Can someone please help/ talk to me

[smmartin0507]

I have been feeling so alone within my
Church walls. I have reached out to several sisters in Christ I have there, even those in the same season of life as me (young kids/ in there late twenties, early thirty’s) but I just feel as though I’m a burden. I am mostly met with no replys to text messages where I’ve reached out.. The lord has been working in me to teach me to esteem others higher than myself. And I truly feel I have been doing that. I have offered to keep the pastors wife’s kids so they can go out on a date, always ask if they need anything if they’re ill, have dropped off supplies when they have Covid, went over to their new home and literally folded their clothes for them. I know we don’t do good works to get glory from men.. or even a Thankyou. I just want a friend! I don’t feel like I’m asking for much.
I have lived in this area around 8 years since I got married and have been attending this church all this time. It breaks my heart because I love so many people there.. I just don’t feel like I have “that person” to talk to, to be an encourager for and be encouraged by. I feel as though I forgive and forgive again.. I know it’s not about me..
I have felt so alone the past few years. I am also estranged from many family members.. and have made several attempts to reach out to some family so we can make plans or get to know one another.. anything.
I just feel as though everyone has that person that they can tell anything, vent to, rejoice with and mourn with. I am surrounded by people and I feel like I have nobody.
It’s beginning to affect me internally where I feel as though there is something wrong with me or something that prevents people from wanting to be around me.
What can I do

 

[JaumeJ]

What can any of us do but praise our Maker. Sounds like you are sharing the suffering of our Lord Jesus Yeshua. Of course you feel alone, there are very few who share this previewed situation in life. Thank Him, Praise Him and know you are with Him regardless of the callousness of others. who are in need of prayer and your continued attention to them.

 

[smmartin0507]

But how long can you push through feeling ostracized by your own church family? I have prayed fervently for a friend. We are all suppose to rejoice with one another and mourn with one another. My grandfather passed recently and no one even acknowledged it. On too of that there’s the conviction of even feeling this way about it.

 

[NickV]

Listen to the Spirit that resides in you, when it speaks it will tell you you are never alone. Trust in God he will get you where you need to be, just because you have been in one place for so long does not mean that is the place you were meant to stay. I once prayed for friends, Good ones that made me feel seen, it didn't happen for years, but when it did it I knew it was God because of all the coincidences involved in meeting them. Hold fast to the lord and speak to the spirit. seek first the kingdom of heaven and all things will come after. There is a truer friend in yeshua than anyone else I know.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

I get how you are feeling. I have always expected to be rejected by unbelievers but I have rarely had any friends with believers either. Why? What's wrong with me? I don't know. I just don't fit in.

I had an older gentleman tell me a story one time. He said there are 3 types of people. Camels, Lions, and Saints. Camels are your average everyday "Christian" that carry their 20lb Bible around and rarely open it. Lions are those of us that have stepped out of the norm. Perhaps they have ugly pasts or they are just different or to radical for Jesus but they don't fit the camel mold.

Do you know what happens when a lion finds itself among a herd of camels? It normally gets kicked to death.

Then you have Saints, these are the ones that rise to a serious intimate personal relationship with Christ.

They can walk among Camels and Lions but never fit with either. It is a lonely life where it is your relationship with the King that fills you not people. People like this are the ones you hear about that have spent years being locked up in Chinese prisons, beaten, in solitary confinement for months or longer (this drives most men mad), etc... and walk out praising God.

Who do you want to be? Perhaps the King is only giving you one choice.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I have been feeling so alone within my
Church walls. I have reached out to several sisters in Christ I have there, even those in the same season of life as me (young kids/ in there late twenties, early thirty’s) but I just feel as though I’m a burden. I am mostly met with no replys to text messages where I’ve reached out.. The lord has been working in me to teach me to esteem others higher than myself. And I truly feel I have been doing that. I have offered to keep the pastors wife’s kids so they can go out on a date, always ask if they need anything if they’re ill, have dropped off supplies when they have Covid, went over to their new home and literally folded their clothes for them. I know we don’t do good works to get glory from men.. or even a Thankyou. I just want a friend! I don’t feel like I’m asking for much.
I have lived in this area around 8 years since I got married and have been attending this church all this time. It breaks my heart because I love so many people there.. I just don’t feel like I have “that person” to talk to, to be an encourager for and be encouraged by. I feel as though I forgive and forgive again.. I know it’s not about me..
I have felt so alone the past few years. I am also estranged from many family members.. and have made several attempts to reach out to some family so we can make plans or get to know one another.. anything.
I just feel as though everyone has that person that they can tell anything, vent to, rejoice with and mourn with. I am surrounded by people and I feel like I have nobody.
It’s beginning to affect me internally where I feel as though there is something wrong with me or something that prevents people from wanting to be around me.
What can I do

