Need family advice

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L

Liverpool

Guest
#1
#1
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty. When I’ve changed since I got closer to Christ, and I’m trying my best moving forward. I know in the Bible it says “forgive and you will be forgiven”. So I’ve forgiven them, but I just feel guilt. Like my past is always haunting me. I’m not up to “their standards”. I’m kinda like the black sheep of the family so to speak. (If I get into the details it’ll probably take up like 3 pages lol). So I’m trying my best to “win their approval”. And pretty much trying to restore my relationship with them. But it’s just taken a toll on me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be in the family :(
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#2
Jun 30, 2015
25,404
13,747
113
#2
Welcome to CC, Liverpool…
May I suggest this: focus on growing in Christ, ask Him to change you as He sees fit, and stop trying to win the approval of your family. When they see the changes in you that Christ brings about, they will respond. Trying to restore relationships with them before they are ready will likely lead to further problems.
 
HopeinHim98

HopeinHim98

Well-known member
#3
Mar 16, 2023
529
416
63
#3
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty. When I’ve changed since I got closer to Christ, and I’m trying my best moving forward. I know in the Bible it says “forgive and you will be forgiven”. So I’ve forgiven them, but I just feel guilt. Like my past is always haunting me. I’m not up to “their standards”. I’m kinda like the black sheep of the family so to speak. (If I get into the details it’ll probably take up like 3 pages lol). So I’m trying my best to “win their approval”. And pretty much trying to restore my relationship with them. But it’s just taken a toll on me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be in the family :(
Click to expand...
My encouragement is similar to Dino's. Live to please God, not man, tho I'm sure it hurts to be treated that way. Will say a prayer for you.
 
K

Karlon

Well-known member
#4
Mar 8, 2023
2,541
1,141
113
#4
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty. When I’ve changed since I got closer to Christ, and I’m trying my best moving forward. I know in the Bible it says “forgive and you will be forgiven”. So I’ve forgiven them, but I just feel guilt. Like my past is always haunting me. I’m not up to “their standards”. I’m kinda like the black sheep of the family so to speak. (If I get into the details it’ll probably take up like 3 pages lol). So I’m trying my best to “win their approval”. And pretty much trying to restore my relationship with them. But it’s just taken a toll on me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be in the family :(
Click to expand...
the devil wants you to feel guilt. as long as someone doesn't recognize the devil's temptations, the longer the issue will remain & the stronger the conditioned response will get to feel guilt. don't try to win their approval. yes, you heard correctly, don't try. learn to be calm, loose & relaxed in body, mind, spirit, conscious & soul as learn to rid of these problems. another great exercise is to sit in a peaceful place, no sound hopefully, practice breathing deep & hold your breath. this an exercise even today a lot of people don't know about. when you are in a relaxed spiritual state of mind ( that is lifted by the Holy Spirit in your character), you are transforming to positive energy instead of negative energy. of course, believing in Jesus as a born again Christian is the most productive way to the solution. write down statements on a sheet of paper that you can memorize & repeat them to yourself very often in a day. never let the devil in your life. the devil knows everyone's weakest areas & that's where he attacks. i was also the "black sheep" of my family. everyone else got the good stuff while i got nothing. my life was like i had to climb mount Everest in summer clothes just to get 1 bite of a sandwich! when i became born again that all changed immediately & quickly. so every time you are tempted by the devil start repeating your "lesson" teaching quotes. you are on your way to a joy filled life now!!! praise the Lord!
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#5
Sep 17, 2018
4,056
3,170
113
#5
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty. When I’ve changed since I got closer to Christ, and I’m trying my best moving forward. I know in the Bible it says “forgive and you will be forgiven”. So I’ve forgiven them, but I just feel guilt. Like my past is always haunting me. I’m not up to “their standards”. I’m kinda like the black sheep of the family so to speak. (If I get into the details it’ll probably take up like 3 pages lol). So I’m trying my best to “win their approval”. And pretty much trying to restore my relationship with them. But it’s just taken a toll on me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be in the family :(
Click to expand...
If their focus is to tear you down, which it clearly is, perhaps it is they who are not worthy to be part of your family. Seems you have a toxic family and while you think you're trying to raise up to their expectations, in reality you're sinking to their level by trying to please them.

