Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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So...it's time to stop the junk food kick I've been on. I feel 10 different kinds of craptastical, and now this swollen ankles/feet thing...yeah. I let myself get stuck in this rut of "convenience" meals, i.e, frozen pizzas and other effortless junk because I was having issues giving a hoot about anything at all, let alone what I ate. I mean, under normal circumstances, I'm not exactly a health nut (no offense to those here who eat healthy!) but the last 3 or so weeks have been too much even for me.

I have no idea how I've stayed right at 210 through all this. I don't honestly care what the scale says but ugh, I've got to get my energy back.

Dang, this means I'll have to like...COOK. Woe is me!
thankinmg god now, knowing you are going to be okay, so praying this swelling to go away now and you to see to eat better
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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Despite the bunny escapade, I still haven't got a screen for my living room window. I've been waging war against moths (which my son is both fascinated and terrified by), and taking the vacuum cleaner hose to every light fixture in the place to get rid of gnats and their tiny little carcasses (every morning). I've chased 6 yellow jackets back toward the window and used bleach spray to kill the 4 that thought they'd quite like to stay.

Monday, I'm calling the office again. If that doesn't get my screen replaced ASAP, I'll take the vacuum canister full of dead bugs down there and empty them on the manager's desk.
I know the feeling, just tell them about the yellow jackets, bees and if my kid gets, welfare is being contacted, I bet you get it done yesterday
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
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Despite the bunny escapade, I still haven't got a screen for my living room window. I've been waging war against moths (which my son is both fascinated and terrified by), and taking the vacuum cleaner hose to every light fixture in the place to get rid of gnats and their tiny little carcasses (every morning). I've chased 6 yellow jackets back toward the window and used bleach spray to kill the 4 that thought they'd quite like to stay.

Monday, I'm calling the office again. If that doesn't get my screen replaced ASAP, I'll take the vacuum canister full of dead bugs down there and empty them on the manager's desk.
I bet if you call the emergency maintenance number scared for your kids, I bet you get it done soon
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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I had the opportunity to get out of the house for a few hours...my mom came over and offered to babysit for the evening so I could have some time to myself.

I wasn't really feeling the whole 'alone' thing, though. I wanted to go out for dinner, and I wanted good company.

So I left my daughter with my mom, and me and my son went to Village Inn and colored on the kids' menu and ate chicken strips and salad and shared a milkshake (last one for me for a while). And that kid was sooo curious about everything...we spent the whole time discussing the fly in the window, why waiters are called waiters, why the light fixture was orange...endless questions.

It was the best evening out I've had in a long time.
And awesome for Mom to show this love for you, and if you ever get the thought of she did it for: Stop get free from that fire duck turn and roll out of it, asnd get into the Holy fire, of thanksgiving and praise regardless of what reason others do or not do please
no matter awesome of mom and the building of your relationship together, that you took the time to start in seeing past the trouble that is brewing to steal, kill and destroy, God through you puts a stop to that as soon as you see it,
Love to you as no matter what, trouble always hangs out to steal, kill and destroy our joy given to us by Father
Love sister is so special, especially when received, and knows they don't deserve it
For that I know for me and is what got me to stop, duck and roll out of the earth's fire into God's holy fire
Not saying I always stay there, every time I don't I see I have more to learn
I do a lot of ducking, holding my breath and rolling out of the earths fire, that s trying to steal, kill and destroy the Joy of God, that I got whether shipwrecked or not

 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
83
I went to a bonfire our men's ministry had last night. Along with having fellowship with the guys from the church, about twenty mosquitos decided they wanted to fellowship with me also.
yep, think they want the blood covering of Christ in you?
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
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Talking to my boss on the phone tonight and when she said goodbye, I replied automatically with "I love you". It was EXTREMELY awkward.
I think she knows the difference and tell her to make sure, love is true care for, not what can I have
the difference in Spirit of Father in truth
And the I will be nice to get
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
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I haven't felt this way in so long, its almost foreign to me... Why have I suddenly lost all my confidence in myself?
I know I'm pretty, but I used to be prettier.
Its not that I regret giving birth to the wonderful little girl next to me, but I feel so insecure...
Not a good feeling to have when I'm getting married in a month
Maybe do a reality check, draw a picture of what you will be at age 65? Don't forget to put in maybe in a wheelchair, pray not but reality is the hardest thing to face you think
Congrats on getting Married soon
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. People move on. Maybe it is for the best that a jerk like myself has no friends. Whew... I'm really hating myself right now. All this feeling in my chest... My eyes...


It's for the best. God, what effed up year this is... Bitter, resentful, distant, awkward, socially inept... Maybe I need to just stay away from people. Do the hermit thing like hardcore.
Brother whenever you are ready, you are ready, freedom
And just so you know, no matter what it is you are going through you are loved, not by all people here in this world, a feww that do see they are loved regardless do and they show you by not caring anything about how you are, whether you can sing or not For praying for ytou to see past the dark into the light where you are:

Ephesians 1:6
to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

When I saw this above I heard I do not need to be accepted since I am accepted, under pressure left and I am just me, I am thankful that God loves me and you and all. Just not all have received this yet. So they put others down to be up, like being on a teeter totter. Competition to be liked is over rated you think?
 
M

MissCris

Guest
No sleep has been had by me. My fault, mostly. Then there's these kids who act like I'm their mother or something...totally bizarre.