Not everyone has someone like that. That's become even more prevelant since social media took off. People are more invested in their online lives, and have lost the ability to communicate in person, as a result.
There's been so many times in my life where I had no one to talk to or encourage me. So much so that even when I do have that I'm so used to not having it I have a hard time accepting it. It feels unnatural.
And I, too, was often a giver, in my own way, and more often than not it went unappreciated. As a result I don't put forth the effort for others I once did. Don't cast your pearls to the swine, and all that.

I haven't been to church in a long time, but even when I did I usually didn't make friends. Come to think of it most of the Christian friends I ever made I did not meet in church. And that includes before social media.

I'm not sure how frequently you're going to people with problems. Or how you respond when people have answered. But some people complain too much, and/or resist advice. I've known people like this, and they weren't bad people, just too absorbed in their own problems. This may or may not apply to you. But people like that tend to drive others away as it can be draining.
Of course we may all go through periods of life where things are bad for a while, and that's different. I'm talking about people always like this.
Again, this may not apply to you, just giving something to consider.

Also the way it comes across is you seem to contact people for get/give reasons. You're either offering something, or wanting something. Do you ever message people just to say hi and chat? Making a friend, not based on giving/getting is a better place to start than just doing things for people and expecting them to reciprocate somehow. That's not friendship and won't start one, usually. That's just two people exchanging products.
Also, if you're doing for people, without really being friends with anyone, that can cause you to be seen as the person that does stuff for free. No one feels obligated to befriend you because they don't need to. You'll do things for them anyways.
Not that this is always the case, it's good to help others we don't know sometimes, but if you're doing it a lot, then you're teaching people that's who you are. People will take advantage. Being at church doesn't change that.

You speak as though you're married, is your husband not providing for you emotionally?

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness, or suspect one? That can be a reason people aren't around, as well. I can speak on that as I've definitely had that issue with my mental illness.

Lastly, why are you still at that church if it's so distant and closed off?

Just some ideas and thoughts for you to consider. Some may apply, some may not. I hope there's something useful in here.

 

[MsMediator]

I have been feeling so alone within my
Church walls. I have reached out to several sisters in Christ I have there, even those in the same season of life as me (young kids/ in there late twenties, early thirty’s) but I just feel as though I’m a burden. I am mostly met with no replys to text messages where I’ve reached out.. The lord has been working in me to teach me to esteem others higher than myself. And I truly feel I have been doing that. I have offered to keep the pastors wife’s kids so they can go out on a date, always ask if they need anything if they’re ill, have dropped off supplies when they have Covid, went over to their new home and literally folded their clothes for them. I know we don’t do good works to get glory from men.. or even a Thankyou. I just want a friend! I don’t feel like I’m asking for much.
I have lived in this area around 8 years since I got married and have been attending this church all this time. It breaks my heart because I love so many people there.. I just don’t feel like I have “that person” to talk to, to be an encourager for and be encouraged by. I feel as though I forgive and forgive again.. I know it’s not about me..
I have felt so alone the past few years. I am also estranged from many family members.. and have made several attempts to reach out to some family so we can make plans or get to know one another.. anything.
I just feel as though everyone has that person that they can tell anything, vent to, rejoice with and mourn with. I am surrounded by people and I feel like I have nobody.
It’s beginning to affect me internally where I feel as though there is something wrong with me or something that prevents people from wanting to be around me.
What can I do

Are you involved with church and connect with people outside of Sunday morning? It does take time/effort to build friendships, and the bond grows over time. Maybe, you can set up a group with others of similar demographics for a weekly get-together. I feel this is the only way for friendships to grow...regular meetings at a intimate setting. Once the bond is strong...you don't have to meet as often but you still need to maintain the relationship.

