late in the day and stayed only a couple hours and I felt it was my sisters excuse to be able to not have to stay overnight. She gave Mom a pair of gloves and a blanket she made for her, she handed my father 50 bucks.

Here we are in January and this is my great nephews first Christmas. It meant a lot to my parents. I caught my mother crying because she wanted to see the baby on video and talk to him. She called and he was sleeping and they said they would call back. They didn't and when she called, five people ignored her call. That upset me, that and the fact that my nephew, also knowing his grandparents have been ill hasn't brought the baby up to visit even though my mother has asked when they can come. So I said on FB that my mother missed the baby with a picture of him. My niece in law told me off and let me know that she felt we were making them feel guilty. Now we have done a lot to bring her into the family. My sister can't stand the sight of her and just now is accepting the baby who she has claimed is not her grandchild. We helped she and my nephew out a lot, and she said she felt like it was bribing. Now she's not a Christian so I held my tongue, but I feel like my sisters influence is rubbing off on her.

All of this upsets me for my parents sake. We could have lost either one of them before Christmas. I wanted them to have the greatest Christmas. I decorated their house inside and out. I bought all the gifts and wrapped them. I made the Christmas meal. I wanted it all to be special for them. Not that I don't do that every year, but Mom can usually do some of her own decorating. This year I did it all while having to do my place and then the hospital stays in the middle of all of it. I'd do 100x because I was so happy they were still here. But my sister never calls, she never answers Moms calls or texts, yet swears that she does. If they see her three times a year it's a miracle. My sister doesn't work. There is no good reason she can't be in touch. I just want to shake her sometimes. I know it hurts my parents but they have given up on her excuses of why she can't call or come up. Now my nephews seem to be treating my parents the same way. I know this is a lot and it's more of a rant than asking what to do. I've swallowed this all down because I don't want drama or my parents upset. But I really am about to have a come to Jesus moment with all of them. I do not understand why they can't make time for my parents. My sister has already named things she expects to have when my parents pass. One is my mothers fur coat. She is going to be one surprised little lady the day her parents pass cause we are definitely having a come to Jesus then.
So sorry for all that has occurred. My family has these same type of problems. My grandmothers care giver (my aunt) is just care giving for her money. The care is abusive at best and despite the known Alzheimers and deafening, she gets so mad at her when she has to repeat herself or when my grandmother has an Alzheimer's episode she feels personally attacked and frustrated.

My father did have 2 heart attacks 2 weeks before Christmas and this same aunt (his sister) or any of his family never came to see him. They only live one state away and my folks visit them all the time.

Anyways I know your stressed but in the end, all we can really do is do what's best on our part. If others want to be selfish or inconsiderate then let God be the judge. Focus on your loved ones because as you said time is short.

If a serious conversation with these folks would be productive then go for it. But it sounds like they don't even see the problem so I don't even know if it's worth the headache.

It's hard but I try to forgive, give it to the lord, and focus on what's important in the moment. Trying to hold others to personal expectations will often drive us crazy.

You are absolutely right, they should visit more, help out more, be more thoughtful, and be respectful. That is something that should be expected but unfortunately for so many, people are greedy, selfish, busy, and have no problem throwing off responsibility on you.

I hear the stress in your words and for a caregiver to be most effective, be very careful to give yourself rest and time with the Lord.

Anyways hope things get a little easier and hopefully more peaceful once surrendered to the Lord. Be blessed and stay encouraged, God smiles knowing your heart and sees all that is just and unjust.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
1,204
805
113
#5
I am having a difficult time understanding my family, especially this Christmas. I don't have a large family, just me and my younger sister. And I can't get my head around her actions. I love her of course. I believe she loves her parents, but I don't see her showing it. And it upsets me on behalf of my parents.

This Christmas season was a difficult one. There were three hospital visits, two were stays. Before Christmas they thought my father had a heart attack and had to rush him to the hospital. He was there till mid-night but they let him go and said he was ok. Then two weeks before Christmas, my mother took a severe reaction to BP meds and we rushed her to the hospital twice. We were blessed to have them both healthy enough to have Christmas day together, my husband, myself and my parents. The first time my mother was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night I called my sister and she acted like she was annoyed that I had woken her up, so the second time I didn't bother. Later the next day I called her from the hospital and she was angry because I had posted Mom was in the hospital on FB and I was asking for prayers and a friend of hers saw it and asked what was wrong and my sister didn't know. I wasn't in the mood to be told off so I made some excuse and hung up. A little later my father stepped out of the room to call her and came back so fast that I said " that didn't take long". He shook his head and said she said that she should have been contacted. Now I was getting angry. My father has been told he has early dementia. And my sister well knows that the stress of Mom being sick was hard enough on him. It really irked me.

