"Women Only Want Money"; "Men Only Want Sex." How Do You Cope With These Assumptions?

[MsFlowers]

I'm very much in your boat of being super guarded, but it does raise the question... how is a good guy who is dating you with the hopes of possibly marrying and having sex with you someday supposed to express the he is interested in having sex with you but is willing to wait for the right circumstances? Because I imagine that's kind of a big conundrum for all those decent Christian guys that have intact sex drives. And my understanding is that eventually for a healthy marriage you do have to be able to discuss those kind of things (but seriously not on the first or second date guys).

That's so true! I can't help, but be guarded though 😩 lol and I think that comes from past personal experiences, but all I can think is taking it one day a time. If you're dating someone and the possibility of marriage is up for discussion to definitely talk about this! Also I would think it would be important to be honest too and tell them why you're so guarded that way they understand especially if you can discern he's serious about you and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt you (and again I think this can go for guys too not just women). Omg Cinder! I totally agree definitely not a second or third date 🤣! 1. That would be super awkward and 2. That would be the biggest red flag thus far haha.

 

[true_believer]

All I know is, I hope I don't wind up with a woman who will criticize me to her friends.

There's this one woman on the job who regales us all with tales of her husband's shortcomings... including how he is lacking in the bedroom. I've never met the guy and I still feel sorry for him.

It says a lot about a person's character when they gossip to friends, family, etc. about all the shortcomings of their partner.
When dating someone new and they are badmouthing their exes or talk behind their friends' back, that's a pretty good sign to walk away from them. They'll be doing the same to you in no time.

 

[Lanolin]

yea I dont like dates that go on about previous partners Im like I dont actually know them (or you) from a bar of soap so why you telling me all this stuff.

The rotten friends thing though is something that sometimes happen, when people latch on to you for some random reason, think they are friends with you and then start demanding ALL your time and energy, like they are married to you or something.

Best thing is to keep your distance. Your good friends who DO respect your time and energy dont really need to hear about all the people that dont.

Unless they have a restraining order or something and they violate it by coming after you.

 

[MsFlowers]

yea I dont like dates that go on about previous partners Im like I dont actually know them (or you) from a bar of soap so why you telling me all this stuff.

The rotten friends thing though is something that sometimes happen, when people latch on to you for some random reason, think they are friends with you and then start demanding ALL your time and energy, like they are married to you or something.

Best thing is to keep your distance. Your good friends who DO respect your time and energy dont really need to hear about all the people that dont.

Unless they have a restraining order or something and they violate it by coming after you.

I actually know someone that has an ex boyfriend who makes youtube videos of relationship advice and uses their shortcomings and other girls they dated for the world to see 😕. Their ex bf even called them and many other ex girlfriends out of their names. Very sad and not much helpful.

 

[Lynx]

The very fact that he HAS many ex-girlfriends should be a red flag... The video diatribes are a good clue as to why he has so many ex-girlfriends.

 

[true_believer]

The very fact that he HAS many ex-girlfriends should be a red flag... The video diatribes are a good clue as to why he has so many ex-girlfriends.

Having lots of exes nowadays is pretty much the norm. Being married or engaged multiple times is a much bigger red flag.

 

[cinder]

Having lots of exes nowadays is pretty much the norm. Being married or engaged multiple times is a much bigger red flag.

Depends on how you view relationships, some people set up house together and break up with it not working out after playing at marriage for a few years with no engagement or legal marriage. I don't see having that situation multiple times as any better than being engaged or married multiple times and then ending it.

 

[Lynx]

"Hey babe, we've been together a few years now... how about we get married and see how long we can stand each other?"

That's not original, actually... it's a quote from an old joke book.

 

[true_believer]

Depends on how you view relationships, some people set up house together and break up with it not working out after playing at marriage for a few years with no engagement or legal marriage. I don't see having that situation multiple times as any better than being engaged or married multiple times and then ending it.

