months ago when i felt, drawn to Christianity, don't know if it was my own accord or not. But, we wouldn't be able to come to Christ on our own without the holy spirit, right?
Well, anyways. That first night was truly, amazing. Learning about spiritual warfare after listening to Christian music, about God n so on, stayed up till 2-3 in the morning. I remember feeling a joy and peace that night, but also bone chilling fear when going to bed because it shook for some odd, reason (unhappy spirit?)
I was passionate about Christ, but, i didn't do much works. I heard something like a voice at work, "come to Christ" after being prayed for the night earlier. Asking for deliverance in times of temptation, fearing the Lord, talking nothing but Jesus all the time, sharing the gospel to friends, answering their questions to the best of my knowledge, reading and applying what the bible says, being overall enthusiastic and interested in the gospel, Jesus and God.
But, all that changed one day when i made the mistake of getting a thumb cut badly at work, pride set in from all the attention, and it was like, faith and belief went down and down. Sin started setting in more and more, i couldn't cry for God or Jesus when i wanted too, i still can't.. only a single tear or none at all. Ever since, i couldn't bring godly repentance. but i knew i had to confess my sin's and try to repent, to keep from a hardened heart.
Now, Idol's and distractions have taken my focus off Jesus, Habitual sin has set in, worried about reading the bible and having no interest or desire to apply what it teaches, worried about falling or straying away, or the Holy spirit leaving. Because of my unconfessed sins, i don't think the Lord will listen as long as i'm holding onto those sins. I'm still aware of what's going on and trying to pray, read scripture, attend church, hoping for something, anything. i just don't understand why and what happened to cause all this.. Things just have not been the same since that incident at work weeks ago.. i can't even sense God's presence..
Well, anyways. That first night was truly, amazing. Learning about spiritual warfare after listening to Christian music, about God n so on, stayed up till 2-3 in the morning. I remember feeling a joy and peace that night, but also bone chilling fear when going to bed because it shook for some odd, reason (unhappy spirit?)
I was passionate about Christ, but, i didn't do much works. I heard something like a voice at work, "come to Christ" after being prayed for the night earlier. Asking for deliverance in times of temptation, fearing the Lord, talking nothing but Jesus all the time, sharing the gospel to friends, answering their questions to the best of my knowledge, reading and applying what the bible says, being overall enthusiastic and interested in the gospel, Jesus and God.
But, all that changed one day when i made the mistake of getting a thumb cut badly at work, pride set in from all the attention, and it was like, faith and belief went down and down. Sin started setting in more and more, i couldn't cry for God or Jesus when i wanted too, i still can't.. only a single tear or none at all. Ever since, i couldn't bring godly repentance. but i knew i had to confess my sin's and try to repent, to keep from a hardened heart.
Now, Idol's and distractions have taken my focus off Jesus, Habitual sin has set in, worried about reading the bible and having no interest or desire to apply what it teaches, worried about falling or straying away, or the Holy spirit leaving. Because of my unconfessed sins, i don't think the Lord will listen as long as i'm holding onto those sins. I'm still aware of what's going on and trying to pray, read scripture, attend church, hoping for something, anything. i just don't understand why and what happened to cause all this.. Things just have not been the same since that incident at work weeks ago.. i can't even sense God's presence..
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