As I said, we had a quiet Christmas Day together, just the four of us. I assumed that my sister and my nephews would visit later in the week, or the next. So my mother called me about two weeks later to inform me that my sister was coming with my nephew and his first gf. Now I know I'm old fashioned here, and I have nothing against the young girl, she was really sweet, but I didn't feel it was the time or place. They came late in the day and stayed only a couple hours and I felt it was my sisters excuse to be able to not have to stay overnight. She gave Mom a pair of gloves and a blanket she made for her, she handed my father 50 bucks.

Here we are in January and this is my great nephews first Christmas. It meant a lot to my parents. I caught my mother crying because she wanted to see the baby on video and talk to him. She called and he was sleeping and they said they would call back. They didn't and when she called, five people ignored her call. That upset me, that and the fact that my nephew, also knowing his grandparents have been ill hasn't brought the baby up to visit even though my mother has asked when they can come. So I said on FB that my mother missed the baby with a picture of him. My niece in law told me off and let me know that she felt we were making them feel guilty. Now we have done a lot to bring her into the family. My sister can't stand the sight of her and just now is accepting the baby who she has claimed is not her grandchild. We helped she and my nephew out a lot, and she said she felt like it was bribing. Now she's not a Christian so I held my tongue, but I feel like my sisters influence is rubbing off on her.

All of this upsets me for my parents sake. We could have lost either one of them before Christmas. I wanted them to have the greatest Christmas. I decorated their house inside and out. I bought all the gifts and wrapped them. I made the Christmas meal. I wanted it all to be special for them. Not that I don't do that every year, but Mom can usually do some of her own decorating. This year I did it all while having to do my place and then the hospital stays in the middle of all of it. I'd do 100x because I was so happy they were still here. But my sister never calls, she never answers Moms calls or texts, yet swears that she does. If they see her three times a year it's a miracle. My sister doesn't work. There is no good reason she can't be in touch. I just want to shake her sometimes. I know it hurts my parents but they have given up on her excuses of why she can't call or come up. Now my nephews seem to be treating my parents the same way. I know this is a lot and it's more of a rant than asking what to do. I've swallowed this all down because I don't want drama or my parents upset. But I really am about to have a come to Jesus moment with all of them. I do not understand why they can't make time for my parents. My sister has already named things she expects to have when my parents pass. One is my mothers fur coat. She is going to be one surprised little lady the day her parents pass cause we are definitely having a come to Jesus then.
I remember some time ago you said your sister was in a bad marriage. Traumatized people act differently. Also, it could be that her husband is not too supportive of her spending time away from home and kids. Usually abusive people lack empathy even in these situations.
 

ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
5,168
2,232
113
#6
I remember some time ago you said your sister was in a bad marriage. Traumatized people act differently. Also, it could be that her husband is not too supportive of her spending time away from home and kids. Usually abusive people lack empathy even in these situations.
She did for a time. Her husband is either away working or looking after his daughters children now. My nephews are busy with their own lives. She spends much of her time alone.
 

ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
5,168
2,232
113
#7
So sorry for all that has occurred. My family has these same type of problems. My grandmothers care giver (my aunt) is just care giving for her money. The care is abusive at best and despite the known Alzheimers and deafening, she gets so mad at her when she has to repeat herself or when my grandmother has an Alzheimer's episode she feels personally attacked and frustrated.

My father did have 2 heart attacks 2 weeks before Christmas and this same aunt (his sister) or any of his family never came to see him. They only live one state away and my folks visit them all the time.

Anyways I know your stressed but in the end, all we can really do is do what's best on our part. If others want to be selfish or inconsiderate then let God be the judge. Focus on your loved ones because as you said time is short.

If a serious conversation with these folks would be productive then go for it. But it sounds like they don't even see the problem so I don't even know if it's worth the headache.

It's hard but I try to forgive, give it to the lord, and focus on what's important in the moment. Trying to hold others to personal expectations will often drive us crazy.

You are absolutely right, they should visit more, help out more, be more thoughtful, and be respectful. That is something that should be expected but unfortunately for so many, people are greedy, selfish, busy, and have no problem throwing off responsibility on you.
I hear the stress in your words and for a caregiver to be most effective, be very careful to give yourself rest and time with the Lord.

