wishing for death

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#81
hmm ok
but christianity isnt about being damned its about believing in Jesus, Nobody can MAKE you believe.
so I dont get that. No christian goes around thinking that people who dont go to church or practice religion is damned. We are not God to make that judgment call.

The bible doesnt need to be defended, its just Gods word and can speak for itself.
'doing devotions' isnt the same as 'being devoted' (with your heart, mind and soul)

Dont be so hard on yourself or worry about things so much. You are still worrying about people condemning you. Well dont. God loves you just stating a fact, much more than you know. He loved us while we were still sinners, He loved ME when I was a sinner.
 
May 25, 2015
6,149
850
113
#82
do others ever wish for death?
I can't think of anything else. I just wish God would end my misery. I wish he hadn't made me. I hate every minute I have to keep going and i am sick and tired of having to pretend that God has some purpose for me.

I wish some person who died of this stupid virus could have their life back in exchange for mine. I just don't want to go on.
Hey, lady :)

I have been there - many, many, many times - and God has come through every. single. time.

I know your pain runs deep. I know it is pain that won't go away when someone says, "Just try to be happy," or "You will be okay." It's pain that just is deep within you.

The only thing that can fix that is Jesus. The only one who can heal you is Jesus. The only one that can keep you to KEEP MOVING is Him.

How's your relationship with Him? When was the last time you cried before him?

I'm alive for a reason and so are you. You are wholly loved.
 
May 25, 2015
6,149
850
113
#84

Kojikun

Well-known member
Oct 5, 2018
4,658
2,721
113
#85

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,937
1,607
113
48
#86
Nothing I can say or even think of will be able to comfort HM in her anguish and despair.

Only God can do that.

:cry: (y)
 

Kojikun

Well-known member
Oct 5, 2018
4,658
2,721
113
#87
Nothing I can say or even think of will be able to comfort HM in her anguish and despair.

Only God can do that.

:cry:(y)
Peace of mind can be an idol to. I used to be hellbent on being at peace after years of constant worry. We are called to suffer sometimes. It's worth it.
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
9,164
4,740
113
#88
"The thread 'heading' caught my attention, as it is always disturbing, then, now or anytime, should
anyone at anytime come to such a low, as wanting to end their life.
Make no mistake, we are witnessing abnormal behavior of many, due to the unprecedented events
occurring. And, it is very troubling the deception and untruths being perpetrated across the entire
social media spectrum, and sadly this includes those that are not adequately prepared to present
God's work sufficiently, without causing utter confusion and bewilderment.
Sensitive lives require special attention, and not random dialog to impress just for self acclaim.
Each can do their own spiritual inventory....or not."
( just my thoughts, 'this side of the glass' )


OIPN845AFPX - Copy (2).jpg

 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
13,052
10,616
113
#89
I did not realize that everyone was still commenting on this post.
I happened to realize it as I was just curious to see if there were any messages on here I should respond to.



Well on an update note - I got much much worse that when I first had sent this message.
I saw my physician and he recognized that I needed to see his Counselor - We speak about once a month now.
Not long after meeting her I decided that Christianity just is not the way for me to go any longer.

And since I have left this behind I have been happier and more at peace than I can remember. I do thank you all for your encouraging messages. For reaching out and sharing your wisdom and experiences and I do really hope that they will help people. It looks like many people have read through the thread and been reminded either of one thing or another thing.


I have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I spent so many years on a religion/practice that brought me so little joy - based on a fear instilling teaching. But I mean, fretting is also not smart, because I would just waste even more time that I could have spent following and practicing something that I belong to.


Realizing that this somehow makes me damned in all your eyes, I have to say - I am also okay with that. I do not want to waste this life being miserable and then find out that Hell and Heaven never even existed. What a waste of time, for me.
But naturally if this is your path - if it truly delights you to do your devotions, to defend the bible and the things you believe in, then that does make me happy for you. It just isn't for me.


So thanks once more for kindness here - I did not want to disappear without telling you how thankful I truly am for the time you all took to speak a prayer, to write a note or message to me and to encourage me at a time when I was so low.


Love,
HM
I don't know how anyone can be at peace not knowing their eternal destination. Not meaning to scare but for me I can't handle the thought of not being redeemed by God. Best wishes to you always!
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
13,572
9,090
113
#90
I did not realize that everyone was still commenting on this post.
I happened to realize it as I was just curious to see if there were any messages on here I should respond to.



Well on an update note - I got much much worse that when I first had sent this message.
I saw my physician and he recognized that I needed to see his Counselor - We speak about once a month now.
Not long after meeting her I decided that Christianity just is not the way for me to go any longer.

And since I have left this behind I have been happier and more at peace than I can remember. I do thank you all for your encouraging messages. For reaching out and sharing your wisdom and experiences and I do really hope that they will help people. It looks like many people have read through the thread and been reminded either of one thing or another thing.


I have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I spent so many years on a religion/practice that brought me so little joy - based on a fear instilling teaching. But I mean, fretting is also not smart, because I would just waste even more time that I could have spent following and practicing something that I belong to.


