Should I force Sunday school on my son?

[Amanuensis]

My son hates leaving the house. He's 9. He threw the biggest fit about going to church this morning. I feel like it's because he wants to stay home and play games or watch YouTube. The problem is that he makes himself so upset to try to convince me to let him stay home. He says he's in pain, that I hate him, and he cries. Once we get there, he calms down, has a good time, and is smiling when we leave. So do I force it on him, or worry that I really am hurting him to make him go through all of this agony to get there? I think I need to get him into counseling, but I'm trying to figure out how to do that with his insurance right now.

9 is still the age when you should make him do whatever you say and he should obey without complaining.

Limiting his internet so that it is not available during Church events might help him decide to go to church also. If he knows that staying home means no internet until you get back he might just come along without a fuss.

My son is 34 and is glad I raised him in Church. He has fond memories of those years and his church friends and families and has never resented being forced to go.

I made him go until about 13. Then I let him decide. He continued to go to Youth Group Church on his own even when he could drive. He did not go to the Adult services but I had to let him figure it out on his own at that age.

9 is too young to let them tell you whether they want to go to church or not.

 

[sk8boredn]

He fusses about going out in general, but...well, once he's made a friend somewhere, he does better, but he hasn't made any friends at Sunday school. He was less upset to stay in my class with me (I teach the first graders), but the children's ministry director said he needs to go to his own class.

When I was five or six I stayed in with my brother's Sunday school class with the 2 and 3 year olds because the kids my age were jerks. Always said something to make fun of me or make me feel like whatever I was doing was wrong. Toddlers weren't judgmental like that, and thankfully they let me stay in the with the littles. I don't know what the adults felt the reason was that I stayed in there with the little kids, but I'm pretty sure they didn't know the real reason (never sure if they asked me, but I probably made something up if they did ask - like I wanted to be with my brother, or something along those lines.)

 

[PennEd]

My son hates leaving the house. He's 9. He threw the biggest fit about going to church this morning. I feel like it's because he wants to stay home and play games or watch YouTube. The problem is that he makes himself so upset to try to convince me to let him stay home. He says he's in pain, that I hate him, and he cries. Once we get there, he calms down, has a good time, and is smiling when we leave. So do I force it on him, or worry that I really am hurting him to make him go through all of this agony to get there? I think I need to get him into counseling, but I'm trying to figure out how to do that with his insurance right now.

Hi Karyn.

Not sure what the situation is with your son's father, but I DO know that your son is a few short yrs away from you not being able to control him in any fashion without strong male leadership.

Not saying you necessarily have to get in a relationship, but he definitely needs some type of male guidance and perhaps discipline.

In the meantime, as others have said, things like going to Church, are NOT his decision, but your yours.

Be Blessed

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

My son hates leaving the house. He's 9. He threw the biggest fit about going to church this morning. I feel like it's because he wants to stay home and play games or watch YouTube. The problem is that he makes himself so upset to try to convince me to let him stay home. He says he's in pain, that I hate him, and he cries. Once we get there, he calms down, has a good time, and is smiling when we leave. So do I force it on him, or worry that I really am hurting him to make him go through all of this agony to get there? I think I need to get him into counseling, but I'm trying to figure out how to do that with his insurance right now.

I would recommend that you speak with key people at your church, likely those in his Sunday School class, and ask them if they could somehow throw some kind of celebratory party for him. If your son feels like the people at church Love him, he will probably crave to go to church. An impromptu party . . . I'm incredibly serious.

This should be standard practice for anyone who is struggling and suffering . . . especially those who feel like they don't want to be alive.

 

[ChristianTonyB]

I'd say, no. From what I've read of your posts, you and he would be better served by being part of a church group that socialises regularly together. Parents are charged with the task of bringing their children up in God's ways, not to send them off to someone else to do. Rubbing shoulders with other like spirited and minded Christians, besides the sense of belonging and the other benefits, such as what you will get from sharing your life and activity interests with them, you and your son also will have opportunities to learn from them... how they work through life's issues, and they of course, will learn from you too. Ideally such a group would be overseen by a pastor supported by his wife that you can consult with and get help and advice from.