Anyways hope things get a little easier and hopefully more peaceful once surrendered to the Lord. Be blessed and stay encouraged, God smiles knowing your heart and sees all that is just and unjust.
I hope your father is doing better, I sure understand how stressful that is on them and you. I was talking to a lady that is sort of a friend that owns a local store and she has similar family issues and we were discussing these same issues. She said " you have to understand, not everyone has empathy, not everyone is a caregiver".

My father went in to the doctor today and they are going to try a medication to help his memory and slow progression. My mother has had bad trouble with sciatica on and off this year and the doctor gave her some ideas on how she can get back on her feet. So it was good news. I have had to start staying nights at my parents which is hard when you're married, though hubby has been good about it. Hoping to move them closer to us.

Thank you for your advice and understanding, I appreciate it a lot. I can't force my sister to see how much she's hurting her parents. All I can do is pray that she sees it before it's too late.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
8,916
4,566
113
#8
I hope your father is doing better, I sure understand how stressful that is on them and you. I was talking to a lady that is sort of a friend that owns a local store and she has similar family issues and we were discussing these same issues. She said " you have to understand, not everyone has empathy, not everyone is a caregiver".

My father went in to the doctor today and they are going to try a medication to help his memory and slow progression. My mother has had bad trouble with sciatica on and off this year and the doctor gave her some ideas on how she can get back on her feet. So it was good news. I have had to start staying nights at my parents which is hard when you're married, though hubby has been good about it. Hoping to move them closer to us.

Thank you for your advice and understanding, I appreciate it a lot. I can't force my sister to see how much she's hurting her parents. All I can do is pray that she sees it before it's too late.
That is so very true that not everyone has the same feeling of empathy. I learned very recently that an empath personality not only feels bad for others but they often feel others emotions or even physical symptoms as if they were their own.

“An empath personality refers to individuals who are highly sensitive to the emotions and feelings of others, often experiencing those emotions as if they were their own. They may struggle with setting boundaries and can feel overwhelmed in emotionally charged situations.”
WebMD
Verywell Mind

If you fall into this description then feeling overwhelmed can be quite easy. I know personally I physically feel other's symptoms or pain and empathy almost feels like a giant boulder crushing me.

So like your parents, setting boundaries is very hard to do when the people that are having a hard time are people that are close to you.

Unfortunately, there are people who lack empathy as a
narcissistic personality or others (psychopaths) who lack empathy entirely.

Glad they both have good news. That is something to be joyful over.
 

Sipsey

Well-known member
Sep 27, 2018
1,520
730
113
#9
Which is the advice my hubby gives me. I guess I should listen to him. When my mother took cancer she did come up to get her through chemo but that was only because I was unable to do it. I know I shouldn't let it get to me. But maybe writing all out has done the trick. Thanks for taking the time to read all that, I didn't think anyone would and I'd just consider it cathartic ranting. Not a fan of Swift really but I guess she had good advice to "Shake it Off", so I'm gonna try.
Sometimes it is harder to share things with close family members, than a stranger. There is often a lot of baggage and hurt between siblings and even parents.
 

ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
5,168
2,232
113
#10
That is so very true that not everyone has the same feeling of empathy. I learned very recently that an empath personality not only feels bad for others but they often feel others emotions or even physical symptoms as if they were their own.

“An empath personality refers to individuals who are highly sensitive to the emotions and feelings of others, often experiencing those emotions as if they were their own. They may struggle with setting boundaries and can feel overwhelmed in emotionally charged situations.”
WebMD
Verywell Mind

If you fall into this description then feeling overwhelmed can be quite easy. I know personally I physically feel other's symptoms or pain and empathy almost feels like a giant boulder crushing me.

So like your parents, setting boundaries is very hard to do when the people that are having a hard time are people that are close to you.

Unfortunately, there are people who lack empathy as a
narcissistic personality or others (psychopaths) who lack empathy entirely.

Glad they both have good news. That is something to be joyful over.
I'm pretty sure I have that type of personality. I sort of ignored it till my hubby came along. He's very calm, steady and reads people like a book. He's quiet and people mistake him sometimes, he pays attention, even when you think he isn't. He will defend me, but mainly he will say " You don't need to tolerate that behavior". He helps me through a lot of family issues that would otherwise be drama because he tells me it's time to walk away. He's pulled me out of situations many times where I would have made myself sick trying to change things that I can't change.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
62,081
31,057
113
#11
I'm pretty sure I have that type of personality. I sort of ignored it till my hubby came along. He's very calm, steady and reads people like a book. He's quiet and people mistake him sometimes, he pays attention, even when you think he isn't. He will defend me, but mainly he will say " You don't need to tolerate that behavior". He helps me through a lot of family issues that would otherwise be drama because he tells me it's time to walk away. He's pulled me out of situations many times where I would have made myself sick trying to change things that I can't change.
The serenity prayer can be a life saver at times... something I learned in early recovery...

