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Are there single Christian girls in Finland ?
- Thread starter Kauko
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@seoulsearch has struggled much. By the grace of God she has persevered. In my estimation she is a survivor type. It took years to reach the point where she is now able to share her insight based on her life experiences. Ignore her wise counsel at your own peril.
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The problem seems to be that you have made an idol of it.
You also admit it is not possible in your situation since no single women in your country are acceptable to you, while rejecting making any change to your parameters such as meeting someone online or looking someplace where there actually are Christian women around your age who could possibly be acceptable to you... which would not in any way guarantee that you would be acceptable to any of them. Despite what you freely admit to be the impossibility of your situation, you persist in your demands and adamantly refuse to entertain any notion of changing your goals, which really comes across as quite irrational and ill considered.
You also admit it is not possible in your situation since no single women in your country are acceptable to you, while rejecting making any change to your parameters such as meeting someone online or looking someplace where there actually are Christian women around your age who could possibly be acceptable to you... which would not in any way guarantee that you would be acceptable to any of them. Despite what you freely admit to be the impossibility of your situation, you persist in your demands and adamantly refuse to entertain any notion of changing your goals, which really comes across as quite irrational and ill considered.
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Lol.
Your lack of ability to perceive anything about others is astounding.
You expect a magical, perfect Christian girl to land on your doorstep, all within a 2-foot diameter of where you live, while simultaneously living up to a jumbo toilet paper roll-sized list of your demands and wants.
You repeatedly ask for advice, yet refuse to try anything other than your own ideas, and as I said before, you've set a parameter of how and where you will search to be about the size of a dinner plate.
I have tried every avenue one can suggest. I've been part of multiple churches -- not to shop for dates, but because that's where life took me -- and have been part of multiple groups, classes, volunteer work, and areas of service.
I've tried live dating services, online dating services, being part of social circles, pursuing hobbies in the hopes of meeting people -- I am not an expert by any means, but you name it, and I've probably tried it.
And I am by nature, very much an introvert, so much of this is forced and very unnatural to me, but I get up and do it. My life has been very much about kicking me out of any comfort zone I might have had a brief moment to cling to.
I've traveled all across the USA to meet people. I've been willing to do long distance or even relocate, but nothing has worked out. I've put in countless extra hours at work, or picked up additional jobs to be able to pay for it and never be a financial burden to a man. I now usually pay for both of us on a first date, no matter who asked, so that no guy can ever say I used him for something, let alone a free dinner.
There was a time when I wanted to meet someone overseas, but one day he ghosted me out of nowhere and I have no idea what I did that turned him off.
I have compromised my boundaries and values for the sake of not being alone, but regretted it every time. I'm just thankful I've had family and friends to help kick me back into gear.
No, I don't accept singleness without one HECK of a fight, even now. Covid might have slowed me down, but it won't stop me. Next year I am hoping to meet with yet another wonderful, amazing group of people from this very site.
So please, don't even think about telling me that I don't try, or that I just accept my conditions.
You, however, are pretty much rolling over and insisting upon playing dead -- all because it brings you the attention you desire.
If God won't open a door to the right person for you, good luck trying to kick it open.
But as for me, I will never stop searching for doors. Sometimes I think the reason God has kept me single is to act as a counterpart to stories like yours.
Your lack of ability to perceive anything about others is astounding.
You expect a magical, perfect Christian girl to land on your doorstep, all within a 2-foot diameter of where you live, while simultaneously living up to a jumbo toilet paper roll-sized list of your demands and wants.
You repeatedly ask for advice, yet refuse to try anything other than your own ideas, and as I said before, you've set a parameter of how and where you will search to be about the size of a dinner plate.
I have tried every avenue one can suggest. I've been part of multiple churches -- not to shop for dates, but because that's where life took me -- and have been part of multiple groups, classes, volunteer work, and areas of service.
I've tried live dating services, online dating services, being part of social circles, pursuing hobbies in the hopes of meeting people -- I am not an expert by any means, but you name it, and I've probably tried it.
