Did not Christ bear the cross with the joy set before Him? An ultimate act of love, laying down one's life for another. Yet to what end was this done? To reconcile man to God, there was something to gain in this act. Fellowship. Would you suggest that because Jesus, our Lord, had something to gain in doing good, that it was somehow less?
You would suggest that self-edification is self-seeking, but what can you give if you're empty? Does not this gift build up? Does it not edify self, as scripture says? It isn't a bad thing to take care of yourself so that you may be equipped for every good work. Does not God bless us financially, even? Yes, and in this manner may we be blessed to be a blessing. Why do you speak as if our growing in God, in Christ, is contrary to love? No, such fellowship equips us for the task at hand.
We speak in tongues because it permits us to pray for that which we do not know to pray for. We intercede on the behalf of others. This is honorable. This is a good deed. You say it is selfish, but it is selfless, in that our lips reach God's hearing, for the sake of others. You realize that God lets it rain on the just and unjust? He blesses all, for He is good. What is it to you if God chooses to bless the tongue speaker, and others at the same time?
Would you argue that we ought to keep ourselves in poverty because prosperity is self-seeking? Nay, we ought to rise to new heights. A blessed man may give to the Church, he may extend its work beyond its walls to reach the world around them. Self gain is not unrighteous, when you have a proper understanding of your growth affecting your propensity to give.
Likewise, self-edification, to fellowship with God, to pray and spend time with the Lord edifies self. Yet would you forsake prayer? No. Would you call it self-seeking? No. Yet what does God promise to them that pray in private, give quietly, and fast? A reward. Now these acts include self gain. Are they any less of value? Are they not of love because gain is involved? Of course not.