How far would you go???

[grace]

I have been thinking about this for a few days, and was curious as to what sort of responses others would give....so I am laying it out there.

There have been numerous things that have gotten me thinking about this, one being Melody (KiwiOT) posting on here about her and Stephen (sp?) (Meridoc) and their upcoming wedding.
She is in NZ, and he is from Canada. He gave up his whole life there to move and be with Melody. And now, in less than 6 weeks they are going to be husband and wife.

How far would you be willing to go?

If you met someone who really intrigued you, and who you found yourself attracted to, would you uproot your life that you now know and move to be with them?

Would you consider a compromise and move part way, and they move part way?

Would you ask them to move to where you are? (and give up the life they know?)

I know for me personally, that is not a viable option right now, because I have children. But, I have moved for someone before. I gave up school, and my job.. (therefore my career), my friends, church, everything and moved to another state.
If I did not currently have children, I could possibly see myself doing that again if the situation presented itself.

Is age a factor? (the older you see yourself getting the more your willing to compromise to have that true-love companion?)

Just curious what other have to say.

Blessings

 

[Megatron]

I would stay in the US. And its actually more a matter of places I wouldnt go. Like california, az,new mexico, texas, alabama, mississippi, florida, louisiana, georgia, south carolina, west virginia, montana, the dakotas, wisconsin, utah, nevada, wyoming, nebraska, iowa, idaho, alaska, kansas, oklahoma....thats it off the top of my head. nothing about those states intrigue me, she could come here

 

[Jullianna]

My responsibility as a parent has been the determining factor in my life for the past few years, so I totally get where you are coming from, Grace. Up until now, I have not been free to just pack up and move to wherever. I felt that the fewer changes my son had in his life, the better, but now that he's in college I expect him to be moving away within the next year or so anyway.

I love my job, so if I met someone from here or someone who wanted to come here and live, I would be okay with that. If I met someone who lived in another part of the country, I would be fine with moving there too. I would not have a problem living in another country either, but I would have to be able to come back to the States often to spend time with my son and the rest of my family.

I think I NEED to make some drastic changes in my life. I expect to do exactly that within the next two years, whether someone comes into my life or not. I may move back home to Texas. I may change jobs. My life has kind of been on hold for the past few years and it's time to move on. I'm just waiting for the Lord to direct my path.

 

[xJoe]

Honestly I do not think I would forsake all. God is doing a lot for me down in Chicago right now, I get to help plenty of people, I am helped by plenty of people, I have a lot of fun and I am learning so much for my life in general.
Unless God had something greater in store for me somewhere else I would refuse.
Don't give up your career at ALL for anyone. Why? God wants to use use the BEST way we possibly can correct? Giving up a career for someone else in my view would never be something God would ask us to do. You shouldn't have to forsake your career for someone, why can't you have both? And you limit yourself and what God can do with you.
I would love and I do think about having a Godly mate but that's not what my life is for. If being with someone would mean giving up what God has for me then I believe I am missing the whole point of living.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding;
6in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.
By acknowledging God in our daily life he will show us his will. I shouldn't compromise that will for someone else in hopes of it being better unless God shows me different.
My view. =P

 

[NukePooch]

Probably all the way out to the mailbox...if it's afternoon and the mail's already come, that is. No need to make a wasted trip.

 

[Liamson]

Probably all the way out to the mailbox...if it's afternoon and the mail's already come, that is. No need to make a wasted trip.

They have brides for that.

 

[kiwi_OT]

They have brides for that.

Hehehehe

I'll have to get Steven to reply to this later when he comes home from work as his opinion is probably more worthwhile than mine right now but I'll give my 2 cents worth anyway to explain how we solved it.


I love to travel, and after going to Vancouver (Canada) to meet Steven's family, I absolutely fell in love with the place (and his parents!). I told Steven I was totally ready to move to Canada if that was the final decision.

When Steven first visited me here in New Zealand he loved it here too. He liked that NZ is smaller, easy to get around, the community is largely very safe (esp in the South Island where I live). Everyone is very open and likable. Striking a conversation with a random stranger is very easy to do and is an every day occurance here. Kids play in the street and its cheap to live here compared to Vancouver.