And I am by nature, very much an introvert, so much of this is forced and very unnatural to me, but I get up and do it. My life has been very much about kicking me out of any comfort zone I might have had a brief moment to cling to.
I've traveled all across the USA to meet people. I've been willing to do long distance or even relocate, but nothing has worked out. I've put in countless extra hours at work, or picked up additional jobs to be able to pay for it and never be a financial burden to a man. I now usually pay for both of us on a first date, no matter who asked, so that no guy can ever say I used him for something, let alone a free dinner.
There was a time when I wanted to meet someone overseas, but one day he ghosted me out of nowhere and I have no idea what I did that turned him off.
I have compromised my boundaries and values for the sake of not being alone, but regretted it every time. I'm just thankful I've had family and friends to help kick me back into gear.
No, I don't accept singleness without one HECK of a fight, even now. Covid might have slowed me down, but it won't stop me. Next year I am hoping to meet with yet another wonderful, amazing group of people from this very site.
So please, don't even think about telling me that I don't try, or that I just accept my conditions.
You, however, are pretty much rolling over and insisting upon playing dead -- all because it brings you the attention you desire.
If God won't open a door to the right person for you, good luck trying to kick it open.
But as for me, I will never stop searching for doors. Sometimes I think the reason God has kept me single is to act as a counterpart to stories like yours.
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Smile.
Thank you so much, Tourist. I greatly appreciate all the support you and your lovely wife give to us singles.
I know Kauko would never do this, but if he would even glance at my over 13,000 posts on this site, he would see how much I very much do not just sit back and accept my situation.
But even my extreme stubbornness is no match for God's will.
And in the end, whether single or married, it is that which, of course, we must accept above all else, whether or not our situation changes.
Thank you so much, Tourist. I greatly appreciate all the support you and your lovely wife give to us singles.
I know Kauko would never do this, but if he would even glance at my over 13,000 posts on this site, he would see how much I very much do not just sit back and accept my situation.
But even my extreme stubbornness is no match for God's will.
And in the end, whether single or married, it is that which, of course, we must accept above all else, whether or not our situation changes.
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Writing makes it very easy to hide.
For me, writing unlocks all the thoughts I normally have or choose to keep to myself.
I've often said that I am an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed. I have a deep need to understand people, and this often overrides my natural introverted nature, most especially by writing.
During the pandemic, I was often completely by myself except for the friends I talk to online and, if available, weekly church services, but of course all you could do was wave at other people from across the room.
If you've ever seen the Fantastic 4 movies in which Jessica Alba plays Susan Storm, you'll see that she can throw out huge bursts of energy in a force field, but if she does it with too much effort all at once or for too long, it starts to cause damage and her nose starts to bleed.
For me, forcing myself to be be a temporarily "impersonate an extrovert" is a lot like that, and when I start to feel the damage setting in, I often withdraw from everyone and everything, sometimes for vast amounts of time.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Godsgirl, and for always sharing your wisdom about marriage and family life. I appreciate you and so many other regulars here. *heart*
It's a shame that @Kauko doesn't realize it, but many of us here have been on this site for a bit and often get to know a lot of people on this site on a continual basis. Some of us even eventually decide to meet up in person, or, as we get to know others here, might even introduce them to others we think they might hit it off with, and who knows what could happen from there?
It's all up to God. Many of us enjoy building community here and are happy to try to introduce good-hearted singles to new friends or even a possible significant other.
But as long time singles, we are also very familiar with, what Lynx would say, "more red flags than a Chinese parade", and are cautious about whom we would recommend that our friends and contacts might want to PM or get to know.
Not out of judgment, but out of personal experience and loss with those very same issues.
For me, writing unlocks all the thoughts I normally have or choose to keep to myself.
I've often said that I am an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed. I have a deep need to understand people, and this often overrides my natural introverted nature, most especially by writing.
During the pandemic, I was often completely by myself except for the friends I talk to online and, if available, weekly church services, but of course all you could do was wave at other people from across the room.
