Bringing up of our children

[HealthAndHappiness]

I brought mine up with love, I never physically punished them even when perhaps they were very naughty.

I read something in a book about Billy Graham and his family and it rather disturbs me. He said once, that his wife Ruth brought up their kids, with 'a Bible in one hand and a switch in the other'. That they turned out pretty well .
Surely that wasn't literally?

I hope not because I personally just couldn't hit a child. I wish nobody did. It is not the right way apart from the fact I couldn't bear it.

I know this because I was hit as a child and I have never forgotten it.

I understand that emotional pain and see your perspective.
My advice to parents is to keep your children safe and punish them appropriately in love. It's a way of training not of torture. It should direct attitudes not cause lasting pain or resentment.

 

[MsMediator]

Parents can avoid spanking by taking away their kids' "toys" and privileges (and not giving them back later either). A lot of parents make the mistake of giving back the toys once the kid behaves; that is a mistake and kids can play that game. If you destroy or throw away their favorite game, etc. in front of the kid, the kid will behave later.

 

[Adstar]

Too brutal. I cannot stand violence of any kind. I do believe in reasoning and plenty of alternative ways.

The appropriate level of disapline is not overly brutal..

Children can become brutalised and filled with hatred if punished too severely.

Yes the critical words are ""TOO SERVERELY"" Now if you where disaplined too serverely then you should not allow that extreme experience cause you to persue an extreme alterate policy ( Zero Disapline ) Living by the extremes will cause ones kids troubles either way..

I was punished several times for trivial reasons and I still remember the unfairness and distress. I couldn't inflict that on a child myself.

Your personal experiences should not cause you to get a distorted view of life..

By the way, I am sure Jesus Christ never hurt anyone, he came to heal. His gentleness is surely our great model.

Humm i wonder how many people Jesus struck with his scourge when He drove the merchants from the temple in the following passage of the Bible??

(John 2:13-17) "¶ And the Jews’ passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem, {14} And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting: {15} And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers’ money, and overthrew the tables; {16} And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence; make not my Father’s house an house of merchandise. {17} And his disciples remembered that it was written, The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up."

 

[Zandar]

To me its more cruel to take away stuff and ground kids than to just spank them and get it over with.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

To me its more cruel to take away stuff and ground kids than to just spank them and get it over with.

To me its more cruel to take away stuff and ground kids than to just spank them and get it over with.

Dealing with the behavior/ attitude consistently and immediately seems to be a key.
Spanking might be overreacting on the parents part for minor infractions and breaking if rules. Example, child leaves toys scattered around the living room Christmas afternoon.
I would perhaps remind them that dinner is ready as soon as they finish picking up the toys. Then I'd show an example by leading them exactly where they should go, toy box etc. Then they continue until done.

BUT if it wasn't Christmas and the boy acted like my little brother, time out or taking away a privilege isn't going to be effective.

Asian Mom
My little bother still acts like this when he doesn't get his way.
He threw a tantrum when I talked to him about helping with Mom when we got her home. Seriously!
He's a deputy and has two children with far better behavior.

 

[Bingo]

https://christianchat.com/threads/i-came-to-share-my-place-for-all-things.217462/post-5426547

 

[MsMediator]

To me its more cruel to take away stuff and ground kids than to just spank them and get it over with.

My friend who is against spanking follows it and it works well with her pre-K child. The child is very intelligent and already loves to read and is above her level, so the child hates takes it when a book or educational game is taken away from her. A parent needs to spend a lot of time teaching a kid and helping her find her interests and hobbies first though....

 

[MsMediator]

The child also gets to choose which book she wants to give away, so she knows if she misbehaves again she will have to give away her more favorite book. She knows in advance that her consequences will worsen.

 

[Zandar]

I remember having things taken away, and it made me feel like I wasn't trusted. Getting spanked was no fun either, but I still think its better.

 

[blueluna5]

how old is your son & how old was he when he wouldn't listen to anyone?

He's 6 so still pretty little. He was absolutely horrible at 3, a complete nightmare honestly. He argued with literally everything I said. He didn't listen to teachers or other adults either. I use to feel so bad when he had a nice Sunday school teacher bc I knew right away he was going to walk all over her. He did. He literally only listened when you threatened him... and is still very similar. Although I use chores, take away privileges, etc.

