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Do You Know Why I Adamantly Believe in the Born Again experience, and the Once Saved, Always Saved positions?
Believe me, NEITHER was taught in the Church that I was Raised In. It was an old fashion German style of Lutheran Church. No Body ever even mentioned those two Beliefs to me, while I was growing up.
I remained, not Saved, but thought I was a Christian, because I took up space on a Church Pew once in awhile. Some body should have told me, that if sitting in a garage, did not make me a Car; why would just sitting in a pew, would make me a Christian. I was NOT Saved, until I was almost 29 years old on about December 30, 1977, and I was raised in that Church my whole life prior to that. On December 24, 1977, I was told by my wife of only 6 months, "I want a Divorce, because you cannot earn enough money to buy me what I want in life."
That sent me into a tailspin, into deep depression. During the Following week, I attempted SUICIDE three different times. The first time I made up my mind that I knew I did not care if I hurt my parents, or even my brother or sister. I just did not want to live another DAY. I sat on the bed with a pistol against my head, and with the trigger half pulled. The is when the Lord intervened, HE PUT SUCH A SHEAR TERROR IN MY HEART, because I was NOT SAVED, that I KNEW IF I FINISHED PULLING THE TRIGGER I WAS WALKING INTO HELL, FOR SURE. I shook so hard that I dropped the pistol on the bed. No, I was not afraid of Dying, I just did not want to see another DAY.
Two days after that, I tried a second Time. This time I called my wife, because I wanted her to hear the fatal shot when I did it. And again the Lord intervened, and that SAME OVERWHELMING TERROR over came me. A TERROR WAY BEYOND WHAT A MAN WITH A KNIFE TO THROAT, COULD EVER PUT IN ME JUST BEFORE HE SLIT MY THROAT. I LITERALLY KNEW I WAS IN THE DOORWAY TO HADES/HELL AND WILLINGLY WALK INTO IT. This time as I shook the Pistol fell from my hand and hit the floor. I still do not know what it did not go off.
The Next NIGHT, I tried a third time. I saw them pouring a very thick layer of Gravel on a dirt road near me, that after noon. I went to a bar that night, and got as drunk as I could, and made a full proof plan {God had other plans for my life}, and drove home on my dirt bike, and dropped my helmet off. I then when out to than dirt road with lose gravel on it, KNOWING THE MOST DANGEROUS SURFACE YOU CAN RIDE A BIKE ON WAS LOOSE GRAVEL. I am MORE ashamed of what I did next, because I KNEW IT SAID IN THE BIBLE, "THOU SHALT NOT TEMPT THE LORD YOUR GOD." As I approached that Mile of Lose Gravel, I looked up to the sky and TAUNTED GOD, "If You want me, you can take me any where you want to on this mile!" And I leaned out over the handle bars with NO HELMET, so that way I was sure to hit head first when I lost control.
With the throttle wide open, and leaning over the handle bars for the whole mile, that bike DID NOT EVEN WOBBLE. It was as if I was riding on pavement. That was about 01:30 AM. I backed the throttle off, went home and sat up thinking about what had happened, sobering up, and then as I was about to go to bed at approximately at 05:00 AM, something happened that dropped me to my knees. As I walking into the Bedroom, I REALIZED, that GOD HAD INTERVENED YET AGAIN. I KNEW HE HAD TO HAVE REACHED DOWN AND HELD THAT BIKE STEADY, as if to say, "KNOW YOU DON'T, I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE."
As I fell to my knees, WAVE, AFTER WAVE of guilt over my WHOLE LIFESTYLE washed over me. I was WEEPING and Bawling like a baby, as I CRIED OUT TO HIM, "Forgive Me, Forgive Me! Lord if you have a purpose for my life, you have to come into my life and live it, because I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THAT. I am making a Total Mess of my Life." I continue to weep and asking HIM FOR FORGIVENESS for about another hour. Sometime I found that I was Prostrate face down on the floor.
What happened next, I usually leave out when telling my Testimony, because I fear most would want to make fun of it. But some how, I think this will be important to someone. Either I fell asleep for a little while and had the most VIVID Dream I ever had, or HE gave me a vision. I found myself kneeling at the Foot of the Cross, my Crying uncontrollably, crying, "Forgive Me, Forgive Me!" EVERY SIN I EVER COMMITTED WAS LIKE ANOTHER ONE POUND WEIGHT, pulling all the more on HIS nails. And there were so MANY. As I noticed the NAILS, they were in HIS wrists. NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THAT THE JEWS CONSIDER THE WRISTS TO BE PART OF THE HANDS. I never knew that before. AND then I SAW THE BLOOD DRIP, AND FALL, AND I COULD FEEL THE BLOOD WAS WARM AS IT FELL ON MY OUTSTRETCHED FOREARMS. I knew that meant I was FOREGIVEN!
Whether it was a Dream, or Vision, I do not know, that was where it ended. AND KNOW NO ONE HAD EVER TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEING BORN AGAIN, OR ETERNALLY ALIVE IN MY SPIRIT IN THE CHURCH WERE I GREW UP IN, and eventually left. BUT I KNEW HE AND THE HOLY SPIRIT WERE IN ME. I KNEW HE HAD A PLAN FOR MY LIFE, and I TRUSTED HIM TOTALLY. I have seen so many minor miracles in my life, and some Big Ones, there IS NO MORE TURNING BACK, NOT A SINGLE TIME OF DOUBT IN HIM, AND HIS CONTROL OVER MY LIFE HAS BEEN AWESOME. YES I AM ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT THAT HIS SPIRIT BROUGHT MY HUMAN SPIRIT TO BE ETERNALLY ALIVE. I will tell the rest of my story, and How HE used me, some other time.
But PLEASE, do not ever tempt the LORD our GOD the way I DID. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT SUICIDE, IT IS DEFINITELY THE WRONG WAY. IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO IS THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO LET THEM READ MY TESTIMONY.