 

[Bingo]

"It appears we are living in an isolated society away from one another. The wireless technology has
separated society from what once was a person to person communication. And the effects can well be witnessed
through news media pertaining to family discord with tragic results."

'From your words, it is conceivable there is nothing wrong with you for holding to "old school" ideas of
communicating in person, but it has gone away and out of modern day society collectively, as a society.'

'Acceptance I have learned to be essential in my life, as I surely am of the age where I feel like being in
the twilight zone compared to my life growing up. Party line phones to this wireless handheld thing '

'Thank God for my spiritual life, for I have found a peace that helps with some harmony in this restless world,
and acceptance I know for me is essential. I Am close by ...here in the now, to hopefully help with coping with
disturbances that may arise.'

 

[Lynx]

I have been feeling so alone within my
Church walls. I have reached out to several sisters in Christ I have there, even those in the same season of life as me (young kids/ in there late twenties, early thirty’s) but I just feel as though I’m a burden. I am mostly met with no replys to text messages where I’ve reached out.. The lord has been working in me to teach me to esteem others higher than myself. And I truly feel I have been doing that. I have offered to keep the pastors wife’s kids so they can go out on a date, always ask if they need anything if they’re ill, have dropped off supplies when they have Covid, went over to their new home and literally folded their clothes for them. I know we don’t do good works to get glory from men.. or even a Thankyou. I just want a friend! I don’t feel like I’m asking for much.
I have lived in this area around 8 years since I got married and have been attending this church all this time. It breaks my heart because I love so many people there.. I just don’t feel like I have “that person” to talk to, to be an encourager for and be encouraged by. I feel as though I forgive and forgive again.. I know it’s not about me..
I have felt so alone the past few years. I am also estranged from many family members.. and have made several attempts to reach out to some family so we can make plans or get to know one another.. anything.
I just feel as though everyone has that person that they can tell anything, vent to, rejoice with and mourn with. I am surrounded by people and I feel like I have nobody.
It’s beginning to affect me internally where I feel as though there is something wrong with me or something that prevents people from wanting to be around me.
What can I do

I mean... Sometimes we ALL feel alone.

Like, literally. I know men with loving wives and great children who say they sometimes feel all alone.

I don't know you. All I know is what I would do. I would ask God why I feel alone, and whether it is something I should fix, something I should ask Him to fix or something I should endure.

If it's something you should fix, no sense asking God over and over to fix it.

If it's something God should fix, no sense trying over and over to fix it yourself.

If it's something you just have to buckle down and endure, no sense trying to get it fixed when it will resolve itself in time.

 

[Cameron143]

It's a difficult place to be in. Where is your husband in all this? What has he shared with you? Is he willing to try another church?

 

[Karlon]

I have been feeling so alone within my
Church walls. I have reached out to several sisters in Christ I have there, even those in the same season of life as me (young kids/ in there late twenties, early thirty’s) but I just feel as though I’m a burden. I am mostly met with no replys to text messages where I’ve reached out.. The lord has been working in me to teach me to esteem others higher than myself. And I truly feel I have been doing that. I have offered to keep the pastors wife’s kids so they can go out on a date, always ask if they need anything if they’re ill, have dropped off supplies when they have Covid, went over to their new home and literally folded their clothes for them. I know we don’t do good works to get glory from men.. or even a Thankyou. I just want a friend! I don’t feel like I’m asking for much.
I have lived in this area around 8 years since I got married and have been attending this church all this time. It breaks my heart because I love so many people there.. I just don’t feel like I have “that person” to talk to, to be an encourager for and be encouraged by. I feel as though I forgive and forgive again.. I know it’s not about me..
I have felt so alone the past few years. I am also estranged from many family members.. and have made several attempts to reach out to some family so we can make plans or get to know one another.. anything.
I just feel as though everyone has that person that they can tell anything, vent to, rejoice with and mourn with. I am surrounded by people and I feel like I have nobody.
It’s beginning to affect me internally where I feel as though there is something wrong with me or something that prevents people from wanting to be around me.
What can I do

