I get what you're saying, but I don't know if it's really a male vs. female type of thing.
You and I spoke briefly the other day about "hard truths", and it is a hard truth that we really are to be dead to ourselves and alive unto God through Christ.
I wasn't raised in a Christian family, and I therefore learned everything initially from the world. Basically, every thought of my mind and every desire of my heart was somehow related to being accepted by this world and even revered by it to some degree. When I got saved, it truly was traumatizing to come to the realization that everything about me was wrong. My mindsets. My heart sets. Everything. I truly did need to be crucified with Christ so that it might no longer be I that lived, but Christ who lived in me and through me. That required a lot of repenting on my part, and a lot of renewing of my mind. Believe me, I'm not fully there yet, but I came to recognize early on, as I began to read my Bible, that this is the true call of Christ.
I've often told people that one of the main things that I love about Christ is that he didn't sugarcoat anything. I knew what I was getting into in that I truly counted the cost before I began to build the figurative tower or before I entered into this spiritual war. Because of this, there really hasn't been any confusion in that I knew what to expect from the outset. Heartache? Tons of it, but it's always been more related to grief over my own condition or godly sorrow when God placed his finger on something in me that wasn't right or grief related to the perishing souls all around me. To be fully honest, my biggest heartbreaks are often definitely related to being hated by the lost whom I dearly love. Jesus wept over Jerusalem because the people there missed the day of their visitation. Do we weep for the same reasons that he wept, or do we weep simply because we're not getting the things that we want?
I know that I've mentioned this to you before, but I often read the book of Ecclesiastes in order to maintain a proper mindset and heart set in relation to this world. Everything that is done "under the sun" which is not of eternal importance truly is vanity and a vexation of spirit. Again, that's a hard truth, and certainly not a popular truth, but it is the truth, just the same.