What Things About a Dating Profile/PM Would Make You Want to Reply?

[Lynx]

I get the feeling that if Lynx were ever bothered to create a dating profile, it would be a collage of comics and song lyrics.

No no no, that's not what I would use for a dating profile. You have to use bait that will ATTRACT what (or in this case who) you are fishing for, not REPEL it.

Song lyrics and comics are what the poor girl would get on the first date. And the second date and third date and fourth date, should she last that long. And I only wish that was a joke... everything people around me say will probably remind me of a song I have heard or a funny comic I once read.

 

[seoulsearch]

In this “cyber age”, with online dating and flirting, can’t you employ old school tactics? I’m not looking for a mate but if I was, the last thing I would be looking for is someone addicted to the internet and social media. My profile would be elusive, including a picture not close enough to count laughlines doing something I enjoy doing. Instead of saying I liked camping with friends, I would put a picture of me and some couples around a campfire, with an empty chair. Caption stating, “saved you a spot”. As well, I would apologize ahead of time for not getting back to them very soon because Im probably out walking my dog on the beach, on vacation, hanging with my kids or at the gym and I don’t spend a lot of time on the computer. Then I wouldn’t respond until at least after they responded to me.

Tactic: Appear interesting, then play hard to get. It’s been the way people have been baiting the marriage trap for centuries.

As much as we think we are looking for a soulmate, we are actually looking for a lifemate. We desire a life we want, and we hope to find a mate to give it to us. Chances are if you are really as interesting as your profile...you are taken, or lying to yourself.

Hi Hungry!

You make some really good points here that I should clarify a little bit further.

I am by no means saying that "old school tactics" shouldn't be employed--I was just talking about online dating sites as one of the general options. I've pretty much followed all the dating advice that's been given over the years, but I'm one of those strange people who still believes online venues can be a viable option.

I found your statement, "Chances are, if you really are as interesting as your profile... you are taken, or lying to yourself", to be interesting. I can certainly see how many people might assume this.

I've been an active participant of written communication all my life. It started out with writing to pen pals when I was a kid, so I have been writing, and then sometimes later meeting people in person since I was a tween, and that was long before the internet was available to just Google/background check anyone I was writing. This is also why my posts tend to be quite long, because I'm used to writing letters and not 2-word abbreviated texts (which my friends all tease me about!)

When the online world became available, I saw it as an extension of what I was already used to, and have found it to be an invaluable tool for making friends--and maybe someday, "true love".

I know different things work for different people, but the past several years, the online world has been my lifeline for making friends since I was always working, had odd hours, and only seemed to meet people whose only real-life interest in talking was if it gave them a chance to take a break from work. The minute I would ask if they'd like to meet for lunch or any other type of social event (even at church), they'd look at me as if I'd planted a bomb in their car.

(I realize though that it might just be something about me!)

I don't know if I could claim to be interesting or if I'm just fooling myself , but the best thing about the friends I've made online is that we were all far away from each other to begin with, so whenever my life, situation, job, or hours changes, the friends I've made online are still there, and we still talk regularly.

 

[Lynx]

...But I still occasionally check my car for explosives before I drive away. Better safe than sorry y'know.

 

[seoulsearch]

...But I still occasionally check my car for explosives before I drive away. Better safe than sorry y'know.

As long as no one tells you that I disguised them all as bars of fancy schmancy dark chocolate, I think I can get away with it...

Er, I mean, I think it's all good.

 

[Lynx]

As long as no one tells you that I disguised them all as bars of fancy schmancy dark chocolate, I think I can get away with it...

Er, I mean, I think it's all good.

That would be the worst possible disguise to use around me. I would find those first, of course.

 

[BruceWayne]

I've never been on a dating website, but the farmersonly commercials always amused me.

I have to say that even on regular sites, I pretty much never message anyone unless they message me first; I've always kept to myself outside of the few friends naturally made. If I were to, it would almost certainly be a profile with an actual photo of themselves. For me, that's more eye-catching and interesting. As for the actual profile, if it's clear they have a sense of humor, that would be a big draw for me.

As for my own, I can honestly say that I don't even know what I have listed on my profile here at this moment. I don't really pay much attention to it or care if anyone sees it.

But yeah, humor is the biggest thing for me. A super serious profile would get a quick exit if I were looking.

 

[Hungry]

Hi Hungry!

You make some really good points here that I should clarify a little bit further.

I am by no means saying that "old school tactics" shouldn't be employed--I was just talking about online dating sites as one of the general options. I've pretty much followed all the dating advice that's been given over the years, but I'm one of those strange people who still believes online venues can be a viable option.

I found your statement, "Chances are, if you really are as interesting as your profile... you are taken, or lying to yourself", to be interesting. I can certainly see how many people might assume this.