I noticed a huge difference when he turned 5 and developed morals and wanted to read the Bible etc. So he definitely has his super sweet moments now, which I'm grateful. He's still quite a difficult kid though to be honest. He has adhd and is gifted in math. If bored he acts up, frustrated acts up, and is overall very hyper and doesn't sleep much. This makes him moody obviously.

I have a teaching background so I've had many classes and read many books on behavior for kids. I've tried sticker charts, rewards, candy, internal and external rewards. None of it worked on him... and to be honest it actually did the opposite and made him super manipulative. He would somehow reverse it and it became a game to him. Or he would flat out rip it apart. He would act up if I gave him praise even.

Screen time is all I can give or take away... but that has its own consequences. Bc he can't have too much of that either. Also he gets obsessed and constantly beats the games and wants more (which doesn't happen often). So then I add in chores. But it's pretty constant. He also has to help his dad for chores. He does woodworking and measures things out for him. But sometimes it's boring and a "punishment".

He listens to his dad more than anyone, including very tough cops, military guys in our family. And his dad smacks him occasionally when he's out of control. That's the only reason he listens to him. I can't (I just don't have the heart to), so he only listens to me when dad's around. Lucky me.

 

[Karlon]

He's 6 so still pretty little. He was absolutely horrible at 3, a complete nightmare honestly. He argued with literally everything I said. He didn't listen to teachers or other adults either. I use to feel so bad when he had a nice Sunday school teacher bc I knew right away he was going to walk all over her. He did. He literally only listened when you threatened him... and is still very similar. Although I use chores, take away privileges, etc.

I noticed a huge difference when he turned 5 and developed morals and wanted to read the Bible etc. So he definitely has his super sweet moments now, which I'm grateful. He's still quite a difficult kid though to be honest. He has adhd and is gifted in math. If bored he acts up, frustrated acts up, and is overall very hyper and doesn't sleep much. This makes him moody obviously.

I have a teaching background so I've had many classes and read many books on behavior for kids. I've tried sticker charts, rewards, candy, internal and external rewards. None of it worked on him... and to be honest it actually did the opposite and made him super manipulative. He would somehow reverse it and it became a game to him. Or he would flat out rip it apart. He would act up if I gave him praise even.

Screen time is all I can give or take away... but that has its own consequences. Bc he can't have too much of that either. Also he gets obsessed and constantly beats the games and wants more (which doesn't happen often). So then I add in chores. But it's pretty constant. He also has to help his dad for chores. He does woodworking and measures things out for him. But sometimes it's boring and a "punishment".

He listens to his dad more than anyone, including very tough cops, military guys in our family. And his dad smacks him occasionally when he's out of control. That's the only reason he listens to him. I can't (I just don't have the heart to), so he only listens to me when dad's around. Lucky me.

he may be naturally indefatigable. a late "terrible two's" is lingering also. being that he has add, be extremely watchful of his sugar intake. in fact, don't give him anything to eat that has refined or brown sugar in it. for sweeteners, only allow him to eat honey, maple syrup or sucanat. lots of kids just plain grow out of knavish behavior. i'll pray for the situation.

 

[blueluna5]

he may be naturally indefatigable. a late "terrible two's" is lingering also. being that he has add, be extremely watchful of his sugar intake. in fact, don't give him anything to eat that has refined or brown sugar in it. for sweeteners, only allow him to eat honey, maple syrup or sucanat. lots of kids just plain grow out of knavish behavior. i'll pray for the situation.

I try to remove the sugar as much as I can, very difficult with school and church giving so much candy/ snacks. It's insane actually, especially around the holidays and he definitely gets worse around those times.

It's hard to cut sugar for him though bc he's so skinny, but I try to offer natural sources like fruit and honey. I try to get him to eat actual meals instead, again torture bc he can't sit for that long.

 

[Karlon]

I try to remove the sugar as much as I can, very difficult with school and church giving so much candy/ snacks. It's insane actually, especially around the holidays and he definitely gets worse around those times.

It's hard to cut sugar for him though bc he's so skinny, but I try to offer natural sources like fruit and honey. I try to get him to eat actual meals instead, again torture bc he can't sit for that long.

the kid should never be bossing the parents! it sounds like some serious disciplinary & chastising lessons need to be taught immediately.