So the question is do you really want to 'live up' to the expectations of people who seem only to care about putting you down and trying to stop your growth? Or are you better than that and choose to see these are not people whose standards you should care about in the slightest?
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#6
Jul 3, 2015
59,918
29,299
113
#6
Liverpool said:
Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be in the family :(
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None of us are worthy to be counted as beloved by God, and yet we are! Focus on that, and not
them, especially since, if they are trying to change you and you them, it is a lose/lose venture.
Do you have any support groups, or a church family that you are in regular contact with?
 
L

Liverpool

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you everyone for the advice. I appreciate it 😀
 
L

Liverpool

Guest
#8
#8
Magenta said:
None of us are worthy to be counted as beloved by God, and yet we are! Focus on that, and not
them, especially since, if they are trying to change you and you them, it is a lose/lose venture.
Do you have any support groups, or a church family that you are in regular contact with?
Click to expand...
Not in regular contact. But that would be a good idea
 
L

Liverpool

Guest
#9
#9
HopeinHim98 said:
My encouragement is similar to Dino's. Live to please God, not man, tho I'm sure it hurts to be treated that way. Will say a prayer for you.
Click to expand...
You’re right. I should be pleasing God, not man
 
L

Liverpool

Guest
#10
#10
Dino246 said:
Welcome to CC, Liverpool…
May I suggest this: focus on growing in Christ, ask Him to change you as He sees fit, and stop trying to win the approval of your family. When they see the changes in you that Christ brings about, they will respond. Trying to restore relationships with them before they are ready will likely lead to further problems.
Click to expand...
Tru I should just focus on God. I know God will help me through it all
 
L

Liverpool

Guest
#11
#11
Subhumanoidal said:
If their focus is to tear you down, which it clearly is, perhaps it is they who are not worthy to be part of your family. Seems you have a toxic family and while you think you're trying to raise up to their expectations, in reality you're sinking to their level by trying to please them.

So the question is do you really want to 'live up' to the expectations of people who seem only to care about putting you down and trying to stop your growth? Or are you better than that and choose to see these are not people whose standards you should care about in the slightest?
Click to expand...
They care for me. It’s just they have every right to be mad at me, cause In the past I’ve broken their trust, and have deceived them. (Like I said I used to be very different person). So I have to recognize my mistakes. I have to try to make peace and forgive and love them, regardless of how they’re treating me. Because they’re my family and God says so. I mean nobody’s perfect. My family are Christian too. It’s just a very complicated issue. But I know God will one day restore my family relationship. I just have to keep trusting in God and obeying him🙂
 
Underwhosewings

Underwhosewings

Well-known member
#12
Jan 19, 2023
1,318
670
113
Australia
#12
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty. When I’ve changed since I got closer to Christ, and I’m trying my best moving forward. I know in the Bible it says “forgive and you will be forgiven”. So I’ve forgiven them, but I just feel guilt. Like my past is always haunting me. I’m not up to “their standards”. I’m kinda like the black sheep of the family so to speak. (If I get into the details it’ll probably take up like 3 pages lol). So I’m trying my best to “win their approval”. And pretty much trying to restore my relationship with them. But it’s just taken a toll on me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be in the family :(
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Fear not, STOP trying, let God do that work in their heart, it takes time.
I am speaking from experience.
Our part is to “walk the talk”.
John 8:29 KJV
…..I do always those things that please him.
A Christian did wrong to me, so I acted in the wrong way back, indirectly.
It was a waste of some years of my life.
But God taught me precious lessons.
“Make it pay”
Get the good out of it, learn the lesson.
Then you can bring comfort to others.

Remember who had open arms to the prodigal son, it was the father.
Some Christians can be very self righteous because they have never gone astray, so they don’t fully understand your position, or even that they are also capable of doing worse.
 