Realizing that this somehow makes me damned in all your eyes, I have to say - I am also okay with that. I do not want to waste this life being miserable and then find out that Hell and Heaven never even existed. What a waste of time, for me.
But naturally if this is your path - if it truly delights you to do your devotions, to defend the bible and the things you believe in, then that does make me happy for you. It just isn't for me.


So thanks once more for kindness here - I did not want to disappear without telling you how thankful I truly am for the time you all took to speak a prayer, to write a note or message to me and to encourage me at a time when I was so low.


Love,
HM
Do you know what a Christian is? Why did you think you were one before?
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,617
1,671
113
#91
Peace of mind can be an idol to. I used to be hellbent on being at peace after years of constant worry. We are called to suffer sometimes. It's worth it.
I do believe God allows us to suffer to surrender and come back to Him
 

Johari

Junior Member
Dec 24, 2013
87
34
18
#92
Yes I've felt that way and questioned why I was even born but I wouldn't take my own life. I didn't choose to be born and I don't think I should be the one to end my life.

I just keep telling myself GOD must be keeping me alive for a reason. I still don't feel like I know what my purpose is. Whatever it is I'm sure I still need to fulfill it.

You're the same way. GOD has you here on Earth still breathing the breath of life. You don't have to know the reason to know it's a good one. Trust in the LORD to get you through all your tribulations. I don't know what you're going through but you will make it through even stronger than before. Don't give up. And if you're feeling unloved and/or unwanted know that Jesus loves and wants you!
 

Johari

Junior Member
Dec 24, 2013
87
34
18
#93
I didn't realize this was an older thread. I see now OP gave an update. Sounds like you were raised in a Christian household and you feel like you didn't willingly choose your religion but feared into. Maybe your family was very strict. We all have freewill though we may not feel like it.
Enjoy the last day of 2020!
 

BlessedByGod

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
12,196
7,026
113
#94
I did not realize that everyone was still commenting on this post.
I happened to realize it as I was just curious to see if there were any messages on here I should respond to.



Well on an update note - I got much much worse that when I first had sent this message.
I saw my physician and he recognized that I needed to see his Counselor - We speak about once a month now.
Not long after meeting her I decided that Christianity just is not the way for me to go any longer.

And since I have left this behind I have been happier and more at peace than I can remember. I do thank you all for your encouraging messages. For reaching out and sharing your wisdom and experiences and I do really hope that they will help people. It looks like many people have read through the thread and been reminded either of one thing or another thing.


I have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I spent so many years on a religion/practice that brought me so little joy - based on a fear instilling teaching. But I mean, fretting is also not smart, because I would just waste even more time that I could have spent following and practicing something that I belong to.


Realizing that this somehow makes me damned in all your eyes, I have to say - I am also okay with that. I do not want to waste this life being miserable and then find out that Hell and Heaven never even existed. What a waste of time, for me.
But naturally if this is your path - if it truly delights you to do your devotions, to defend the bible and the things you believe in, then that does make me happy for you. It just isn't for me.


So thanks once more for kindness here - I did not want to disappear without telling you how thankful I truly am for the time you all took to speak a prayer, to write a note or message to me and to encourage me at a time when I was so low.


Love,
HM
This truly makes me sad.
I will say that I have prayed that God will shine his every loving light upon your Heart, Mind and Soul and bring you Peace in He whom loves you so much. And that he will show you his Peace in him and open your Heart again to seeking him out.

May God Protect you, Keep you Ever Closer to Him and Bless you Abundantly...
In Jesus's name I Pray this and all things.
Amen.
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#95
This truly makes me sad.
I will say that I have prayed that God will shine his every loving light upon your Heart, Mind and Soul and bring you Peace in He whom loves you so much. And that he will show you his Peace in him and open your Heart again to seeking him out.

May God Protect you, Keep you Ever Closer to Him and Bless you Abundantly...
In Jesus's name I Pray this and all things.
Amen.
I already have peace, more peace than I ever had before BbG ;)
But I always apprechiate any prayers you are willing to speak on my behalf - but I am not going to follow him again. It is not for me - thanks for your kindness :)
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#96
I didn't realize this was an older thread. I see now OP gave an update. Sounds like you were raised in a Christian household and you feel like you didn't willingly choose your religion but feared into. Maybe your family was very strict. We all have freewill though we may not feel like it.
Enjoy the last day of 2020!
No I was a Wiccan most my life before being inroduced to this faith by a family I had no chance knowing. And wouldn't have unless I converted to christianity. Bu in the end they only would like me if I jumped at their bidding no matter how miserable I was.

So I will do what makes me happy :) And go back to who I was always meant to be. I have learned a lot during practicing this religion - I will take the good I learned and apply it in my life- but let go of all the heart break and abuse I endured at the hand of many christian organizations and work places.

I am confident enough now to be who I am meant to be instead of who I think my family wanted me to be I think- confident that if they will love me, they can love me for who I am - and if not -then I am not loosing anything, don't you agree?Same with god really.
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#97
I don't know how anyone can be at peace not knowing their eternal destination. Not meaning to scare but for me I can't handle the thought of not being redeemed by God. Best wishes to you always!