There were pros and cons to each area of course but we had to look at situations in our lives that we could not change eg:

• Canada had recently changed its laws regarding working Occupational Therapists, making the minimal qualification a Masters degree (I would only have a bachelors degree), therefore if I moved there I could only be a teacher aide, OT assistant etc and I'd have a huge pay cut compared to what I deserve and I wouldnt be happy with that after 4 years of hard studying.
• My family. I am 22 years old and I am incrediably close to my mother. Despite loving Stevens family I would miss my mother terribly.
• Steven has a large variety of work experience (he is 34), therefore finding work in NZ would be easier than me finding work in Canada.

At the end of the day, someone will always miss out. Wherever we raise our children one of our families will miss out. I will make sure that as our children grow up, what they are taught at school and home will be easy to transfer to Canada if we ever decide to move back, or if they want to move to Canada permanently once theyve grown up.

Quite frankly, Steven has adapted to New Zealand culture like a duck on water. And for moving here, I am incrediably grateful and respectful of my future husband and love him very much what what hes done for me.
I will always make sure that our life will have plenty of Canada in it.

 

[GreenNnice]

To the ends of the Earth but ONLY if God told me so. Going on a trip somewhere USA would be not that big a deal if meeting place was somewhere like LA or Phoenix or wherever Southwest Airlines travels, LOL. (I wouldn't mind a couple hundred bucks spent and that's a cheap ticket, I have airline miles too racked up but...hmm, that's different. ) *Green grin (I did this grin ALL the time when I used to chat day and night , night and day and night-day and day-night on c.c. a couple years ago, but not done it much on here in forums, if, at all, , but there ya go !!!

But, to be real, the Lord leads, you MUST be equally yoked and there is no way that you should marry someone that is not right for you and, TRUST ME, you only THINK you know who is right for you. Different parallels or paradoxes I could point out but just to say, God knows us better than we know ourselves, He is ultimate GREATEST dude in UNIVERSE...and beyond (Isaiah 66:1 ) . Attraction is part of it, but, as you get older, unfortunately, or fortunately, depending how you look at it

See the movie 'Swordfish,' and you just may want to hold off that three state trek to see the online beauty of your dreams, or, online knight. It was highligted movie on 60 minutes last summer that I saw, quite an EYE-opener. The internet is a very real but also very scary, very manipulative place and who knows who is really what. Shoot, I could be a child protege six-year-old that can really, really really write a lot of big words, you JUST don't know.

 

[kiwi_OT]

I totally understand that children make it harder and I would say whoever had children would have a large degree of leeway.

I was saying this in another thread and I'll say it again, long distance requires a huge financial commitment and the lifestyle of visiting someone far away (or near) for a few weeks then having to leave and not being with them again for another 6 month to a year is not recommended for everyone. In fact, its pure emotional torture. The only reason I got through it was because I was in my last year in college so I had to literally force myself to focus on my papers and placements which helped time go by faster. During exams, I talked to Steven much less and he supported and understood this decision. Usually I called him anyway suffering from nervous breakdowns caused from complicated assignments, oral exams, huge work loads and awful lecturers I had to put up with.

You have to deal with a lot of negative responses too. Raised eyebrows, discouraging remarks from people at church, discouraging remarks from trusted family members. Our age difference + meeting online made a lot of people intially think Steven was a predator, which insulted my intelligence. Dealing with months and months of craving just to hold their hand or touch their face or hug. Actually the one thing we both longed for the most was being able to go to church and worship together. The majority of our time together on skype was spent reading the bible to each other, doing devotionals, reading books out aloud, discussing our expectations of each other, discussing theology and of course talking about fun stuff as well.

Our relationship would never have worked without God in the middle. Before meeting each other here on CC we both told God (after previous awful relationships) that he could pick the next one. We were both content and joyful with our state of singleness for the first time in our lives and I think God honoured that. The timing of our meeting each other at that time in our lives was not perfectly coincidental but totally God driven. Also neither of us had a spare $2000 lying around to spend on a casual trip across the Pacific ocean And the likelihood of either of us accessing such money from people we knew was nil. So we put the issue before God, stating, if God wanted us to invest in this relationship, he would have to provide, otherwise we would let it go and just be friends. Well we did get the money (both of us) from people we knew would be the last to normally offer us finacial assistance in meeting a stranger lol.

