Dating Apps & Websites - Yay or Nay ?
- Thread starter Mel85
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I seen this documentary or video of a organised team of scammers that pretty looked like a customer care call centre who were all on the phones doing their thing - little did they know there was undercover people working with them and hidden cameras in their office. One of the investigators called them and gave them a taste of their own medicine by naming their actual legal name….the reactions were priceless 🤣
Great thread Mel!
Unfortunately, I blasted through my high speed data for the month and can't make the full reply I'd like to.
I was trying to remember... I was on 4 online sites and also tried a real life dating service... Not all at once! 🤣 It was over several years.
Obviously nothing worked out, but it was quite the experience, lol.
Looking back, I'm extremely grateful for what I learned, both good and bad.
I've said this before, but I think the biggest problem for many Christians is the belief that God wants the best for them, so they think the best must be everything they want. I've fallen into this trap, too.
The men I met would tell me how I could be perfect for them and how I could help them pay their bills and raise their kids (because I don't have any.)
I was trying to remember this morning and I can't remember them ever asking what I might need or like or what they might have to offer in return, except the chance to make their life better.
I'm not trying to bash the men -- I read through profiles of and heard women in chat with lists longer than all the rules set out in Leviticus, lol.
And I'm sure I had my own unrealistic expectations, too.
My communication style is also way too slow for most. I don't want to give out my number the first day or week or maybe even month, it depends.
But overall, I'm very thankful for what I learned.
And who knows, one day I might go back. 🙂
Unfortunately, I blasted through my high speed data for the month and can't make the full reply I'd like to.
I was trying to remember... I was on 4 online sites and also tried a real life dating service... Not all at once! 🤣 It was over several years.
Obviously nothing worked out, but it was quite the experience, lol.
Looking back, I'm extremely grateful for what I learned, both good and bad.
I've said this before, but I think the biggest problem for many Christians is the belief that God wants the best for them, so they think the best must be everything they want. I've fallen into this trap, too.
The men I met would tell me how I could be perfect for them and how I could help them pay their bills and raise their kids (because I don't have any.)
I was trying to remember this morning and I can't remember them ever asking what I might need or like or what they might have to offer in return, except the chance to make their life better.
I'm not trying to bash the men -- I read through profiles of and heard women in chat with lists longer than all the rules set out in Leviticus, lol.
And I'm sure I had my own unrealistic expectations, too.
My communication style is also way too slow for most. I don't want to give out my number the first day or week or maybe even month, it depends.
But overall, I'm very thankful for what I learned.
And who knows, one day I might go back. 🙂
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I'm going to see if my data plan will allow me to sneak in a lengthier message on my laptop...
I just wanted to mention some things I learned that I found very helpful to keep in mind when on dating sites. I don't know if it applies to all of them, but:
1. I've read that dating sites don't delete old profiles (including limited time free trials) and will still count them as part of their roster to boost their numbers to attract new people. A site might boast that it has X million members, but maybe only a very small fraction of those accounts are actually up to date, paid for, and actively used, because the number they're pushing includes everyone who ever signed up for the site.
2. I've read that some sites employee people to put up fake profiles with attractive pictures to lure others in, targeting people who are up for renewal or considering joining after a free trial. You might get a message from someone with a stunning picture -- who conveniently disappears right after you pay.
3. Apparently one of the common online dating scams that I wasn't aware of is the "Widow/Widower Scam." One thing to watch for in particular is if the person claims to be very young.
On one Christian site, I noticed a LOT of profiles (both men and women) claiming to be in their 20's, and listed their status was widowed. I thought this was odd, but had a young co-worker once who went into the military, was killed by a suicide bomber, and left behind a wife, so I scolded myself that I wasn't being too judgmental.
Some time later in the live chat, an older man came in and said that he was frustrated by all the widow scams. I never even knew it was a thing. The man said he was an actual widower, and could tell these others were made up. He told us all to beware and to look for certain patterns, such as claiming they were left with one beloved child whom they were struggling to raise alone, so couldn't you help them out, just a little? Or maybe they had been left behind with a mortgage they were having trouble paying, hint hint.
Now I'm certainly not trying to discredit anyone who has gone through the pain of losing a spouse and is actually going through this.
But I can be a little naive at times (I tend to believe people unless proven otherwise,) and that was definitely an eye-opening experience for me.
I just wanted to mention some things I learned that I found very helpful to keep in mind when on dating sites. I don't know if it applies to all of them, but:
1. I've read that dating sites don't delete old profiles (including limited time free trials) and will still count them as part of their roster to boost their numbers to attract new people. A site might boast that it has X million members, but maybe only a very small fraction of those accounts are actually up to date, paid for, and actively used, because the number they're pushing includes everyone who ever signed up for the site.
2. I've read that some sites employee people to put up fake profiles with attractive pictures to lure others in, targeting people who are up for renewal or considering joining after a free trial. You might get a message from someone with a stunning picture -- who conveniently disappears right after you pay.
