If you have made God your enemy it is because you have fallen into deception. I was there once and it is, indeed, sin. This is why as I was reading through Proverbs and Psalms the Holy Spirit taught me about the sovereignty of God (He controls even the falling of dice) and then from sovereignty He showed me in the Psalms how the Lord is gracious and full of compassion.
That He grants the desire of the righteous, and if a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord He gives him wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and joy (even peace with his enemies).
We must guard our hearts, for out of it are the issues of life. Trust the Lord. I find myself in this battle myself Tinuviel, that the enemy throws in those fiery darts of hopelessness, despair, and gets you to focus on your inadequacies instead of God’s faithfulness to finish the good work He has started. Keep the faith Tinuviel, seek the Lord and simply ask and open yourself to Him leaving no door locked. He sees it all anyways, but surrender.