So with God giving us the thumbs up, Steven visited me first to face the onslaught of my female family members (ie my mother). And within days we proved to the other that everything we had told each other was true and we officially changed our facebook status from 'its complicated' to 'in a relationship' lol. It didnt take long to fall in love and within months of his return we paid for my plane ticket to Vancouver and started discussing engagement and who was going to move where. We planned to announce our engagement during my trip, so I knew it was going to happen I just didnt know when, where or how he was going to propose. And he did it so well that I was very much surprised. He serenaded me with a ring in the middle of the forest in Lynn Valley Canon with a portable stereo he had hidden in his hoodie (I kid you not!).

If he had asked me to move to Indonesia and live on a boat made of reeds to be with him I would have done it.

 

[grace]

If he had asked me to move to Indonesia and live on a boat made of reeds to be with him I would have done it.

.....and that folks, is how you know you are truly in love, and what you have with another person is the real deal. <3

 

[grace]

I think I NEED to make some drastic changes in my life. I expect to do exactly that within the next two years, whether someone comes into my life or not.

Two years, huh? *wink, wink* *nudge, nudge*

 

[Jullianna]

Sooner would be better

 

[Liamson]

I think I NEED to make some drastic changes in my life. I expect to do exactly that within the next two years, whether someone comes into my life or not. I may move back home to Texas. I may change jobs. My life has kind of been on hold for the past few years and it's time to move on. I'm just waiting for the Lord to direct my path.

I actually feel very much the same. Which is almost why I feel like I'm not ready for anything right now because I don't have that forward momentum.

 

[thimsrebma]

I have thought about this many times before too. I still don't have an answer I guess I'll know if God knocks me upside the head with a man that lives far away. I don't see my self moving before marraige though.

I guess it would really depend on both of our situations. I recently purchased a home and cannot just leave it because I want to get to know someone better. Teacher certifications are generally transferrable to other states but at the same time there have been alot of cuts across the country and jobs in elementary education are hard to come by right now. For me it has to be a for sure thing I mean I need some divine revelation.

 

[Jullianna]

I actually feel very much the same. Which is almost why I feel like I'm not ready for anything right now because I don't have that forward momentum.

It's a wierd feeling, huh? It's like...okay God..I know you have change coming. Ummm...God?? But, patience is a fruit of the Spirit, huh?

Then again, maybe He's waiting on me to do something and I need to pay more attention.

 

[See_KING_Truth]

I've been talking to a woman online for a month or so now. We talked for hours on end for the first few days, and exchanged phone numbers a few days later. Lately, we haven't been talking much and I feel like she is losing interest in me, resulting in me somewhat losing interest in her. We have talked about me going to meet her in person, but I wanted to talk a lot more and get to know her a little better before I made that kind of decision. I'm not so sure about driving 500 miles to meet a woman that I feel like I hardly know. We still haven't talked on the phone, seems like every time I am available to talk she is busy. I really like this girl, and think there could be something there, but I feel like we are going nowhere at the moment. If there is any advice or suggestions anyone would like to share, be my guest...

 

[grace]

well, you exchanged phone numbers....is it her cell? If it is, I suggest you text her. She does not need to be *available* for that. I guess you can maybe guage a bit more from her response to that?

 

[Jullianna]

Long distance relationships are tough, especially when you mainly communicate by phone. I've found that the time zone differences are a big issue as far as trying to find a time to talk sometimes.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I don't think there is really such a thing as a long distance relationship. The relationship really starts when the two of you start spending time together in person, not on skype or on a cell phone or in a chat room. I've heard several stories where people fell in love over the internet and then when they finally meet in person they find out that they are not the person they were expecting.

 

[Psalm2713]

anyone willing to come to Africa...???... or the middle east? that's where I think God is calling me to..lol
Funny how it's easy to move thousands of miles, pay thousands of dollars, for college... but not marriage......
I am so looking forward to see how the college years turn out ... if it's good then distance shouldn't matter... if not ....eeer..