What annoys me about people telling single Christians about dating

[JohnB]

Many people pushing the rules for Christian dating, annoy me. They have lived their lives from their 20's to their 40's, having sex before marriage They've been married 2 or 3 times and now want to tell singles to be pure and holy before the LORD by setting up limits to dating, yet they never followed those rules themselves. They tell you to control your drives, drives they never controlled themselves. I've had Christians tell me if I even think of sex I have sinned.....the whole time I'm watching them with a spouse and 3 or 4 kids.

 

[JohnB]

All they do is to quote bible verses with no compassion or how they affect the other person. They refuse to offer the solution that Jesus and Paul said, to get married.

 

[Gojira]

This is why I resent anyone married or attached telling singles how to handle their singleness. That's not unlike a rich man telling a poor man how to live in his poverty.

 

[Demi777]

When they try to tell you what is right for you without even listening to your needs and think they are holier than you..happens a lot not just to singles. I had a miscarriage from my bf/fiancee to be and one lady in church was basically telling me to leave everyone including my family behind and go live alone just working and praying. Like I wasnt in bad enough of a shape already. I got very upset. Especially when i ended up in the hospital passing out and she then told me that she doubts my sincerity towards God because I said my Father in law picked me up (bfs dad) from the hospital. Some people totally loose their empathy through religiousness

 

[Lanolin]

I would just ignore busybodies and go by what the scripture says and what God reveals to you in your situation. People often want to stick their oars in everyone elses business but if you didnt ask for their advice then you dont need it

Paul was fine when he laid out his advice in letter Corinthians and the Corinthians were a pretty 'free love and hippie' type bunch. I dont know why some people want to always do the opposite of what Paul said. Marriage is actually good for couples to stop fornication. It requires commitment. Its also better for children.
The other thing is to leave virgins and widows alone if they are content to be single...rather than be in a miserable marriage.

 

[SimpleSheep]

When they try to tell you what is right for you without even listening to your needs and think they are holier than you..happens a lot not just to singles. I had a miscarriage from my bf/fiancee to be and one lady in church was basically telling me to leave everyone including my family behind and go live alone just working and praying. Like I wasnt in bad enough of a shape already. I got very upset. Especially when i ended up in the hospital passing out and she then told me that she doubts my sincerity towards God because I said my Father in law picked me up (bfs dad) from the hospital. Some people totally loose their empathy through religiousness

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm sorry you lost your baby.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

🤣🤣🤣

 

[Hazelelponi]

Many people pushing the rules for Christian dating, annoy me. They have lived their lives from their 20's to their 40's, having sex before marriage They've been married 2 or 3 times and now want to tell singles to be pure and holy before the LORD by setting up limits to dating, yet they never followed those rules themselves. They tell you to control your drives, drives they never controlled themselves. I've had Christians tell me if I even think of sex I have sinned.....the whole time I'm watching them with a spouse and 3 or 4 kids.

Just a question - if I sin does that absolve your sin? Does it make your own sin something lesser?

Sin is sin, it's a crime against all that is Holy. We are called to be Holy even as Christ is Holy.

If we sin, we have an advocate in Christ - but there's a difference between walking into a situation with the express intention to sin, and accidentally falling into some sin.

You seem to desire to sin, and are seeking ways to excuse it instead of readjusting your attitude towards sin itself. We should all strive to avoid sinning.

 

[JohnB]

Just a question - if I sin does that absolve your sin? Does it make your own sin something lesser?

Sin is sin, it's a crime against all that is Holy. We are called to be Holy even as Christ is Holy.

If we sin, we have an advocate in Christ - but there's a difference between walking into a situation with the express intention to sin, and accidentally falling into some sin.

You seem to desire to sin, and are seeking ways to excuse it instead of readjusting your attitude towards sin itself. We should all strive to avoid sinning.

I keep repeating this, the church and Christians should push some people into marriage to control their sexual desires. The church and some Christians make just having any sexual desires a sin. Why should people who had all those desires OUTSIDE of marriage, met , than got married 2 or 3 times, tell others to control those desires and put limits on people dating?

 

[JohnB]

When they try to tell you what is right for you without even listening to your needs and think they are holier than you..happens a lot not just to singles. I had a miscarriage from my bf/fiancee to be and one lady in church was basically telling me to leave everyone including my family behind and go live alone just working and praying. Like I wasnt in bad enough of a shape already. I got very upset. Especially when i ended up in the hospital passing out and she then told me that she doubts my sincerity towards God because I said my Father in law picked me up (bfs dad) from the hospital. Some people totally loose their empathy through religiousness

I would have told the woman "get thee behind me Satan" She was doing the work of Satan.

 

[JohnB]

I find it interesting in 1 Corin 7 Paul never called the fornicators to repent, he tells them to get married. The church could have classes on picking a mate and the issues in marriage. But that takes work and it's so much easier to say fornication is a sin and you need to repent. Repenting will not stop the sex drive, marriage will give it a direction. That was Paul's point.

 

[Runningman]

When people are at their most vulnerable is when you’ll find out who your real friends are. Did they seize upon you like predator opportunistically taking advantage of wounded prey?

Or did they comfort you when you were mourning, did they give you mercy, and did they try to bring you peace?

 

[Demi777]

I would have told the woman "get thee behind me Satan" She was doing the work of Satan.