 

[KarynLouise]

I'd say, no. From what I've read of your posts, you and he would be better served by being part of a church group that socialises regularly together. Parents are charged with the task of bringing their children up in God's ways, not to send them off to someone else to do. Rubbing shoulders with other like spirited and minded Christians, besides the sense of belonging and the other benefits, such as what you will get from sharing your life and activity interests with them, you and your son also will have opportunities to learn from them... how they work through life's issues, and they of course, will learn from you too. Ideally such a group would be overseen by a pastor supported by his wife that you can consult with and get help and advice from.

We are part of a home Bible study group. He still complains about going, but doesn't cry and all.

 

[KarynLouise]

The more i think about it, the more i think this is a question for a professional counselor. I have been home schooling him since first grade. He did go to traditional kindergarten and hated it. He was always begging to stay home. It's weird, though, he never complained about pre-school. Maybe it has something to do with moving around or his age. As for Sunday school, he's always needed to be eased into the new environment. His dad or i would stay with him for the first few classes till he was comfortable with us leaving. Then at our last church, we weren't allowed to stay with him in his class, so he just came with us to the services. Some people, including the pastor, were critical of that, but I thought if they wanted him in class, they needed to let us help him acclimate. He's always been very attached to me, but since his dad and i split and we moved away, it's been way worse. So, yeah, definitely need some counseling. Oh, and the other thing you guys brought up is teaching him outside of Sunday school. I do. As part of home schooling we've done a lot of home Bible study, just the two of us. He says he believes, but obviously he's young in that faith. He will say sweet things, and we pray regularly, but when it comes to doing something like corporate worship because God wants us to, he's not about that.

 

[shittim]

He needs to know God on a personal level as we all do, can he send a card to a friend he made at church?
Can he take a little something to share with friends to his class?
We know God desires personnel relationship with each of us and would be eager to establish that relationship with him.

 

[shittim]

The more i think about it, the more i think this is a question for a professional counselor. I have been home schooling him since first grade. He did go to traditional kindergarten and hated it. He was always begging to stay home. It's weird, though, he never complained about pre-school. Maybe it has something to do with moving around or his age. As for Sunday school, he's always needed to be eased into the new environment. His dad or i would stay with him for the first few classes till he was comfortable with us leaving. Then at our last church, we weren't allowed to stay with him in his class, so he just came with us to the services. Some people, including the pastor, were critical of that, but I thought if they wanted him in class, they needed to let us help him acclimate. He's always been very attached to me, but since his dad and i split and we moved away, it's been way worse. So, yeah, definitely need some counseling. Oh, and the other thing you guys brought up is teaching him outside of Sunday school. I do. As part of home schooling we've done a lot of home Bible study, just the two of us. He says he believes, but obviously he's young in that faith. He will say sweet things, and we pray regularly, but when it comes to doing something like corporate worship because God wants us to, he's not about that.

Some many "counselors" are flaky in my experience, Holy Spirit isn't, He only speaks truth.

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

The more i think about it, the more i think this is a question for a professional counselor.

Be careful with "professional" counselors. If for some crazy reason, Child Protective Services were to ever be involved with you or your child's life, CPS has the power to go to that counselor and demand every note that he/she has . . . and they WILL use any and all information against you. They will twist it and turn it into a fairy-tale that could ruin your life. I found out the hard way, but with Adult Protective Services. The Government is corrupt and they will use you like a battery that makes their machines operate. It's all about power and money. Many, many people are paid when these agencies get involved. Lawyers, guardians, judges, court clerks, organizations that issue mental evaluations, CPS, Attorney General . . . it is unbelievable how many people are paid if they can manufacture a story that makes YOU and or your child look bad.

I will never, never consider counseling for the rest of my life.