3. Apparently one of the common online dating scams that I wasn't aware of is the "Widow/Widower Scam." One thing to watch for in particular is if the person claims to be very young.
On one Christian site, I noticed a LOT of profiles (both men and women) claiming to be in their 20's, and listed their status was widowed. I thought this was odd, but had a young co-worker once who went into the military, was killed by a suicide bomber, and left behind a wife, so I scolded myself that I wasn't being too judgmental.
Some time later in the live chat, an older man came in and said that he was frustrated by all the widow scams. I never even knew it was a thing. The man said he was an actual widower, and could tell these others were made up. He told us all to beware and to look for certain patterns, such as claiming they were left with one beloved child whom they were struggling to raise alone, so couldn't you help them out, just a little? Or maybe they had been left behind with a mortgage they were having trouble paying, hint hint.
Now I'm certainly not trying to discredit anyone who has gone through the pain of losing a spouse and is actually going through this.
But I can be a little naive at times (I tend to believe people unless proven otherwise,) and that was definitely an eye-opening experience for me.
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After messaging for about a 1/2 a day. I decided to let him know about my son having aspegers. Well unsure if he was off his med's or what. But he went off on me about how I should let people know about my son right etc. I finally just ignored his messages. For one thing trying to give my son some privacy. I ended up blocking him, because his last message was about you know you love me, stop ignoring me.
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I met my late second wife on an AOL Romance Christian Singles chat room in 2002. Well worth the $24 monthly fee in effect at the time. You are right, a pro-active search for a spouse is like gambling.
You reach a point in your life when you know in your heart what you desire and want or you don't. Pursuing a relationship is a calculated risk. Eventually, you have to shake up the dice and let 'em fly and let the chips fall where they may. Or you step away from the table and spend your days and nights in regret of what you may have missed out on by being too timid to take a chance.
That's how that I roll 'em anyways. Yes, there may be possible heartbreak, but then again, perhaps a certain measure of joy. Regardless, well worth the cost of admission.
In either case, life is an adventure worth living. Otherwise, you start to die by degrees each day.
You reach a point in your life when you know in your heart what you desire and want or you don't. Pursuing a relationship is a calculated risk. Eventually, you have to shake up the dice and let 'em fly and let the chips fall where they may. Or you step away from the table and spend your days and nights in regret of what you may have missed out on by being too timid to take a chance.
That's how that I roll 'em anyways. Yes, there may be possible heartbreak, but then again, perhaps a certain measure of joy. Regardless, well worth the cost of admission.
In either case, life is an adventure worth living. Otherwise, you start to die by degrees each day.
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S
The secular one, (The only reason why I call it "secular" is because as far as I know she does not identify as a Christian) talks about the mechanics being used behind some of these dating apps, and how they are, especially tinder, are designed to addict the end user. She talks about how they use bots, that act like a female, and gets a men to interact with it, and then it ghosts them. Then of course would mess up men, etc.
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I was good to her! I sent her a picture of myself first! It was just a clean oh normal picture. But I was curious of what she looked like. When I did an image search on google, one of the ladies was a basketball player, and there was a big difference in height from the roster verses the height she told me. I know that sometimes basketball might round up, but not that high.
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I have answered ads in a paper before for dating.... It seemed like such a meat market having to weed through the serious and the people just wanting to hook up. I did make a friend or two but never found a serious relationship.
I did fill out a form but ended up throwing the form away after answering the questions as I felt like I wouldn't want to date me and realizing that I needed to work on me and my relationship with God before trying to find a person. It was a wise choice.
I got married the first time at 17 three months before I turned 18 and divorced by 24 because we grew up and grew apart and stayed single until I was 59 and met Tourist here on CC but was not looking for anyone it just happened. We started messaging and ended up falling in love with each other through long talks.
I don't think I like dating sites because of the meat market feel and who knows if they are lying or not, married, not married. Just wanting sex or not. Can't say I trust the sites but do not know anything about Christian dating sites so couldn't comment at all on those.
I did fill out a form but ended up throwing the form away after answering the questions as I felt like I wouldn't want to date me and realizing that I needed to work on me and my relationship with God before trying to find a person. It was a wise choice.
I got married the first time at 17 three months before I turned 18 and divorced by 24 because we grew up and grew apart and stayed single until I was 59 and met Tourist here on CC but was not looking for anyone it just happened. We started messaging and ended up falling in love with each other through long talks.
I don't think I like dating sites because of the meat market feel and who knows if they are lying or not, married, not married. Just wanting sex or not. Can't say I trust the sites but do not know anything about Christian dating sites so couldn't comment at all on those.
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As a grown man this is something that you must control and not your mother. Also, it is entirely up to you whether or not you choose to use online dating. I understand that there might be tension when you start being assertive but if you want to have any type of life this is something you must at least attempt to do. Perhaps find a roommate to share expenses and get your own place. This might take a little time to arrange but thoughts of moving out might give you some hope of a better life. God wants us to have life and to have it more abundantly.
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