Couldve said that as shes my deacon. But im staying away now thats for sure

 

[NotmebutHim]

There are a couple of issues at play here:

In one instance, someone criticizes someone else for a certain sin (or certain sins) while at the same time participating in that same sin (or sins). That is hypocrisy, and it's what Jesus condemned in the first part of Matthew 7. It is also a form of projection.

On the other hand, a person could criticize another person for a certain sin, but the first person USED to live that way. In other words, the first person is saying to the effect of "I used to live like that and it messed up my life. I don't want the same thing to happen to you." To me, this second scenario is NOT hypocrisy, because the first person is not actively participating in the sin(s) that he/she is calling out.

In your case, OP, you could have both types of people criticizing you and it's understandably difficult to discern whether there is actual hypocrisy going on or not.

As to whether you're trying to justify or excuse your own sins or not, only the Holy Spirit can truly convict you of that. Some of us are just concerned that that might be the case.

Just my $0.02.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I find it interesting in 1 Corin 7 Paul never called the fornicators to repent, he tells them to get married. The church could have classes on picking a mate and the issues in marriage. But that takes work and it's so much easier to say fornication is a sin and you need to repent. Repenting will not stop the sex drive, marriage will give it a direction. That was Paul's point.

A couple of things.

First - when I speak, I speak from the personal space of someone who was both married and then divorced under Islam, according to Islamic law, prior to being saved.

Just a small point, but Islam is contractual marriage - not covenantal as Christianity is, and my former husband caused me lifetime disability due to physical abuse.

When I remarried to a Christian man many years later, I didn't so much as hold my husbands hand prior to marriage.

I don't see my former marriage counting against my Christian marriage, as I was unsaved. My husband is a widower. His wife died of cancer many years before I met him.

So when I give advice that's where I'm coming from.

As far as encouraging youth toward marriage, I think most people do but the youth's have to meet the right person first. You can't advice anyone to marry the first person who says yes - that would lead to a poor choice if "yes" becomes the main criteria.

You have to be realistic, and give advice according to the individuals situation without exceeding the boundaries our Lord has given us.

My stepson married at 18, but they had to have tons of family support to succeed in the marriage - but they both had supportive families that could help them early on. Now they are doing great financially and otherwise.

Not everyone has the above support systems, but in many Christian homes they exist.

If you want to make a change in your local church concerning groups for the unmarried youth there - speak to the elders and see what you can do together as a church. Instead of complaining about x,y,z be the change you want to see there - just make sure to they are clear as to what your proposing.

 

[Blade]

Many people pushing the rules for Christian dating, annoy me. They have lived their lives from their 20's to their 40's, having sex before marriage They've been married 2 or 3 times and now want to tell singles to be pure and holy before the LORD by setting up limits to dating, yet they never followed those rules themselves. They tell you to control your drives, drives they never controlled themselves. I've had Christians tell me if I even think of sex I have sinned.....the whole time I'm watching them with a spouse and 3 or 4 kids.

Sorry just who are you talking about? No really are you talking about people that do not believe in Jesus? I doubt they all "having sex before marriage" I Know some that do not believe and waited till they got married and do have some great advice

 

[JohnB]

Sorry just who are you talking about? No really are you talking about people that do not believe in Jesus? I doubt they all "having sex before marriage" I Know some that do not believe and waited till they got married and do have some great advice

I'm talking about believers and non believers, I've know both sides doing this. I had one friend in church who told me her boyfriend, a leader in the group was coming over to her apartment after he got off of work, after midnight. I had another friend, said she was a Christian. Had a boyfriend. They dated for 19 years and were having sex. It happens in the church and among believers.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Someone special to me asked me to pray for you JohnB to find you a helpmate. Now I dont usually do that kind of thing, praying for a woman or man to come into someones life but today I thought why not, clearly you have a strong desire for it so I said a prayer for her to be revealed to you soon. Blessings.

 

[JohnB]

A couple of things.

First - when I speak, I speak from the personal space of someone who was both married and then divorced under Islam, according to Islamic law, prior to being saved.

Just a small point, but Islam is contractual marriage - not covenantal as Christianity is, and my former husband caused me lifetime disability due to physical abuse.

When I remarried to a Christian man many years later, I didn't so much as hold my husbands hand prior to marriage.

I don't see my former marriage counting against my Christian marriage, as I was unsaved. My husband is a widower. His wife died of cancer many years before I met him.

So when I give advice that's where I'm coming from.

As far as encouraging youth toward marriage, I think most people do but the youth's have to meet the right person first. You can't advice anyone to marry the first person who says yes - that would lead to a poor choice if "yes" becomes the main criteria.

You have to be realistic, and give advice according to the individuals situation without exceeding the boundaries our Lord has given us.

My stepson married at 18, but they had to have tons of family support to succeed in the marriage - but they both had supportive families that could help them early on. Now they are doing great financially and otherwise.

Not everyone has the above support systems, but in many Christian homes they exist.

If you want to make a change in your local church concerning groups for the unmarried youth there - speak to the elders and see what you can do together as a church. Instead of complaining about x,y,z be the change you want to see there - just make sure to they are clear as to what your proposing.

My posts here are to make people aware of the fallacies of the purity movement. Delaying marriage too long is a big mistake. You don't have the same sex drive in your 30's and 40's that you had in your 20's. Once those drives are gone, they are gone. No getting them back to the same levels.

 

[SomeDisciple]

"My feelings, my struggle, they don't understand"

God said: Gird yourself like a man.

Loving your brother doesnt mean handing out warm and fuzzy feelings.
God's word is always the solution...

But what is presented as "the problem" is not always the real problem.