 

[KarynLouise]

Be careful with "professional" counselors. If for some crazy reason, Child Protective Services were to ever be involved with you or your child's life, CPS has the power to go to that counselor and demand every note that he/she has . . . and they WILL use any and all information against you. They will twist it and turn it into a fairy-tale that could ruin your life. I found out the hard way, but with Adult Protective Services. The Government is corrupt and they will use you like a battery that makes their machines operate. It's all about power and money. Many, many people are paid when these agencies get involved. Lawyers, guardians, judges, court clerks, organizations that issue mental evaluations, CPS, Attorney General . . . it is unbelievable how many people are paid if they can manufacture a story that makes YOU and or your child look bad.

I will never, never consider counseling for the rest of my life.

I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience.

 

[ChristianTonyB]

We are part of a home Bible study group. He still complains about going, but doesn't cry and all.

I assume you have asked him why he does not want to go to be with the other kids. Is his personality type more reserved? Is he lacking in self esteem, and confidence in any way? The reasons can be far more profound than he just doesn't want to give up his electronic games and youtube time, they may merely be the means he uses to escape an unhappy, or threatening, or embarrassing situation. Do you have access to parental guidance or relationship counsellors, ideally Christian ones, at all?

The underlying reason I suggested belonging to a church group overseen by a pastor, is there may be a lot to unpack in your life, and your son's. Children are instinctively unnerved and unsettled when their parents break up, it is not natural for them. The counsel of a mature and wise pastor, and his wife, may well be the help you need.

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience.

Thanks, but do you understand what I'm telling you? Whatever you tell a therapist, that information is NOT confidential. Do you want your "stuff" to be thrown around in a courtroom and potentially released on the internet for all to see?

 

[KarynLouise]

Thanks, but do you understand what I'm telling you? Whatever you tell a therapist, that information is NOT confidential. Do you want your "stuff" to be thrown around in a courtroom and potentially released on the internet for all to see?

Yes, i understand. Thank you.

 

[shittim]

Not HIPAA protected?

 

[KarynLouise]

Not HIPAA protected?

Not when it comes to a child's safety. I'm a mandated reporter myself.

 

[Lanolin]

why doesnt he want to go?
does he get picked on or doesnt like the teacher? There could be legit reasons that he cant quite articulate for you, maybe get him to write down or draw his feelings about it.

otherwise you can just go with him to regular services and give him a colouring book to do while there.
Not sure why what the attraction is to you-tube. I would block the site if its causing this much trouble. TV isnt a babysitter

 

[KarynLouise]

why doesnt he want to go?
does he get picked on or doesnt like the teacher? There could be legit reasons that he cant quite articulate for you, maybe get him to write down or draw his feelings about it.

otherwise you can just go with him to regular services and give him a colouring book to do while there.
Not sure why what the attraction is to you-tube. I would block the site if its causing this much trouble. TV isnt a babysitter

He doesn't like to be away from me. He's only comfortable with it when he has someone else there he knows and trusts or wants to play with. In the past, I've stayed with him for the first couple of classes till he gets used to the people there, and then work my way out when he's busy with them. I'm teaching the first grade class, so that's not an option right now. Plus i think me being there at this age would be weird to the other kids. I wish I could just teach his class, but another couple has been teaching that level for a long time and won't be giving it up for this purpose.

 

[Lanolin]

In my experience with children of split parents is that they prefer to stay home to keep the peace, if they are sure which home they belong to. When they go from one to another it is unsettling. If the dad goes to the same church and he gets to see him at church maybe? Or hes worried you'll find a 'new dad'?

could be totally unrelated to whatever happens in sunday school and he just feels self concious. Other children may comment or ask questions that he doesnt know how to answer.

 

[KarynLouise]

I'm going to be talking to the children's minister to see what he thinks today. Maybe i should ask for him to be able to stay with me in my class. I do want him to have experiences away from me, and the 4th grade class is just across the hall. I just don't know how much this might be a real emotional struggle for him that needs special treatment or how much it's something to push through as just a normal kid thing. I don't want to traumatize him if it's a real psychological thing.