I've been an active participant of written communication all my life. It started out with writing to pen pals when I was a kid, so I have been writing, and then sometimes later meeting people in person since I was a tween, and that was long before the internet was available to just Google/background check anyone I was writing. This is also why my posts tend to be quite long, because I'm used to writing letters and not 2-word abbreviated texts (which my friends all tease me about!)

When the online world became available, I saw it as an extension of what I was already used to, and have found it to be an invaluable tool for making friends--and maybe someday, "true love".

I know different things work for different people, but the past several years, the online world has been my lifeline for making friends since I was always working, had odd hours, and only seemed to meet people whose only real-life interest in talking was if it gave them a chance to take a break from work. The minute I would ask if they'd like to meet for lunch or any other type of social event (even at church), they'd look at me as if I'd planted a bomb in their car.

(I realize though that it might just be something about me!)

I don't know if I could claim to be interesting or if I'm just fooling myself , but the best thing about the friends I've made online is that we were all far away from each other to begin with, so whenever my life, situation, job, or hours changes, the friends I've made online are still there, and we still talk regularly.

My sister found her husband via online dating. So, I would say it works. My point is that when you find a mate in person, often it is by chance. You see them at work, school, church, the gym, store...wherever. You aren’t advertising you are single nor do you know anything about them. There is a natural attraction. Then flirting and body language are at play. Conversation is in real time with real smiles and real laughter. You can tell if someone laughs out loud instead of just LOLs. Then there is the game of showing interest without appearing desperate and making them chase you. Then letting them catch you.

Over the internet it seems more like an advertisement. You see this profile you can invent with all of your flattering pics and embellished description. It’s got “buyer beware” written all over it! Then your responses are thought out and edited...then edited...again. I think it might increase the disappointment when you meet in person. Maybe they like to be on line because they are shy in person. Maybe the pic doesn’t capture their horrible fashion sense. Who knows? Good luck finding that special someone.

 

[Demi777]

Im eeevery woman. Its all in meeeee

 

[JosephsDreams]

Now that is weird. Directly before I read the last post, I thought of that song

 

[zeroturbulence]

What Things About a Dating Profile/PM Would Make You Want to Reply?

Free food.

 

[tourist]

Hmm.

And now Demi has me thinking that a profile picture with a pile of wrapped, uneaten chocolate bars and a note saying, "These are all for you"... just might get a lot of attention.

Of course, the next (and most pressing) questions would be which brands and what kind of chocolate.

Instead of the wrapped uneaten chocolate bars perhaps a bag of Hershey's Kisses might be more alluring.

 

[tourist]

I've been an active participant of written communication all my life. It started out with writing to pen pals when I was a kid, so I have been writing, and then sometimes later meeting people in person since I was a tween, and that was long before the internet was available to just Google/background check anyone I was writing. This is also why my posts tend to be quite long, because I'm used to writing letters and not 2-word abbreviated texts (which my friends all tease me about!)

I loved the many letters that my wife wrote to me before we were married. For me, having the heart of a writer is an attractive quality in a woman. I agree with you about the texts too, I don't think that I have sent 10 texts in my entire adult life. I find them cold and impersonal.

 

[tourist]

As far as PM's went, I had some things in my profile that were seen as highly undesirable (the fact that I was divorced, for example) and cut way down on the number of contacts I received, which I understood. However, if I did receive a reply, I have to confess that I was always a bit disheartened by cookie cutter PM's that were obviously cut, pasted, and sent out to hundreds of other candidates as well. I never used to answer those, but then I read several posts by men who expressed their frustration at the fact that they might send out 200 hundred messages and never even receive a single reply. I guess I have mixed feelings about that, because on one hand, who has time to write 200 hand-crafted, individualized messages, but on the other hand, who wants to feel like fish caught in a dragnet that's been hauled across the bottom of an ocean of other profiles?

As a formally single man I would not consider being divorced as highly undesirable. As you get older you tend accumulate a certain amount of baggage such as a divorce or perhaps a kid or two, a little bit of debt and stuff like that.

Regarding the divorce, that would not be totally unexpected with a person in their 30's or 40's and it would not be an altogether bad thing either. A person that is divorced can learn from past mistakes leading to positive adjustments in their life. Also, it may also be beneficial in deciding what is now important in considering a prospective spouse and what to avoid.

Years ago I attended the wedding of my quality manager at work. It was her first marriage. She was marrying someone who was previously married. Walking up to the church in the parking lot I saw a guy sitting in a car. He said that he was a friend of the groom. I told him that I hope the marriage goes well for her as my first marriage ended in divorce and I would not wish experience on anyone. Seeing how the guy was alone I asked him if he was divorced too. He said "Aren't we all?"

Divorce? No big deal. Live and learn.