Underwhosewings

Underwhosewings

Well-known member
#13
Jan 19, 2023
1,318
670
113
Australia
#13
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past
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Your daily life will show and remind them that God has returned you to the first principle of repentance and faith.
You can be at peace with God now.
The more they see your joy and peace the more they will be convinced.
Be patient, it takes time.
Faith is infectious. 😊
You are doing the right thing now, so Satan is very angry, but he is a defeated foe.
Proverbs 28:1 KJV
The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion.
 
L

Liverpool

Guest
#14
#14
Underwhosewings said:
Your daily life will show and remind them that God has returned you to the first principle of repentance and faith.
You can be at peace with God now.
The more they see your joy and peace the more they will be convinced.
Be patient, it takes time.
Faith is infectious. 😊
You are doing the right thing now, so Satan is very angry, but he is a defeated foe.
Proverbs 28:1 KJV
The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion.
Click to expand...
Thank you
 
S

Sheariah07

Member
#15
Feb 4, 2023
38
19
8
#15
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty. When I’ve changed since I got closer to Christ, and I’m trying my best moving forward. I know in the Bible it says “forgive and you will be forgiven”. So I’ve forgiven them, but I just feel guilt. Like my past is always haunting me. I’m not up to “their standards”. I’m kinda like the black sheep of the family so to speak. (If I get into the details it’ll probably take up like 3 pages lol). So I’m trying my best to “win their approval”. And pretty much trying to restore my relationship with them. But it’s just taken a toll on me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be in the family :(
Click to expand...
It's not in vain ❤️ if you are doing it as your obedience to God, he will be greatly pleased. He said when a man's way pleases God, he makes his enemies to be at peace with him. Before Jesus started his ministry, John the Baptist prepared the way of the Lord by telling people to repent. He reconciled families so it is very important that you do it.

Malachi 4:5-6 KJV
Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord : [6] And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse

Don't lose heart. You're on the right path. Always acknowledge God in what you do and he will dorect your paths. 🙂
 
Godsgirl1983

Godsgirl1983

Well-known member
#16
Feb 2, 2023
1,712
1,043
113
#16
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty. When I’ve changed since I got closer to Christ, and I’m trying my best moving forward. I know in the Bible it says “forgive and you will be forgiven”. So I’ve forgiven them, but I just feel guilt. Like my past is always haunting me.
Click to expand...
There is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#17
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,773
113
#17
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty.
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It seems like you need a major break from your family. What you should do is relocate to another city or better yet another state or province, and settle there. Eventually you can reconnect with your family. Your mental and spiritual health is more important than hanging around your family.
 
Underwhosewings

Underwhosewings

Well-known member
#18
Jan 19, 2023
1,318
670
113
Australia
#18
Nehemiah6 said:
It seems like you need a major break from your family. What you should do is relocate to another city or better yet another state or province, and settle there. Eventually you can reconnect with your family. Your mental and spiritual health is more important than hanging around your family.
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Psalm 68:6 KJV
God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.
(My family is the people of God, whoever they may be.)
Hebrews 11:25 KJV
Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;
 
Underwhosewings

Underwhosewings

Well-known member
#19
Jan 19, 2023
1,318
670
113
Australia
#19
Liverpool said:
So my family keeps reminding me of my past and making me feel guilty. When I’ve changed since I got closer to Christ, and I’m trying my best moving forward. I know in the Bible it says “forgive and you will be forgiven”. So I’ve forgiven them, but I just feel guilt. Like my past is always haunting me. I’m not up to “their standards”. I’m kinda like the black sheep of the family so to speak. (If I get into the details it’ll probably take up like 3 pages lol). So I’m trying my best to “win their approval”. And pretty much trying to restore my relationship with them. But it’s just taken a toll on me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be in the family :(
Click to expand...
😊🙏
Micah 7:19 KJV
He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.
 
L

Liverpool

Guest
#20
#20
Nehemiah6 said:
It seems like you need a major break from your family. What you should do is relocate to another city or better yet another state or province, and settle there. Eventually you can reconnect with your family. Your mental and spiritual health is more important than hanging around your family.
Click to expand...
Probably yea need a little space. Just me and God for now. But everything will be ok. There’s nothing God can’t do🙂
 
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