Marital rape is different to lust - one is a crime in most places, the other is a sin. And by definition, a man cannot lust over his wife anymore than he can steal his own possessions. To be unloving doesn't mean that one is lustful. Words mean something, and we should be careful not to contort them, to inhibit evil men using the language for evil purposes. "Hate speech" is an example of where sloppy/lazy word usage may lead.
Where is the word "lust" used in a positive way in scripture?
And but the way a wife is not a possession like a car is a possession.