I'm referring to how many of us date short-term before committing long-term.
Whenever I was in a relationship and after a few months I felt that I couldn't have a future with the woman or that we we incompatible, I would end it. It's not right to stay with someone if you aren't willing to commit to them long-term.

 

[Lanolin]

I actually know someone that has an ex boyfriend who makes youtube videos of relationship advice and uses their shortcomings and other girls they dated for the world to see 😕. Their ex bf even called them and many other ex girlfriends out of their names. Very sad and not much helpful.

um

thats horrible.
dating lots of people and then ditching them doesnt make you an expert in anything, I would think. People arent perfect, so why suddently expect it when you date.

 

[cinder]

I'm referring to how many of us date short-term before committing long-term.
Whenever I was in a relationship and after a few months I felt that I couldn't have a future with the woman or that we we incompatible, I would end it. It's not right to stay with someone if you aren't willing to commit to them long-term.

This I totally agree with. And I have no problem with people who date to try to find a mate. I just know that some people think of mating as dating (and some are fine mating without even dating the person, and then you go to the UK and mate can mean something totally different).

 

[Lanolin]

in nz mate just means a good friend, particularly boys use it to refer to other boy friends the same way people say 'bro' meaning brother even if someone is not actually their brother.

also girls will say sister or girlfriend about someone female. Doesnt mean they are blood sisters or lesbians either.

 

[Lanolin]

dating is more of an american thing to do if you are rich.

in nz we just call it 'going out' 'going around' or 'seeing someone'

 

[MsFlowers]

dating is more of an american thing to do if you are rich.

in nz we just call it 'going out' 'going around' or 'seeing someone'

What about the word or term courting? I don't use it myself, but I have heard this term used before.

 

[MsFlowers]

um

thats horrible.
dating lots of people and then ditching them doesnt make you an expert in anything, I would think. People arent perfect, so why suddenly expect it when you date.

Yeah, there is no such thing as perfection. I once heard someone say something like, "are you still single? Perhaps it's because you have impossible high standards of perfection..." You're absolutely right, no one is perfect and I think you can be disappointed a lot if you think that way towards other people. Thank God for Jesus .

 

[Lynx]

dating is more of an american thing to do if you are rich.

in nz we just call it 'going out' 'going around' or 'seeing someone'

Only rich people date here in America? Wow... I never knew that.

Apparently all the people I know who date, and who are definitely NOT rich, don't know that either.

 

[true_believer]

Yeah, there is no such thing as perfection. I once heard someone say something like, "are you still single? Perhaps it's because you have impossible high standards of perfection..." You're absolutely right, no one is perfect and I think you can be disappointed a lot if you think that way towards other people. Thank God for Jesus .

There's no such thing as perfection. But when choosing a someone who could be your potential spouse or parent of your children, standards are important.
A couple of years ago, someone I've known since high school, wanted to set me up with a lady friend of his at an upcoming dinner party. He told me, "She's a great gal. She just drinks and smokes a lot". For obvious reasons, I didn't show up.

 

[kinda]

What about the word or term courting? I don't use it myself, but I have heard this term used before.

Just my take on the subject....

Isn't courting back in the 50's? Courting was like interviewing for marriage, where as dating is suppose to be like a game, where no one wins. Well, I don't know.

I don't think to many people win in marriage, it's more like an endless compromise. That's why marriage doesn't exist in heaven, like we view it on earth.

 

[Lynx]

Just my take on the subject....

Isn't courting back in the 50's? Courting was like interviewing for marriage, where as dating is suppose to be like a game, where no one wins. Well, I don't know.

I don't think to many people win in marriage, it's more like an endless compromise. That's why marriage doesn't exist in heaven, like we view it on earth.

Wait, no, that one also loses. How about a nice game of chess?





Even the identity matrix doesn't come out right.

 

[true_believer]

What about the word or term courting? I don't use it myself, but I have heard this term used before.

"Courting" sounds a term that was part of my grandparents vocabulary like "swell", "golly gee" or "dungarees".