I have grown children with whom I have little in common. I only see one because I live with him. I have grandchildren who I barely know. I have no friends. I haven't seen my siblings in nearly a decade. I rarely hear from them. They all have lives. I though, "There must be something wrong with me."
I'm the sick guy who lives with a lot of pain. If it wasn't for money, I would seldom have any contact with anyone besides my doctor and pharmacist. I have a hard time feeding myself. I should probably be in a nursing home.
I qualify for my government's M.A.I.D. program (medical assistance in dying). They will supply me with a lethal dose of Nembutal, if I so choose. This is my reality. I am not feeling sorry for myself.
If I died, my oldest would be sad for awhile. He smokes pot all the time and that would ease things for him. I contribute nothing. I've suffered every minute of every day for 20 years.
When I went to end my life, the Lord stopped me. I'd been asking Him to end my life for some time. Awhile back, I was in a coma and I died. After they failed to restart my heart, and as they were filling out my time of death, my heart started beating again. I later remembered seeing Yeshua in the New Jerusalem.
If I ended my life, I would go to Him. I've known Him since before I was in the womb. He loves me forever and I'm always going to be with Him. I know this, regardless of what anyone's theology says. I don't know about others...I just know about me.
"Seeking Christ" is just being honest about where he's at. He probably hopes talking about this can help get him to a better place emotionally. When a person lives alone in an unchanging void for many years, it can be difficult to hope.
Last week, I thought I needed to read from Proverbs. I flipped open my bible and read a line from it. In my spirit, I stepped out of a marsh onto a rock. It felt good to be alive.
A few days later I went to a new church. They invited me to be part of their community. It felt good to be around other believers.
"To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1
I write, play, and sing songs to the Lord. This helps me.
I need to know You
I want to see You
I must commune with You
I choose to love You
When I am here with You alone
Kneeling before Your throne
My heart has found it's home
With You...once again. -tc