Wow thanks for sharing that. I have a bunch of questions
So you spent over 40 years in the church before you were actually saved?
What happened at 56, what changed?
How did you know you were saved at 56?
I too considered myself Christian as a teen but was not actually saved until 38.
Multiple things were different before that day in my 56th year.
I started writing my answer to you, and it turned into a book, so I just moved it to my diary and wrote the following:
1. I deeply loved Father, a Christian minister in our church, and hated Mother, a professed witch who was very active in that church. The hatred, not the love, affected everything in my life.
2. The pastor we had from my birth delighted in raging and snarling from the pulpit until his face literally turned purple and his neck turned deep red. He unnerved me, as did the church's use of "tongues."
3. In spite of my love for Father, there was no stability, nothing to trust in, at home, school, or church, but there Mother's abuse at home. Abuse for all of us.
4. Regardless, I started thinking about G_D at 14 and decided I wanted to be a believer because maybe G_D could make me nice. As I had been told to do, I went to their altar to pray, but when I heard Mother's voice, I claimed I was "saved," got up and left.
5. I did, however, start being interested in the Bible and asked one of the ministers (what I see now as a very simple question) about several verses in Genesis, and he acted like he'd never seen them, then said he didn't know the answer. Putting a lot of things together, I realized the leaders were completely biblically uneducated.
6. Three married pastors were inappropriate with me, increasing my disgust and distrust.
What set me up for being a believer was that the church kicked me out for refusing to remove my wedding ring, so I started attending a place I had already investigated and attended a few times over about 3 years. One night, during a class, I suddenly realized how filthy I was in spite of my confession. I nearly passed out on the floor, but with great effort, kept my seat and kept my face away from the other attendees. But I was changed. Completely. I felt like I lived the next weeks with my mouth hanging open, in shock, at the "new me": my attitudes, my responses, my thoughts!
What's your story?