This is the peace I have:
The Divine is not petty; therefore it does not care if you pursue it or not. It IS. Whether you are worshiping it or not. It is not dependent on it. Your free will is ACTUALLY free will. Not the fear based "Choose me or Burn".
Therefore I do not really care that I don't know what happens when I die.

If i get reborn, great!
if Life ends - Great! (more reason not to waste my life being miserable pretending to wait on a God who clearly is either not all-powerful - of if he is - not benevolent).
If I do get to be reborn, well how interesting.
If I get a break to contemplate life in a paradise-like state - well interesting too - to imagine meeting so many people of so many spiritualities.

Since giving this religion up and looking into others, I have come to see the exaggeration and false things we were taught. "christians are the only persecuted people" - no - actually every religion is persecuted if they are a minority. The reason Christians are ALWAYS persecuted everywhere is because they cannot coexist without preaching and trying to convert people. Never satisfied to show respect and dignity to other cultures and beliefs. The fact that I believed I could "compleely" know something as unfathomable as the mystery of spiritality and life after death is so arrogant and I blush admitting that I subscribed to it.

I do not criticize anyone here- like I said- if it is the path for you I am truly happy for you, in a way your devotion and zeal can to a point be admired - but it was killing me. Sucking the life from me. As a 33 yr. old I was full of fear, dread and wishes of death. Clearly I was not meant to do something and read a book I was ashamed of. And if that makes me worthy of hell - well then I will deal with that later.

However since all this happened i have never felt any threat, or even an inkling of fear that hell is even real.
The peace is reaching far beyond I could have ever imagined. Actually more than before - because I never knew anything about the bible or the beliefs - but after serving and studying for 12 years - I have come to know that I don't want any part in it.
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#98
Nothing I can say or even think of will be able to comfort HM in her anguish and despair.

Only God can do that.

:cry:(y)
I appreciate your distress - But I don't need comfort - Like I said - I am where I am meant to be :)
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#99
Well, then, I'm glad I spoke more about Jesus.

Just because someone has left does not mean we stop speaking about God.

Thank you for the update!

Btw - welcome to the chat :) I am sure you will find it interesting there are so many people from so many backgrounds here. Might be confusing at times- but hopefully you feel grounded in your beliefs :)
Good luck on your path!
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
hmm ok
but christianity isnt about being damned its about believing in Jesus, Nobody can MAKE you believe.
so I dont get that. No christian goes around thinking that people who dont go to church or practice religion is damned. We are not God to make that judgment call.

The bible doesnt need to be defended, its just Gods word and can speak for itself.
'doing devotions' isnt the same as 'being devoted' (with your heart, mind and soul)

Dont be so hard on yourself or worry about things so much. You are still worrying about people condemning you. Well dont. God loves you just stating a fact, much more than you know. He loved us while we were still sinners, He loved ME when I was a sinner.

Hello Lanolin - Again :)
Hope you had lovely holidays and that a happy new year is ahead of you.

Sorry but I do not agree with any of what you just said. But that doesn't mean that it cannot be your own truth.
Just that to me - the bible is rubbish. I never could defend it in good conscious - even though I tried, and tried and tried.
And even though it is about believing in jesus - it is very much about damnation - or why else are Christians always condemning the world around them?
Because they are better, and filled with the spirit and they are the only enlightened ones. It is quite presumptuous. Even if science proves you wrong you will just say "satan made that science and it is his way of deceiving you." if someone reads the bible and asks hard questions "they cannot understand because the Holy Spirit isn't in them". It's a bunch of bologna.
Maybe the questioners see something beyond the subculture of "Christianity" to which you are now embedded.

BUT - like I said - I am not completely opposed. I just keep repeating, there isn't ONE truth. There is all these cultures who have sought the divine and wisdom - and each have particles - and so does Christianity I am sure - Jesus life was an example to everyone.

But just as he died- in his love and wonderful devotion to god his father, and the people around him, a true server and clearly a worker of supernatural things - his followers came up with religions not unlike the Jewish faith. Immediately women were belittled again, and rules and stuff was being set in place - Paul is a prime example of a misogynistic person who is just power hungry and clearly helping to build a cult or new religion. Jesus was enlightened - and his followers missed him so much they wanted to keep his words alive - so many other cultures did the same.

If you can clearly tell me a bible which was inspired by god - who said he is a father to us - would let his raped daughters either be stoned by law or be forced to marry their rapists - that is just Sick beyond belief - and I for one, will not subscribe to it. That such a god who certainly created women and should know the depths of a woman's feeling about such an occurrence. If you truly wanted to help a woman from being raped how about writing something like "If a man rapes a woman cut is dick off and make him choke on it" and then see how many would attempt it? Instead you let the dude marry the girl? So basically if you are sicko you can just rape a pretty girl because then she is forced to marry you? I am sorry but based on that alone I can tell this text was not written or inspired by god.

Perhaps some things were - but it is not inflatable. Also if it is a literature written by God why do I never actually wanna say it's my favorite book? Literally I preferred hunger games to it - and hunger games is a terrible read. (and all you people pretending to LOVE the bible - I would really like to know how many actually truly studied and read through the thing.)



Anyhow :) Thanks for the many replies - over the years - I wish you well.