My boyfriend cheated, what should I do ?

[Desdichado]

I wouldn't take a question like this to the boards. Go to someone who knows you both very well. A family member or a Pastor.

 

[SomeDisciple]

SD, I believe you misread what Apple wrote--she said PREVIOUSLY--that is BEFORE he cheated, he had also texted a couple of girls. So she saying there is a pattern of unfaithfulness.

Regardless, I'm pretty sure it's important to know specifically what this cheating was and whether or not it was actually cheating.
If the cheating is fornication, then obviously the guy is not ready to be married at all. But if it's something like taking another person out because he's not sure about Apple, that's not the same thing.

. Note too, she said "We aren't married YET" Meaning they have some plans in that direction, though apparently no formal engagement.

Well, did both parties have said "plan", or just her; because I've definitely seen situations and been in (both sides of) situations where one party was far more invested in the other and assumed things they thought were implied. Nothing can be taken for granted, you have to ask these things.

 

[Laura798]

Regardless, I'm pretty sure it's important to know specifically what this cheating was and whether or not it was actually cheating.
If the cheating is fornication, then obviously the guy is not ready to be married at all. But if it's something like taking another person out because he's not sure about Apple, that's not the same thing.


Well, did both parties have said "plan", or just her; because I've definitely seen situations and been in (both sides of) situations where one party was far more invested in the other and assumed things they thought were implied. Nothing can be taken for granted, you have to ask these things.

SD--If Apple is taking the relationship seriously and she perceives this as unfaithfulness, I think we can take her at her word--I see no reason for us to be Sherlocks in the matter since she's a stranger to us, therefore no need for us to know the back story, only to give advice based on the evidence given.

 

[SomeDisciple]

SD--If Apple is taking the relationship seriously and she perceives this as unfaithfulness, I think we can take her at her word--I see no reason for us to be Sherlocks in the matter since she's a stranger to us, therefore no need for us to know the back story, only to give advice based on the evidence given.

Sure, if we were trying to be her bestie and provide emotional support, but that's not what the OP asked for. She wanted to know what we thought not for us to repeat her own feelings back at her.

 

[Laura798]

Sure, if we were trying to be her bestie and provide emotional support, but that's not what the OP asked for. She wanted to know what we thought not for us to repeat her own feelings back at her.

What? Most people were telling her to RUN--not exactly emotional support. /: As Matthew said, "Often we ask questions when we already know the answer." She wouldn't have asked unless she didn't think it was right.

 

[Laura798]

And asking what we thought based on the facts given. Not for us to analyze a variety of scenarios.

 

[SomeDisciple]

And asking what we thought based on the facts given. Not for us to analyze a variety of scenarios.

You are assuming what was given were facts, and in doing so, you could come to the wrong conclusion and give stupid advice. Regardless I have no intention on discussing it further with you... the OP can speak for themselves.

 

[Laura798]

You are assuming what was given were facts, and in doing so, you could come to the wrong conclusion and give stupid advice. Regardless I have no intention on discussing it further with you... the OP can speak for themselves.

Yikes, SD--I think to call 'advice'--stupid is both unkind and immature on a Christian Chat forum. I don't see any 'stupid' advice here--to say a person who cheats is not the kind of person a Christian should consider marriage material is universally agreed upon amongst true believers--we didn't give advice based on conjecture, but based only on what has been shared.

 

[SomeDisciple]

Yikes, SD--I think to call 'advice'--stupid is both unkind and immature on a Christian Chat forum.

Ridiculous- some advice is very stupid. There is such a thing as foolish council.

--to say a person who cheats is not the kind of person a Christian should consider marriage material is universally agreed upon amongst true believers--

Yes, and I agreed with that.

we didn't give advice based on conjecture, but based only on what has been shared.

Assuming "what was shared" was complete information- which it's not necessarily. Which is why I sought clarification.

What's your deal? How dare I question a female victim? Is that it? Or some other feminist nonsense. The OP can speak for herself. Thanks for your concern.

 

[Icedaisey]

hello- please let me know what you think.
My boyfriend cheated on me but apologized and begged for me to stay with him, he had previously texted a couple of girl in a way I didn’t really like before but then he apologized and stopped. We aren’t married yet. He is a Christian man that does a lot of good for people but had cheating in his whole family. He also spoils me but I’m afraid of the future.

