In a marriage, the husband is the head of the wife. He is to give his life for her.
In a house (marriage w children), the children are to obey the parents.
In a household (many marriages due to children growing up) the elder parents who lead admirably in the Lord receive honor from the young.
When apostles establish elders, those elders rule over the affairs of the local church. At times, deacons are needed to attend to the issues that arise when believers come together.
Ideally, the natural rule within a family supports the spiritual rule among the believers: where there is a 1 to 1 correlation between those who rule their family well naturally and those who rule spiritually. However, because that isn’t so often the case, it is important that believers are connected with elders. For example, there is no Biblical basis for “Youth Pastors”. Parents, mothers and fathers, are charged with the spiritual upbringing of their own children. When that is not available (perhaps a child’s parents are not believers) then an elder will take on the responsibility of raising the young one in the Lord.
Locally, the elders bear the responsibility of the spiritual care of believers. An elder may be an apostle, but he will not travel to another area where there are believers without the consent of the elders there (assuming all is in order). Also, Elders might rule over several congregations in different areas.
All elders are pastors/shepherds but not all shepherds are elders. That means a shepherd may display the care for the people (the primary function of a pastor) but he will not have authority over them, unlike an elder who may command them. Pastors are also not always teachers.
Any ruling stricture within the church that does not resemble a multi-generational family (for example: if leaders/pastors are chosen based upon their education, or chosen from without the congregation, or where “father” is a title, or where “pastors” are transitional, or where there are pastors of functions and not people, or where leaders are chosen by democratic votes, etc.) is not Biblical.