start with this: if you are not a born again Christian, become one!!!!!! that's always the best way to live life!!! yo will have the Holy Spirit leading & guiding you in life. Psalm 37:23, 27:14, John 14:26 & 16:13 for starters. wow! this i hefty! did you get into big trouble awhile back where people found out about it? analyze your presentation skills: your looks, eye contact, smiles, attentive appearance, do you speak loud & enunciatively, do you interrupt a lot, do you talk to much, etc. ( there is a 3 minute courtesy rule when conversing with someone ). i don't talk to people who talk incessantly. & another issue which is often the case today: you call someone, & he or she is talking to you at 1st with phone close to mouth & ear, but then soon after, they put you on speaker phone making all kinds of noises like washing dishes or moving things around & you become secondary. to me, that is massive disrespect, lack of courtesy & selfishness! in fact, i made a new year's resolution on that one: when someone does that, i now say something like, " i have to finish repairing the faucet, we don't have any water" or "i have to get Mrs. Gordon's mail for her & throw her garbage out". another funny one, i'll knock on my door as if someone is knocking & then i say, "someone here, have to call you later"! there's an answer to every problem smartin0507. blessings to you.

 

[Jimbone]

But how long can you push through feeling ostracized by your own church family? I have prayed fervently for a friend. We are all suppose to rejoice with one another and mourn with one another. My grandfather passed recently and no one even acknowledged it. On too of that there’s the conviction of even feeling this way about it.

This is hard, and there are no "magic words" that can erase the pain, but we know our God and the way He calls us to be. The way you are describing yourself, you are thoughtful, considerate, helpful, serving, loving, and self sacrificing. These are all thing that please our King.

These are just words, and very easy to sit here and type this, but we have to strive to keep others behavior from compromising our own. Again I'm not in any way trying to make light of, or just wave off your problems with a catch phrase, but the truth is that how we serve our King should not have to do with how others treat us. This is HARD! But we can't control anyone's actions but our own, right? Again this doesn't keep me from praying that the kind of friend on earth you long for isn't revealed tomorrow, I truly will pray that for you, but just make sure the pain of these harsh life realities doesn't obscure the truth that you already have the best friend we can possibly imagine standing right there beside you.

 

[smmartin0507]

This is hard, and there are no "magic words" that can erase the pain, but we know our God and the way He calls us to be. The way you are describing yourself, you are thoughtful, considerate, helpful, serving, loving, and self sacrificing. These are all thing that please our King.

These are just words, and very easy to sit here and type this, but we have to strive to keep others behavior from compromising our own. Again I'm not in any way trying to make light of, or just wave off your problems with a catch phrase, but the truth is that how we serve our King should not have to do with how others treat us. This is HARD! But we can't control anyone's actions but our own, right? Again this doesn't keep me from praying that the kind of friend on earth you long for isn't revealed tomorrow, I truly will pray that for you, but just make sure the pain of these harsh life realities doesn't obscure the truth that you already have the best friend we can possibly imagine standing right there beside you.

Thankyou, this was very helpful

 

[smmartin0507]

Are you involved with church and connect with people outside of Sunday morning? It does take time/effort to build friendships, and the bond grows over time. Maybe, you can set up a group with others of similar demographics for a weekly get-together. I feel this is the only way for friendships to grow...regular meetings at a intimate setting. Once the bond is strong...you don't have to meet as often but you still need to maintain the relationship.

Oh yes I am involved with pretty much everything that goes on - Not just Sunday mornings.

 

[smmartin0507]

start with this: did you get into big trouble awhile back where people found out about it? .

I would think if that were the case, the church would follow what God's word tells us to do in that situation (confront me, confront with a group, bring matters before the church etc.) To put my self in the shoes of the church body, if someone had been confronted with sin and repented of it, I would be all the more available to them during that time. It is strange that you would suggest that that would be a justified reason for people in the church to push you away.

All the other points you bring up sound very worldly to me. The people I'm speaking of are not babies in Christ. They ought to know not to shun someone because they don't smile enough when they speak or enunciate their words clearly enough. I guess I dont see the point you are trying to make.
I know we all have things we "Aught to do" but don't do. No one is perfect. I'm not looking for a perfect friend either.

 

[GRACE_ambassador]

I have been feeling so alone within my
Church walls.