How old is he, are you?
Did he detail to you how he cheated? Or was texting it?

 

[Deade]

Hello Apple, welcome to Christian Chat.
I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

View attachment 231635

 

[Apple7456]

Are you even engaged to be married, or actually committed to be in any way? What the bible says about boyfriends is.... absolutely nothing, because there is no such thing. Did you and this guy have an agreement not to text other people?

Because unless you guys had some kind of agreement on what you relationship was going to be.... you might not like him texting other people, but you can't expect someone to live up to expectations that have not been agreed on. It's not cheating if there was no rule to begin with.

Yes agreement to be in an exclusive relationship. He was in sexual intercourse with one woman and messaging flirty/sexually with a couple of others.

 

[Apple7456]

Uh, it depends on what kind of "cheating" really.

Let's say he didn't ever text other women but noticed them and cheated on them visually...is that alright? No? Some women deal with this in marriages for life...though according to most "that's not cheating". Except Jesus was pretty clear on this one.

What do you recognize as a problem that can be worked through and what can't?
Are things serious enough to seek out counseling?


Certainly don't venture into territory that you aren't comfortable with and is already putting up warnings in your heart. Pray about it.

Welcome to CC!

Sexual intercourse with one woman a couple of time and flirty/sexually sexting with a couple of others but he was apologetic and was very sorry.

 

[TabinRivCA]

Sexual intercourse with one woman a couple of time and flirty/sexually sexting with a couple of others but he was apologetic and was very sorry.

Deal breaker right there.

 

[Apple7456]

Regardless, I'm pretty sure it's important to know specifically what this cheating was and whether or not it was actually cheating.
If the cheating is fornication, then obviously the guy is not ready to be married at all. But if it's something like taking another person out because he's not sure about Apple, that's not the same thing.


Well, did both parties have said "plan", or just her; because I've definitely seen situations and been in (both sides of) situations where one party was far more invested in the other and assumed things they thought were implied. Nothing can be taken for granted, you have to ask these things.

No he initiated the talk about marriage and wanting to. Sexual inter course with one and flirty/sexual texting with two others

 

[Apple7456]

Dear Apple,

Just like any addiction, our desire for love can keep us in unhealthy relationships--think of this as a gift--you have not yet married him so you are fortunate to find out before you have married him and had children. There are godly men out there that will not cheat--THAT is what God wants for you. Make a clean cut and run. Tell him you won't be able to trust him and end the relationship. Block him from your phone and email. Yes it is painful, but it will free you sooner for a more godly relationship. A prayer for you: "Dear Father, please give apple the courage and strength to break free from her boyfriend. Give her godly Christians to support her in this to keep her firm in her decision and not turn back. Bless her with a godly Christian man who will love and cherish her and will be faithful to her. In your Son's name--amen."

But what if I let him go and he doesn’t do it to the next person or becomes a prince for the next one. What if he changes after marriage because marriage is the only thing mentioned in the Bible. ?

 

[Apple7456]

I concur with your estimation.

Do you think he would take marriage more seriously because it’s mentioned in the Bible? Maybe I can be better so that he won’t have to talk to other girls again ?

 

[Apple7456]

Regardless, I'm pretty sure it's important to know specifically what this cheating was and whether or not it was actually cheating.
If the cheating is fornication, then obviously the guy is not ready to be married at all. But if it's something like taking another person out because he's not sure about Apple, that's not the same thing.


Well, did both parties have said "plan", or just her; because I've definitely seen situations and been in (both sides of) situations where one party was far more invested in the other and assumed things they thought were implied. Nothing can be taken for granted, you have to ask these things.

He is the one that pursued me first and started talking about wanting to get married. Cheating I mean sex and sexual flirty texting a couple of others

 

[tourist]

Do you think he would take marriage more seriously because it’s mentioned in the Bible? Maybe I can be better so that he won’t have to talk to other girls again ?

Based on your post I would say no. Unless you are content to settle for second or third place in his life I would absolutely avoid marriage and furthermore, I would break it off with him.

 

[tourist]

But what if I let him go and he doesn’t do it to the next person or becomes a prince for the next one. What if he changes after marriage because marriage is the only thing mentioned in the Bible. ?

Marriage is not the only thing mentioned in the bible. Character is mentioned prominently and his is very suspected. It has to do with trust and without trust there is no foundation to base a marriage on