Im not sure there's enough coffee in all of Colorado to get me through today. Plus, I'm in a "throw flaming rolls of toilet paper out the window at people" mood.

not that I would do that...
Toilet paper is too expensive.
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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You know, I'm pretty self aware... I think I know what a jerk looks like. What one acts like. I'm not as openly caring as some. Not so... loving or tender as others. I tried to be at one point. But you know? People walked all over me. Used me. This just didn't help with the bitterness I tried to let go of.
Brother maybe yopu are putting your dependency in the wrong place, on self and others to react nice back, you know they should we are taught to love neighbor as self and get spit on, trampled over, leaving a bad taste in our mouths and we react badly in __________________ and then the blame game hits not worthy, the above worthy, pride and arrogance which is all of evil not the love of God

So maybe, just tell God you are thankful you are not worthy seeing this is why God came to earth as a man to redeem us, because no one is worthy but Christ
And God asks you to ask God for The Christ life in participation after you see you can't do the imitation, as you tried and got slapped and knocked down
So maybe ask God for the Christ who desires to live through you, the one that can take all adversity and not effect you, in place of the one we all get caught up in to try and imitate, yet can't and get beat up as is what I hear you expressing.

It is like you were invited to a game at 3:00 PM. And you said wow, right on and you showed up for this game in your Tennis shorts with racket and ball, only to see it is a football game.
Now if you go out and play, what happens being in Tennis shorts and a racket?

So this game of liofe here on earth is not a Tennis game it is a football game and we the believers need full uniform
[h=3]Ephesians 6:10-20[/h]Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

[SUP]10 [/SUP]Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. [SUP]11 [/SUP]Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. [SUP]12 [/SUP]For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. [SUP]13 [/SUP]Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. [SUP]14 [/SUP]Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; [SUP]15 [/SUP]and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; [SUP]16 [/SUP]above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. [SUP]17 [/SUP]And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: [SUP]18 [/SUP]praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; [SUP]19 [/SUP]and for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, [SUP]20 [/SUP]for which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
The above was from Paul to us all,
Pray you are hearing with those Spiritual ears given to you from Father through Son
No matter though love you anyway as in 1 Cor 13:4-7, that is the type of Love God has shown the whole world by Son

I stopped being an imitator and asked to be a participator, hoping you see the difference as well?
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
83
I'll just do what I do best, mask my pain with a smile.

Life goes on, right?
So are you at the crossroad of:

I know no man that can have two faces, one to the crowd and the other to self, without becoming perplexed as to which one is true.
decision time, God I need you I can masquerade any more, I am not perfect, I tried and got spit on may times and spit back, and now spit on others before they can spit on me, protecting me
Oh Lord I need to see through this dark glass I ask in confidence to you Father of Christ to show me to trust you and not me, to live above my circumstances that are killing me in thought causing deeds that I do not want to do and do anyway
Romans 7 pretty clear, praying you see through when reads it
And Brother anytime if you desire PM me or maybe look at the blog God has and is setting up through me for all to become and be free in Spirit and truth, no longer worried about what others think, and become doers of Love, beyond the hearing by Faith
FREED AT LAST
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
83
Yeah, that sounds like me. Pushing people away just seems like the most logical way to avoid feeling worse then I usually do.
And Brother this is not uncommon to anyone of us all, you are loved beyond measure, to what you have experienced, so when you are ready reach out again, As you see here we do not bite and accuse it is on each of us to be accountable to us and collectively share our pains to get past them and continue to trust God above all else
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
83
Yeah, that sounds like me. Pushing people away just seems like the most logical way to avoid feeling worse then I usually do.
oh and whatever it is you are guilty of, that holds you back from truth, God will and does and has forgiven you by son at the cross for you, before you were ever born
Admitting, confessing to is freeing and facing up to the possible consequences, ready to, also freeing even if have to pay for what has been done
Change can't happen before confession. And confession is between God, you and the one's hurt by you that you might be guilty of

I remember the day I faced up to this to as many as I could find that I did wrong to, including those that had no clue it was me that did these things what they were still mad about and not freed from
It was freeing for each of us, amazingly, yet not easy at all. An unexplainable experience, but freeing, wow!!!!!!!!! in all humility
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,262
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Tennessee
Searching4truth

i don't know the details but I definitely understand the feeling... I'm sorry you're in that place right now... Sometimes all we can do is let Jesus define who we are and hope that tomorrow is a brighter day.

On a side note: back from vacation today! Anyone miss me?
View attachment 82222
Yeah, I missed you, just a tad...
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
83
I must learn not to try to find shortcuts through areas of town I don't know well, especially on a bicycle. Also, I need to become a better liar so I can tell people I'm busy when really I just don't want to hang out but don't want to hurt their feelings either. Not that it wasn't good to see what God had done in an old acquaintances life, but I want my Sunday back.
once I used to lie to not harm others feelings as taught in Sunday school. until I saw through this lie with good intentions, a lie is a lie
I used to say oh yeah I like this and that and had to keep it up and hide to not hurt that persons feelings over their efforts to please me and others
One day this person found out I had been lieing to them all along, and hiding it, what stress, and how this person shared with me, how they would be hurt much less if I ahd not lied to begin with in order to save grace between us.
That they were hurt worse now

So the next time I told truth to another, and they said "Why Howard" and I replied would you rather me lie?