And if I cant simply find a marriage material girl no matter how I fix or try to fix myself ?
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
Throughout this thread, you keep asking, What do I do? How do I do it? Who can do it for me? Just keep telling me again and again because I'm going to keep asking the same questions. (Which brings me back to my previous post -- I'm wondering what you're really demonstrating with this is your level of intoxication and how its diminishing effect on your level of comprehension and independent thinking.
Seriously.
You are 30 years old and say you've had a steady job for years.
Are you saying that you really haven't developed the adult skills to know how to recognize the issues in your life and what steps to take in order to deal with them?
Others in this thread besides myself have already given you multiple suggestions.
Stop spending all your time here, and use that time to start looking up resources to deal with your alcoholism.
There are several people here who struggle with the same or similar issues.
If you'd take a minute to focus on someone other than yourself, you might meet some of them, but it's obvious you wouldn't listen to anything they had to say anyway. There is a highly respected member here who started a support group thread regarding these issues, but I'm not going to go through the trouble of posting the link for you because I know you won't pay any attention to it.
Everything in this life requires work.
Show that you're willing to do some of it.
If you would like the link to the thread I'm talking about, you can search for threads about addictions or alcohol here on the site (there are many.)