If you've ever seen the Fantastic 4 movies in which Jessica Alba plays Susan Storm, you'll see that she can throw out huge bursts of energy in a force field, but if she does it with too much effort all at once or for too long, it starts to cause damage and her nose starts to bleed.
For me, forcing myself to be be a temporarily "impersonate an extrovert" is a lot like that, and when I start to feel the damage setting in, I often withdraw from everyone and everything, sometimes for vast amounts of time.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Godsgirl, and for always sharing your wisdom about marriage and family life. I appreciate you and so many other regulars here. *heart*
It's a shame that @Kauko doesn't realize it, but many of us here have been on this site for a bit and often get to know a lot of people on this site on a continual basis. Some of us even eventually decide to meet up in person, or, as we get to know others here, might even introduce them to others we think they might hit it off with, and who knows what could happen from there?
It's all up to God. Many of us enjoy building community here and are happy to try to introduce good-hearted singles to new friends or even a possible significant other.But as long time singles, we are also very familiar with, what Lynx would say, "more red flags than a Chinese parade", and are cautious about whom we would recommend that our friends and contacts might want to PM or get to know.
Not out of judgment, but out of personal experience and loss with those very same issues.
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Ok, thank you for taking your time to listen me, or atleast try to.
Even if this thread is already very long for me to remember everything I wrote, I definitely know I never posted "I want the perfect girl". And this is true. I cant ask a perfect girl when Im not perfect myself. So I will tell you. A Christian girlfriend is the best kind of girlfriend a man like me can have.
- She has a deep faith in God and loves Him more than anything in this world. She is very commited to Him and prays daily or even several times a day. She adores Him, she asks for His help, she thanks Him and she repents of her sins.
- She is humble, modest, feminine and calm and listens more than she talks (ok I know Im not quite a good listener, but is a trait I really love in girls to be honest). She is not harsh, greedy, rebellious or self-centered.
- She is rather shy with people because she prefers to be with the few ones she can trust (and yes I may need to change for such a girl to trust me but again, to be honest Im very attracted to girls who are slow and want security first).
- She reserves herself for marriage and will never lie in bed with any man other than her future husband. She is prude and conservative and feels uncomfortable being seen in underwear. Rather, she wants to be attractive in her heart.
- She uses no social media and does not look at the phone all the time. Rather, she enjoys traditional hobbies like knitting, cooking, reading the Bible, puzzles, etc.
Have in mind Im talking about what my ideal girl would look like. I may not be the best man (but not the worst either) but I would really love a girl like this. Basically, I want a girl who is a very devout believer and follower of Christ and follows the Word of God the maximum times possible and when she doesnt, she kneels before God, cries for His forgiveness and does not repeat her sin (or atleast tries hard not to). She is a sinner who really wants to be clean and please God. She is a God-centered girl. This would be so beautiful !
Even if this thread is already very long for me to remember everything I wrote, I definitely know I never posted "I want the perfect girl". And this is true. I cant ask a perfect girl when Im not perfect myself. So I will tell you. A Christian girlfriend is the best kind of girlfriend a man like me can have.
- She has a deep faith in God and loves Him more than anything in this world. She is very commited to Him and prays daily or even several times a day. She adores Him, she asks for His help, she thanks Him and she repents of her sins.
- She is humble, modest, feminine and calm and listens more than she talks (ok I know Im not quite a good listener, but is a trait I really love in girls to be honest). She is not harsh, greedy, rebellious or self-centered.
- She is rather shy with people because she prefers to be with the few ones she can trust (and yes I may need to change for such a girl to trust me but again, to be honest Im very attracted to girls who are slow and want security first).
- She reserves herself for marriage and will never lie in bed with any man other than her future husband. She is prude and conservative and feels uncomfortable being seen in underwear. Rather, she wants to be attractive in her heart.
- She uses no social media and does not look at the phone all the time. Rather, she enjoys traditional hobbies like knitting, cooking, reading the Bible, puzzles, etc.
