On an earlier post under this thread I explained my reasoning. But it's so far back on the thread that I'll explain again.
There was a time my husband and I needed help with a life situation and no one came to our aid. We have been going to that church for a long time, got married there, and my husband actually grew up there. The church has become so big (over 500) that unless you are there every time the doors are open, well your probably are forgotten about. And btw, no one has even called to see what has happened to us. That tells me a lot.
Anyway, yes we have fellowship with other believers and we know that God is with us.
I fully understand what you are saying.
I stopped going to church for about 15 years.
Won't fully go into the details but I had a ministry and not boasting it was fruitful.
At a period in my life I was let down badly
I was burned out. Had a young family, studying for my accountancy exams at the same time.
So I asked to take a step back.
Eventually accepted.
Then I asked the elders for input as I was spiritual knackered.
Was told no as I was no longer giving out in ministry.
I was left desolate.
So I stopped going to church.
I never lost my faith in Jesus but in the church I was in.
Not one person sought me out. Not even the elder who refused my request for help.
In fact when we wanted to dedicate my newborn daughter to God he actually said "I don't think you can stand on the stage and do that because you are not coming to church but your wife can"
By the time I had finished with him he relented.
Fair play to him he did offer help and was willing to walk but the damage was already done.
People told my wife that it was my fault the ministry that I led (that had failed) was my fault, even though someone else was leading it.
So as I said I understand where you are coming from and I would never make you feel bad or condemn you in your situation.
I'm note back at the same church, different leaders, the new one sought me out. Took him a few years to break through but I'm back in church.
In ministry, although different from the first one.
Now walking with damaged hurt and broken people.
Now enjoying fellowship in the church.
I pray that you find a church a physical one, a physical church where you can help people who have been hurt like you and you husband have.
I pray also that you have forgiven those that have hurt you. I had to.
If your ministry is here I pray God blesses it.
I understand sister, I truly do.
Your brother in Christ.
Bill