In fact early on, when I would phone a support person because I was really struggling with something,
usually someone else's behaviour, they would immediately ask me who and what I was powerless over.
Heh, sometimes it was irksome because I simply needed to vent, but it was still a good reminder that
I am powerless over others. Still, understanding why people do the things they do can greatly assist
acceptance. I do wonder what your sister has against spending more time with your parents,
especially since she seems to have so much spare time...



Serenity Prayer
:)
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
8,916
4,566
113
#12
I'm pretty sure I have that type of personality. I sort of ignored it till my hubby came along. He's very calm, steady and reads people like a book. He's quiet and people mistake him sometimes, he pays attention, even when you think he isn't. He will defend me, but mainly he will say " You don't need to tolerate that behavior". He helps me through a lot of family issues that would otherwise be drama because he tells me it's time to walk away. He's pulled me out of situations many times where I would have made myself sick trying to change things that I can't change.
That is wonderful to have. A great strength to help keep your strength of empathy in a healthy balance. I suppose the faster someone can see what is deserving of empathy and what is only manipulating or abusing them, then they can invest more of their energy into what is good versus those who wish to only abuse, exhaust, or use them.
 

ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
5,168
2,232
113
#13
The serenity prayer can be a life saver at times... something I learned in early recovery...

In fact early on, when I would phone a support person because I was really struggling with something,
usually someone else's behaviour, they would immediately ask me who and what I was powerless over.
Heh, sometimes it was irksome because I simply needed to vent, but it was still a good reminder that
I am powerless over others. Still, understanding why people do the things they do can greatly assist
acceptance. I do wonder what your sister has against spending more time with your parents,
especially since she seems to have so much spare time...



Serenity Prayer
:)

Ugh! Yes the prayer. I don't know if it's being the oldest sibling, just a flaw in my personality, but when I see my parents hurting because the family isn't visiting or being in touch I want to make it right. Well that and a lot of other things lol Which hubby does pull me back from. Thanks for posting it though because I need to try to live by it more often for my own health and happiness.

I don't know why my sister doesn't want to be in touch with my parents. Her boys are grown, one is still at home but he's seldom there. She's free to do as she wants. Two hours isn't terribly long, not to see your parents. I know there's nothing between them, other than she doesn't call or visit. I have a cousin, my Moms sisters daughter. She has three boys and lives in Canada and she is in touch every other week with me or my parents. She also has a part time job. Her boys are in their teens now but she has always kept in touch. My sister doesn't call her either. All she seems to care about pleasing is her husbands family. I don't understand it. Mom and Dad have been good to her and her boys. smh
 

Genipher

Well-known member
Jan 6, 2019
2,315
1,722
113
#14

So I said on FB that my mother missed the baby with a picture of him. My niece in law told me off and let me know that she felt we were making them feel guilty. .


There's a lot in your post but this comment really caught my attention.
Did your niece-in-law give you permission to post the baby's picture? Posting on facebook sounds like a petty way to handle the issue. Go to your brother if he offends you, don't air it all out for everyone to gossip about. I can see how you complaining about the issue in a public forum would make her upset.
 

ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
5,168
2,232
113
#15
There's a lot in your post but this comment really caught my attention.
Did your niece-in-law give you permission to post the baby's picture? Posting on facebook sounds like a petty way to handle the issue. Go to your brother if he offends you, don't air it all out for everyone to gossip about. I can see how you complaining about the issue in a public forum would make her upset.

The picture was mine, of my mother and the baby on my Facebook page. Nothing was being gossiped about. Saying my mother missed the baby terribly isn't gossip, nor is there any reason she should be offended. We were accepting of the baby and looked after him when they lived in with my parents for over a month. The rest of the family wanted the child adopted out. It's only with a lot of prayer and visits last summer that my sister changed her mind about the baby. If I were my niece and people took me and my baby in against the wishes of the rest of the family, they would not be people I would angry with for loving and missing my child. And I would go out of my way to involve them in my childs life.