Have in mind Im talking about what my ideal girl would look like. I may not be the best man (but not the worst either) but I would really love a girl like this. Basically, I want a girl who is a very devout believer and follower of Christ and follows the Word of God the maximum times possible and when she doesnt, she kneels before God, cries for His forgiveness and does not repeat her sin (or atleast tries hard not to). She is a sinner who really wants to be clean and please God. She is a God-centered girl. This would be so beautiful !
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In other words, you want, you want, you want.
You have nothing to offer, nothing to give (not even a listening ear,) not even the motivation to work on yourself.
And yet, you expect everything to be given back to you from someone else in return.
What if God is saving your Christian girl... for a man who lives up to what he expects in a woman?
And if you expect her to use no social media, what will be your excuse to her for being here on a social media platform yourself, racking up a 30+ page thread, just to talk about yourself?
Why do you expect a holy Christian girl if you break almost all your own rules yourself?
As I said earlier in this thread, your attitude is a prime reason why many of choose to stay single, rather than stooping to becoming the victim of a hypocrite who demands everything and works at nothing.
I don't see this thread as being about you anymore.
Rather, it's a platform on which to talk to other singles about how to avoid getting involved with an attitude like this, and hopefully, for most of us, to avoid becoming like this as well.
You have nothing to offer, nothing to give (not even a listening ear,) not even the motivation to work on yourself.
And yet, you expect everything to be given back to you from someone else in return.
What if God is saving your Christian girl... for a man who lives up to what he expects in a woman?
And if you expect her to use no social media, what will be your excuse to her for being here on a social media platform yourself, racking up a 30+ page thread, just to talk about yourself?
Why do you expect a holy Christian girl if you break almost all your own rules yourself?
As I said earlier in this thread, your attitude is a prime reason why many of choose to stay single, rather than stooping to becoming the victim of a hypocrite who demands everything and works at nothing.
I don't see this thread as being about you anymore.
Rather, it's a platform on which to talk to other singles about how to avoid getting involved with an attitude like this, and hopefully, for most of us, to avoid becoming like this as well.
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Of course, Im not saying she cant fail or be weak in faith sometimes. She is an human being more than anything (just like me) and I know it. What I want, is a girl who knows she is a sinner and knows God knows her better than herself, and who is capable of learning and understanding from her errors and willing to exercise righteousness.
You won't even look up a thread in which other amazing Christian people talk about, and give encouraging, Scripture-based advice about how to fight alcoholism.
At best, you refuse to read, or at worst, are unable to retain anything anyone says to you, and demand that people go through the posts and give you all the previously made points rather than going back and rereading yourself.
Maybe you are working to better yourself in ways that can't be seen here, but you sure don't put across an attitude of wanting to put in much work or any effort at all, so why would your personal life be any different?
And you simply can't just expect to meet or attract people with traits you don't even bother working on yourself.
If you do meet a girl, at least be honest in that you may want/expect her to use no social media, but you insist on dominating its spotlight for yourself.
At best, you refuse to read, or at worst, are unable to retain anything anyone says to you, and demand that people go through the posts and give you all the previously made points rather than going back and rereading yourself.
Maybe you are working to better yourself in ways that can't be seen here, but you sure don't put across an attitude of wanting to put in much work or any effort at all, so why would your personal life be any different?
And you simply can't just expect to meet or attract people with traits you don't even bother working on yourself.
If you do meet a girl, at least be honest in that you may want/expect her to use no social media, but you insist on dominating its spotlight for yourself.
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You're the one demonstrating otherwise repeatedly throughout your own thread.
Time for a change of pace.
I'm going to use the things you've brought up as a springboard for some new, hopefully more interactive discussions (ideas being exchanged and valued by all parties, not centered around one person.)
You're more than welcome to come learn about others, Kauko. I'm in a time crunch right now, but hope to see you in the new thread I'll put up when I have time.
Time for a change of pace.
I'm going to use the things you've brought up as a springboard for some new, hopefully more interactive discussions (ideas being exchanged and valued by all parties, not centered around one person.)
You're more than welcome to come learn about others, Kauko. I'm in a time crunch right now, but hope to see you in the new thread I'll put up when I have time.
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