Precious friend, I will pray for you; please Be Encouraged and Comforted In:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities!

Amen.

 

[Karlon]

I would think if that were the case, the church would follow what God's word tells us to do in that situation (confront me, confront with a group, bring matters before the church etc.) To put my self in the shoes of the church body, if someone had been confronted with sin and repented of it, I would be all the more available to them during that time. It is strange that you would suggest that that would be a justified reason for people in the church to push you away.

All the other points you bring up sound very worldly to me. The people I'm speaking of are not babies in Christ. They ought to know not to shun someone because they don't smile enough when they speak or enunciate their words clearly enough. I guess I dont see the point you are trying to make.
I know we all have things we "Aught to do" but don't do. No one is perfect. I'm not looking for a perfect friend either.

i didn't "suggest" it at all. your testimony seems so catastrophic that it is plausible to assume someone may have gotten in big trouble at 1 point. alright, you listed quite the amount of issues here. cogitate on what i mentioned compared to the issues. cogitate in length, not just a few minutes & you'll understand.

 

[Pardizzle]

Thankyou, this was very helpful

To piggyback off of what Jimbone said.....I understand how frustrating this circumstance may be, but in the end what really matters is God, and God ALWAYS welcomes us with open arms! When it feels like nobody is there for you, we always have a friend in Jesus! I know its hard sometimes to focus on that, but its the absolute truth.

 

[MaryM]

I have been feeling so alone within my
Church walls. I have reached out to several sisters in Christ I have there, even those in the same season of life as me (young kids/ in there late twenties, early thirty’s) but I just feel as though I’m a burden. I am mostly met with no replys to text messages where I’ve reached out.. The lord has been working in me to teach me to esteem others higher than myself. And I truly feel I have been doing that. I have offered to keep the pastors wife’s kids so they can go out on a date, always ask if they need anything if they’re ill, have dropped off supplies when they have Covid, went over to their new home and literally folded their clothes for them. I know we don’t do good works to get glory from men.. or even a Thankyou. I just want a friend! I don’t feel like I’m asking for much.
I have lived in this area around 8 years since I got married and have been attending this church all this time. It breaks my heart because I love so many people there.. I just don’t feel like I have “that person” to talk to, to be an encourager for and be encouraged by. I feel as though I forgive and forgive again.. I know it’s not about me..
I have felt so alone the past few years. I am also estranged from many family members.. and have made several attempts to reach out to some family so we can make plans or get to know one another.. anything.
I just feel as though everyone has that person that they can tell anything, vent to, rejoice with and mourn with. I am surrounded by people and I feel like I have nobody.
It’s beginning to affect me internally where I feel as though there is something wrong with me or something that prevents people from wanting to be around me.
What can I do

Hi
I understand, I am old now, not young like you. I am a grandmother.
I too have often felt alone and different. It is a natural common thing. Loneliness of soul can happen even if you are married, have a family and are surrounded by people.
Yet this is no bad thing, talk to Jesus. He will never abandon you. Read, books are always your friends. When you are with people just smile and show interest, let them lead the way and don't offer help to anybody unless they ask first.

 

[smmartin0507]

I get how you are feeling. I have always expected to be rejected by unbelievers but I have rarely had any friends with believers either. Why? What's wrong with me? I don't know. I just don't fit in.

I had an older gentleman tell me a story one time. He said there are 3 types of people. Camels, Lions, and Saints. Camels are your average everyday "Christian" that carry their 20lb Bible around and rarely open it. Lions are those of us that have stepped out of the norm. Perhaps they have ugly pasts or they are just different or to radical for Jesus but they don't fit the camel mold.

Do you know what happens when a lion finds itself among a herd of camels? It normally gets kicked to death.

Then you have Saints, these are the ones that rise to a serious intimate personal relationship with Christ.

They can walk among Camels and Lions but never fit with either. It is a lonely life where it is your relationship with the King that fills you not people. People like this are the ones you hear about that have spent years being locked up in Chinese prisons, beaten, in solitary confinement for months or longer (this drives most men mad), etc... and walk out praising God.

Who do you want to be? Perhaps the King is only giving you one choice.

Thank you for sharing ❤️